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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this woman was just being a dick/trying to make things hard for people who are distancing?

255 replies

thepeopleversuswork · 18/01/2021 16:19

In a small, dirty and pretty crowded corner shop with my DD. We're in SE London in one of the areas with highest case rates. I am trying as far as possible to avoid going out at all beyond walks in the park and this is the first time I've been in a shop for 10 days so I'm a bit jumpy about it and trying to get in and out as fast and safely as possible.

Shop is crowded, people queueing near the till, not distanced at all, a couple of kids not wearing masks. There was a gaggle of three late middle-aged women chatting next to the till, making it difficult to distance by the till (and thus pretty unsafe for the person serving as there was a very insufficient screen) and blocking the exit out of the shop.

I pointedly - maybe being a bit OTT -- waited as far back from the front of the queue as I could before paying which I would have thought signalled that I was taking distancing pretty seriously and wanted to be given a wide berth.

After I paid and walked towards the shop exit, trying to swerve the women gossiping by the door, a 2p piece escaped from my purse because it hadn't been zipped up properly. One of the women huddling by the till picked it up: I was just on my way towards the door and she started walking towards me to give me the 2p back. I said: "don't worry about it, just put it in the charity box" and indicated I was on my way out and that I was more interested in preserving the distance. She moved right in close towards me and I said: "no I'm distancing, can you just keep it or put in the charity box please?". She comes right up to me and sticks the bloody 2p piece in my coat pocket with her grimy hand and pats my pocket. I looked visibly irritated and walked off and I heard her say "calm down, love, I was doing you a favour," as I was walking out of the door.

I turned around and said loudly (so the rest of the people massing by the till could hear" "Sorry but I'm not prepared to risk catching COVID for the sake of a 2 pence piece. I did make this pretty clear but if you can't understand that then perhaps you shouldn't be going out at all and certainly not hanging about by the till."

I heard her shouting: "stuck up cow" out of the doorway as I walked off.

Maybe I was a bit of an arse but this is exactly how COVID spreads. Totally unnecessary contact: people's attitude to saving small change in this country is so bonkers anyway: I know money is tight for a lot of people but who thinks that saving 2p is going to be worthwhile if you lose your job due to sickness?

I get that its easier for some people to distance than others and maybe she thought I was being precious but it really fucks me off when people impose their laissez faire attitude on others. It's one thing to just forget every now and then but I seriously think some people actually enjoy making those who taking it seriously feel uncomfortable...

OP posts:
CecilyP · 20/01/2021 08:22

You didn’t take proper precautions. The usual etiquette is that there should only be 2 customers in a small shop at any one time. You were lax and are now looking for someone to blame.

You’ve just made that up. I’ve not seen any small shop limiting customers to 2. My local shop has no restrictions just signs to respect the 2 metre rule together with floor markings. And OP possibly means a small supermarket type shop rather than a tiny corner shop. She wasn’t lax at all; she tried her best to keep to the rules. The other woman did not; both in blocking the isles while chatting to her friends and in coming up close to OP.

Cadent · 20/01/2021 08:25

@CecilyP No I’m now making it up Hmm

Most of the small shops here in West London have signs up saying this.

And as Indoctro says, it’s the same in NE Scotland.

VinylDetective · 20/01/2021 08:25

Jesus, what is wrong with people? With you all the way @thepeopleversuswork. Astonishing when MN is usually so rabidly pro “the roolz”.

Eckhart · 20/01/2021 08:26

she tried her best to keep to the rules

No. If she identified that the shop was 'crowded', she should not have gone in. You can't insult people for not doing their bit when you're not doing yours. This is not complicated. It's a pot/kettle thing. The woman was wrong to do what she did, but it would never have happened if OP hadn't chosen to put herself in a place where people were plainly choosing not to distance themselves. She has some responsibility here.

Cadent · 20/01/2021 08:29

Exactly @Eckhart

It’s because I follow the rules that I think what OP did was a big no no

CecilyP · 20/01/2021 08:41

^@CecilyP No I’m now making it up hmm

Most of the small shops here in West London have signs up saying this.

And as Indoctro says, it’s the same in NE Scotland.^

Fair enough but how tiny are your shops? I grew up in west London and but even when I left in the 80s I couldn’t think of a food shop that wasn’t small self service place, completely different to the tiny groceries of my childhood in the 50s. Currently live in the north is Scotland and not seen any 2 person rule/etiquette here either. I suppose it might apply in a small newsagents/tobacconist but I wouldn’t know.

Eckhart · 20/01/2021 09:00

I don't think it matters for the sake of this discussion whether or not the shop had a sign up. The simple fact is, OP has eyes, and could see it was small and busy, and could have waited.

I've not seen a shop without a sign either, but OP's might not have. They need reporting though, @thepeopleversuswork, but I imagine that's another 'responsibility that we all have' that you're not going to take on.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 20/01/2021 12:27

If the shop already had too many people inside the standard approach is to wait in a queue outside.

AngelicPP · 20/01/2021 12:59

But if people aren't abiding by the shop rules then waiting outside is going to achieve nothing! She will just be the person waiting outside while everyone else just carries on about their business! She could've been waiting ages as there were a group of people stood there just chatting for who knows how long. Those saying she should've just gone elsewhere....this is a judgement call situation as you say she was putting herself at risk entering the shop but she may have weighed up the options and though if she could be in and out quickly and if everyone kept at distance from her (why wouldn't she think that?) that the risk was lower than having to walk further and potentially coming across more people and the next shop she goes to could be just as busy or even busier! So she likely just thought the risk would be minimal if she could just keep to herself and get in and out quickly then back home to safety. That woman is the reason she has had extra risk because she got close enough to her to touch her and actually put her hand in her pocket. That is why I am on OPs "side" as it's been said. That woman was just doing it to rile OP up and she was in the wrong and yes if she can't go by the rules she should indeed not leave her house! But people like that are always going to keep doing whatever they damned well like and screw everyone else because they just don't care.

Wheresmykimchi · 21/01/2021 02:47

@VinylDetective

Jesus, what is wrong with people? With you all the way *@thepeopleversuswork*. Astonishing when MN is usually so rabidly pro “the roolz”.
The first ever thread / comment that we have not been in total unison ! Sad
SuperCaliFragalistic · 21/01/2021 05:21

You sound very highly strung. I agree that the social distancing in the shop was poor but your OP does come across as though you really need to try and relax a bit. If you need to go in a shop and that makes you highly anxious then do what you can re: hands, mask, space and leave quickly. Lecturing others on the way out and then getting into a row on mumsnet about how awful other people are is not going to get you through the next several months of this that you will have to endure. Try to focus on what you can do to keep safe and maybe try some mindfulness techniques to help you cope with how other people chose to behave.

Yummymummy2020 · 21/01/2021 05:33

I wouldn’t expect someone to put their hands in my pocket pre Covid times let alone now, in fact, in my area, it would be assumed if it was over 2p someone was attempting to rob you doing that. I think the description you gave was more in annoyance than being deliberately stuck up. This woman behaved oddly and inconsiderately op, that is the bottom line.

Sillysandy · 21/01/2021 08:44

Op you were absolutely right in being annoyed, in how you called her out on her deliberate inflammatory behaviour and you are absolutely right here to defend yourself against idiots.

GabriellaMontez · 21/01/2021 09:39

She sounds like a knob. But this isnt 'exactly how covid spreads' and if you think that you do need to calm down.

Scrunchy95 · 21/01/2021 09:46

That 35% of people think that OP is being unreasonable perfectly sums up why the death toll and infection rate are still so high. That 35% are killing people with their belligerence.

Hotcuppatea · 21/01/2021 09:59

@Scrunchy95

That 35% of people think that OP is being unreasonable perfectly sums up why the death toll and infection rate are still so high. That 35% are killing people with their belligerence.
Hysterical much?
NonagonInfinityOpensTheDoor · 21/01/2021 10:27

Those who are suggesting op should have just hung around for the shop to be less crowded. Have you ever tried to do that? People will just walk in ahead of you if no store worker is actively monitoring this, she could have been standing there for hours.

And not everyone is privileged enough to just hop in a taxi and spend an extra £20.

People arguing arse over tit about “snobby” semantics but failing to see that this woman was an absolutely bellend. And yes, I would have snapped at a “nice clean old man” as I did to the group of the old twats not wearing masks and blocking the doorway at the post office having a natter because it was “cold”.

AngelicPP · 21/01/2021 11:48

@NonagonInfinityOpensTheDoor

Those who are suggesting op should have just hung around for the shop to be less crowded. Have you ever tried to do that? People will just walk in ahead of you if no store worker is actively monitoring this, she could have been standing there for hours.

And not everyone is privileged enough to just hop in a taxi and spend an extra £20.

People arguing arse over tit about “snobby” semantics but failing to see that this woman was an absolutely bellend. And yes, I would have snapped at a “nice clean old man” as I did to the group of the old twats not wearing masks and blocking the doorway at the post office having a natter because it was “cold”.

Yes!!!! Thank you 🙏 this is exactly how I feel. Also wether you like it or not those of you who are saying people are panicking over nothing or "hysterical" over worrying, you people ARE the reason covid is still killing so many people. At the start when people actually seemed to stay in and stick to the rules (you know when the roads were actually quiet and you barely saw anyone walking past the house etc) the deaths were reducing significantly. You can't say it's not true because it is fact. This time if you looked out my window you would never think there was a lockdown...it is SO busy! Because if this the number of deaths still seems to be rising and is def not dramatically reducing like it did in the first lockdown. This is because of those people not abiding by the rules- FACT!! So anyone here saying it's ok to have people round or not to wear masks or whatever else...it is you that is are helping covid to spread and continue to thrive. That's the truth and you can say I'm hysterical or whatever but you have to realise that the statistics of lockdown etc show I'm right! If only everyone would take this seriously then we could get back to some kind of normality quicker and ffs I think we are all ready for that.
Scrunchy95 · 21/01/2021 11:53

Thank you AngelicPP! This is the situation, no doubt about it!

TheVamoosh · 21/01/2021 12:09

Sounds like on of my neighbours who goes round putting other people's bins back about ten minutes after the binmen have been. So bloody unnecessary to be touching other people's stuff now. She's just a busybody.

She was giving you your money back, doing you a favour.
"Your money?" Seriously, we're talking 2p. It's not even legal tender.

Danni91 · 21/01/2021 12:26

Im really really really curious as to the cut off amount?

I know its somewhere between 2p & £50..

£5?
£10?
£2?

Like many other posters i completely agree with you for her actions, though not your rude degrading description of someone who probably did believe she was doing you a favour.

One thing i would point out, is whilst you are correct we should all stay in as much as we can bar essentials and minimal contact, we are going against years ans years of living where brushing past people in a supermarket is a normal thing.

Its almost been a year granted but if folk dont go out that much its probably not that ingrained in them yet.

We are trying to change so much so fast so granted, occasionally, people are going to fuck up.

I dont go out for this exact reason. I dont want to be abused and shouted at for walking 10cm too close to someone in morrisons.

Wheresmykimchi · 21/01/2021 15:09

@NonagonInfinityOpensTheDoor

Those who are suggesting op should have just hung around for the shop to be less crowded. Have you ever tried to do that? People will just walk in ahead of you if no store worker is actively monitoring this, she could have been standing there for hours.

And not everyone is privileged enough to just hop in a taxi and spend an extra £20.

People arguing arse over tit about “snobby” semantics but failing to see that this woman was an absolutely bellend. And yes, I would have snapped at a “nice clean old man” as I did to the group of the old twats not wearing masks and blocking the doorway at the post office having a natter because it was “cold”.

Fair enough. It was just a question , social experiments show that people treat different groups differently.
garlictwist · 21/01/2021 15:28

I went into cost cutter the other day as the queue was ridiculous for Tesco. No one was wearing a mask, not even the shop keepers, and people were just standing inside what is a very small shop chatting. It felt very unsafe.

Eckhart · 21/01/2021 22:00

@Scrunchy95

That 35% of people think that OP is being unreasonable perfectly sums up why the death toll and infection rate are still so high. That 35% are killing people with their belligerence.
Your assumption that those 35% think that the other woman wasn't unreasonable is flawed.

They both were wrong.

Eckhart · 21/01/2021 22:02

Those who are suggesting op should have just hung around for the shop to be less crowded. Have you ever tried to do that? People will just walk in ahead of you if no store worker is actively monitoring this, she could have been standing there for hours

So, sod the rules and just go in anyway, despite knowing full well it's too busy? If that's your attitude, you shouldn't be criticising others for breaking the rules and increasing the risk of transmission.