I had to cut short my weekly food shop and pick DC up from nursery because he wouldn't nap..

[Halfaweeklyshop]

I work PT usually but I'm home for the foreseeable because my place of work is closed due to covid.

I do my weekly shops on a Monday now when my eldest (3) is at nursery until 4.30

1.15pm I get a call from the nursery asking me to pick DS up, I'm in the middle of Sainsbury's at that point half way through my shop and miles away.

They wanted me to collect him ASAP as he was refusing to nap with the rest of the children (they all nap in the afternoon) and because he didn't want to sleep he was having a meltdown and disrupting the others.

I had to pay for what shopping I had in the trolley, half of what I needed, and walk the 2+ miles from the shops to nursery to pick him up early with my baby in tow who I was going to put down for a nap at home after the shop.

AIBU to think this was a bit shit and they could have just taken him out of the sleep room and done an activity with him / played a video with one of the several staff members on? So the other children could nap interrupted.

Was it really necessary to have me pick him up early?

I've also been asked to pick him up at 2pm again tomorrow, because they don't want the same thing happening again.

It's a good job I am off work at the moment as there's no way I could make a habit of this, I'd get the sack.

Thoughts?

Not one of my children napped at 3 years old. Thats absolutely crazy. I'd call me speak to the manager, sounds like he needs to be moved up a room away from one where they nap.

Do the nursery have some kind of plan in place for when he has a meltdown, what could cause it, ways to soothe him, what might work etc?

Sounds like they need a bit of a debrief about what happened yesterday and what could have been done to de-escalate.

My 3 yo DS will have a short nap if he's at home but never on nursery days. I can't imagine being contacted for this.

Next time op once you've established it's nothing they shouldn't be dealing with, I'd advise them your X miles away and it will take you at least an hour to get back. When you're closer to the nursery you'll call and see if he's settled
If not you'll come grab him

I wouldn't nap at 3 or 4 - stupid nursery still expected 4 year olds to nap (school starting age was 5 then). My parents had to start me at school early so I was in the first year for 1 year and 1 term because nursery wouldn't have a child who wouldn't nap (at 4 yo)

DD is 26 months old and rarely naps nowadays...that’s disgraceful, they should be taking your child’s lead...if he won’t sleep then perhaps quite, calm restful activities eg reading books or watching telly?

Why can't they do their fucking job? They're paid professionals (apparently!) I would be looking for a different nursery if they can't even manage the basics.

Oh and both my DC stopped napping at 3, that's really quite common.

When I workeed in a nursery the 3 year olds were not expected to sleep and would be taken to the sleep room only if they fell asleep or wished to

No this isn’t ok, regardless of him having autism. They should be able to deal with a child who doesn’t want to nap for goodness sake, both mine had grown out of naps at this age.

I would have refused to pick them up to be honest. I would be asking why they are expecting a child with additional needs to fit in with the others. That is not ok.

Well I'd have absolutely finished my shop and taken my time. That's insane.
Neither of my dc napped after 18 months and if anyone had actively tried to get them to sleep in the afternoon after that they'd not have been going back. A 3 year old napping in the afternoon ime would be up til midnight!

When one of mine was in nursery I used to get a lot of calls asking me to pick him up because of this and that, and it was always a bit puzzling because I would get there and he would seem fine. Then one day I had just got off the plane at Munich and nursery rang, saying one of them 'had a spot on his tummy' and could I come to get him 'in case it was chicken pox' (which he had already had, btw). Ah, I said, that's rather awkward as I am Germany, I've just got off the plane, should I go and buy an emergency ticket and come back immediately on the next flight? His grandparents would be along to pick him up at the usual time, but they were a few hours away so it would take them a while to get there. Ah, said the nursery worker, it's probably just fine and you don't need to do that. We will see them later. Then I thought to myself, it's either important enough for us all to scramble into action or it is not. Clearly this is trivial. Then I found out later they used to routinely call two or three parents regularly when they couldn't be arsed and wanted to reduce the numbers of children on site to give themselves an easy life. If you turned up all concerned, they would hit on you over and over again (which was happening once a week to me at that stage, it was bonkers). If you were tardy in turning up they didn't hit on you again and didn't single your child out again for early collection. Anyway, we moved nurseries after that, and the mysterious weekly illnesses and insecurities my child allegedly suffered from, requiring my immediate attention and his collection, vanished instantly.

OFSTED

Thats not on.

That is ridiculous OP. Mine did nap at that age when he got back from half day at nursery, in his own bed after the 45 minute -1 hour walk home as he was knackered he would never have slept there!

That's not on.

You should speak to the nursery manager and see if he can go up and age group. Explain that he doesn't need a nap.

If they are still awkward, you need to take him out the nursery.

If my 3 year old naps I want to be the one benefitting from that unexpected peace and quiet

I wouldn’t want him to be napping at a nursery
How can they expect to enforce naps on 3 year olds?!

My 22 month old often refuses to nap at nursery. They make a joke out of it, asking for tips getting him to sleep, but ultimately they just deal with it and do other activities with him instead.

If they started sending him home because he wouldn’t nap, I’d be finding a new nursery.

I've spoken to the nursery manager, I sent a question via WhatsApp and she called me back.

I asked her to clarify what exactly happened today and what lead to the meltdown as the handover was swift and I didn't probe at pick up.

She said he did want to go for a nap initially (indicated by picking up his blanket and going toward the quiet room) so "Jane" the nursery assistant DS is very fond of, brought him through to join the other children who were already in there getting ready for a nap, she laid him down with his blanket and took his shoes off.

With that DS jumped back up and was laughing. He does that at home when he doesn't want to go to bed.

He was encouraged to lay back down but ran across to the blinds instead and was looking outside. They encouraged him again to come and lay down as they thought he was tired, he was lead away from the blinds.

She said he then tried to encourage "John" another child in the room who was laying down, to get up and play.

He was told "no 'DS' don't disturb John he wants to sleep" and was asked again to come and lay down.

That's what triggered the meltdown.

Nursery manager then decided it would be better if I came and collected him as he was disturbing the other children and getting flustered / having a meltdown.

She thinks it all stemmed from "Jane" putting him down for a nap rather than her (nursery manager) as she is usually the person who settles him. He associates Jane with fun and games.

I asked why DS couldn't have stayed in the hall with Jane or another member of staff if he didn't want to sleep, she said because she felt he was over tired and would have been better off coming home.

She still wants me to pick him up at 2pm tomorrow just incase it happens again, but I won't be doing.

Eh? You pay them, they don’t dictate these things to you !!

Ok I see the nursery manager’s response is a similar story to the version I offered. Your ds was tired (in their professional opinion), but unfortunately he descended into a full on meltdown and they felt it better for him if you were called. Sounds reasonable to me. Your ds is not the average 3 year old from your own description, he has sen, so sometimes that means a different way of handling things.
Honestly you just need to decide if you trust their decision making or not. And if you agree with the way they run the nursery. It might be that you would be happier with somewhere else if you don’t like their way of doing things.

OP this isn't on - don't they get extra funding/money for special needs dc? In which case - op - you need talk to manager or write email to her & ask if they are saying they cannot cope with your dc - you find this surprising considering they stated that they are a special needs nursery. Do they state what training they have? You need to ask or it should be or their paperwork
I think you should move little one to someone who is more flexible & has specific training (contact NAS or check their website they have links for local areas/groups) & complain to OFSTED

That's absolutely ridiculous. They are paid to provide childcare and children who won't nap especially at age 3 is a common occurrence that they should be able to deal with. Can you find anew nursery?

I work in a nursery, this certainly isn’t standard practice.
Whilst we don’t ‘force’ children to stop their nap at a certain age, and some children do still sleep at 3 (and we will always let them and never force them to stay awake), most do not sleep anymore. We do not factor a group sleep time into the pre school day (the room your DC would be in)- individual children just sleep in a quiet area of nursery if needed.
I cannot understand why they would call you if he wouldn’t sleep- surely by now most of the children his age are not sleeping..?
I will say though that due to Covid we are obviously sticking to room bubbles so wouldn’t take a none sleeping child out of the room and into another one at the moment, but would just provide other activities as we always do..?
Also, I did read a reply where you said they wouldn’t accommodate taking him in later. This may be because if you were say wanting him in an hour later and then to stay an hour later, they may not have the staff as they may employ certain staff to work the dunes hours shift. Hope that makes sense.
I would certainly be asking about them calling though, seems pretty unreasonable to me..

once I’d established the reason for the call, I would have just finished my shopping and continued with my plans before picking him up.

Any half competent childcare setting ought to be able to cope with a child not napping, for goodness sake!

They need to be reminded they are being paid for a service.