Would you forgive your boyfriend if he said this to you?

[meganwildrose]

Boyfriend of 2 years and I got into an argument last night over text messaging. I have a DD from a previous relationship who he is very good with. He comes on family days out, stays over etc. The argument started to become quite heated as he told me I was "chatting shit" so I said:

"Okay, with that I am ending the conversation here."

He then replies:

"Fuck off then, you're a joke. Go find another baby daddy."

I thought not only is this derogatory to me, but also to women and single parents in general.

I then said:

"Well at least I know what you think of me now."

He then said he was frustrated and shouldn't have spoken to me like that, it was rude and he is sorry.

I haven't spoken to him since, despite him sending two follow up messages.

AIBU to absolutely not forgive him and to think this is clearly an ingrained belief he has or else he wouldn't have said it?

He sounds like one of those middle class white teens who hang around bus stops with their hands stuck down the front of their low slung tracksuit bottoms pretending to be gangsters. "Chatting shit"? "Baby daddy"?

Take this as a golden opportunity to ditch him, obviously you got into a relationship with him without having noticed he's a simpleton.

LTB if only for the fact that he used the term ‘baby daddy’ 💩

Walk away and do not look back OP. Seriously dodged a bullet there.

He think he's saving or rescuing you, the poor unwed mother who's spoiled goods.

It's almost worse that he typed it. At least if it was said in anger, as terrible as it is, I could probably hope that he blurted it out without thinking but to take the time to type that makes it seem so much uglier.

@MaskingForIt

When people tell you who they are, believe them.

He thinks he’s doing you a favour by “legitimising” your daughter and making you seem respectable by having a man.

You don’t need this.

This is actually really good advice. I shall remember it.

He didn't say it in anger, he took the time to type his insults and text message them to you.
Don't look back, walk away, he's horrible.

Yeah, I doubt that is the first time he thought that and if he type if out rather than blurted out in a moment then yeah he meant it as it took effort to type it and actually press send without him rethinking it. But at least you now know

Oh my gosh, what a dreadful way to speak to you.

He showed his colours there.
Major slip of the tongue, letting you know what a prize he thinks of himself bestowing his time on the you and your daughter.

Ugly man.
I wouldn't want him around my child.
Continue ignoring him OP, you are right, you can do better.

My exh used to throw this at me during arguments as a way of putting me down and building himself up. Notice I said exh.

Big red flag. His nasty vicious streak is showing. His apology is him trying to hide it but you’ve seen it now. He’s told you who he is. Believe him the first time.

ivfbeenbusy

Out of interest what kind of “build-up” would have justified using such aggressive, pig ignorant and chauvinistic language?

That would be a dealbreaker for me. No coming back from someone who talks to you like that and who thinks he is doing you a favour. Fuck him off.

I was a single dm when I met dh. Never in over 8 years has he made reference to it in a negative way.
Or he would be an ex.. Yabu to accept this or his apology op..

I would forgive but not forget. If he ever pulled that crap again, I’d be out.

You're arguing over text, he's sending nasty texts. Just dump him, don't give arseholes any headspace. The fact that it's over text makes it worse because it means he had a few extra seconds to think about it and type it.

Nope. Dump.

Wow, he's just told you what he really thinks of you. That would be the end for me. How contemptuous and disrespectful.

You are worth more than that.

You two were having a row and he dragged your daughter in. How would she feel if he did that in front of her when she's older, or tries to make her feel like she should be grateful to him for taking her on?

It's ingrained in him. If he didn't have that feeling deep down, he would have come up with some other insult. What a horrible way to find out your partner's inner workings. Have you had any warnings/gut feelings? I'd be surprised if this came out of nowhere.

I have never said anything I don't mean in anger although sometimes I regret saying them (not everything needs to said). So when someone says something hurtful to me, I believe they mean it and act accordingly. Even if he doesn't believe what he is saying, he has deliberatly picked words to make you feel like shit which makes him an utter arse. I would therefore LTB.

It’s not great and I’d find it hard to get over but I do think arguments by texts will almost always end in disaster, one way or another. They always escalate and neither person is listening to the other

Pretty crap phrase for him to use however I’m sure we’ve all said something horrid to our partners in the heat of the moment,

He has shown you who he is, @meganwildrose - don’t ignore it.

You deserve much, much better.

My ex used to do that (not the baby daddy) in the most minor arguments then text me hours later as if nothing was wrong and did I fancy dinner etc .

Binned

Run away, what a dick hole.

It’s not just the baby daddy thing - it’s the whole reply. He can’t have a disagreement without being nasty and aggressive. Is this normal when you argue?