Childless "auntie" in pandemic

[katrinbaker]

I am early 30s + isolating alone in the pandemic

All my friends + family are with their young families and many have been sending cutesy updates of their iso, with pictures of their young children, home projects + family baking. We are in constant contact and this also revolves around child updates and daily life. I am not expected to contribute but just coo at the right times.

Aibu to think this is insensitive? I had a nice life before all this happened but obviously much of it is now banned. Holidays, drinks out, dating. I am over it and think it has impacted the single lot disproportionately.

[Lightwindows]

Do they ask how you are when they send these photos etc OP? If not then they are being a bit insensitive. I think you need to share your feelings with them and tell them that you're struggling, they should be supportive and if not then you know where you stand with them, maybe look for some better friends after all this is over. I lived alone for a while and

[DaphneduWarrior]

I'm single, childfree and have seen two people face to face since March 10 (neither regularly). My birth family are hundreds of miles away and shielding anyway.

To be honest, the lockdown doesn't bother me hugely - I'm used to being alone. What did bother me was the years I was alone in my 20s and 30s, grieving over broken relationships and lost chances to have a family while my friends got married and had kids. My friends' kids are now 18, 19, 20 and starting to go to uni / to move away for work and a lot of my friends are posting about how empty their lives are and how lonely they are. I feel like saying "What do you think it's been like for me for the past 20 years???"

I know I sound petty and resentful, but really, FUCK 'EM.

[Lightwindows]

Sorry posted too soon. I lived alone for a while and found it very hard, when life was "normal" . So I do feel for people living alone through all these lockdowns, it must be very tough. However I wouldn't assume families with kids have it easy from the photos they're sending, its probably just the best bits. I am struggling to keep my baby and toddler entertained, going back to work from mat leave in a couple of weeks. I love them to bits and they are great, but my god I cannot wait to get back to work. This whole period has just been so restrictive and really quite dull, no support from family or playgroups, so just relentless. Most people are having a hard time OP, reach out for support if you need it .

[poohsticks30]

My little ones "auntie" is in the same situation as you. I often send her pictures to try and remind her we are thinking of her and love her. We aren't being insensitive but it the current situation it's how we show we love her!

[Someonetookmyname]

I understand how you feel. I felt like bridget Jones in my early 30’s and had sleepless nights about being alone. I would have hated lockdown as a single person.

Now I have a toddler and partner, but am consumed with worry about whether my toddler is getting enough stimulation/socialisation. Is she happy? Will she be affected long term? Looking after her alone all day is exhausting.

Lockdown really is shit for everyone.

On the plus side, maybe some of the single men on the dating scene with commitment issues will come out of a year long lockdown ready to settle down!!

[SpanishChard]

I agree this has been hardest of all for single people but I don't think that's because people share pictures of their children. I can't believe people seem to have accepted, as reasonable, the decree that peole shouldn't see partners they don't live with. If you don't live with a partner sex has been banned for a year!

I'm not single and have been grateful, everyday, that my most important people live with me.

[annieannietomjoe]

I don't think your BU - I have a friend that seems like you and I am trying to check in and make sure her mental health is ok! The first lockdown was easy but now I can see that it's really affecting her.

Everyone is having a hard time but i do think your feelings should be validated (just like those with kids at home)

[OhCaptain]

@SpanishChard I don't think you can unilaterally say it's been harder for single people. It's been equally hard for lots of people in different ways.

[WoolieLiberal]

Believe me, it won’t be all roses. I’m sure many of those with children wished they did have an evening or two to themselves given they’re working when the kids are asleep making up for lost housework and employee contracted hours time.

The trouble with social media is that everyone can be upset when they see someone else has something that they have not got.

There’s someone at work who is married to a very wealthy man, works PT and often jets off on exotic holidays. The job is more of a hobby for her.

She regularly posts pics on the work WhatsApp group of the great time she’s having.

Does fact that most of us could never dream of having such holidays mean that we should be offended or upset?

Should people who have enjoyed a Grandparent’s birthday party not post pictures of the party because some people (like me) have no living grandparents and might get upset?

Should we ban all social media posts that might feature something that someone viewing it does not or cannot have, in case it upsets someone?

Or should we just accept that everyone’s life is different and not spend our lives getting upset because we can’t have what someone else has got.

[Tazers]

No one had kids thinking "well in 2020/21 the world will suffer a pandemic which necessitates months of social distancing, school closures and isolation. I will pop a few kids out now to ensure I will experience the joys of trying to homeschool them, deal with any sadness or fear or anxiety they are experiencing, keep the house running, do a full time job to a standard that means I am not going to lose it and thus lose our income", did they?

My dad died when my sister and I were both primary age. Do you think my parents shouldn't have had us just in case one of them died.

My situation is not unique. If you don't consider the fact that your circumstances may change over the time that you are responsible for those children then you are naive at best, reckless and irresponsible at worst.

Waiting for the self obsessed mummies to come along and point out how much harder homeschooling, for a few months, is than losing a partner or parent 🤣🤣🤣.

[randomsabreuse]

It's not harder, but it is rather more unforeseeable that all forms of 'childcare' including informal ones would be banned for several months at a time, in a period when most distractions are also unavailable...

When we had kids we planned for the eventuality that one of us might die by getting quite a lot of life insurance so that we could pay for live in childcare should this happen...

DH also has income protection if he's unable to work because of illness.

Emotionally the loss of a parent would obviously be tougher but most of the issues people are having at the moment stem from the practical limitations of having no access to childcare, pretty well however much money you can throw at the problem...

[ZaphodBeeblerox]

I’m sorry you feel that way OP. I know single childless people who’ve made the most of the pandemic downtime, and equally parents who aren’t quite drowning. And of course people at the other end of the spectrum.

I try to be sensitive and only send kid pictures to grandparents or aunts and uncles who really want them. And to ask all friends - single, coupled up, with kids and without - how they are doing.

I think everyone is sort of managing how best they can. If you started sharing a bit more of your life I imagine good friends would welcome it.

[LetMeBubble]

I suggest we all ignore Tazer as she sounds like she is wanting attention tonight and seeking it through putting others down

[Yourcatisnotsorry]

It’s about balance. Talk about their kids because that’s important to them. Talk about your job/cat/houseplants/yoga/whatever you are into and I’m sure they’ll love to engage on that. It’s not more crap for you because you’re single neither is it more crap for them because they are juggling everything and never get a moment alone. It’s just different. Help each other through it x

[Celestine70]

Surely this should cheer you up?

[OhCaptain]

@Tazers

I suggest we all ignore *@LetMeBubble* as it looks like she turns in to a wannabe playground bitch when anyone disagrees with her.

*@LetMeBubble* looks like you're right about the attention seeking!

[Dugee]

@LetMeBubble

I also think OP needs a little break from social media

At times when we are feeling overwhelmed emotionally anything and everything can be triggering

It’s understandable but unreasonable to assume that it’s to do with your friends. Take a step back to feel better

You've managed to be insensitive, tone deaf and patronising all in one go there.

[Tazers]

@OhCaptain and @LetMeBubble

Playground behaviour. Some posters on mumsnet really do embarrass themselves. When it's referred to as mumsnet madness or a nest of vipers, that's not a compliment you know.

[browneyes77]

@Lucyk1

But I bet you didn't care when you were uploading all the annoying pics of your lovely single life when they were tied down with kids?! Each person makes their own life choices... You chose not to do what your friends are doing and would rather have the party single life.

You’ve made a lot of assumptions based on fuck all there.

If you’ve got nothing more to contribute than unsubstantiated and ignorant, dick comments like that, then I’d refrain from commenting further. Your opinion won’t be missed.

[SittinOnTheDockOfTheBay]

Lockdown is tough for a lot of people. We're all seeing things from our own situations. Those feeling lonely, living by themselves are missing people and those in a suddenly full and cramped house (a house that was big enough when you all went to work, school etc) are missing some alone time. It's also being going on (well, on and off) for almost a year, it's a long time to be living like this. We aren't used to being this restricted in this country.

That said the OP posted for support and ideas, not to have people tell her how good she's got it and that their life is so much worse because they have kids. How do you know the OP hasn't battled infertility? That thought makes some of the comments on here look really spiteful.

There are 1000s of threads on here about how hard lockdown with kids is, can't you post on there instead?

[CarterBeatsTheDevil]

I would want to see your photos, OP! Photos of food you've cooked and walks you've gone on, any pets, the whole thing. I would never expect to just share photos of my DC for cooing and not get to see all the non-child stuff other people were doing!

[trulydelicious]

@poohsticks30

My little ones "auntie" is in the same situation as you

I'm sure you mean well. But the whole 'auntie' business is depressing and demeaning. She's just a human being, not someone who should be 'pitied'

[sally067]

@Lucyk1

But I bet you didn't care when you were uploading all the annoying pics of your lovely single life when they were tied down with kids?! Each person makes their own life choices... You chose not to do what your friends are doing and would rather have the party single life.

What a horrible comment.

OP I am in the same situation, live alone and nobody to bubble with, it is the loneliest I have ever felt and it has now been 24 days since I spoke to another non zoom human who wasn't working in a supermarket or coffee shop. My brain feels like mush because of it and everyday is another struggle. I'd give anything just for the gyms or a swimming pool to be open.

At the risk of joining the pity party, I am working in a one bed top floor flat which I don't particularly like in a job that I hate too. It all just feels relentless with no hope as I can't go on dates, meet friends or even apply for a new job.

I think another thing I find with my friends who are at the motherhood stage of life, and I know I'm generalising, is that being in that situation you usually have a 'home'. My flat was just something I managed to get in order to get on the ladder and a roof over my head, I don't see it as a home and had hoped to meet someone so we could do the joint income thing to buy a house. Whereas my mum friends have houses they can be proud of, nice kitchens and gardens. I know they aren't boasting but it just feels like another kick in the teeth.

Sorry for having a moan too.

[poohsticks30]

@trulydelicious
What a truly judgemental comment! I do not pity my friend and my daughters auntie- we adore her!!!! She means the world to use and is struggling in the current lockdown! I have been in the "auntie" position for many many years and it was the most precious role but in the current situation when so many are struggling it is only right to be telling people how much they mean to you! My suggestion is that you learn to live by the phrase "if you can't say nothing nice ...."