I can’t be the only one at the moment who is working from home and their partner think that effectively makes them a housewife.
He works 5 days a week, then three days off, 12 hour days and always comes home to a cooked dinner. I have no issue sorting dinner out when he’s been at work that long, although on his days off he doesn’t cook either.
His 12 hour days consist of at LEAST 6 hours of sitting around doing nothing. The other 6 hours is not strenuous and two hours is usually spent in the gym at work ‘for fun’ which is currently closed.
I have been working from home since March 2020 and usually do around 8-9 hours a day. I tend to take a 2 hour break in the middle of the day to walk the dog, sort the dishwasher out, put another load in the washing machine and have a good hoover (currently 22 weeks pregnant also). My job isn’t physical but it’s mentally draining. The weekends during lockdown I have spent doing DIY for at least 6 hours a day most of which is pretty manual. Getting a nursery ready etc etc.
The last few days he has really taken the piss. Finished early so came home and went into the gym (at home) for an hour, followed by 2 hours on his Xbox. No issue with this I spoke to family whilst dismantling office furniture in the nursery. However asked him to load the dishwasher and apparently that was being unreasonable. Finished early again today, asked me to cut his hair. I had a back to back day so took the dog for a walk at 5pm, came home and cooked dinner then cut his hair.
He’d spilled water on the floor knowingly and left it so when I hoovered up the hair I also hoovered up some water which made the hoover stop working. So I felt in the right to say ‘why did you leave water on the floor knowing you spilt it?!’. His answer ‘I’m tired’.
I’ve told him he has a shock coming when the baby arrives. I get 6 months full pay maternity however I’m thinking of telling him tomorrow that I’ve asked for shared parental leave so he can take 3 months off to be the house wife and look after the child and I’ll go back to work. I can only imagine being at home and not working just how little he will do!!
AIBU?
AIBU?
AIBU - WFH doesn’t equal HOUSEWIFE!
Twobecomingthreeplusthedog · 20/01/2021 22:11
Am I being unreasonable?
528 votes. Final results.
POLL@Pursefirst
And I think you are sadly living in dreamland if you think he is going to change his ways once the baby gets here. I would get out now if I were you so that you have some time to adjust before the baby arrives. I'm not trying to be mean or horrible OP, this is the very same advice that I would give my sister or best friend. Best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy.
I questioned him on this today and he said ‘I was going to clear it up when I got up after you noticed it, i didn’t know it was there but neither of us were then going to tread in it there and then as we both knew it was there so there wasn’t any rush’
I didn’t even warrant that worthy of an answer.
OP,
When women like you post, pregnant and upset about wasters like him, ........not pulling their weight, being selfish, treating you like a skivvy etc.....all women like me try and do, is give you the unvarnished truth about what is ahead of you, ......based on the experiences of SO MANY womens threads on here.
So many women on MN, have had the first year of motherhood, utterly ruined by their lazy partners.
Often the men become abusive when challenged by them.
These women were also bright intelligent women, who just can't believe their daily reality.
They were so vulnerable having given birth, sore, healing, exhausted, sleep deprived and hormonal.
All very normal, but also hard.
First time morherhood is so wonderful, but it IS a huge change, even for very capable, independent women, as I would have been, and you sound like too.
Throw into the mix a selfish prick of a partner, who doesn't do a thing for you or the baby, expects a spotless house and a meal cooked, and you are talking clusterfxxk situation, of the hightest degree.
I just can't imagine how awful and lonely that must be.
Think about the above.
This is why posters like myself write harshly when posting on threads like yours, because it just is so awful to see ahead of you, what is most likely coming down the line.
It's so dreadful.
So unnecessary.
So selfish.
No one deserves it.
Least of all, a new mother.
Protect yourself.
Reach out for real life support.
Tell those you love, and whom love you, that he is not supporting you.
Don't marry him, don't give him the baby's name, don't give up your job, and for God's sake don't have another baby with him.
Put him on absolute notice that he is utterly expendable as far as you are concerned.
Don't give him any further power over your life or choices, as he doesn't have your back.
OP,
I just want to clarify in case there is ANY confusion......the fact that you allow him to make aspersions about you "sitting on your arse"...tells me you are actually so ripe to be abused.
You have accepted him speaking to you like that.
Your boundaries are non existent.
You have massive self respect and self esteem issues.
The best thing you could with your time right now for your poor unborn child would be to get some counselling....
You really need it if you have accepted being spoken to with such derision.
This is NOT how decent men speak to women.
He is scum.
He is rough.
He is uncouth.
He comes from the dregs of society.
He has zero respect for women.
He has NO respect for you.
I hope that is clear enough for you.
Protect yourself and get therapy to increase your boundaries.
Your future child really needs ONE decent parent.
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