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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childless "auntie" in pandemic

466 replies

katrinbaker · 19/01/2021 11:30

I am early 30s + isolating alone in the pandemic

All my friends + family are with their young families and many have been sending cutesy updates of their iso, with pictures of their young children, home projects + family baking. We are in constant contact and this also revolves around child updates and daily life. I am not expected to contribute but just coo at the right times.

Aibu to think this is insensitive? I had a nice life before all this happened but obviously much of it is now banned. Holidays, drinks out, dating. I am over it and think it has impacted the single lot disproportionately.

OP posts:
VinylDetective · 19/01/2021 16:54

@AliceAbsolum

Yanbu. Must be hard to be alone. I'd hate to do this without my DH.
It is. It’s rubbish. I feel the same as you do and know how incredibly fortunate I am. I only wish my son was as fortunate as me, it’s bloody awful to be alone with your only family too far away to form a bubble. I know it’s really hard for everyone right now but I imagine getting up and going to bed day after day with no real life human contact is very bleak.
Gwenhwyfar · 19/01/2021 16:54

@ZippedyDooDa

Is this a joke?? You think as a single person you've been disproportionately affected?? Parents are struggling with work, childcare, homeschooling etc and yet you think you are affected worse?? Some of us are working in the middle of the night after a full day of childcare/homeschooling/chores, running on little sleep, constant stress, zero time to relax. Our rare drinks out and holidays are also cancelled, if you hadnt noticed. Jesus wept, this has to be the most self-absorbed opening post I've ever seen.
How long have you gone without talking to anyone Zippedy? Yes, your drinks out have been cancelled, but you can have a drink with your family can't you, while OP can't (and zoom isn't the same).
ZippedyDooDa · 19/01/2021 16:57

@Gwenhwyfar
If we take economics and domestic violence out of it, people who live alone are having a harder time than cohabiting couples/families.

Absolute, 100% garbage. You clearly have no idea what you are talking about.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/01/2021 16:59

[quote ZippedyDooDa]@Gwenhwyfar
If we take economics and domestic violence out of it, people who live alone are having a harder time than cohabiting couples/families.

Absolute, 100% garbage. You clearly have no idea what you are talking about.[/quote]
You didn't answer my question about how long you've gone without talking to anyone Zippedy. I'm sorry you're busy and it's obviously not right that you have to work in the middle of the night, but that is not the norm for homeschooling parents otherwise we'd be hearing about it all the time.

AnxiousWeirdo · 19/01/2021 17:00

I wouldn't take those photos at face value. Everyone I know is finding this lockdown harder than the first one. I literally could have drowned in my own tears yesterday. But still my family received a nice photo of us all smiling as we've decorated dds room. Stressed as fuck and I totally need to run away into the hills with many alcohol.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/01/2021 17:00

And I bet you have a garden as well Zippedy and weren't restricted to going outside just once a day in the first lockdown. Do you have a garden?

ScrapThatThen · 19/01/2021 17:01

It does suck. I feel for anyone living on their own through this. Yes it's hard for everyone but it's OK to acknowledge how much you have lost and missed out on. But do text them updates about you, do arrange to ring them for a chat over a glass of wine, do keep connecting as an adult too.

Posturesorposes · 19/01/2021 17:02

WELCOME TO MUMSNET dear OP.

What a successful first post.

It’s has had the right kind of topical interest and motivated pages of engagement from parents.

Thank you.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/01/2021 17:02

People keep saying 'it's hard for everyone', but it's not. There are people who like lockdown. There are people (many parents on MN) who like working from home and there are people who want to carry on wearing masks even after the pandemic!

ZippedyDooDa · 19/01/2021 17:03

@Gwenhwyfar
And I bet you have a garden as well Zippedy and weren't restricted to going outside just once a day in the first lockdown. Do you have a garden?
Ok I can see that you are clearly some kind of nutter - have a nice day! x

Shmithecat2 · 19/01/2021 17:04

wanna swap OP?

PurpleDaisies · 19/01/2021 17:07

@Shmithecat2

wanna swap OP?
How bloody insensitive. Biscuit
Cloudmonkey · 19/01/2021 17:09

For those of you saying they would rather be living alone.... I didn’t physically touch another person FOR MONTHS. No hug, no hand hold, no arm touch, shoulder squeeze. Nothing. So when you tuck your kids in bed later, hold your baby, wash your kids hair, or sit/lay next to your partner tonight, please think about what I’ve said. Please.

MrsWindass · 19/01/2021 17:11

@katrinbaker

I am early 30s + isolating alone in the pandemic

All my friends + family are with their young families and many have been sending cutesy updates of their iso, with pictures of their young children, home projects + family baking. We are in constant contact and this also revolves around child updates and daily life. I am not expected to contribute but just coo at the right times.

Aibu to think this is insensitive? I had a nice life before all this happened but obviously much of it is now banned. Holidays, drinks out, dating. I am over it and think it has impacted the single lot disproportionately.

Did you not post pics of your holidays etc before when they were knee deep in nappies ?
LizFlowers · 19/01/2021 17:12

" I would say childless people who can WFH definitely have it the easiest 😂. "

Hee hee, you are asking for some comments with that one......

I will say I think single, childless people, or those who have adult children living elsewhere, who are not working for whatever reason or are retired, definitely have it easiest at the moment, as long as their health is OK. I can assure you, it's great.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/01/2021 17:12

[quote ZippedyDooDa]@Gwenhwyfar
And I bet you have a garden as well Zippedy and weren't restricted to going outside just once a day in the first lockdown. Do you have a garden?
Ok I can see that you are clearly some kind of nutter - have a nice day! x[/quote]
I'm a nutter because I asked whether you have a garden?

Gwenhwyfar · 19/01/2021 17:15

"I will say I think single, childless people, or those who have adult children living elsewhere, who are not working for whatever reason or are retired, definitely have it easiest at the moment, as long as their health is OK. I can assure you, it's great."

Why would single, childless people have it easier than married childless people?
I have a friend (not the same one who was suicidal from loneliness in the first lockdown) who is furloughed and who has lost all interest in life, lost all motivation. Yes, the money's still coming in, but his state of mind is like that of a long term unemployed person with depression. He used to destress with the type of exercise that he's not allowed to do now and he's just totally stuck.
Shall I tell him you think he has it the easiest?

Gwenhwyfar · 19/01/2021 17:18

@Cloudmonkey

For those of you saying they would rather be living alone.... I didn’t physically touch another person FOR MONTHS. No hug, no hand hold, no arm touch, shoulder squeeze. Nothing. So when you tuck your kids in bed later, hold your baby, wash your kids hair, or sit/lay next to your partner tonight, please think about what I’ve said. Please.
I have to say, not having to touch people is one of the pluses for me. I just suffer from the lack of face-to-face contact, but I'm lucky to live somewhere where four people can meet outside and there is more flexibility for bubbles because I would never be chosen to be somebody's bubble.
minipie · 19/01/2021 17:18

Jesus can we stop making it a competition

In the context of thousands of deaths a week, with people losing loved ones and jobs every day, saying “I have it worse because I’m single” or “because I have kids” is a bit crass.

Gwenhwyfar · 19/01/2021 17:20

"In the context of thousands of deaths a week, with people losing loved ones and jobs every day, saying “I have it worse because I’m single” or “because I have kids” is a bit crass."

I'm sorry for all the people who have lost loved ones and lost their jobs, or heaven forbid, had both happen to them. However, the lockdown itself, rather than the pandemic, is what we're talking about here and many more people are affected by the lockdown.
I'm not going to pretend lockdown is OK because unfortunately people have died. I accept that we have to lock down, but we are also allowed to complain about it.

sortmylifeoutplease · 19/01/2021 17:20

It must be hard for those alone right now. However, those of us with kids are dreaming of not uploading and downloading tasks each night, are dreaming of not being a shite parent to all our kids due to being thinly stretched, are dreaming of having an uninterrupted ten minutes to spend with their baby, being able to go for a run (even though I detest hate running), are dreaming of not living amongst mounds of papers and toys, are dreaming about getting a chance to chill out before midnight, dreaming about sorting the house out, eating before 1030pm, exciting stuff like having time to put a wash on during the day, getting absolutely shitfaced, having some downtime. It's not great here either! If I was single, I'd be doing some exercise, cooking nice things, having wine and social zooms, learning a new skill, long baths, doing those jobs never have time for such as sorting photos, watching some good films. Good luck OP.

minipie · 19/01/2021 17:23

Gwenhwyfar I’m absolutely fine with complaining. Being doing plenty of it myself 😁

It’s the claim to be “the worst off” or “disproportionately impacted” that grates.

VinylDetective · 19/01/2021 17:26

I feel for you @Cloudmonkey. My son says exactly the same thing. The need to be touched is a fundamental one. 💐

BatleyTownswomensGuild · 19/01/2021 17:26

Tbh, I think you have a overly rose-tinted view of other people's lives.

Everyone is struggling for different reasons in lockdown - marriages are breaking down, parents (usually mothers) are driven to breaking point by the pressures of trying to homeschool whilst trying to hold down a job - which has been an impossible juggling act, people are worried about money, their elderly parents - literally nobody is having a good time. If your friends are posting happy family scenes they are either heavily airbrushing their lives or simply trying to make the best out of a totally crummy situation.

I understand why you might be feeling very low, OP. But (and I mean this kindly) I think you are being a bit over-sensitive here.

OurChristmasMiracle · 19/01/2021 17:28

Why can’t you share? I would. Nice walk at local park. I’ve baked cakes. Decorated. Nice baths reading a decent book. Just because you don’t have kids doesn’t mean to say when someone says me and kids baked cookies today you can’t say oh they look yummy. I’m looking forward to trying the cake I baked.