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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I am entitled to a support bubble?

237 replies

tuesdayschild17 · 19/01/2021 13:33

I am a mother to a 3yr old DD who is wonderful but can be a bit of a handful. My partner moved into the house I'm in at the beginning of lockdown as we didn't want to break the rules by travelling between two places. He is not DD's father and although he is lovely with her, does not contribute any sort of childcare which is understandable. I am in my third year of study and working part time. I cannot workout if I am entitled to a support bubble with my father and stepmother? I am not a 'single adult' with a child under 14, but I am a 'single parent' with a child under 14 if that makes sense? I do all the childcare for DD.

Just looking for thoughts on whether I would be entitled to visit the place where they live for a walk with my DD or whether that would be taking the p**s?

OP posts:
Thisisbananas3 · 19/01/2021 13:44

www.gov.uk/guidance/making-a-childcare-bubble-with-another-household

I think you can have a childcare bubble, this is different to a support bubble. The guidance linked above doesn’t suggest you need to be a single adult- it refers to a household joining with another household and all adults must agree to it. This is what friends of mine are doing (I asked about it because I only knew of support bubbles for single households)

AliasGrape · 19/01/2021 13:45

You wouldn’t come under the rules for a support bubble I don’t think.

Who is caring for you dd when you study/ work? You’re allowed a childcare bubble but you’re not supposed to use that for socialising etc, purely for childcare - a lot of people stretch that though.

You could meet either your father or your stepmother for a walk. Your dd could also be there as the under 5s are not included in the rule that says you can only walk with one other person.

You partner really should be helping/ providing support if he is living with you as a family. He started a relationship with someone with a child and chose to move into their home - so he’s signing up to be part of a family. If he’s not willing or able for all that involves then as a pp said, better he moves out and allows you to form a bubble with someone that will actually offer support.

peboh · 19/01/2021 13:45

@Purplethrow

I was trying to find a loophole

Rules are not made so people can try and get round them .

You could meet one other person for exercise as long as you keep your distance.

Due to being alone 6-7 times a week. I didn't mean to bend the rules as such, but I did some long searching to see how it worked when you have a partner who works away the majority of the week. As I stated there was no rule that allowed that, so unfortunately I didn't get a bubble.
peboh · 19/01/2021 13:45

5-6 times a week sorry *

Tarantallegra · 19/01/2021 13:47

I couldn't be in a relationship with someone that thought it was ok to live with you without taking on some responsibility in your child's life. He is being unreasonable here and needs to step up or move out.

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 19/01/2021 13:48

Move your partner out and have your bubble with your parents... he sounds useless anyway.

Lougle · 19/01/2021 13:48

No support bubble, sorry. It's the same for lone adults in a house share. Because they share with an over 18, they don't qualify for support bubble.

stablefeet · 19/01/2021 13:52

This isn't difficult
Not everybody can form a support bubble. However, on 2 December the rules changed to widen eligibility for forming one.

You can form a support bubble with another household of any size if:

you live by yourself – even if carers visit you to provide support
you are the only adult in your household who does not need continuous care as a result of a disability
your household includes a child who is under the age of one or was under that age on 2 December 2020
your household includes a child with a disability who requires continuous care and is under the age of 5, or was under that age on 2 December 2020
you are aged 16 or 17 living with others of the same age and without any adults
you are a single adult living with one or more children who are under the age of 18 or were under that age on 12 June 2020
You should not form a support bubble with a household that is part of another support bubble.

hammeringinmyhead · 19/01/2021 13:53

I would normally say that it is not the non-parent's job to supervise the children. See threads where an OP is left with 2 teenagers all Sunday while their dad pisses off to play golf. However in this case he is in lieu of a support bubble and should therefore be supporting you as a single parent.

Does he cook, clean, do the shopping?

00100001 · 19/01/2021 13:56

Why can't he help with childcare???

Confused
Shoxfordian · 19/01/2021 13:57

It’s your own fault for having a shit partner who doesn’t want to support you

Cadent · 19/01/2021 13:59

Responses are unnecessarily harsh to OP.

OP, it seems very mean of DP not to help. What’s he doing with his time? Is he doing his equal share of cooking/ housework/ shopping?

Is he paying his way?

Stompythedinosaur · 19/01/2021 14:02

Agree with pps, you arent a single adult household so no support bubble. Why on earth isn't your dp helping?

2bazookas · 19/01/2021 14:08

You're not "entitled" to any kind of support or bubble.

Crowsaregreat · 19/01/2021 14:08

No to support bubble but yes to childcare bubble.

And I think your DP either needs to be a full part of your household (sharing childcare) or not. Otherwise he's a lodger you have sex with.

What does your DD do when you're studying or at work?

BertramLacey · 19/01/2021 14:08

Nope. Your support is your partner. And if he's shit then you need him to leave so you can bubble with another household.

This. My OH has a child. I will help him with childcare when he needs it. She's part of his life and whilst no, I'm not in the relationship so he can palm his child off on me, part of being partners is supporting each other.

Itsnotlikethiswithotherpeople · 19/01/2021 14:10

No you aren't unfortunately, though totally sympathise. As others have said you can ask your family to provide childcare whilst you work or catch up with studying.

Catty1720 · 19/01/2021 14:11

I can’t understand why your partner can’t help? I have SC I wouldn’t ever not help my DP if he asked??

Robbybobtail · 19/01/2021 14:11

You are fine to go for a walk with them anyway. No need to check it’s ok on here.

m0therofdragons · 19/01/2021 14:12

You can have a childcare support bubble but not a single person support bubble so you can’t hang out at your parent’s house but you can drop dd off and pick her up.

5zeds · 19/01/2021 14:13

No YABU even if he was your lodger you couldn’t bubble. You have two adults in your household not one. If you have an unusual relationship where he doesn’t help you at all then that’s the “rules” you should be trying to change.

m0therofdragons · 19/01/2021 14:13

Lots of people who don’t realise there are 2 bubble options (if you’re eligible for both you can only choose 1) and are spouting incorrect guidance.

OwMyNeck · 19/01/2021 14:14

No you can't. But you do understand that its not normal or desirable to still be a single parent while living with a partner? Why would you have him there if he's not going to help you at all?

Dogscanteatonions · 19/01/2021 14:14

The bubble isn't your issue. Your issue is a live in partner that doesn't help with your child. You're supposed to be a unit. If he doesn't want to behave as a family then you need to think about whether he should be there

m0therofdragons · 19/01/2021 14:14

5zeds that’s untrue re 2 adults as she can have a childcare bubble which is different and came into affect the last lockdown!