To think this woman was just being a dick/trying to make things hard for people who are distancing?

[thepeopleversuswork]

In a small, dirty and pretty crowded corner shop with my DD. We're in SE London in one of the areas with highest case rates. I am trying as far as possible to avoid going out at all beyond walks in the park and this is the first time I've been in a shop for 10 days so I'm a bit jumpy about it and trying to get in and out as fast and safely as possible.

Shop is crowded, people queueing near the till, not distanced at all, a couple of kids not wearing masks. There was a gaggle of three late middle-aged women chatting next to the till, making it difficult to distance by the till (and thus pretty unsafe for the person serving as there was a very insufficient screen) and blocking the exit out of the shop.

I pointedly - maybe being a bit OTT -- waited as far back from the front of the queue as I could before paying which I would have thought signalled that I was taking distancing pretty seriously and wanted to be given a wide berth.

After I paid and walked towards the shop exit, trying to swerve the women gossiping by the door, a 2p piece escaped from my purse because it hadn't been zipped up properly. One of the women huddling by the till picked it up: I was just on my way towards the door and she started walking towards me to give me the 2p back. I said: "don't worry about it, just put it in the charity box" and indicated I was on my way out and that I was more interested in preserving the distance. She moved right in close towards me and I said: "no I'm distancing, can you just keep it or put in the charity box please?". She comes right up to me and sticks the bloody 2p piece in my coat pocket with her grimy hand and pats my pocket. I looked visibly irritated and walked off and I heard her say "calm down, love, I was doing you a favour," as I was walking out of the door.

I turned around and said loudly (so the rest of the people massing by the till could hear" "Sorry but I'm not prepared to risk catching COVID for the sake of a 2 pence piece. I did make this pretty clear but if you can't understand that then perhaps you shouldn't be going out at all and certainly not hanging about by the till."

I heard her shouting: "stuck up cow" out of the doorway as I walked off.

Maybe I was a bit of an arse but this is exactly how COVID spreads. Totally unnecessary contact: people's attitude to saving small change in this country is so bonkers anyway: I know money is tight for a lot of people but who thinks that saving 2p is going to be worthwhile if you lose your job due to sickness?

I get that its easier for some people to distance than others and maybe she thought I was being precious but it really fucks me off when people impose their laissez faire attitude on others. It's one thing to just forget every now and then but I seriously think some people actually enjoy making those who taking it seriously feel uncomfortable...

@Eckhart

I think you need to take a bit of responsibility here, OP. You voluntarily went into a small shop at a busy time because you hadn't been organised enough to have the basics in. You feel you communicated that you were observing social distancing rules by standing half a mile away and everyone looking at you ant thinking, 'oh, this lady is being very careful, we must respect her wishes'. You feel that everybody else should be doing perfectly, for your benefit.

If you don't want to be near dirty people in close proximity, don't go into a dirty shop when it's clearly full of them. Even if you couldn't go to another shop, you could have gone into this one earlier or later, or even just queued outside until it had a quiet moment.

If you're not perfectly observing the rules, why should they?

What a load of drivel! You do realise that we should ALL be practicing social distancing atm don't you? That includes everyone it's not a choice that some people have took upon themselves to do...no one should even be standing around talking in shops anyway but everyone should be social distancing at very least. Also saying she's not organised because she needed food between her delivered shops...what?! Firstly online deliveries can be hard to get at the moment as so many people are using online shopping so she may have not been able to get a shop soon enough...secondly half of what she ordered may not have even turned up- this happens to us a lot. We have a huge list usually of missing items because they ran out of stock (how unorganised of them!) and thirdly...wtaf?! Are you telling me you NEVER forget something you need on the big shop? Or cock up and forget to order your next delivery soon enough leaving you much longer between shops than you are used to? I really don't understand why so many people are picking on the OP...she has the right to pop into a shop and expect to be as safe as possible. Those not adhering to the rules and especially the lady who rudely forced you to take your coin back even after you politely stated that you did not want it are in the wrong here not the OP and she has every right to voice her opinion especially when she had already had the other ladies opinion basically slagging her off! OP you did nothing wrong.

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

She was being a dick. If someone makes a point that they are trying to distance then you respect that. End of. For all those trying to blame you for going to a crowded shop - nonsense. We should be able to pop to the shops and be somewhat safe. Shops would be safe if everyone would just adhere to guidance. Don't blame the victim, blame the people who are acting poorly.

Totally agree. Why do people always have to try and shift the blame from the wrongdoers to the one just minding their own business abiding by the rules just trying to keep safe?!

@Eckhart

I'd say she'd put something in your pocket. No barging, no pressing, no shits and giggles. Maybe 2p is really worth having for her, and she didn't want you to be without it. You don't have to be so unpleasant about it. And neither did she.

Didn't the shop have a sign on the door to say 'X amount of customers only'? It's very odd, that. I live right in the city centre and they all do. They risk their business if they don't at least have a sign up, even if they don't enforce it.

So now you are schooling her on how she should speak?! It's her experience she can tell it how she likes as long as she's saying what happened what makes your way of speaking correct and hers wrong in some way?? Seriously? Also I would've thought it was the norm to have people talk more animatedly on here?

@Eckhart

I'd say she'd put something in your pocket. No barging, no pressing, no shits and giggles. Maybe 2p is really worth having for her, and she didn't want you to be without it. You don't have to be so unpleasant about it. And neither did she.

Didn't the shop have a sign on the door to say 'X amount of customers only'? It's very odd, that. I live right in the city centre and they all do. They risk their business if they don't at least have a sign up, even if they don't enforce it.

Also the shops where I live have the sign but don't abide by it as many don't...but where exactly were you going with this point anyway?

@Raaaaaaarr

Yep she was an idiot. I would have been extremely pissed off. Actually I would have gone as far as telling her not to touch me. It's not right even in normal times to do that.

Yep!!

@ktp100

It's a clear sign of government failings in getting across vital messages when so many people STILL don't get it.

Truly infuriating.

It's a clear sign of stupidity among people not bothering to follow the rules you mean! Do you really think that people are not doing so because they don't know about it?! No we all know what we gotta do but far too many people just don't bother. How can you blame the government for that?! They are usually to blame for most things but this time it's actually not on them!

[quote MynephewR]@thepeopleversuswork did I say you were stuck up for wanting to socially distance? There is nothing wrong with trying to keep your distance and its not stuck up to do so.

The tone of your post is stuck up, calling the woman's hand grimy etc. Not assuming that the post about there being no grubby people in waitrose was sarcasm is stuck up. If you are the same in person as the way that you write and respond on this thread then I'm not surprised that the woman called you stuck up.[/quote]
Have you never seen someone who looked grimy then? If the woman actually had grimy hands what would you expect OP to say then? She should leave out the pint that the woman physically had dirty hands even though that would be very concerning considering we are all supposed to be hand washing very often and for long enough?! I think it's quite an important part of the story actually as if she had had clean hands OP probably wouldn't be quite so concerned! I'd love someone to touch you with grimy hands and see if you feel happy about it in these times! I know I wouldn't like it as I actually care about this situation we are in with COVID and want to see the end of it ASAP and it's people like this that is keeping it going strong.

@0gfhty

Why didn't you just leave the shop immediately? It comes across as if you were looking for an argument. If you feel this way go in another shop or at a different time. I'm afraid you can only vote with your money and take your business elsewhere

How was she looking for an argument? She didn't even talk to anyone until the woman tried giving her the coin back! If she had been spoiling for a fight she would've just had a go at everyone for not filling the rules surely?

@FOTTFSOFTFOASM

Covid is bringing out the absolute worst in people. The people who take it upon themselves to be the shouty Social Distancing Police (OP) are as much of a PITA as those who get too close (grimy-handed middle aged woman).

You were both being thoroughly unreasonable, OP.

How was she in the wrong though? She only spoke when the woman insisted on giving her the coin back even tho she had already politely said please put it in the donation box or keep it yourself I'm basically too worried about COVID to want the 2p back...the woman forced it on her because she could see it was making OP uncomfortable and she obvs found it amusing or maybe she was showing off in front of her friends, either way it was uncalled for and rude. Yet it's the OPs fault and she was snobby? Unbelievable!

You can't control how other people act. Yes we should all be socially distancing but some people are not doing this for whatever reason. Just like some can wear a mask but don't.

While she should never have put her hand in your pocket, pandemic or no pandemic, it is clear you were looking down your nose at her from a great height and she decided to teach you a lesson. A stupid thing for her to do but as I said, you can't control other people's behaviour.

@MynephewR

Also it was kind of her to pick up the 2p for you. You should have just gratefully accepted it and then sanitised your hands once you were out of the shop.

She did you a favour and you told her to "just put it in the charity box", she's not your servant ffs. It was your 2p, your responsibility. I'm guessing that you offended her which is why she got arsy with you.

Yes she was in the wrong to put it in your pocket and no you weren't wrong to be trying to socially distance.

That's not the case tho is it? She was clearly not doing it to be kind, someone who ends up shoving their hand in a strangers pocket just to return a 2 pence piece that had already been requested not to be given back because of germ concerns is not the same person who kindly picks up a coin for someone. No a kind person would've just put it in the charity box and that's that. OP wasn't rude until the woman started following her and trying to force her to take the coin...yes she sounds like a reet kind lady ay!

@Confusedandshaken

She was absolutely wrong to approach you and touch you but she was very perceptive to know you were a stuck up cow. I had to read your post describing a group of three women as a gaggle of gossips with grimy hands to work that out.

It's sad you have to live in an area without a Waitrose. In Waitrose small groups of elegantly clad and spotlessly clean, masked women converse about the arts and philanthropy whilst maintaining a strict 3m distance. And they certainly don't handle anything as vulgar as cash.

What would you have called a group of ladies who were dirty looking then? The fact that her hand was dirty was important to the story because if she had been spotlessly clean and trying to adhere to the rules and masked up etc then I would expect OP to not be quite so worried about the situation. As it is there were a group of women chatting (against a Covid rules) and the woman interacting with OP is described as having grimy hands which makes me imagine someone with filthy hands. I might've said......a group of ladies were gathered in the shop wittering away until the one with filthy hands tried to make me take back my 2p.... you would likely describe it differently but as long as the facts are in there who gets to say who is "correct"? Why are there people always attacking people on MN? I don't get it. Do people just disagree for attention?

@Arobase

Of course I'd have taken a £50. Do you understand the concept of risk? £50 is worth the risk, 2p isn't. It's basic mathematics

Really? If I were terrified enough of the risk from the 2p to make that sort of scene, I would be equally if not more terrified of the risk from the £50 note which has a greater surface area to house the virus. Would £48.98 be enough to compensate for that?

This is ridiculous comparison to make considering that for many people losing a £50 note could very possibly mean not eating for a friggin week! In that situation of course it's worth the risk because the alternative is bad also but to risk it just to be polite and to have good manners (even tho it is also quite fine manners to politely say oh thanks but I'd rather not risk taking it back so you can keep it if you like or if not just pop it in the collection box) when it's only 2p that's in question it's very clearly not worth that risk. Be sensible.

The woman was very inappropriate and goading to come up to you and put her hand in your pocket. That would pee me off even if we weren’t in a pandemic. However, your response seems very ott to me and you were unnecessarily rude in the way you spoke to her.
Also if you were that concerned I agree with others that you should not be at the shops at all. You are getting regular online deliveries and you could have chosen to make do in the house with what you have in the mean time. You said everyone needs to get top up shops but they don’t. I am not particularly anxious about COVID but I haven’t been out for top up shops at all since last year. If I run out of something I just adapt our meals in the meantime. You should’ve been more organised and accept responsibility for going to the shop in the first place rather than just lashing out at people not following the rules. The lady was in the wrong but we all know there are idiots out there breaking the rules, so if that bothered you so much that you react so dramatically perhaps you should avoid going out for top up shops, for the sake of your own mental health

Your language in describing those people is pretty appalling tbh. Your general look down your nose attitude would have pissed me right off

There are lots of people who actively believe that this is all made up or isn't as serious as it is. At this stage I view people who are not doing the basics around social distancing as making an active choice to do that and are being malicious. We have been at this for 10 months now, there is no excuse.

If I was in the shop watching this I would have thought the woman should have backed off when you were clearly twitchy. I would have thought you were pretty odd too though.

Should say I haven’t been out for top up shops since last April, not year

@BonnieDundee

Your language in describing those people is pretty appalling tbh. Your general look down your nose attitude would have pissed me right off

I keep saying this but I'll say it again... maybe I was a snob about her. Not because I intrinsically "look down my nose" at her but because she was behaving in a massively cavalier manner in a public place during a pandemic when people around here were obviously anxious. I do look down at people who can't be bothered to observe basic social distance rules, yes. In the same way that I would look down at pissed up lager louts who were winding people up on a train after swilling 10 pints of lager. It's not because I think at heart I am "better than" them its because they're being dicks in a given scenario. Shoot me but I stand by that.

And even if I am being snobbish about people behaving like idiots it still doesn't give them the right to infect me.

Seems a really warped set of values that people think its more important to be smoothing over minor breaches of etiquette at the moment than protecting public health...

And even if I am being snobbish about people behaving like idiots it still doesn't give them the right to infect me.

The chances of you being infected from one 2p coin are vanishingly small. You were at greater danger from picking up stuff in the shop, touching the door etc. Have you in fact been infected following this experience?

This is ridiculous comparison to make considering that for many people losing a £50 note could very possibly mean not eating for a friggin week!

And having covid could mean not eating for frigging months, or for ever. IF you believe that handling a coin or a note is such a dreadful risk, of course. Personally, in either case I'd accept it and just make sure I didn't touch my face until I had washed my hands thoroughly and wiped anything I thought iffy.

It's not because I think at heart I am "better than" them its because they're being dicks in a given scenario

In which scenario, you would not be a 'dick', and therefore you feel that you are superior to them.

Gosh. You really don't see it, do you.

Do you really see yourself as faultless in your OP, OP? You don't think you did anything at all that might have increased risk of transmission for you and others around you? Not the lack of organisation that led to having to 'pop to the shop for a few bits'? Not the choosing to go into a shop at a busy time? Not the loud talking?

"In which scenario, you would not be a 'dick', and therefore you feel that you are superior to them"

People make judgements about other people all the time - it's human nature. Here you are deciding you're better than the OP in this circumstance.

I think I'm better than Donald Trump in most circumstances, despite not being a multi-millionaire. You could look at the measures I'm using - not being a racist, rapist, insurrectionist swindler to name but some - and agree or disagree with me, but if you decide I'm an inherently bad person for making that judgment well... You've just made that same judgment yourself.

The woman put a small value coin in her pocket to make a point. She was being a dick. Regardless of any judgment OP may have made (in the privacy of her own head) about prior behaviour.

@DameFanny

Here you are deciding you're better than the OP in this circumstance

No, I'm not. My point is that everybody screws up sometimes. Including me. And including OP. We are all 'a dick' sometimes. Because we are human.

OP seems to see herself as faultless when she's not.

I pointedly - maybe being a bit OTT -- waited as far back from the front of the queue as I could before paying which I would have thought signalled that I was taking distancing pretty seriously and wanted to be given a wide berth.

Did anyone else read this in the voice of Patricia Routledge as Kitty?