Would you forgive your boyfriend if he said this to you?

[meganwildrose]

Boyfriend of 2 years and I got into an argument last night over text messaging. I have a DD from a previous relationship who he is very good with. He comes on family days out, stays over etc. The argument started to become quite heated as he told me I was "chatting shit" so I said:

"Okay, with that I am ending the conversation here."

He then replies:

"Fuck off then, you're a joke. Go find another baby daddy."

I thought not only is this derogatory to me, but also to women and single parents in general.

I then said:

"Well at least I know what you think of me now."

He then said he was frustrated and shouldn't have spoken to me like that, it was rude and he is sorry.

I haven't spoken to him since, despite him sending two follow up messages.

AIBU to absolutely not forgive him and to think this is clearly an ingrained belief he has or else he wouldn't have said it?

From what you've said , though it would be interesting to know what he meant by 'chatting shit,' he sounds like someone to walk away from.

Girl get rid of him. He's shown his true colours. You'll regret it further along the way if you keep him now. He thinks he's doing you both a favour, you don't need that kind of trash in your life

I hope I would forgive but I would not forget he said that and it would make me extremely wary.

Baby Daddy is such an awful term, it implies the woman was just after sometime to father a child when the overwhelming majority of women were in a relationship with a man they loved whob then fucked off

Oof - that sounds like he almost thinks he's doing you a favour being a father figure to your DD.

One of those men who thinks he deserves a medal for "taking you both on".

I honestly don't think you can change fundamental sexism like that. Also, he sounds pretty vile anyway with the way he speaks to you!

It's really not normal for a partner to tell you to fuck off or shut up. Maybe once in the heat of the moment but this seems like a pattern for him. He has poor impulse control and sounds like a teenage boy in general. "Baby daddy" who talks like that?! He told you all you needed to know with that comment. There's no way I'd forgive that. You'll find a lot of women on here would, but they should raise their standards as should you. You deserve better.

I would never date anyone who used the phrase "baby daddy" or "baby momma". Yuck! You'd be well rid.

Urgh. Walk away. He's shown you who he is and it won't improve, it will just gradually get worse. You and your child deserve better.

You've conveniently only put the part of the conversion that make him look at twat so for all we you you could of been as bad as him.

I agree, I’d dump him for use of the phrase ‘baby daddy’.

@Caswint

So he wants to devalue your opinions and will say whatever it takes to shut you up when you don't agree with him. Ain't he the big man. Run, OP.

In fairness, OP did that first.

@rwalker

You've conveniently only put the part of the conversion that make him look at twat so for all we you you could of been as bad as him.

It doesn't matter.

It's the thinking behind it that's the problem.

So you had an argument, he said something he regretted and straightaway took full responsibility and apologised. What's the big deal? He sounds...human.

Without knowing more about the argument or your relationship, on face value to your post, I would say YABU. People are allowed to make mistakes.

He didn’t even “say” it in the heat of the moment. He typed it. Then sent it. It would be the end for me. Especially as you’ve said he swears at you occasionally. I wouldn’t want a man like him around my child.

I was going to say does he do this often, but saw your follow up comment that shows he has previous. Don't forgive him, you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of putting up with that and accepting apologies for his behaviour, trust me.

@rwalker

You've conveniently only put the part of the conversion that make him look at twat so for all we you you could of been as bad as him.

That wouldn't get him off the hook, though. It would just mean that each should leave the other.

We can't advise OP to leave herself, even if her communication style is unhealthy.

@meganwildrose

He quite often will get aggressive with his words, never with his actions though. He's told me to fuck off, told me to shut up, quite a few times though. Face to face and over text message.

He has never insulted me with name calling in this way before though.

Then progress has begun, but don't expect it to stop there. It sounds like telling you to fuck off and shut up were him on his best behaviour, and he's starting to relax and show you a bit more of his true colours now.

Yikes. Horrid thing to say - deal breaker for me.

What a prince he is! I’d be dumping him sharpish.

Run for the hills! Horrible thing to say.

He tells you to shut up and fuck off??

Bye boy! Don't let the door hit you on the way out 💁‍♀️💅

@meganwildrose

He quite often will get aggressive with his words, never with his actions though. He's told me to fuck off, told me to shut up, quite a few times though. Face to face and over text message.

He has never insulted me with name calling in this way before though.

Mate, you can do so much better than this. Walk away with your head held high and model healthy boundaries for your daughter.

As pps have said, what he said is a giant red flag.

He clearly does not respect you and most definitely does not love you.

It's like he's pushing and pushing, gradually getting a little nastier. He's been nasty by text, verbally nasty and now he's gone a step further with his insults. He is not a nice person. Do not stick around to see him push even further into violence.

What a vile thing to say.

It sounds as if it is escalating and you’re right to end it here.