Childless "auntie" in pandemic

[katrinbaker]

I am early 30s + isolating alone in the pandemic

All my friends + family are with their young families and many have been sending cutesy updates of their iso, with pictures of their young children, home projects + family baking. We are in constant contact and this also revolves around child updates and daily life. I am not expected to contribute but just coo at the right times.

Aibu to think this is insensitive? I had a nice life before all this happened but obviously much of it is now banned. Holidays, drinks out, dating. I am over it and think it has impacted the single lot disproportionately.

"It’s the claim to be “the worst off” or “disproportionately impacted” that grates."

But it doesn't affect everyone the same though minipie. And I think it IS worse if you live alone. It means you're alone almost all the time!

@Gwenhwyfar
If we take economics and domestic violence out of it, people who live alone are having a harder time than cohabiting couples/families.

In other words if we take all those pesky, real life things that people in their millions have to deal with - the ones that don’t suit my agenda - then my point is stronger. 🙄🙄🙄

@Jennifer2r I don’t know if you’re new here but that is the exact type of response a mother who was struggling would get!

I haven’t touched another adult in four years. Except the hand of my dying mum.

I just got over cancer then Covid hit. I’m a single mum who has barely left my house for almost two years now.

But it’s not a competition!

Gwenhwyfar: I think it IS worse if you live alone. It means you're alone almost all the time!
..........
Like me. Yay!

@NameChange84

I think the comments on here along the lines of being glad for alone time, only having yourself to think about etc are very insensitive.

It’s not a night away from the kids in a nice hotel.

It’s been nearly a year of complete solitude. No physical contact at all from another human being. No face to face chats. Silence in the house from the moment you wake up til the moment you go to sleep. The only face you see in real life is your own in the mirror. Utterly isolated. Utterly alone. As I say, I’ve had to Shield so it’s been a bit different than some single people who could do meals out in the summer or socially distanced get togethers.

Solitary confinement has been a punishment for years. We know how badly it affects mental health. It’s a completely unnatural way of living and the vast majority of people, unless they are a hermit by nature, will struggle a lot with it. It’s not just about missing “dates” and glasses of wine out etc. It’s about missing feeling like an actual person who exists and matters to anyone.

@NameChange84

Absolutely

Being single, lonely and not happy about it is worlds away from escaping the hustle and bustle of family life for a night away and R&R on your own

OP, I have walked in your shoes. I think it's hard to strike the balance between feeling included (nice) and constant reminders of what you feel you're missing out on (hard)

It might be worth a gentle hint to say that you do enjoy seeing photos, but it's bitter sweet as it also acts as a reminder that yiur life is so much quieter. Hopefully yiur friends will be more sensitive

Gwen: Why would single, childless people have it easier than married childless people?
.....
Because they have the place to themselves and how they choose to spend their day is up to them; no demands.

@LizFlowers

Gwen: Why would single, childless people have it easier than married childless people? ..... Because they have the place to themselves and how they choose to spend their day is up to them; no demands.

And absolutely no company. That would be much harder to deal with in my view.

It's shit for everyone. I'm counting myself lucky I don't have kids to home school and keep entertained. My poor sister is really struggling with it all.

And I'm saying that as someone who has been alone a lot since the first lock down.

I live alone. I post pictures of my lunch, my walks in the park and things I bake. I enjoy cute tiny child pictures. I like seeing them grow up in a year where a lot has stayed the same one week to the next!

My brother is always moaning. He is married (gets on with his wife), works from home in a secure well paid job, while his wife works outside of the home during the day but is there morning and evening and on weekends. They live in a lovely spot, with great walks, but on the edge of a nice town. He is child free and has hobbies he can do at home, and is fit and healthy.

He is in about the luckiest easiest situation there is for this pandemic but still always moans!

"Because they have the place to themselves and how they choose to spend their day is up to them; no demands."

Yes, they can sit in their bedroom alone or sit in their living room alone. What a lucky life.

@gwenhwyfar don't forget we can drink wine and watch telly also

[quote Jennifer2r]@gwenhwyfar don't forget we can drink wine and watch telly also [/quote]
Of course because drinking alone is such an excellent idea. I wonder how many more alcoholics there will be by the end of this?

@StrawberrySquash

I live alone. I post pictures of my lunch, my walks in the park and things I bake. I enjoy cute tiny child pictures. I like seeing them grow up in a year where a lot has stayed the same one week to the next!

"In other words if we take all those pesky, real life things that people in their millions have to deal with - the ones that don’t suit my agenda - then my point is stronger. 🙄🙄🙄"

No, my point is that, other things being equal, a person who lives alone has it harder.

[quote Jennifer2r]@gwenhwyfar don't forget we can drink wine and watch telly also [/quote]
Which we could also do before lockdown, but it's not an alternative to talking to people face to face.

Purpledaisies: And absolutely no company. That would be much harder to deal with in my view.
.......
For some but not all. We are all different. I am quite content not having any company.

Please don't get me wrong; my husband died a while back if he was still here, I would care for him and love him - but he isn't. I would worry that he might not receive prompt health care that he needed. As it is, I only have myself to really worry about (I do feel concerned about some others and about things generally), and I can't say I do worry about me as long as I maintain my health. I relish my solitude and think it has done me a lot of good, it's been healing. When I eventually re-emerge into the world, I will have a different perspective on things. I have a few loose plans for the future but nobody can tell what tomorrow will bring. For now I am making the most of the time and space which I have been afforded.

@AndcalloffChristmas

My brother is always moaning. He is married (gets on with his wife), works from home in a secure well paid job, while his wife works outside of the home during the day but is there morning and evening and on weekends. They live in a lovely spot, with great walks, but on the edge of a nice town. He is child free and has hobbies he can do at home, and is fit and healthy.

He is in about the luckiest easiest situation there is for this pandemic but still always moans!

If I could pick, the pandemic would have hit around 2014. Married, newly. TTC so whilst I'd have been stressed over lack of intervention, lots of practice and no kids. I'd likely have been WFH or furlough but if not I was walking distance to work. DH would have gone into the office longer than he did (he WFH as DS was shielding) but ultimately would have been WFH too.
The biggest discussion would have been who got the spare room and who the living room.

Trust me it's not all rosey with our young children. Those cutesy pics are literally in the moment for 2 secs and then back to crazy life. I send updates to my sister of my kids doing their remote learning. And she thinks am this perfect converted from mom to teacher and blissfully having the time of my life being teacher mode! I had to laugh! What you see in picture doesn't necessarily reflect what actually is happening. It's just nice to sit on your phone for abit and share pictures with your loved ones and forget what a crazy life your in at the moment

Impacted single people disproportionately. You’re kidding me??

As a mum to three children under five, one being a toddler, a key worker DP who is at work more than he is home, both sets of grandparents shielding til they get their jabs so we see no one, every place we would normally go to is closed, and I’m having to homeschool my Reception aged child, I would LOVE to be single right now!

I may sound insensitive but you can at least watch a movie, cook yourself some nice food, enjoy a glass of wine and read a book, catch up with family and friends on FaceTime or phone. All of these things ate impossible for me right now. It may be boring but it definitely isn’t harder for you than it is for a lot of people.

I do get how annoying it must be for you too have too coo every so often at others kids when your feeling crap yourself. I sometimes get frustrated with family members sending 100 pictures of their kids in such short space of time, there's only so much cooing one could do

If I was single, I'd be doing some exercise, cooking nice things, having wine and social zooms, learning a new skill, long baths, doing those jobs never have time for such as sorting photos, watching some good films.
Well yes I imagine you might do those things for a few weeks, maybe a couple of months and you might really enjoy them. But once you've been alone and isolated for 9 months, spending most of your time sitting in a small flat with no garden I'm pretty sure the novelty will have worn off a long time ago and you'll have given up doing all of those things because you have zero motivation and you'll be desperate to have a face to face conversation with another person who isn't a supermarket checkout person.

Just like people living alone who are currently longing for company, someone to chat to, a house full of people would likely enjoy it for a while then find it hugely overwhelming and want to be alone again.

Those who envy other people's lives at the moment, wouldn't actually want 9 month's worth of that life, it would be just as crap as their own lives.

@LizFlowers I’m sorry for your loss but I so admire your attitude.

"Of course because drinking alone is such an excellent idea. I wonder how many more alcoholics there will be by the end of this?"

I drank alone before lockdown too. I don't think that in itself makes you an alcoholic, luckily. I did used to avoid drinking during the week unless I was going out. That's gone now obviously.
Other people I know have changed their patterns so that they drink less, but more often.

No, my point is that, other things being equal, a person who lives alone has it harder.

Ridiculous point scoring. Real life is real life “all other things being equal” is an impossibility.