Childless "auntie" in pandemic

[katrinbaker]

I am early 30s + isolating alone in the pandemic

All my friends + family are with their young families and many have been sending cutesy updates of their iso, with pictures of their young children, home projects + family baking. We are in constant contact and this also revolves around child updates and daily life. I am not expected to contribute but just coo at the right times.

Aibu to think this is insensitive? I had a nice life before all this happened but obviously much of it is now banned. Holidays, drinks out, dating. I am over it and think it has impacted the single lot disproportionately.

‘I may sound insensitive but you can at least watch a movie, cook yourself some nice food, enjoy a glass of wine and read a book, catch up with family and friends on FaceTime or phone. All of these things ate impossible for me right now. It may be boring but it definitely isn’t harder for you than it is for a lot of people.’

Yes this is a bit tone deaf. It’s like saying to people who are really struggling with home schooling that it’s quality time with the kids.

Or the person who tells the person suffering from depression to cheer up and take a walk.

This thread was never going to go well - but I’m not sure why certain people have such difficulty seeing things from anyone else’s perspective.

Emotional intelligence is in short supply

Those who envy other people's lives at the moment, wouldn't actually want 9 month's worth of that life, it would be just as crap as their own lives.
This. Some people have it truly shit
Poor mental health. Bereavement. Major financial issues. Not an exhaustive list before anyone starts .

For the rest of us, it's swings and round abouts. I fantasize about spending lockdown 1 in 2011. Living alone, no garden but reasonable access to outdoor space. Telly to myself. Bath. But honestly I have no idea if my MH would be worse than with a 5 yo and tiny twins and the kids are keeping me same, or is is be merrily alone and drunk and happy ever night.

I may sound insensitive but you can at least watch a movie, cook yourself some nice food, enjoy a glass of wine and read a book, catch up with family and friends on FaceTime or phone. All of these things ate impossible for me right now. It may be boring but it definitely isn’t harder for you than it is for a lot of people.

Yes and those things are lovely for a while, but they don't take away the feelings of loneliness and isolation and for many there comes a point where being alone all the time results in a complete lack of motivation to do any of those things. Similarly while someone who lives alone would probably enjoy a few days with a DH and children, with people to sit and watch a film with, or play board games with, or to hug, or to chat to over dinner, or to cook with, the novelty would soon wear off once the realism of homeschooling while working kicked in.

I would LOVE to be single right now!

What you mean is you’d love to be happily single right now. The op is clearly struggling. Why can’t that for enough for posters to piss off with their “I don’t mean to sound insensitive but...” comments?

ideasplease my level of emotional intelligence is just fine thank you.

OP was asking whether Single people are disproportionately affected at the moment. No they’re not. Single people do not have it any better or worse than anyone else. Personally I feel those with children trying to homeschool whilst trying to work full time from home with a partner who is working out of the home have it harder than anyone!

my level of emotional intelligence is just fine thank you.

The fact you’ve even written that in response shows it really isn’t.

Oh go away purple.

OP asked for an opinion! I gave one. You may not agree with it. That’s your opinion but don’t troll other posters.

@
You’re allowed to give your opinion @Icantrememebrtheartist
but when I’m doing it it’s trolling?

It’s a discussion forum. You should expect discussion.

I send photos to my kids actual auntie all the time. I know that she likes to see what they are up to and likes to be included. But I don’t send endless photos to my childless friends. I don’t think they would be interested! I do agree that lockdown is hardest for single people , so I make sure that I am
In regular contact with my single friends, but just not with photos of my kids! I don’t necessarily think that it is insensitive for them to send you photos of their kids though, unless you have expressed a desire for that sort of life yourself. They are just letting you know what they are up to, which at the moment is 24/7 kids. There isn’t much other news to share!

@PurpleDaisies. Insensitive or not, we are allowed to have (and express) opinions which are different to yours and the OP's.

In some ways we all envy one another for what we can't have. They are just sharing their lifes with you and keeping in touch. I don't see the harm in this really what else can they possibly mention or talk about.
I have dc, but im also single i sometimes get envious that all my friends are coupled up and i haven't had any sex life since this pandemic started :/ but do i expect them to shut up about their married lifes, no i don't infact it's nice to hear about what they get up to because nouts happening here lol. So in the same way you are jealous of their dc etc they are most probably jealous of your relative freedom as you have no strings tying you down. You can leave house as and when you want for a walk etc whereas i have to plan it. We all live different lives and it's nice to keep in touch. Don't let envy get in the way. Try copying some of their recipes the kids have been making, send them some selfies etc

People don’t have to agree with the op @SonicTheSorryRabbit but they don’t need to post insensitive and unhelpful comments on a thread clearly from someone struggling.

Okay I’m out😂. Competitive misery isn’t for me.

@pepsicolagirl

I am a mum of 3. The idea of having a empty house seems blissful to me. Last week I did my shopping online, on click and collect, but I didn't mention this to my family. I went to "do the shopping" (took 10mins because I was just collecting it), bought a drive thru coffee and sat in a car park for nearly an hour just staring out of the window people watching in silence.

It is shades of shit for everyone. Full house, empty house, meh

Indeed it is.

''All shades of shit''

Probably easiest at those living alone with a dog or cat, actually!

But please, no ''Lockdown pets''...Only those you had beforehand.

I fear for the exponential rise in ''Lockdown puppies''...Impulse buys.

''Let's get a puppy!''.... No, please don't, as the unscrupulous and exploitative are breeding them for extortionate prices.

Lockdown is a gift to the breeders.

I think most of us would like someone else's life... for a little while. Because we're all really tired of the way that Covid has affected the one that we have.

Those of us living alone are craving company and touch, and having the house to ourselves isn't a bonus any more.

Those of us stuck in the house with people we are trying to manage and who we can't avoid or get a break from are likewise, sick of never getting a change from that.

Sadly a week's swap isn't doable. So instead let's at least empathise with each other rather than turn it into a competition about who has it worse.

@YetAnotherSpartacus

I am not expected to contribute but just coo at the right times

Contribute anyway! How about

• a picture of a nice bath with all the suds and whatnot and a glass of wine on the side - just waiting for you?

• any new home projects (even basic ones).

• a cup of tea or coffee next to a nice book?

• a tidy living room?

It does not have to be goady - just representative of a nice and peaceful life.

This is what we do... send pictures of what we’re having for dinner to dsis and parents

🙄

@Ideasplease322

Okay I’m out😂. Competitive misery isn’t for me.

Spoilsport! Don't you know I win at MN bingo, I have a child with SEN and I have twins. Don'

[quote OhCaptain]@LizFlowers I’m sorry for your loss but I so admire your attitude. [/quote]
Thank you Captain but it's just how I'm made. I've always liked my own company and when I was a child, my dream was to have a place to myself where nobody could come unless invited. I have a rich imagination which helps. It's important to have an interior life.

However, if I was ill or infirm, had no income and it was difficult for me to get deliveries, I would feel differently. I consider myself fortunate not to have those problems (at the moment :-)).

I have a lovely son who is self isolating. Normally he works and travels with work but has been unable to do that for a long time and is working from home producing some very good stuff, I must say. He also has many friends and a good social life usually (including girlfriend who lives - ha ha - abroad; I'm not sure what is happening on that score). Everything has changed dramatically for him.

He recently said to me that he would love to continue working from home and feels that the lockdowns and restrictions have enabled him to become the person he was always meant to be! That does seem odd and I am a little concerned about it. However I do feel he will readjust when the time comes - hope so anyway. He's too young to be a hermit.

Said like a true smug married (to quote Bridget Jones).

I can assure you life is not all roses for thise of us with children. Sharing more than likely brightens their day because homeschooling and managing often stressed isolated children is not fun. If it upsets you ask them not to include you but don't take this one bit of joy from them.

You realise it's not a competition, don't you?

"He recently said to me that he would love to continue working from home and feels that the lockdowns and restrictions have enabled him to become the person he was always meant to be! That does seem odd and I am a little concerned about it. However I do feel he will readjust when the time comes - hope so anyway. He's too young to be a hermit."

I have a brother who's a bit of a hermit. I think he was glad he wasn't allowed to be with the family for Christmas Day. I think it's ultimately very bad for him to be withdrawing from the world though.

As a mum to three children under five, one being a toddler, a key worker DP who is at work more than he is home, both sets of grandparents shielding til they get their jabs so we see no one, every place we would normally go to is closed, and I’m having to homeschool my Reception aged child, I would LOVE to be single right now!

Yes it does sound insensitive. Perhaps you should take responsibility for the fact that you chose to have 3 children? Does that sound insensitive too? Oops.

@BumbleBiscuit

Be ENORMOUSLY thankful you’re not stuck with children in this pandemic. From what I hear it sounds horrific.

I’m childfree also and it’s been bliss. Lots of extra cosy days at home. Netflix binges and naps.

Childless and childfree are two different things.

I do think it’s a bit insensitive. Some people fall down a bit of a rabbit hole when they have children and virtually all conversation is about the kids and what they’ve been doing and there’s not much effort to ask about your work or interests or the wider world. I’m not saying that’s everyone but it does happen.

I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely OP. It must be really hard for people living alone in lockdown. It’s like your life is on hold and not being able to date and make plans must be really difficult.

Fucking hell. What do u want them to do? Not bother with you at all? I'm sure you'd have something to moan about then!