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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think I am entitled to a support bubble?

237 replies

tuesdayschild17 · 19/01/2021 13:33

I am a mother to a 3yr old DD who is wonderful but can be a bit of a handful. My partner moved into the house I'm in at the beginning of lockdown as we didn't want to break the rules by travelling between two places. He is not DD's father and although he is lovely with her, does not contribute any sort of childcare which is understandable. I am in my third year of study and working part time. I cannot workout if I am entitled to a support bubble with my father and stepmother? I am not a 'single adult' with a child under 14, but I am a 'single parent' with a child under 14 if that makes sense? I do all the childcare for DD.

Just looking for thoughts on whether I would be entitled to visit the place where they live for a walk with my DD or whether that would be taking the p**s?

OP posts:

beantrader · 19/01/2021 17:37

@GratedCheddarChips

The OP has said it's understandable. Until she actually tells us what she means when she says childcare then you or I have no idea whether it actually is understandable or not.

Maybe he's a doctor working ridiculously long shifts in ICU? Maybe he's a dick who sits playing call of duty in his boxers all day. We have no idea.

Even if my partner was an incredibly busy emergency worker I would expect a little help if he moved in with me and my child. Tbh if you live with a child I'm not sure how you manage to escape even doing a tiny bit of childcare

ForkItTillYouMorkIt · 19/01/2021 17:43

@SunshineCake

So he's in it for sex but not to be a father ? Fab.

I didn't move in with my now husband to 'be a mother' to his children

I understand helping out and being supportive but this is such an extreme way to phrase it imo. He's barely lived with them 5 minutes for goodness sake!

I am really confused by the adamancy on this thread that the partner (boyfriend really by the sounds of it) must definitely be a huge cocklodger, who does absolutely nothing around the house, and is just in it for sex based on the miniscule amount of information the OP gave.

He may well be of course. But I think people are being very extreme based on what little has actually been said. Like him not caring if OP was sick in bed with Covid?! She's made one post on the whole thread... What a leap.

Summerdayshaze · 19/01/2021 17:49

What a bizarre set up. He’s been living with you for ten months but has never once looked after her? That isn’t understandable in any sense unless he’s physically incapable. But that would be a MASSIVE drip feed.

Everyone could say their partners do nothing and have support bubbles to get round things ffs!

Just when you think you’ve heard it all.

Wiredforsound · 19/01/2021 17:50

Unless he is working very long hours and has no spare time I’d seriously think hard about whether you wanted to stay long term with a man who couldn’t be bothered to help you out a few times a week by looking after your child. My DP wouldn’t think twice about helping out when I went to the gym a few times a week for an hour, or when I had to spend a Saturday morning working. Thats what families do.

Pringlemonster · 19/01/2021 18:14

Sorry
He moved in
But does not contribute any kind of child care ,but that’s understandable..
No
Not understandable in the slightest
Your a partnership now ,a couple,a family
He needs to step up
Or ship out

SunshineCake · 19/01/2021 18:18

When you have a child moving in a new person is so much more than a couple living together.

Hatstrategicallydipped · 19/01/2021 20:54

He could be a doctor, an ICU consultant maybe - perhaps he works in a lab developing new treatment drugs for Covid such shite and utter bullshite. That's entirely irrelevant, as she is at home part-time and presumably has the child at nursery when she's at work - ergo - she is not entitled to a childcare bubble either, as that support is to enable parents to work - She CAN work as she obviously doesn't leave a 3 year old home alone while she works.

Secondly, she HAS support. She has a live in boyfriend. She is NOT entitled to a support bubble on top of the support which boyfriends usually provide. She is not isolated, alone, at risk of loneliness or any of the other reasons for which 'support bubbles' were put in place.

Split hairs all you god-damned like, but you are making up rules and making out that he's a saintly knight, when all we know is that he does not contribute any sort of childcare which is understandable.

She simply wants to visit her Mum and Dad. That is against the rules (or law? - not sure whether the rules are law as yet).

So the simple answer is NO.

Hatstrategicallydipped · 19/01/2021 20:56

@Pringlemonster

Sorry He moved in But does not contribute any kind of child care ,but that’s understandable.. No Not understandable in the slightest Your a partnership now ,a couple,a family He needs to step up Or ship out

Exactly. But, we do know this much from our grenade launching OP

My partner moved into the house I'm in at the beginning of lockdown as we didn't want to break the rules by travelling between two places.

So he's there for one reason and one reason only. I'll let you all guess what reason that is.

Hatstrategicallydipped · 19/01/2021 20:58

The point of moving in together is surely to form a partnership and a family if children are involved. He has moved in to have sex on tap, without having any contribution to the household. You're being mugged off OP.

Hatstrategicallydipped · 19/01/2021 21:00

IMO the OP needs support alright. Support in seeing that she's being taken for a ride - literally and figuratively!

Mousehole10 · 19/01/2021 21:03

No you cannot have a support bubble. You don't live alone, nor do you have a baby under 1. You can have a childcare bubble but you can't socialise with the adults in it.

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 19/01/2021 21:06

she is not entitled to a childcare bubble either, as that support is to enable parents to work

There is nothing in the guidance that says childcare bubbles are only for work.

AlwaysCheddar · 19/01/2021 21:08

And he is your partner why.... ??

Hatstrategicallydipped · 19/01/2021 21:17

@WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo

she is not entitled to a childcare bubble either, as that support is to enable parents to work

There is nothing in the guidance that says childcare bubbles are only for work.

Really? What is it for then?

Hatstrategicallydipped · 19/01/2021 21:19

@WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo

she is not entitled to a childcare bubble either, as that support is to enable parents to work

There is nothing in the guidance that says childcare bubbles are only for work.

Is there anything in the 'guidance' that suggests you can form a childcare bubble because your boyfriend/partner understandably does nothing? If that was the case, half of MN must have childcare bubbles if the relationship board is anything to go by!

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 19/01/2021 21:24

No mention of reasons for the support bubble. Just that it's for children under 14.
Now I'm not saying people should have them just because they can, but they are allowed. Parents can use them so they have child free time to fuck like rabbits for all I care.

AIBU to think I am entitled to a support bubble?

CurlyS · 19/01/2021 21:25

Nothing written in the guidance says you can only have a childcare bubble to allow you to go to work. It doesn't specify when the childcare bubble can be used, only the criteria for having one, which is simply a child under 14.

Hatstrategicallydipped · 19/01/2021 22:06

Oh well. Form as many bubbles of covid as you like for all I care then!

Blondeshavemorefun · 19/01/2021 22:25

@Mousehole10

No you cannot have a support bubble. You don't live alone, nor do you have a baby under 1. You can have a childcare bubble but you can't socialise with the adults in it.

This

Now if you got rid of your parter as he seems to do bugger all

Then you can have the support bubble of your parents legally

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 19/01/2021 22:28

@Hatstrategicallydipped

Oh well. Form as many bubbles of covid as you like for all I care then!

Is that aimed at me? I only have 1 bubble. A support one. Totally allowed.

I was merely pointing out that childcare bubbles aren't only for working parents. I'm sick of people making up their own rules.

custardbear · 19/01/2021 22:32

Why would you live with, and settle down with someone who doesn't want to take on you and your child too. You are no longer you, you and your child are a package - he cares for you, but not her ... how is that ok ?

SleepingStandingUp · 20/01/2021 01:46

@custardbear

I think the problem is, they haven't settled down together. It was not see much of each other except outside or him move into he moved in. No when we're ready as a family, when you're ready to be a part of my child's life, when we're certain we'll last. Just oh god we'd only be able to meet in the park so just move in

JamieLeeCurtains · 20/01/2021 02:14

Please god is there another bloody word for 'bubble' we can use?

Unit
Measure
Cadre
Grouping
Brace
Nucleus
Spam
Turnstile
Anything

MarthaWashingtonsFeralTomcat · 20/01/2021 02:41

Absolutely, a childcare bubble doesn't have to be for paid work. It can be for the parent to study, rest or to care for other children eg to take a sibling to a hospital appointment. The main thing is just not to use it to socialise as adults.

You can't just make up the rules.

However OP and her DD (being under 5) can both go out for a walk together with one of the adults from the other household. If one of the other household members is a carer for the other, then OP, DD, step mum and dad can all meet up outside. This is because under 5s and up to 2 carers for a person with a disability are exempt from the numbers when meeting one-to-one for exercise.

SimplyRadishing · 20/01/2021 04:56

@gobbynorthernbird

Nope. Your support is your partner. And if he's shit then you need him to leave so you can bubble with another household.

This. In spades. He won't look after your child for 30 mins ? How is your relationship ever going to work long term?

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