AIBU to think I am entitled to a support bubble?

[tuesdayschild17]

I am a mother to a 3yr old DD who is wonderful but can be a bit of a handful. My partner moved into the house I'm in at the beginning of lockdown as we didn't want to break the rules by travelling between two places. He is not DD's father and although he is lovely with her, does not contribute any sort of childcare which is understandable. I am in my third year of study and working part time. I cannot workout if I am entitled to a support bubble with my father and stepmother? I am not a 'single adult' with a child under 14, but I am a 'single parent' with a child under 14 if that makes sense? I do all the childcare for DD.

Just looking for thoughts on whether I would be entitled to visit the place where they live for a walk with my DD or whether that would be taking the p**s?

If your father is close enough to form a support bubble with, why did you have to move your DP in? You said you moved him in because you have nobody close by?

”From personal experience from my own childhood, more harm is done by a new adult leaping into the role of mum/dad and then vanishing suddenly if the relationship doesn't work out. I think setting slow and realistic expectations mitigates the risk of any impact on my daughter from the relationship.”

That’s all very sensible. Except you’ve moved him into your DD’s home. That’s not gradual or slow and realistic. That’s something you do when you’re as certain as you can be that the relationship is permanent and you want to live as a family unit.

"His relationship with DD has thrived, in that they like each other and he will speak to her nicely and play with her occasionally."

That's a really low bar you have set for someone who lives with you

I feel sorry for your dd, you have moved a strange man into the house for your own benefit, she obviously doesn’t feel comfortable around him and probably hardly knew him before you moved him in. Due to him being there your dd can’t have contact with her grandfather (someone she does feel comfortable with)? I couldn’t move anyone into my house that my dc’s didn’t feel they could be comfortable with, it’s their home and the one place they should feel happy and safe.

Does he see anyone else?

As I understand it, a single adult that lives with someone else ie in a flatshare, can bubble with someone externally if the person they are sharing with doesn't.

I am a single adult household...I see my parents as I'm their carer, and my best mate (who is my MH support) under the above rationale (she lives with another adult but they are not a couple and he doesn't leave the flat).

We only meet once a week outdoors for a walk, but in an emergency I have that safety net.

@CryingHelps

My post was for *@tuesdayschild17 - sorry kimchi* - it's very late! But I do understand what you're saying. It's not a loophole though - I'm a single parent so I can form a support bubble - whether he moves in or not. I'm also allowed to have a childcare bubble. If your support bubble has to work and you are ill/need a break/emergency what are people supposed to do otherwise? Lockdown has probably created a lot of faux permanent relationship but that's another issue.

Yes,that's what I said in my post ?

@tuesdayschild17

Thanks everyone, some helpful responses there. And some slightly gut-wrenching ones but I'll take them all on board.

I definitely allowed him to move in for selfish reasons at the beginning of lockdown. I have no family or other support nearby at the moment. My choice was between living solo with DD for months and not seeing OH or to have him there. I personally find parenting for days on end without at least the break of adult conversation pretty stressful. I know it sounds like an excuse but I didn't want to get short-tempered with DD or overly frustrated because it was only us for weeks on end. I didn't really have much of a choice to go gradually in terms of the living situation due to the restrictions in place at that time.

I definitely feel keen that his bond with my DD grows over time. I am just trying to take it at her pace as well. She initially was a bit jealous over the attention so I would make sure she could sit in the middle of us when she wanted to and had lots of one on one time with me. This seems to have paid off as she willingly wants to engage him in conversation now and it definitely goes both ways. He's really pleased that she's warming up to him and beginning to trust him.

I have got the message about support bubbles loud and clear! I will not be forming one with my father. However, thanks to the PPs who suggested a childcare bubble. If my work load becomes crazy, I may use it the week before deadlines.

To the PP who said that I didn't think someone could be a parent aged 24, please see the irony. I bloody hope someone can, or I must be some sort of imposter

In which case how can you have a child care bubble

It just sounds OP , that you moved him in for company. Is that in his interests or that of your daughter?

So when lockdown ends will he be moving out

Or now are you a couple lining together

@SendHelp30

If your father is close enough to form a support bubble with, why did you have to move your DP in? You said you moved him in because you have nobody close by?

Tbf I wouldn't be relying on regular contact from someone who is an hour away if I had an alternative.

In which case how can you have a child care bubble because she works and therefore is entitled to childcare for her child like anyone else who works.

No, you are not a single parent as your partner lives with you, he should help with childcare and be your support.

@fireme

No, you are not a single parent as your partner lives with you, he should help with childcare and be your support.

I agree but OP will tell you she is because the partner takes nothing to do with the child. That's what I meant by loophole.