Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to send DD back to preschool?

153 replies

Smurftastic · 22/01/2021 12:41

I kept my 3yo daughter at home since Christmas half-term. AIBU to consider sending her back to preschool in February?
The preschool is small with nice outdoor area. I know she'd like to go as she's getting bored at home.

I don't really NEED to send her in, I'm a SAHM. At the same time I recently found out I'm pregnant, so it's putting me at higher risk of the virus but also makes me very very tired and quite sick.
I don't think I've been taking great care of her because of this, but not sure if it really matters if she gets a few more weeks watching lots of My Little Pony versus getting us all ill?

Rates in my town are about 390 per 100k

YABU- keep her at home until after Feb half-term
YANBU- send her in now, go have a nap

OP posts:
Bumblebee1980a · 25/01/2021 16:46

@Marzipan12

No they are not completely different. Schools are only open for keyworkers. The same should apply to nurserys. Nursery kids arnt the only ones missing out for god sake.
Oh for goodness sake not this debate again 🙄.

Nursery children are allowed in. End of.

IndecentFeminist · 25/01/2021 16:48

Pmsl @rowenasemolina. If your daughter feels that strongly probably for the best that she resigns. There have been zero cases in our preschool, zero. Between staff and pupils. "Rage and contempt" indeed.

hammeringinmyhead · 25/01/2021 16:51

Parents who just don’t feel like doing their own parenting for a few months

This load of absolute bollocks again. I despair.

cadburyegg · 25/01/2021 17:00

I am a kw single parent and so DS1 is in school with a kw place and DS2 in preschool as usual. However I'm WFH so apparently should be struggling along according to some MNetters.

The preschool is a lot quieter than usual, on some days there are less than 8 children there, but I know that there are some parents sending their children in even if they are not working. I know some working parents rather look down their nose at such "choices", I am not one of them. Personally, I'm quite glad that there are a few other children there for my DS2 to play with. I also know that my preschool would close completely if they didn't have the demand from non key worker parents. Then I wouldn't have any childcare for DS2 at all!

I remember vividly how hard it was being pregnant with a toddler. Fucking exhausting actually. The days with my DS1 at home on my own were the hardest, being at work was easier.

Send her and don't feel guilty

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/01/2021 17:00

The staff are prepared to risk everything to do their bit in the pandemic, care for the children of nurses and policemen, care for children with complex needs. And what are they risking their lives, and health and families for? Parents who just don’t feel like doing their own parenting for a few months most nurseries won’t survive if they only look after key worker children. You are being grossly unfair, I’d be happy to keep my child at home if I could see friends, take her to museums and swimming and soft play. Sorry but unless you have parented a pre schooler in a lock down I really think you shouldn’t judge!!!

Bumblebee1980a · 25/01/2021 17:59

@Rowenasemolina

YABVVVVVVVVVVVU. Completely unnecessary travel and contact with workers and other families. Why exactly do you think we are doing here. Sitting at home all day every day for fun? My daughter works in a nursery and I can’t describe to you the rage and contempt they hold for those parents using the nursery without good reason right now. Those feelings will never go away. Not for the next 50 years
My daughter works in a nursery and I can’t describe to you the rage and contempt they hold for those parents using the nursery without good reason right now.

I couldn't give a monkeys how she feels about me as a parent! Just get on with doing the job you're paid to do!! Honestly who do some people think they are. I can tell you 100% that the teachers I deal with at DS school do not feel contempt and range. Even if they did it wouldn't stop me.

My DS goes 3 times a week and I'm a SAHM. Honestly my days with him are so much better I LOVE spending time with him. He is probably the only thing in my life that gives me so much joy. However, I know he needs the social interaction with children his own age, the learning, the routine, a different environment. So yes he's in nursery for him, not me. Mental health is just as important as physical health.

From what you've said I think it best your daughter resigns!

beingmoreme · 25/01/2021 18:06

Send her in Op, she will do well with a change of scenery and can chill and watch Tv once home. It will do you both a world of good.

cadburyegg · 25/01/2021 20:15

I’m always amazed at these MNetters who know someone who knows someone working in nurseries who seem to know the full details of what the parents do for a living Hmm my DS2’s preschool don’t even know what my job title is

LetsGoFlyAKiteee · 25/01/2021 20:40

I work in a nursery..majority of the children are in. A few hesitant and seeing what how things develop but all being well their children will be back. May be different for pre schools but as we are open as normal all parents being charged so don't blame parents for sending their children in. We don't judge or anything like that! Jusy the way it is.. obviously everywhere is different though and people feel differently

whenthestarsgoblue · 25/01/2021 21:15

@Rowenasemolina

YABVVVVVVVVVVVU. Completely unnecessary travel and contact with workers and other families. Why exactly do you think we are doing here. Sitting at home all day every day for fun? My daughter works in a nursery and I can’t describe to you the rage and contempt they hold for those parents using the nursery without good reason right now. Those feelings will never go away. Not for the next 50 years
Oh do shut up with this utter rubbish - you've no idea how all nursery workers feel. Your daughter is a key worker being paid to do a job. If they are all so resentful, why did the manager of the preschool my DS attends call me to tell me he was missing out and to send him in?? Clearly, sooo resentful 🙄
Rowenasemolina · 27/01/2021 10:58

My daughter and every other member of staff have now resigned. The manager says he completely understands why. He would never have allowed this situation if it had been in his power to turn away the parents that were just taking the piss. I know how utterly devastated many nursery managers were not to be closed when schools closed, and how much they relied on lower numbers of children to make the place safer. Everyone was prepared to work for vulnerable children and key workers parents, but why should my daughter and her colleagues be risking their health for parents who just can’t be bothered. The self justification on here is insane. Nurseries are for the benefit of parents, not children. Ive used nurseries in the past so I could work. There is no reason for a parent at home to send their child in. Now do many have, the outcome of that is that the nursery will no longer be there for the people who do need it. My daughter has just given a weeks notice, and i fully support her in that. I don’t know if she will work the week or not. Probably not. I don’t know what will happen to the nursery, whether it will find new staff or not. ( every one on my daughters shift resigned this morning- the number of parents dumping their children off so they could enjoy some ‘me time’ at the risk of the whole of the rest of society just got too much) so if no one works tomorrow, the nursery closes as of tomorrow, and may not reopen

Backbee · 27/01/2021 11:06

@Rowenasemolina but as parents are still being charged, some £1k plus a month, do you blame them, really? If there was the option to have fees paused if you keep them home then I bet uptake would be a lot higher. If the government had stated they had to close, workplaces would have to be more flexible and understanding, but that isn't the case. You have a cheek blaming parents.

Backbee · 27/01/2021 11:07

Also their choice to leave a job as we approach a recession and high unemployment numbers is interesting, let's hope they have other in demand skills.

IndecentFeminist · 27/01/2021 11:08

I plain old don't believe you Rowena.

Tessabelle1 · 27/01/2021 11:09

I'd love to send my kids to school, they're 12, 11, 9 and 4 and they're going crazy at home. My husband is a nurse so I could send them, but I don't, because every exposure is a risk to them and to the teachers. You don't NEED to send her, you WANT to so it's a YABU from me

Rowenasemolina · 27/01/2021 11:10

[quote Backbee]@Rowenasemolina but as parents are still being charged, some £1k plus a month, do you blame them, really? If there was the option to have fees paused if you keep them home then I bet uptake would be a lot higher. If the government had stated they had to close, workplaces would have to be more flexible and understanding, but that isn't the case. You have a cheek blaming parents.[/quote]
Ido t just blame parents. The government should have closed nurseries and refunded parents, rather than what they did which was leave nurseries open and ask parents not to use them unless they had no choice. Appealing to people’s better nature simply doesn’t work, does it

IndecentFeminist · 27/01/2021 11:10

I also notice that you still haven't shown any evidence that nurseries are in any meaningful way contributing to the spread through society. Or addressed the fact that nursery can be a good thing for the children, not just the parents.

IndecentFeminist · 27/01/2021 11:11

Nobody has asked parents not to use them unless they need to. No-one. Nurseries are open as normal.

Backbee · 27/01/2021 11:11

What about if you were paying for them to attend school, they were fully open so your employer offered no sort of allowance for the fact you had children home as it's your choice, and it was within guidance @Tessabelle1. Would you still be okay with paying up to £1k whilst potentially losing your job to keep them home? I'll wait for an answer, but can guess what it is.

Rowenasemolina · 27/01/2021 11:11

@Tessabelle1

I'd love to send my kids to school, they're 12, 11, 9 and 4 and they're going crazy at home. My husband is a nurse so I could send them, but I don't, because every exposure is a risk to them and to the teachers. You don't NEED to send her, you WANT to so it's a YABU from me
And my heartfelt thanks to you Flowers
Backbee · 27/01/2021 11:12

Appealing to people’s better nature simply doesn’t work, does it

Not when they are still having to pay for the privelledge, no. Even those with free hours, the government have been firm that if the children aren't in then nurseries won't be paid, is that not going to cause issues financially for them?

IndecentFeminist · 27/01/2021 11:17

Especially when no-one has actually appealed to that better nature. Nurseries are open as normal.

IndecentFeminist · 27/01/2021 11:20

@Tessabelle1, your kids aren't nursery age, their schools are closed. Most schools won't take children with a sahp, whether their partner is a keyworker or not.

So how is that relevant to whether someone uses the preschool that is open to all?

Tessabelle1 · 27/01/2021 11:33

@IndecentFeminist first of all, why assume I'm a SAHM parent? I work, but I only work on the days my husband is home BY CHOICE so my kids don't have to go to school, I could however take the spaces, which tbh would make my life easier in very many ways, as we're entitled to them. My point about risk is the same whether the nursery is open to all or just for keyworkers, why expose anyone to a risk that's unnecessary?

Tessabelle1 · 27/01/2021 11:35

@backbee nurseries take 4 weeks notice you know, cancel the place, no more fees, sorted