I had to cut short my weekly food shop and pick DC up from nursery because he wouldn't nap..

[Halfaweeklyshop]

I work PT usually but I'm home for the foreseeable because my place of work is closed due to covid.

I do my weekly shops on a Monday now when my eldest (3) is at nursery until 4.30

1.15pm I get a call from the nursery asking me to pick DS up, I'm in the middle of Sainsbury's at that point half way through my shop and miles away.

They wanted me to collect him ASAP as he was refusing to nap with the rest of the children (they all nap in the afternoon) and because he didn't want to sleep he was having a meltdown and disrupting the others.

I had to pay for what shopping I had in the trolley, half of what I needed, and walk the 2+ miles from the shops to nursery to pick him up early with my baby in tow who I was going to put down for a nap at home after the shop.

AIBU to think this was a bit shit and they could have just taken him out of the sleep room and done an activity with him / played a video with one of the several staff members on? So the other children could nap interrupted.

Was it really necessary to have me pick him up early?

I've also been asked to pick him up at 2pm again tomorrow, because they don't want the same thing happening again.

It's a good job I am off work at the moment as there's no way I could make a habit of this, I'd get the sack.

Thoughts?

[Nodancingshoes]

That's crazy. Hardley any 3 year olds nap at my nursery - they just play in a different room to the sleepers!

[Whatsmyusername30]

YANBU. Some children need naps, some don’t. They shouldn’t send him home if he doesn’t nap. They need to take him to another room! Surely they don’t expect all children to nap? This is most nurseries have different areas. I would be angry tbh.

[MaMaD1990]

This thread breaks my heart reading the updates. Your poor son and poor you, this is the last thing you all need. I hope tomorrow brings decent resolution and you find him a place somewhere where his needs are met properly and you are treated with some respect.

[midnightstar66]

There's no other SN nurseries in the area bar the one he's at so I'm going to have to make a decision about whether I just keep him home or look for a decent mainstream.


You could definitely consider a mainstream nursery instead. I work as a 1:1 for a dc in mainstream primary 1 (reception). He didn't have a 1:1 in nursery as there was no diagnosis at that stage but he got on just fine. The staff all receive autism training. He isn't/wasn't the only ASD child in either nursery or now school but does need the most support. I don't think mainstream school will be the right thing for him later but at this play based stage gets on great.

[spidermomma]

Are they taking the piss ?? I told my ds nursery not to let them nap as if they did they would neverrrr sleep at home for me
Wow I'd of said what on earth and they'd of got it from me. That's just lazy on their behalf and I'd re think the choice of nursery. They sound like they don't want to do anything and havnt been trained at all on children

I'm shocked and angry for you op x

[isitsafetocomeoutyet]

@MissyB1

And yet OP continued to send him there... she either trusts them or she doesn’t. If she had been that worried about that incident surely she wouldn’t have sent him back after Christmas?

Or... her son was only diagnosed in November and as the op says she is still feeling her way through it. I don't envy her. It sounds incredibly overwhelming.

And also as the only Sen specialist nursery in the area perhaps she thought the nursery knew better? If you can't trust the nursery specialising in caring for your son who can you trust?

[MissyB1]

And yet OP continued to send him there... she either trusts them or she doesn’t. If she had been that worried about that incident surely she wouldn’t have sent him back after Christmas?

[hammeringinmyhead]

I would expect more from a Sen specialist nursery.

Absolutely. He is 3 and doesn't nap at home. Do they send all the 3 year olds home who don't nap and yet collect the funding for the whole day? Where is the offer of changing his hours? Why wouldn't the manager discuss at dropoff? My bet is because she was more intimidated by the DH than the OP.

[VinceNoirsShinyBoots]

That’s madness!

DS only does mornings now I’m on maternity leave and when I go to pick him up at 1, there’s always a handful of children not napping (he’s dropped his nap anyway). They play lullabies and set up quiet activities for the non-nappers, or quite often they’ll be in the garden.

[isitsafetocomeoutyet]

[quote MissyB1]@hammeringinmyhead presumably the staff have got to know this child, what he copes with and what he doesn’t. They may have noticed that without a nap he is not coping with a full day at nursery. Therefore perhaps for the child’s sake (and the other children’s sake) they think it’s better he doesn’t do full days at the moment?
It’s not that unusual.[/quote]

But what about when the op found him cowering in the corner with ear defenders on when the nursery brought a disco in for Christmas?

I would expect more from a Sen specialist nursery.

[MissyB1]

@hammeringinmyhead presumably the staff have got to know this child, what he copes with and what he doesn’t. They may have noticed that without a nap he is not coping with a full day at nursery. Therefore perhaps for the child’s sake (and the other children’s sake) they think it’s better he doesn’t do full days at the moment?
It’s not that unusual.

[isitsafetocomeoutyet]

How's it going op?

Hope you and ds are ok. Have you had any luck finding out about alternative nurseries and funding? (I know it's probably been manic if everyone's been home!)

Just hoping you have some local support

[hammeringinmyhead]

@MissyB1

They didn't refuse to care for him because he didn't nap. They made a decision that he was so distressed he needed to go home. They clearly felt that was in his particular best interests at that time. OP may disagree (and is perfectly entitled to) but that doesn't mean the Nursery did anything wrong.

Really? And did they know he was going to get distressed at a time that was inconvenient to them the next day as well?

[MissyB1]

They didn't refuse to care for him because he didn't nap. They made a decision that he was so distressed he needed to go home. They clearly felt that was in his particular best interests at that time. OP may disagree (and is perfectly entitled to) but that doesn't mean the Nursery did anything wrong.

[MrsWhites]

You will definitely need to speak with the local authority to ask them about transferring the funding, they could also help you find a new setting. The funding is paid on a termly basis in advance so as far as the council is concerned they have paid until the April school holidays.

I would he inclined to go a little late, perhaps 2.15 to see what the staff are up to whilst the children nap!

[tatatatatatatatdahhhhhhhhh]

@Halfaweeklyshop I wouldn't pull him out just ask them not to send him for a nap. Say he doesn't nap at home now then meltdown prevented. The can't cope with the meltdown, if he has nap then you do have a big issue, but I would get his report through its a big job. Maybe the day is just too much for him. Overload ?

[VettiyaIruken]

Ask them when they can schedule a session to make up the funded hours he didn't receive because they wouldn't let him attend the full sessions.

[brunetteonthebus]

That's ridiculous.

When my eldest was at preschool (not a nursery) they took children from age 2 to school start. No scheduled nap times at all. For the younger ones (there was only a handful of 2-2.5 year olds) they'd have quiet time with stories and big cushions after lunch where they could relax and have a bit of a supervised doze whilst the others played outside but that was only for half an hour.

They made it clear that there wasn't time in their day for proper naps and those children that still needed a proper nap only did a morning or afternoon session!

My eldest still napped until she was three, but then I trained her out of it precisely because she was moving to a full day there rather than a morning and wouldn't be able to nap (and was starting school the following year and so needed to get used to not having a nap!). Most children do not nap at three!

I would move him, personally, if this is what they're going to do. I only want to be called to collect if my child is ill or hurt, or in distress that they can't really manage - and most distress they should be able to manage, refusing to nap then having a paddy because they're being forced to, really doesn't count.

[Pebbledashery]

Feel so sad for your DS😢. He's supposed to love being at nursery and the staff are supposed to love looking after him.. I get its a pain when a child doesn't nap but to single him out for that is heartbreaking. Least he'll have his lovely mummy at home to look after him.
Maybe look into a new nursery as if this how they react if he doesn't nap it doesn't bode well for the future.

[SunshineCake]

When you walk in at 2 they will be happy they've got their own way and they will be expecting you. Turn up early and you see how they really are with your son, you have taken back control and he isn't spending another minute where he isn't wanted.

[hammeringinmyhead]

God they are shit aren't they. He would be "better off" at home my arse. She thought she'd have a "better" afternoon without him more like.

[SunshineCake]

When I was told my second child wasn't settling at play school and if she wasn't better by X time they would be getting someone in I removed her immediately and she never went back.

When she started at a nursery it was great but then there were too many changes and I took her out straight away.

Please just go and get him. Don't wait until 2pm. They aren't listening. They aren't respecting you. Therefore they do not care.

[Halfaweeklyshop]

Thank you for the input regarding his funding I'll make some enquiries and see where we stand with that.

DH didn't get the chance to tell her we wouldn't be collecting him at 2 no, he went in wanting to discuss and she couldn't get away from him quick enough. She said we'll discuss everything on Thursday which is her admin day, then as she was walking DS into the hall she called back to DH "see you at 2"

He came home pissed off and feeling sad for DS for being singled out.

We are going to get him at 2 but that's for his benefit and not theirs. I don't want him to be left somewhere he isn't wanted, incase that starts to reflect in their treatment of him.

I'm in a position to keep him home until at least March if needs be as it's unlikely I'll be back in work before then, I work in the leisure sector.

[mumwon]

Op a discussion I had with a consultant (an expert on autism at a meeting) where he voiced concerns about county diagnosis system - he was worried that instead of having diagnosis done by experts in autism they would opt for doctors who had "some" training in it
I would strongly suggest looking at NAS website & checking links to local groups - it sounds like you have done one step forward & 2 back with them. they don't seem to be able to support your son but be careful about the way you give your notice -you don't want to find yourself having to pay a big bill -start with the point that they cannot provide your son with required hours but you could ask if they get this funding will that increase payment for a one to one for him or extra staffing/training?
If they "sell" themselves as sn surely they have to prove they do this to OFSTED?

[Pebbledashery]

Utterly ridiculous. My DD doesn't nap at nursery. They just take her and the other non nappers aside into another room for quiet time. Or outdoor play. I wouldn't be picking her up unless she was ill or hurt herself at nursery!