Would you forgive your boyfriend if he said this to you?

[meganwildrose]

Boyfriend of 2 years and I got into an argument last night over text messaging. I have a DD from a previous relationship who he is very good with. He comes on family days out, stays over etc. The argument started to become quite heated as he told me I was "chatting shit" so I said:

"Okay, with that I am ending the conversation here."

He then replies:

"Fuck off then, you're a joke. Go find another baby daddy."

I thought not only is this derogatory to me, but also to women and single parents in general.

I then said:

"Well at least I know what you think of me now."

He then said he was frustrated and shouldn't have spoken to me like that, it was rude and he is sorry.

I haven't spoken to him since, despite him sending two follow up messages.

AIBU to absolutely not forgive him and to think this is clearly an ingrained belief he has or else he wouldn't have said it?

He’s a moron.

Or 15.

Either way, it’s not good enough for you and your daughter.

He was deliberately offensive, using that term. Also who over the age of 17 says “chatting shit“?

Horrible horrible comment. So derogatory to both of you. You both deserve better.

He’s told you the truth
You shouu in or listen
You won’t forget it even if you try to forgive
He’s a dick
Your child deserves better
And your child deserves to learn from a parent who won’t put up with awful behaviour

The fact he replied with a laughing emoji shows you what kind of person he is. Even if it was said in anger (which is an utterly shite excuse) the follow up wasn’t. He was laughing at the fact you were upset and hurt by his words. Absolute fuckwit with no respect for you.

Ditch him before he gets any more involved with your daughter. She doesn’t need to be exposed to this kind of pig!

🚩 🚩 🚩 ?

More like 💩💩💩

No man would be with me who spoke to me that way. No matter what the subject of discussion.

As for 'Baby Daddy?' 🤮 Tell him to get to fuck.

If he's happy to be that rude to you in a silly text spat you really don't want to carry this on with hopes of getting more serious and eventually moving in together etc, OP - who wants to live with someone who can't disagree without getting nasty, especially with a child in the house!!

OP,

Kindly, your father was "shouty" and you didn't like yet have spent 2 years with a similar character.

Is this what you want for your daughter too?
Nearly 30 years married here and we neither shout, curse, or insult each other.

We can irritate each other, like every couple.
It is possible to communicate annoyance with eachother without resorting to insults etc.

Wow! The mask really slipped then

I can't get past the "baby daddy" and "chatting shit" - not to mention this all happening by text. It makes him sound like a particularly unappealing 16 yr old. I'd give him the heave-ho for that reason alone.

@meganwildrose

He quite often will get aggressive with his words, never with his actions though. He's told me to fuck off, told me to shut up, quite a few times though. Face to face and over text message.

He has never insulted me with name calling in this way before though.

You and your DD deserve far better than this.

It was pretty nasty. But people do say bad things when they're annoyed. It's only words.

In your place I would let him know he is not a candidate for 'baby daddy', you spend time together but he isn't a permanent fixture and has no right to say such things. He can take that or leave it but make sure he knows you can take or leave him!

So have you dumped his foul arse yet then?

Yuck, how unattractive. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like that, let alone lovers.

End it I couldn’t forgive him.

I voted YABU because wtf are you doing 'chatting' over text? Pick up the phone ffs.

Oh my god just DUMP him. There is cock a-plenty to be had. His isn't special, honestly.

@yvanka

Sounds like he's telling you how he really feels. You and your daughter deserve much better than that.

^ This.

Sometimes in the heat of the moment things slip out that come from deep down.

You would be right to end it.

@Viviennemary

It was pretty nasty. But people do say bad things when they're annoyed. It's only words.

Not all people say bad things when annoyed, and no-one has to just accept it either.

As for ‘it’s only words’ - 🙄

Get rid, because you deserve better, because your child deserves better. This isn't an isolated incident. He is showing you who he is. Believe him. Leave him. Don't listen when he tells you are blowing this out of proportion. That you are pathetic. Etc. Etc. How would you feel if someone said those things to your little girl?

I haven't spoken to him since. I would not want anyone to speak to DD in this way and I said as much to him.

My boundaries are skewed because of my own aggressive father, I am trying to deal with this through counselling.

That would be the end of the relationship for me. This isn't a one off comment from him - it's an escalating pattern of him being verbally abusive.

His last vile comments show a deeply ingrained contempt for women and there is no way in hell he would ever be around my daughter again after that.

Block him. Don't try and have a civilised conversation with a pig like this. Send him one text to say, I no longer wish to have any contact with you. Your behaviour was utterly unacceptable. I'm blocking you now. Goodbye.

It's short, factual and leaves no room for discussion.

Is he American or has he lived there for any period of time? Because “baby daddy” is commonly used there. Even with that calling you a joke is pretty harsh. I hear teenagers talking like this to each other and wonder how they just brush it off. It sounds like he isn’t a teenager either! How is he generally? How were you feeling about the relationship? It might be a sign of an abusive personality it might be that he felt rejected and retaliated. Either way, have a conversation if you think he is worth it and see how he reacts or don’t.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt 'baby daddy' can mean different things in different cultures and in some, it is actually not offensive.

Although, obviously if he is British and never lived abroad, he's a twat.