DSS and disgusting habit

[TheSpottedDog]

DSS (22) has a habit of performance farting. I hate farting at the best of times but he literally walks around cocking his leg and farting, squatting and farting, bending over and sticking his bum out to fart, star jumping and farting, legs akimbo on the sofa farting ... it fucking irritates me. When DH and I first got together he used to laugh at him (he was 15 then) and I spoke with him and told him it really bothered me and I find it disrespectful. We had an argument over it but eventually he saw my point and would ask him to stop when he did it. He toned it down for a while but then started it up again. Whenever he comes over I just end up going upstairs to get away from him because it winds me up so much.
The only good thing about lockdown is that he hasn’t been coming over on Saturday nights and I’m absolutely dreading the return of this shit.

AIBU to tell DH that his son is almost 23 years old now and if he can’t stop himself acting like a young child I’d rather him not come over?

Maybe video him when he does it and threaten to show any girlfriend he ever brings over? I think getting angry and shouting at him is going to make this worse to be honest

Who on earth voted YABU and WHY? Don't let him in your house again unless he promises to stop this disgusting performance.

I wonder if he does it when you are not present? Can you ask your DP how often this happens if you are out of the house. I wonder if he is getting some kind of thrill, sexual or otherwise out of this behaviour. Would your partner care if it was a fetish that he was acting out towards you?

Have another talk with your DH about it and say it concerns you for his son's sake. That his behaviour including the boots seems childish and isn't going to help him in life or with friends, apart from the fact that you find it offensive. His son may not be able to visit at the moment but when he does, you would recommmend to your DH that he has a firm discussion. How is he otherwise? is he living with his DM? Does he behave like this elsewhere?

@livefornaps

I would ask him in a concerned way, "oh, did you have some serious hormonal problems as a teenager? It seems that you haven't completed puberty. No wonder no girl wants to go anywhere near that pathetic mushroom-stump excuse for a cock. I read that performative farting is a classic way of consoling yourself for having such a tiny penis"

I'm not entirely sure that the OP commenting on her adult SS's genitalia wouldn't pose more problems than it'd solve. Bizarre response.

That's not pleasant. I think he needs to get some respect and perhaps go into the bathroom or his bedroom if he wants to fart.

Does he have stomach problems or something to fart so much :s

I second the whipping your phone out and telling him it's being live streamed on Facebook and tell him your going to say he shat himself.

Why don't you just tell him you find it gross and not to do it?

Why the drama?

Don't allow him to come round. Or make it clear the second he does that disgusting habit, he's out the door. And stick to your word.

What? You mean in the way she did when he was 15?

Stunted growth emotionally. How sad. Does your DH really not see it?

Is there a smell he hates? One that comes in a room spray? You could spray his arse every time he does it. Close up so his clothes get wet. Trian him like an animal.

Ah yes... I have a 25 yr old dss who lives here, I've had to explain to DH that looking at DSS backside in full view because he simply cannot be bothered to pull up his trousers properly is extremely unpleasant. He too cannot seem to function as an adult (he loaded the dishwasher for the first time last week and you would have thought I'd asked him to chop both hands off and feed them to the dishwasher!) I feel your pain.

With younger boys, claiming that they couldn't help it, I found sympathy, flinging open the windows to clear the air (thus admitting a howling gale), and a pungent air freshener did the trick, in the form of peer pressure, but this was younger lads and a classroom setting. One repeat offender (just noticed the pun, sorry!) I used to insist on taking to the school nurse at the end of the lesson, thus frittering away precious playtime with a checkup. Added advantage that it might have been a genuine medical cause.
The humour has always escaped me.....whereas I have a male friend who found it so hilarious (although he had the sense to restrain himself!) that I once gave him as a Christmas gift the biography of "Le Petomaine", a French music-hall artist who was able to produce tunes and special effects to order. I think it's a boy thing.
Lots of concern, mentioning possible medical problems, cutting out tasty snacks which are known to aggravate wind problems (which funnily enough are his favourites?)
Could DH visit him at his place?

Time to tell your DH you won't have this ridiculous pig of a man in your home any more, so he needs to start making arrangements to see him elsewhere.

I wouldn't worry about what the DSS thinks of this - he sounds barely above the level of comprehension of a rubber plant, so presumably starting to get ostractised by normal adults won't bother him much. If it bothers your DH, suggest he tries to educate him a bit in how human adults behave.

Just tell him to stop? I know that's very simplistic but he needs to be told to just stop, that it's disgusting and it's deeply immature

My 14 year old doesn't even behave like this (and he's pulled up on it if he ever gives it a go!) and he's extremely 'silly' a lot of the time!

Is this a wind up? A 23 year old doing star humps and farting?

If you are for real op (there are many teens at a lose end ATM, just saying) then obviously he is being immature and ridiculous and behaving like an eight year old, but I think you made a fatal error when you told him it bothered you. He is winding you up, just because he can! Just ignore, ignore, ignore. And don't go upstairs when it starts as that is his reward; he gets his father on his own without you there.

He (normally) comes over every Saturday night? Even that’s a bit weird at his age.

I would tell H that you have reached your threshold for this behaviour and that he needs to explain to his son that people don’t do this. I would also question the availability of so many farts? Does he have gluten or lactose intolerance? If your DH is so protective of him why hasn’t he investigated this? Bit neglectful. Well, that’s what I’d say to him anyway, just to shame him a bit, because other people’s farts bring out the evil in me.

YANBU. Could it be both he and DH are stuck in roles that they can't move out of? Perhaps you need to have a calm discussion with DH about it and tell him that you are worried about this impacting on DSS social development and wellbeing because it makes him look foolish.

argh, loose end!

Grim. Thought you were going to say he was a young kid. YANBU.

I don’t think you can ban him from the house because you don’t like it. It’s a nasty and anti social habit, but I don’t think you can ban him.

I think you can ask him and dh to go to another room while he does this disgusting habit. I’d dominate the tv with some really bad romance tv or similar. I would hog the sofa and make your dh as uncomfortable as possible, until he decided to speak to his son, because what you have done so far hasn’t worked.

I doubt dh is that keen, and it really falls on him to parent this man, I’d be wondering whether dh wants you to be the bad guy and he wants to be Disney dad.

That's disgusting YANBU op.

He wouldn't be coming to my house and behaving like that. Disgusting.

Why not Freddie?

Why can't she tell an adult to leave her home for being disgusting?

I've kicked BIL out for less.

I'm not modifying my behaviour in my own home because someone chooses to act in such a stupid and immature manner.

Nor would I choose to remedy it by making my DH feel uncomfortable until he did as I thought he should.

I'd discuss it with DH and deal with it as and when it happened.

DH would similarly choose how he would react and we'd go from there!