I had to cut short my weekly food shop and pick DC up from nursery because he wouldn't nap..

[Halfaweeklyshop]

I work PT usually but I'm home for the foreseeable because my place of work is closed due to covid.

I do my weekly shops on a Monday now when my eldest (3) is at nursery until 4.30

1.15pm I get a call from the nursery asking me to pick DS up, I'm in the middle of Sainsbury's at that point half way through my shop and miles away.

They wanted me to collect him ASAP as he was refusing to nap with the rest of the children (they all nap in the afternoon) and because he didn't want to sleep he was having a meltdown and disrupting the others.

I had to pay for what shopping I had in the trolley, half of what I needed, and walk the 2+ miles from the shops to nursery to pick him up early with my baby in tow who I was going to put down for a nap at home after the shop.

AIBU to think this was a bit shit and they could have just taken him out of the sleep room and done an activity with him / played a video with one of the several staff members on? So the other children could nap interrupted.

Was it really necessary to have me pick him up early?

I've also been asked to pick him up at 2pm again tomorrow, because they don't want the same thing happening again.

It's a good job I am off work at the moment as there's no way I could make a habit of this, I'd get the sack.

Thoughts?

[MissyB1]

To be honest I can’t see OFSTED being interested in this. It’s basically you disagreeing with the Nursery’s assessment of your ds needs, and you disagreeing with some of their policies - such as all children to be in for circle time.
Just take him out. You clearly aren’t happy with them.

[mufffintopandheels]

@Halfaweeklyshop

DH is just as annoyed as me now.

He dropped him off this morning and tried to speak to the nursery manager about the issue and raise the subject of making reasonable adjustments.

She was in a rush to get him out and said we'd talk on Thursday which is her designated admin day. As she was walking off with DS into the hall she called back to DH "see you at 2 o clock"

He thinks she's far too bossy and it's like she's running her own "autistic childrens military"

He echoed what some posters here have said about how its ridiculous to assume you can have the same expectations for all of the children there regardless of their age or individual abilities.

This may not sound very PC we have both made a similar observation in that DS appears to be one of the lowest functioning children there in terms of emotional regulation and sensory issues. We haven't reached that conclusion flippantly.

They had a Christmas party in December and when we arrived DS was hiding in the corner of the hall with his ear defenders on looking stressed. The rest of the children were happily jumping up and down to the music the DJ/entertainer was playing,
chasing the bubbles and foam.

They know DS has a high degree of sensory processing difficulties but failed to consider that when having a loud party with a DJ booth and loud singing.

I'm starting to think we've let him down badly by giving them the benefit of the doubt and keeping him there despite there being some positives in terms of his progress.

We're now discussing getting him at 2pm and telling them he's not coming back.

That is beyond is cheeky, and completely out of order.

What would they be doing if you were in work and couldn't just drop everything to collect him on the off chance he doesn't want to nap?

Just let him play outside of the quiet room!

Honestly I'm gobsmacked that a nursery thinks that this is appropriate.

Absolutely do not collect him early.

[Halfaweeklyshop]

I'm looking for another SEN nursery today, there doesn't seem to be anything else like it in the area though.

To be honest I can’t see OFSTED being interested in this. It’s basically you disagreeing with the Nursery’s assessment of your ds needs, and you disagreeing with some of their policies - such as all children to be in for circle time

It wasn't that which I would be approaching OFSTED for, more so them insisting he comes home at 2pm multiple times in a week therefore refusing him 5 hours of his funded childcare in a week.

[MrsWhites]

@MissyB1

To be honest I can’t see OFSTED being interested in this. It’s basically you disagreeing with the Nursery’s assessment of your ds needs, and you disagreeing with some of their policies - such as all children to be in for circle time.
Just take him out. You clearly aren’t happy with them.

It’s not only the nursery’s assessment of the child that is the issue though.

It’s the nursery not being flexible towards the needs of individual children to the extent that they will refuse to care for a child who won’t nap at age 3. I can’t see how ofstead wouldn’t have an interest in this to be honest.

Especially after the Christmas party incident it is clear that this is not the appropriate setting for the OP’s son but that doesn’t mean that the issue shouldn’t still be raised with the appropriate authorities.

[tatatatatatatatdahhhhhhhhh]

This doesn't sound like a SN nursery just the manger saying she has experience, is that how they are advertising it? From having friends with SEN children the council has allocated a special nursery if they assessed the child as needing it. Special nursery's don't take NT kids.

Getting a SEN nursery place took a lot of time. It doesn't sound the right place for your DS, which is a shame if he has a good time.

[Halfaweeklyshop]

They are advertised as 'Name' Special Needs Nursery, yes.

The manager has been a health visitor among other things and had alot of involvement with SN children, which is why all of this is just bonkers.

There is a school local to me that specialises in autism and it is rated outstanding by OFSTED, children with a diagnosis of ASD can go there from age 4 until 19. I have my heart set on DS going there but even if he could get a place it wouldn't be for another year plus.

There's no other SN nurseries in the area bar the one he's at so I'm going to have to make a decision about whether I just keep him home or look for a decent mainstream.

I've made my mind up that I'm not keeping him where he is though.

[LiJo2015]

Id be pretty pissed. But then i would be thinking twice about sending my kid to a nursery that cant look after my childs basic needs. If hes usually a good napper at home hes obviously not happy nor feels safe to nap there. On this basis, in terms of his well-being, id be thinking about somewhere else for him.

[LiJo2015]

Sorry OP just seen your post previous. Really hope you find somewhere more suitable.

[LizFlowers]

Halfaweeklyshop: I've made my mind up that I'm not keeping him where he is.
.........
Good! They sound very unprofessional. I hope you find somewhere more suitable.

[clpsmum]

I would ask to see their policy regarding napping and then Change nursery ASAP and make a formal complaint. That is ridiculous.

[Emeraldshamrock]

Is it possible to get funding for SN support in a mainstream preschool they sound far to picky.
I get you're stuck as they're specialists I'd refuse to collect him and look for something else my DS mainstream was great he hasn't napped from 1 he had AIM funding for an SNA.
I'm not sure what AIM would be called wherever you are from I'm sure there'll be an equivalent service.

[mumwon]

Just because someone is a Health Visitor doesn't mean they are expert in autism they may have "done a course in"
I say this with deep feeling

[Halfaweeklyshop]

The only funding he's in receipt of at the minute is the 16 hours gov funded childcare.

The nursery is currently in the middle of applying for an ECHP, if he is awarded then I think that opens up the possibility of further funding.

Would withdrawing him now before an ECHP is granted mean he won't get one or can I take over the application?

[Halfaweeklyshop]

@mumwon

Just because someone is a Health Visitor doesn't mean they are expert in autism they may have "done a course in"
I say this with deep feeling

I agree.

Whilst she may have some experience she doesn't know my sons needs better than I do and I'm constantly made to go along with the fact she knows best.

[blackcat86]

I hope you have contacted them to say you will not be collecting him at 2pm because that is not his finish time. They are presuming there will be an issue already today and I would be livid about that especially as you have a SN child. Either that or collect at 2pm, make a formal complaint and seek support from your local authority or health visitor in finding an alternative. You may find an understanding main stream nursery with a manager who isn't a dick is much better than the current setting. Dd goes to a main steam nursery but several child have profound needs there. They simply adjust their staffing accordingly.

[hardboiledeggs]

At 3 he's unlikely to want or need a nap. I would not be happy. Even if he did need it they cannot just ask you to collect him if he wont.

[RandomMess]

I feel so torn for you whether to keep him their with his failings but he seems to benefit from it until you can find some other provision.

I would ring up ASAP and just tell them something unexpected has come up so you can't collect him.

[PatchworkElmer]

Sorry if I’m misunderstanding- did your husband say that you wouldn’t be collecting at 2pm?

Might be worth looking at funding to see where you stand there. Our nursery have always that that we commit to ‘spend’ it with them on a termly basis- the implication being that if we remove DS and put him elsewhere within the term, his new setting wouldn’t receive the funding/ we would have to pay for his place. I’ve never looked at this myself so this could well be wrong, but is perhaps something to work out.

I think your concerns about his nursery are completely justified though.

[isitsafetocomeoutyet]

I would ring up the council or whoever is dealing with the additional funding.

Explain what has happened. The nursery arent providing appropriate care and you want to move elsewhere. They can advise on transferring the funding. I bloody hope they can help you

The nursery sound shit. So sorry op.

I would also ring around other nurseries to see if they have any space and if they can advise. As pp have said although they're not Sen specialist they may be able to make provisions for his care. And frankly they'll do better than his current nursery

[Nanny0gg]

@Halfaweeklyshop

The best bit about this is my DS has autism and the nursery is a special nursery for disabled children. Go figure

Some of you may recognise me. I've had a few posts on here over the past year asking for POV's on various issues that have made me a bit but as he's my first in nursery - and given they are supposed to be specialists - I often don't trust my own judgement.

I'd have been unable to get there...

Adding the part about the autism - no wonder he had a meltdown if they were trying to enforce something he didn't need or want. Poor little boy

[Nanny0gg]

@Halfaweeklyshop

The only funding he's in receipt of at the minute is the 16 hours gov funded childcare.

The nursery is currently in the middle of applying for an ECHP, if he is awarded then I think that opens up the possibility of further funding.

Would withdrawing him now before an ECHP is granted mean he won't get one or can I take over the application?

In my (limited) experience, it's usually easier for a setting to get it than a parent. It may well take you longer (and it won't be quick anyway )

[Pebbledashery]

Utterly ridiculous. My DD doesn't nap at nursery. They just take her and the other non nappers aside into another room for quiet time. Or outdoor play. I wouldn't be picking her up unless she was ill or hurt herself at nursery!

[mumwon]

Op a discussion I had with a consultant (an expert on autism at a meeting) where he voiced concerns about county diagnosis system - he was worried that instead of having diagnosis done by experts in autism they would opt for doctors who had "some" training in it
I would strongly suggest looking at NAS website & checking links to local groups - it sounds like you have done one step forward & 2 back with them. they don't seem to be able to support your son but be careful about the way you give your notice -you don't want to find yourself having to pay a big bill -start with the point that they cannot provide your son with required hours but you could ask if they get this funding will that increase payment for a one to one for him or extra staffing/training?
If they "sell" themselves as sn surely they have to prove they do this to OFSTED?

[Halfaweeklyshop]

Thank you for the input regarding his funding I'll make some enquiries and see where we stand with that.

DH didn't get the chance to tell her we wouldn't be collecting him at 2 no, he went in wanting to discuss and she couldn't get away from him quick enough. She said we'll discuss everything on Thursday which is her admin day, then as she was walking DS into the hall she called back to DH "see you at 2"

He came home pissed off and feeling sad for DS for being singled out.

We are going to get him at 2 but that's for his benefit and not theirs. I don't want him to be left somewhere he isn't wanted, incase that starts to reflect in their treatment of him.

I'm in a position to keep him home until at least March if needs be as it's unlikely I'll be back in work before then, I work in the leisure sector.

[SunshineCake]

When I was told my second child wasn't settling at play school and if she wasn't better by X time they would be getting someone in I removed her immediately and she never went back.

When she started at a nursery it was great but then there were too many changes and I took her out straight away.

Please just go and get him. Don't wait until 2pm. They aren't listening. They aren't respecting you. Therefore they do not care.