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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childless "auntie" in pandemic

466 replies

katrinbaker · 19/01/2021 11:30

I am early 30s + isolating alone in the pandemic

All my friends + family are with their young families and many have been sending cutesy updates of their iso, with pictures of their young children, home projects + family baking. We are in constant contact and this also revolves around child updates and daily life. I am not expected to contribute but just coo at the right times.

Aibu to think this is insensitive? I had a nice life before all this happened but obviously much of it is now banned. Holidays, drinks out, dating. I am over it and think it has impacted the single lot disproportionately.

OP posts:
NurseButtercup · 19/01/2021 13:36

I'm single and childless by the way, but I'm a nurse so I'm grateful for the solitude when I come home after the end of a shift.

I do miss my friends & socialising, if we're still in lockdown in spring I'll probably be hating the solitude and desperate to be out and about.

herecomesthsun · 19/01/2021 13:37

yy it is Facebook Lives isn't it, people are also worrying about their children, arguing with their children etc etc but that isn't evident.

I completely sympathise with how you feel though. So many of the things that make life good are out of reach right now.

It is shit at the moment.

But things will in many ways get better soon, the small things and some of the bigger things, hang on in there.

atomt · 19/01/2021 13:42

My friends are not doing that but I do understand where are you coming from, I'm also single and live alone.

I totally understand life is not perfect for anyone at the moment, whatever their living arrangements.

I can't help feeling annoyed when I see someone complaining about feeling isolated when in fact they are living with a partner and kids... I've seen people demand they should be allowed a support bubble because they're lonely while DH goes out to work during the day. Hmm I haven't even touched another person for about a year... I miss hugs! (I'm not in a position to have a support bubble - no family in this country and friends have different priorities to bubble with their own family/other closer friends/have chosen not to bubble at all).

London1977 · 19/01/2021 13:42

Count yourself lucky. They might be showing you their home made art projects and baking, but they aren't sharing the times they're shouting at the kids, everyone's crying, the chips have burnt and they hate their husbands. Trust me, look at those pictures they share, then pour a large glass of wine, put on a tv programme, and enjoy your life x

Moulesvinrouge1 · 19/01/2021 13:43

I do sympathise, but equally I think we all are having a shit time. I disagree that single people are having it ‘hardest’ - I suspect kids like my disabled child who has had no access to his therapies for nearly a year are having a worse time than you OP, after all you do have zoom, the telephone, writing, walking with a friend, reading, Netflix, running and all the rest of it. We all have self pity sometimes, but I might suggest you have it ‘easier’ than many, if that’s a road you really want to go down.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/01/2021 13:47

Insensitive "omg I'm so #blessed to have this time with my little #famalam, I don't know what is so without #bubba #littleman #myeverything. It's so hard making sure we #makememories every day and teaching him #homeschoolinglikeabosslady but I'm so #blessed because there's nothing worse than being alone"

Not insensitive "hey Maggie, look at Bonnie and Ronnie in their careers box car 😂. How are you doing?"

So depends where it falls really but if you think their being obnoxious just send them photos of you in the bath at 8 pm with alcohol or in bed at 10 am with the newspapers

Bluesername · 19/01/2021 13:47

I can only see it being insensitive if you are desperate for children and perhaps having difficulty. Even then they wouldn't know that unless you said.

Some people aren't comfortable sharing what they're going through. But even then, some over-sharers would quite possibly carry on regardless anyway. It's as though some think they're the only ones who regularly send multiple baby/family photos to all their contacts, when you're actually receiving them often from many people and each one is a painful reminder of what you may never have.

LemonSherbetFancies · 19/01/2021 13:50

My niece feels similar. Mid thirties, single, chronic illnesses .
The grass always looks greener but it rarely is.
People would say my DP has it good as his business has done very well and he has not been ill/lost anyone to covid. But because we live apart, we have not been able to see each other since Christmas now and I know he is really struggling with homeschooling and work.
Nobody has it great at the moment however it may look.

Frestba · 19/01/2021 13:51

I quite like seeing how people are doing. I'm sure the sentiment is adding a bit of interest for others.

Cadent · 19/01/2021 13:52

@Moulesvinrouge1

I do sympathise, but equally I think we all are having a shit time. I disagree that single people are having it ‘hardest’ - I suspect kids like my disabled child who has had no access to his therapies for nearly a year are having a worse time than you OP, after all you do have zoom, the telephone, writing, walking with a friend, reading, Netflix, running and all the rest of it. We all have self pity sometimes, but I might suggest you have it ‘easier’ than many, if that’s a road you really want to go down.
OP is not comparing herself to children Hmm
garlictwist · 19/01/2021 13:52

I am single and alone in the pandemic and sometimes I feel like tearing my hair out (literally) with loneliness.

But then I think how awful it would be if I were never alone and I think that's far worse. So I try and see the positives.

ZenNudist · 19/01/2021 13:55

YABU sorry you are lonely. This might be their way of reaching out.

I wouldn't want to be you but would you really want to be me? Schooling a 6 and 10yo. Never getting time to yourself, constantly knackered, kids unhappy because of missing friends and feeling caged. Job going to shit because you can't get a half hour without interruption. Grumpy dh because he's in the same boat. Can't get anything done in life because of demanding or warring dc.

Pick your poison because the grass ain't greener.

Lastfreakinglegs · 19/01/2021 13:55

What their photos mean is.... Look, I'm surviving! Don't worry op, it's not a dig at you.

formerbabe · 19/01/2021 13:56

@garlictwist

I am single and alone in the pandemic and sometimes I feel like tearing my hair out (literally) with loneliness.

But then I think how awful it would be if I were never alone and I think that's far worse. So I try and see the positives.

So hard isn't it.

I haven't worked out what's worse.

Always being alone or never being alone?

littleloopylou · 19/01/2021 13:57

They probably think it will cheer you up to see joyful and cute children. It is what is happening in their lives and they are trying to connect with you.Confused

Bluesername · 19/01/2021 13:58

Some people have experienced both situations; long-term infertility in the past, and now looking after their child during the lockdown. I doubt very much that they would prefer to swap back.

donquixotedelamancha · 19/01/2021 13:58

Aibu to think this is insensitive?

I presume they imagine you are missing the children and want to know how they are doing.

Just explain that you don't want to know and ask them to stop telling you about their lives. That will solve your problem.

VinylDetective · 19/01/2021 13:59

Both equally awful I imagine @formerbabe. At least people who don’t live alone can negotiate some time by themselves.

CheesePleaz · 19/01/2021 13:59

Form a childcare bubble with someone and borrow their kid! Kids are sooooo much better when you can hand them back 😁

LondonJax · 19/01/2021 14:00

What's to stop you putting your own photos on?

My cousin is single, in her early forties, no kids. She puts up of her newly varnished toe or finger nails, a nice bubble bath with candles around it, a nice glass of wine or a cocktail she's made which she's about to enjoy with her favourite TV programme, an afternoon tea she did for her mum who's part of her bubble, last week it was a creme brulee she'd made. She's put up photos of her newly painted living room, a couple of pots she's planted up, some books she's managed to read.

And why not? It's what her life is outside the WFH times she's doing so what's the problem with that?

Cadent · 19/01/2021 14:00

@littleloopylou

They probably think it will cheer you up to see joyful and cute children. It is what is happening in their lives and they are trying to connect with you.Confused
Are you really this insensitive?
MessAllOver · 19/01/2021 14:01

Some people have experienced both situations; long-term infertility in the past, and now looking after their child during the lockdown. I doubt very much that they would prefer to swap back.

If this is the OP's situation, then her family are being spectacularly insensitive. But I got the impression from her post that what she was missing was her pre-lockdown adult life and having adult company and fun.

minipie · 19/01/2021 14:04

Honestly I never understand why people think other adults outside the family want to see pictures of their kids.

But then I’m not a fan of social media generally and probably a mardy old caaaah.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 19/01/2021 14:05

how are you doing @katrinbaker? Lockdown has been difficult on everyone, for many different reasons.

You sound lonely and bored, that's difficult. Having children to entertain is also difficult, so no, its not insensitive to send pictures of that they are doing. If you sent pictures of your tidy home, your feet up with a nice drink then from someone with kids that could be deemed insensitive from their point of view.

I'm not wanting to have a go, but lockdown is difficult no matter what your home situation is.

Jennifer2r · 19/01/2021 14:06

Ten points for the next person who says 'pour a glass of wine and put the telly on', like that's a fantastic cure for loneliness or a great thing to do 7 nights a week or a suitable replacement for company.

All the families I know have childcare bubbles and wouldn't bubble with me. Im lucky I have a single friend who I can spend time with but not everyone does.