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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I am entitled to a support bubble?

237 replies

tuesdayschild17 · 19/01/2021 13:33

I am a mother to a 3yr old DD who is wonderful but can be a bit of a handful. My partner moved into the house I'm in at the beginning of lockdown as we didn't want to break the rules by travelling between two places. He is not DD's father and although he is lovely with her, does not contribute any sort of childcare which is understandable. I am in my third year of study and working part time. I cannot workout if I am entitled to a support bubble with my father and stepmother? I am not a 'single adult' with a child under 14, but I am a 'single parent' with a child under 14 if that makes sense? I do all the childcare for DD.

Just looking for thoughts on whether I would be entitled to visit the place where they live for a walk with my DD or whether that would be taking the p**s?

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 19/01/2021 15:23

Let’s calm down about the partner. It is likely he works full time the same hours OP studies/works part time and so he’s not idle/available to do childcare.

Thislittlefinger123 · 19/01/2021 15:30

Urm, no. You know that though I think.

ChronicallyCurious · 19/01/2021 15:33

No you’re not but I’d be telling him to go back home so you can bubble with them and get some actual support. What’s the point in him being there if you’re gonna struggle more than if he wasn’t there?

catlady3 · 19/01/2021 15:37

You're not entitled to a support bubble, but you're entitled to a child care bubble. www.gov.uk/guidance/making-a-childcare-bubble-with-another-household

gobbynorthernbird · 19/01/2021 15:39

OP isn't asking if her dad and stepmum can look after her DC to enable her to work and study. If she was, that'd be absolutely fine.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 19/01/2021 15:40

Yes I believe you can form a informal childcare bubble with one other household. As your DP now lives with you, that is one household, so yes you can have a bubble with your fathers household.
www.gov.uk/guidance/making-a-childcare-bubble-with-another-household

BuntysTwinkle · 19/01/2021 15:44

So he just sits back while you're running around doing everything? While he's living with you I'd hope he is doing 50% of the cooking for the adults, and 50% of the household cleaning?

thecustomerisalwaysright · 19/01/2021 15:44

You need a childcare bubble.

Support bubble is really to combat isolation, either if there is a need for care or to prevent isolation. I am alone with a child under 18. It is not about childcare. It is about spending time with someone other than a child for weeks/months on end and not seeing anyone else. Or an elderly person on their own etc.

thisismakingmecry · 19/01/2021 15:47

My elderly neighbour (couple) are saying their adult daughter and her partner are their support bubble who visit daily. They are calling adult granddaughter 1 and her family their 'cleaner' who visits daily and adult granddaughter 2 and her family are called their 'career' and she visits daily with her children and sometimes partner. Adult son and family are 'gardeners' who visit weekly and 'just pops inside for two hours and does nothing in the garden for a cuppa'. So their whole family is still meeting regularly but they say they are following the rules because they've given family members these titles. Confused Meanwhile DH and I work from home and have seen no friends or family since March.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/01/2021 15:52

UK has the highest death rate in the world right now. Rather than looking for loopholes, maybe reducing contacts as much as possible while the vaccine program does its work is sensible.

As few contact points as possible should be the aim.

PlanDeRaccordement · 19/01/2021 15:56

@Thislittlefinger123

Urm, no. You know that though I think.
No I really don’t. The OP said He is not DD's father and although he is lovely with her, does not contribute any sort of childcare which is understandable

He does not provide childcare, instead of He will not provide childcare indicates it’s not on a whim. Second, she says that this “is understandable” and people usually don’t say a decision is understandable unless they think there is a valid reason for it.

So, I’m erring in side of optimism based on those language cues. I think if the OPs partner were as lazy as everyone is presuming he is she would have written something more like:

“He is not DD's father and although he is lovely with her, refuses to contribute any sort of childcare which is difficult for me.

ShalomToYouJackie · 19/01/2021 15:59

You're not "entitled" to any kind of support or bubble.

@2bazookas incorrect, OP is eligible to form a childcare bubble.

Why do people bother commenting stuff that isn't true?

VeganCow · 19/01/2021 16:00

Well Op, lockdown in teaching you a lesson you should heed- your 'partner' is anything but, and he does not deserve to be living under the same roof as you and your daughter.

tatutata · 19/01/2021 16:03

Your partner sounds like a right nobber.

thecustomerisalwaysright · 19/01/2021 16:07

TBF it sounds like the 'partner' who was more of a boyfriend who moved in so they could still see each other in lockdown, not because they made a conscious life partner decision. If the partner had not moved in, the OP would be entitled to a support bubble and/or childcare bubble. But since the OP now has adult company they are not entitled to support bubble, but probably are allowed a childcare bubble.

Hankunamatata · 19/01/2021 16:12

I think its fine for your dad to provide childcare while you study

AcornAutumn · 19/01/2021 16:15

@ShalomToYouJackie

You're not "entitled" to any kind of support or bubble.

@2bazookas incorrect, OP is eligible to form a childcare bubble.

Why do people bother commenting stuff that isn't true?

Because many MNers think we should be nailed into our homes.
Lilymossflower · 19/01/2021 16:16

He needs to take on the responsibilities of his role in your family or move out so you can make a support bubble with someone else

Imo when a partner moves in then he takes on the role of fathering even if he is not the bio father

SuperlativeScrubs · 19/01/2021 16:34

Jesus OP. If someone in a romantic relationship moves in with you and your child then they should damn well expect to be a father figure in that childs life and pull their fucking weight.

LTB.

alienbeings · 19/01/2021 16:35

You aren't a single adult household so you cannot form a support bubble at all. If he were to move out then you could. I think you should tell him to either help you out or move out.

gamerchick · 19/01/2021 16:39

Get rid of the bloke who hasn't taken you on as a unit and you can.

lazylump72 · 19/01/2021 16:41

Sorry OP he didnt just move in with you ..he knew he was joining a family and was creating a new life with you and your little one.He needs to step up and be the partner and step dad he signed up to be when he first moved in. He cannot just have you and not your little one it doesnt work like that.

itsgettingweird · 19/01/2021 16:44

@gobbynorthernbird

Nope. Your support is your partner. And if he's shit then you need him to leave so you can bubble with another household.
Exactly what I thought
THisbackwithavengeance · 19/01/2021 16:44

It it boils down to you having no childcare so you then lose your job, income and cannot study, then I would break the Rules without any question and form a support bubble with your parents. It's a no brainer.

Your DP being useless or not useless is another issue. But on the Stepparent threads here, women are bristling at any perceived obligation to provide childcare to DCs who are not their own so why should your DP be any different?

PardonMoiSir · 19/01/2021 16:49

Why so much venom towards the DP? We have absolutely no idea why he is unable to provide childcare, perhaps he's you know... Working??

My step children are at school because their parents are keyworkers. I'm at home. But I am working, so no, I'm not providing childcare right now.

We've absolutely no idea the DPs situation, he could be out at work, he could be a keyworker, he could be a fucking doctor for all anyone on here knows.

No I don't think a boyfriend who moved in (and only because of lockdown by the sounds of it) only recently should be expected to become a 'father figure' straight away.

OP, where is your child's father? Does he see DD at all in the week? Could he help more whilst you work?

As PPs said, you can have a childcare bubble with your father and step mother where they look after your child whilst you work/study. Is this an option?