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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to send DD back to preschool?

153 replies

Smurftastic · 22/01/2021 12:41

I kept my 3yo daughter at home since Christmas half-term. AIBU to consider sending her back to preschool in February?
The preschool is small with nice outdoor area. I know she'd like to go as she's getting bored at home.

I don't really NEED to send her in, I'm a SAHM. At the same time I recently found out I'm pregnant, so it's putting me at higher risk of the virus but also makes me very very tired and quite sick.
I don't think I've been taking great care of her because of this, but not sure if it really matters if she gets a few more weeks watching lots of My Little Pony versus getting us all ill?

Rates in my town are about 390 per 100k

YABU- keep her at home until after Feb half-term
YANBU- send her in now, go have a nap

OP posts:

welshladywhois40 · 22/01/2021 13:55

Tough - I will share my experience - I am in the south east where we were at 800 per 100,000. My son was at nursery and I sent him for my last week at work (pre mat leave). In that last week he got exposed and caught covid.

What happened next was two anxious weeks watching him and us to see if he would get it. He caught it, my partner and I didn't. When he got his positive result I just turned 39 weeks pregnant.

So now we are on the other side - I wish I hadn't but he only got a mild dose of the virus and now has some immunity I hope for when he gets better.

So - I guess watch the cases? If they are falling it's a risk take? Having said that - the exposure in my nursery was the first since the pandemic started

hammeringinmyhead · 22/01/2021 14:01

Mine is 2 and going to nursery 2.5 days while I work, but even if I were to be furloughed I'd sent him in. However, I'm not pregnant, I'm in the South West with relatively low rates, and our nursery was open throughout lockdown 1 with no cases.

Marzipan12 · 22/01/2021 14:08

My 13 year old would love to do his usual activities, he would love to be back in school. Lots of parents are struggling to home school lots of kids are missing interaction with peers and going to their usual clubs. It's a pandemic and you are not a special circumstance. The more people mix the longer this goes on for everybody. My son already missed a full term of year 7, he dosent need to miss a full term of year 8 aswell but will as long as people think their circumstances is special. Pre school should only be open for keyworkers the same as schools, it's a pathetic joke that they are not

Original poster

Smurftastic · 22/01/2021 14:14

@welshlady I'm happy to hear your family didn't suffer too badly with Covid. It's my fear that if I send her in and she and all of us end up catching it, we'll end up even worse off than now. At the same time I'm completely losing it, I yelled at her yesterday when she was clinging to my leg in the kitchen and she collapsed in a pile of tears . Husband is working from home but he can't help in the day as he's constantly in meetings.

OP posts:

Original poster

Smurftastic · 22/01/2021 14:15

@Marzipan I think this only adds to confusion, I seem to be one of few parents who decided to withdraw their children from preschool. Preschool sent us all a long document with lots of reasons why it's still 'safe' to send the children in ...

OP posts:

MiiToo · 22/01/2021 14:16

I’ve sent my 3 yr old back to nursery. I don’t ‘need’ him to be in but I also have 5 & 8 yr olds to homeschool, a 10 yr old with an EHCP who needs to go to school but can’t because his school don’t have enough staff and he’s not ‘vulnerable’ enough so not high enough up the list. Also have a teenage daughter who’s in hospital long term and I have various meetings for her over zoom nearly every day of the week. It’s just not possible to get it all done with a 3 yr old here so he is back in every morning and things are a lot more manageable.
Do what is right for you x

Original poster

Smurftastic · 22/01/2021 14:17

@hammering No cases so far in my daughter's preschool, but that means nothing really! Can we just stop the pandemic please

OP posts:

Feelingconfused2020 · 22/01/2021 14:18

Marzipan12 pre schools and nurseries are open. People are free to send their children if they choose to. A 13 year old at home when his school is closed is completely different.

Op I don't think you'd be unreasonable to send her. It is your decision and you know the risks.

Marzipan12 · 22/01/2021 14:24

A 13 year old at home is not completely different. He needs his education and social life just as much as a pre schooler. Tje longer people mix the longer this goes on for everyone. It's a joke that pre schools can still fully function when school kids are being denied being in school. The same rule should apply to pre school.

Marzipan12 · 22/01/2021 14:28

The government are considering closing nurserys as tougher restictions are needed. About time, the sooner everybody locks down tne sooner everybody can get out of it.

AndcalloffChristmas · 22/01/2021 14:30

Of course a 13 yo is completely different! They can work independently. Pre school children and infants, even probably year 3 and4 can’t.

Marzipan12 · 22/01/2021 14:32

No they are not completely different. Schools are only open for keyworkers. The same should apply to nurserys. Nursery kids arnt the only ones missing out for god sake.

peak2021 · 22/01/2021 14:33

I think as you did not go back in January, no, then when your DD goes back in February or later, it will be as one of a number who return.

Your husband should be saying no to some meetings. Even if just an hour each day. I bet some of those meetings could be done with half the people or in half the time.

EssentialHummus · 22/01/2021 14:38

As it stands nurseries are open so you need to weigh the risks for yourself and your family.

I'm in London, cases are high, we're keeping DD off. It's bloody hard at times but it feels right to us. Anecdotally about half my friends are sending DC in, half are keeping off.

Zippy1510 · 22/01/2021 14:39

Yes Marzipan we get it you are bitter your child doesn't get to go to school whilst nursery age children do- however that isn't anyone here's decision that was the governments. They clearly aren't going to change it either it any time soon, sorry to disappoint, with infection rates declining. OP I send my three year old in and I am 32 weeks pregnant- our areas rates are currently at around 150 per 100K. I am a senior lecturer in microbiology and I am comfortable with what I know about transmission in younger children and the rates of my area. I would pull him if our rates were still increasing though.

Marzipan12 · 22/01/2021 14:44

That completely contradicts reports I've heard that they are considering closing nurseries. No I'm not bitter that my son dosent get to go to school while nursery kids do. I'm bitter because the more kids mixing means the longer this goes on for everybody else . How they are justifying keeping nursery fully open while so many are missing an education is ridiculous. The government should hang their heads in shame along with parents encouraging mixing when they don't need to.

Dahlietta · 22/01/2021 14:47

That completely contradicts reports I've heard that they are considering closing nurseries.

That was about a week ago, I think. It all seems to have gone quiet on that front now.

Washimal · 22/01/2021 14:56

Your husband should be saying no to some meetings. Even if just an hour each day. I bet some of those meetings could be done with half the people or in half the time.

I often see this sort of thing on MN all the time but it's completely unrealistic for many working people. If anyone at my work refused to attend a meeting during the working day because their SAHP partner wanted a break from looking after their child then their card would be well and truly marked. With so many companies making people redundant right now and OP's DH being the only earner this is really poor advice.

0gfhty · 22/01/2021 15:03

Preschools are open send her in, you don't need a reason to send her in. I didn't see many withdrawing their kids in December out of moral obligation when the r rate was higher.

Rainallnight · 22/01/2021 15:22

I think if people can keep kids at home, they should keep them at home. We have got to double down and get this bloody thing under control

Desmondo2016 · 22/01/2021 15:24

I am sending my preschooler to her normal 3 days regardless of whether I am working that day or not (shift worker). I would do that even if I was a SAHM as long as the guidelines allowed me to.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/01/2021 15:28

Wby would you send her? You're not working, she doesn't need homeschooling. You might be bored but aren't we all.

Your husband should be saying no to some meetings. Even if just an hour each day. I bet some of those meetings could be done with half the people or in half the time.

Meanwhile in the real world, people can't just refuse to go to work meetings because their partner who doesn't work wants them to come home and look after their only child 🙄

Original poster

Smurftastic · 22/01/2021 15:28

@Zippy Numbers have been stable in my area and preschool needs a week's notice before I send my daughter back- so if I call them on Monday she'd only get 3 weeks before half term. I'm still very unsure.

I went to talk to my husband only to be told he got offered a promotion which is great , but I can't imagine him getting out of any meetings any time soon! He might be able to start work earlier and finish earlier though.

OP posts:

HighSpecWhistle · 22/01/2021 15:37

Mine are in nursery and our nursery is actively asking people to return as they are suffering majorly financially.

You're not at major risk in early pregnancy. I worked in a supermarket much of my pregnancy. I'm due to give birth next month and still send my kids for their benefit and because I need a break.

I'd send her.

Original poster

Smurftastic · 22/01/2021 15:37

@Iminaglass I think I'd cope with 'bored' if I wasn't 7 weeks pregnant and constantly keeling over trying not to puke . I've not sent her back when preschool re-opened in June, because I didn't 'need' to. Thank you for your opinion though, that's why I asked the question.

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