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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to send DD back to preschool?

153 replies

Smurftastic · 22/01/2021 12:41

I kept my 3yo daughter at home since Christmas half-term. AIBU to consider sending her back to preschool in February?
The preschool is small with nice outdoor area. I know she'd like to go as she's getting bored at home.

I don't really NEED to send her in, I'm a SAHM. At the same time I recently found out I'm pregnant, so it's putting me at higher risk of the virus but also makes me very very tired and quite sick.
I don't think I've been taking great care of her because of this, but not sure if it really matters if she gets a few more weeks watching lots of My Little Pony versus getting us all ill?

Rates in my town are about 390 per 100k

YABU- keep her at home until after Feb half-term
YANBU- send her in now, go have a nap

OP posts:
LividLoving · 22/01/2021 15:40

If she doesn’t “need” to be there, I wouldn’t risk it.

Think how you’d feel if she brought Covid home. Physically, add covid to your morning sickness. And you’d still need to look after her while not knowing how seriously you’d get it.

whenthestarsgoblue · 22/01/2021 15:43

I'm sending my ds3. He's missed half his pre school entitlement already due to covid and is starting school this year. He is nowhere near ready and desperately needs the routine. Plus I'm homeschooling and my DD6 needs my support which is impossible with him here. I also work from home.
I'm in the south west, nursery has so far not had one case and rates aren't too bad here. I kept him off initially after Christmas and sent him back this week as it's what's best for him. In fact, I originally kept him home as he didn't "need" to be in - the manager who I'm on great terms with, called me and told me basically to stop being a martyr and send him back.
Do what's best for you.

Original poster
Smurftastic · 22/01/2021 15:43

@Livid
Think how you’d feel if she brought Covid home. Physically, add covid to your morning sickness. And you’d still need to look after her while not knowing how seriously you’d get it.

This is a VERY good point.

OP posts:
supersonicginandtonic · 22/01/2021 15:46

@Smurftastic do what is best for you. Not what people on here say. I'm sending my toddler to nursery as I'm working but if I wasn't I'd still be sending her. I'm 30 weeks pregnant and struggling with back and hip pain. I also need that break for mental health.
My 11 year old DS is in school due to SEND but if he did not have difficulties with concentration etc he could manage at home as my older 3 are. They can learn and entertain themselves and toddler cannot.

Original poster
Smurftastic · 22/01/2021 15:47

@whenthestars She's my only child and an Autumn baby, so she still goes to preschool all of the next year. Makes perfect sense to send your child though.

OP posts:
SpamIAm · 22/01/2021 15:48

I sent my DD back in august - I'm on mat leave so didn't need to send her in for childcare but I felt she needed the socialisation. The fact that school kids aren't currently in school, as pointed out by bitter PP, is irrelevant - preschools are open and so you can use them if you wish to.

I'm happy with our decision. None of us are clinically vulnerable so I feel comfortable that the benefits for her outweigh the risks to us all. It also enabled me to take my youngest to some baby classes for the brief time they were running!

boomboom1234 · 22/01/2021 15:49

This is all good and well but don't forget nursery parents are still
Having to pay nursery if they don't go!! At the moment it is costing me £400 a month to keep my child home - it's not fair on parents to still pay fees and keep kids home.

Happymum12345 · 22/01/2021 15:59

The only reason nursery’s have not shut is because they don’t have the unions that schools do that put pressure on the government to close schools. They have higher numbers of staff to child ratio. There is a pandemic. We have hope with a vaccine now. Could you wait a while longer before you send her in?

loretta81 · 22/01/2021 16:00

I'm in the same position as you. 3 year old DS, pregnant SATM. I'm still sending my son 2.5 days per week.

There are reasons why nurseries are still open and schools aren't. School aged children are more likely to catch and pass on the virus. Also, they work in much larger groups. My son's nursery just split their existing bubbles in half so he's now in a bubble of 6 with 2 staff. They have windows/doors open all day and spend at least half the day outside.

We have been very cautious about Covid and sending him is without doubt the riskiest thing we do. But he loves it so much and it helps me and it isn't illegal yet for good reasons.

waterlane · 22/01/2021 16:10

DD goes once a week and loves it. We've adopted the same policy as we have throughout- make the most of something while it is allowed. This situation isn't for the short term so while in an ideal world we would've kept her at home until things calmed down, that could mean half the year. We talked it through at length but we both had a gut instinct that it was the right decision for our family.

FelicityBob · 22/01/2021 16:17

My 3 year old goes whether I’m working or not. It’s well within the rules so it’s a decision that we’ve made and are comfortable with.

BettyOBarley · 22/01/2021 16:24

We have been sending DS to nursery even though I'm wfh as I'm homeschooling DD and working and it feels the right thing for him.
Have to say though DH and I have Covid now and as I caught it first, we think it can only have come from nursery as I literally haven't been anywhere!
Saying that I don't regret sending him, on the balance of risks it felt the right thing to do for him and we can't be 100% sure where it came from. Luckily we are ok and not high risk.

Rainb0wDrops · 22/01/2021 16:40

I'd send her in to give yourself a break and give her some routine and socialisation.
They've said pregnant women become higher risk in 3rd trimester so that wouldn't be a factor for me. But you have to weigh up how you feel about the risks.

Original poster
Smurftastic · 22/01/2021 17:13

Thank you everyone for your opinions, it was good to read what situations you're in and what decisions you made. I'm just watching the coronavirus update. I think we'll probably keep her in for now, hoping to send her back to preschool in March.

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/01/2021 19:31

[quote Smurftastic]**@Iminaglass I think I'd cope with 'bored' if I wasn't 7 weeks pregnant and constantly keeling over trying not to puke Grin. I've not sent her back when preschool re-opened in June, because I didn't 'need' to. Thank you for your opinion though, that's why I asked the question.[/quote]
Ah well I managed to work as a childminder looking after 3 toddles from 7.40am till 6pm most days, while pregnant and suffering with terrible hg and had my 7 and 12 year old at home trying to do home learning. Could probably have sent them to school as dp is classed as a key worker in his second job, but didn't because we were to stay at home where possible.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/01/2021 19:32

Oh and I'm now 40 weeks pregnant, finally on mat leave, but still trying to home school while do works every hour under the sun while I'm not earning.

Ilovegreentomatoes · 22/01/2021 19:39

It's the right decision op.Wish there were more like you who thought about the risks.

Original poster
Smurftastic · 22/01/2021 19:46

@Iminaglass Well done you, I'm glad it worked for you. Sorry that not everyone can be so amazing Hmm

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/01/2021 19:53

I wasn't trying to be amazing, and it didnt work out well for me, im fucked actually but just doing what we are supposed to do. Also pointing out that so many people have it much harder and are managing. Loads of people have it much harder than I have. You are being precious.

Original poster
Smurftastic · 22/01/2021 19:59

@Iminaglass Most of other mums I know still send their children to nurseries, I'm off to tell them how lazy they are, I'm sure they'll be pleased! I've asked for opinions not passive aggressive martyrdom.

OP posts:
Rainb0wDrops · 22/01/2021 20:21

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion that's a bit uncalled for. The government have said preschool provision can stay open so by using it nobody is breaking any rules.
Just because you can struggle through doesn't mean everyone has to.

I'm working full time (not a key worker and wfh) but still using preschool as it is available and for me the pros outweigh the cons. We are making plenty of sacrifices to follow the rules but preschool is allowed and I'm going to use it.

cloudsofgrey · 22/01/2021 20:30

I'm sending my dd, I'm a pregnant SAHM. I have always stuck to any restrictions but as it's allowed within the restrictions, I'm following the official advice. Our whole household has already had Covid in the past (not caught from nursery as she hadn't started then) so we have some level of immunity, and the nursery feels safe (no outbreaks at all).

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/01/2021 20:36

@Rainb0wDrops I don't think it's uncalled for Confused. If you aren't working and are at home all day, I struggle to see why your child can't stay at home too. Lowers the risks for everybody.
There seems to be quite a lot of cases in nurseries now. Not surprising really.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 22/01/2021 20:41

[quote Smurftastic]**@Iminaglass Most of other mums I know still send their children to nurseries, I'm off to tell them how lazy they are, I'm sure they'll be pleased! I've asked for opinions not passive aggressive martyrdom.[/quote]
I wasn't being passive aggressive. I was very quite straight forward with my opinion.
Go tell them Confused i still have the same opinion. Also wasn't being a martyr, just pointing out it's unnecessary for a sahm to send their one child to nursery.

Rainb0wDrops · 22/01/2021 20:41

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion you are entitled to your opinion about nurseries but telling someone they don't have it as hard as others and should basically toughen up is unfair. Everyone deals with things differently and it's ok not to cope even if we have things 'easier' than others.