AIBU - WFH doesn’t equal HOUSEWIFE!

[Twobecomingthreeplusthedog]

I can’t be the only one at the moment who is working from home and their partner think that effectively makes them a housewife.

He works 5 days a week, then three days off, 12 hour days and always comes home to a cooked dinner. I have no issue sorting dinner out when he’s been at work that long, although on his days off he doesn’t cook either.

His 12 hour days consist of at LEAST 6 hours of sitting around doing nothing. The other 6 hours is not strenuous and two hours is usually spent in the gym at work ‘for fun’ which is currently closed.

I have been working from home since March 2020 and usually do around 8-9 hours a day. I tend to take a 2 hour break in the middle of the day to walk the dog, sort the dishwasher out, put another load in the washing machine and have a good hoover (currently 22 weeks pregnant also). My job isn’t physical but it’s mentally draining. The weekends during lockdown I have spent doing DIY for at least 6 hours a day most of which is pretty manual. Getting a nursery ready etc etc.

The last few days he has really taken the piss. Finished early so came home and went into the gym (at home) for an hour, followed by 2 hours on his Xbox. No issue with this I spoke to family whilst dismantling office furniture in the nursery. However asked him to load the dishwasher and apparently that was being unreasonable. Finished early again today, asked me to cut his hair. I had a back to back day so took the dog for a walk at 5pm, came home and cooked dinner then cut his hair.

He’d spilled water on the floor knowingly and left it so when I hoovered up the hair I also hoovered up some water which made the hoover stop working. So I felt in the right to say ‘why did you leave water on the floor knowing you spilt it?!’. His answer ‘I’m tired’.

I’ve told him he has a shock coming when the baby arrives. I get 6 months full pay maternity however I’m thinking of telling him tomorrow that I’ve asked for shared parental leave so he can take 3 months off to be the house wife and look after the child and I’ll go back to work. I can only imagine being at home and not working just how little he will do!!

AIBU?

[WilsonMilson]

I wfh, but am part time.
Dh’s job is very demanding and he works long hours. I do most things in the house, but I don’t mind and it works for us. Occasionally it gets on my nerves if he leaves an obvious job for me, like if he gets up early but yet doesn’t empty the dishwasher and leaves it for me. But generally we muddle along well and it suits us.

It doesn’t suit you and he sounds like a lazy bollocks, so I would be having a serious chat about expectations and what he needs to do.

[Butchyrestingface]

He’d spilled water on the floor knowingly and left it so when I hoovered up the hair I also hoovered up some water which made the hoover stop working. So I felt in the right to say ‘why did you leave water on the floor knowing you spilt it?!’. His answer ‘I’m tired’.

Leaving spilt water on the floor for her 22 week pregnant wife to either slip on or clean up herself.

Nice. Quit pandering to him. You don't need TWO babies in your life.

[Soggybiscuits17]

You are superwoman, that's for sure!!

[lazylump72]

OP from reading your updates can I just say you have this! You are one of the ladies I don;t worry about on mumsnet! Such a smart cookie! Don;t change! Demand the respect you are due,and remind your man that you only get what you give in life..he should be smart enough to figure out the rest,if he isnt well then thats another thread entirely!!!

[Nogardenersworld]

Op you are working
Doing diy
Growing a child
Caring for the dog
Doing the housework, cooking and cleaning

What is DH contributing? Ask him why he’s there and if he feels his contribution is equal to yours.

If anything it sounds like YOU are the one who will be getting a shock when the baby arrives, as your work load gets a whole lot bigger and he continues to work and do what suits him, in his clean house with home cooked meals.

[Nogardenersworld]

Op just read all the updates and saw that not only are you managing all of that but you are financially contributing more too!
Sounds like you are very in control of the situation now though so well done!
He needs a kick up the arse!
Sounds like he’s just got a bit lazy and focused on himself over lockdown which can happen to us all!

[Twobecomingthreeplusthedog]

Hi all,

Thought I’d give you all an update and thank you for some lovely comments since my last post.

We had a chat and I basically told him that my only option was to put up with that for life or to leave and I would be doing the latter if he didn’t change his ways immediately. I did end up basically blabbering and not remaining as calm as I should have but hey ho.

You’ll be pleased to know that he did immediately change. He takes a while to absorb things and think about them and we then had a conversation about depression. He grew up in a very strict religious household and feelings were just not talked about, so he’s always had struggles talking about how he feels. He finally said that he felt he was depressed due to lockdown and the fact he hasn’t been able to see his family now for over a year which i do completely understand.

Since our conversation he will actively clean up around the house, he’s even taken to doing some DIY which he hates but he hasn’t complained. If I ask him to do anything he will smile and say ‘I can do that as I’m an adult now’ and we have a smile and joke about it.

Long may it continue but I am hopeful that he will and I think when he can finally see his family again it will lift his spirits a little more.

[RandomMess]

That's so good to hear. Actually being more active should help him manage his depression a bit better too.