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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I had to cut short my weekly food shop and pick DC up from nursery because he wouldn't nap..

246 replies

Halfaweeklyshop · 18/01/2021 15:17

I work PT usually but I'm home for the foreseeable because my place of work is closed due to covid.

I do my weekly shops on a Monday now when my eldest (3) is at nursery until 4.30

1.15pm I get a call from the nursery asking me to pick DS up, I'm in the middle of Sainsbury's at that point half way through my shop and miles away.

They wanted me to collect him ASAP as he was refusing to nap with the rest of the children (they all nap in the afternoon) and because he didn't want to sleep he was having a meltdown and disrupting the others.

I had to pay for what shopping I had in the trolley, half of what I needed, and walk the 2+ miles from the shops to nursery to pick him up early with my baby in tow who I was going to put down for a nap at home after the shop.

AIBU to think this was a bit shit and they could have just taken him out of the sleep room and done an activity with him / played a video with one of the several staff members on? So the other children could nap interrupted.

Was it really necessary to have me pick him up early?

I've also been asked to pick him up at 2pm again tomorrow, because they don't want the same thing happening again.

It's a good job I am off work at the moment as there's no way I could make a habit of this, I'd get the sack.

Thoughts?

OP posts:

formerbabe · 18/01/2021 15:33

I'd be fuming. That's ridiculous. Do they know you're not working...I'm wondering if they know so are calling you as the easy option

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 18/01/2021 15:34

I'm willing to bet its some combo of you being on funded hours so thinking they can mess you around, and the nursery having some staffing/ratio issue.

Either way they are completely mad. I knew few that napped regularly at 3. I would be ringing the manager.

ChocOrange1 · 18/01/2021 15:35

Even if you're not paying them directly, someone is paying them to look after the child and they can't just opt out of it when it becomes a bit difficult. Especially in an SEN nursery!
PP is right, if you were working then it would be totally unreasonable to expect you to come and pick him up. It's no different.

ChocOrange1 · 18/01/2021 15:36

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I'm willing to bet its some combo of you being on funded hours so thinking they can mess you around, and the nursery having some staffing/ratio issue.

Either way they are completely mad. I knew few that napped regularly at 3. I would be ringing the manager.

I would be more likely to think that the staff quite like having an hour off in the afternoon while all the kids nap, and this kid is disrupting their break time.

dogsaremypeople · 18/01/2021 15:37

Why didn't you just say no I can't pick him up?
Unless he's ill then they have to deal with it, it's their job.

hammeringinmyhead · 18/01/2021 15:37

I'd be livid! That sounded like someone inexperienced panicking about the others being kept awake until you said they want you to collect at 2pm tomorrow. I'm confused as to why they think this is reasonable.

halcyondays · 18/01/2021 15:40

Both of mine stopped napping the very minute they turned two. And before then one barely napped for long anyway and they other only did if you took her for a walk at exactly the right time.

And surely a SEN nursery can cope with a child having a meltdown.

Meerkatmummy4 · 18/01/2021 15:41

Ridiculous! Ds started nursery at three having already dropped his naps and the staff there said they offered the choice but would do something with the children who didn't nap. Sounds a bit weird

C152 · 18/01/2021 15:42

Sounds totally rubbish to me. They did have "quiet time" when my son was at nursery, and the younger kids who wanted to rest could lie down on the mat for 20mins, but kids who didn't want to rest could do a quiet activity like drawing or reading.

Personally, I would have finished my shopping. It wasn't an emergency, so there was no need for them to expect you to rush down to collect your child. I would actually be talking to the nursery manager about how they're meeting your child's requirements. It's not unreasonable to expect them to prepare an activity or make suggestions for those kids who don't nap.

Snapsnapcrocodile · 18/01/2021 15:43

Totally mad. My DD aged 2 sometimes naps and sometimes doesn’t and all they say is ‘She didn’t have a nap today’ when I go to collect her.

yvanka · 18/01/2021 15:44

Just refuse. They are being very unreasonable and will have to deal with it.

DPotter · 18/01/2021 15:44

Does your son usually nap in the afternoons? If he's there for 2 days a week and doesn't usually nap, I'm not surprised he won't go down for them. Whatever happened to personlised care?

DD didn't even reach 18th before she refused point blank to nap. We did joke at the time she'd get expelled from nursery for throwing toys at the other children to wake them them to play. The nursery staff just took her out of the sleeping area and played with her until they all woke up.

Given it's a specialist nursery and you may want to keep his place, I'd just be a lot slower at responding to their requests to collect him. I would approach the managerial staff tomorrow morning at drop off and ask them how they plan to meet his needs whilst keeping him there for the full hours so he gets the full benefit of his place. Your DS will not be the first child who refuses to nap and he wont be the last.

C152 · 18/01/2021 15:44

Forgot to say, I would also be telling them I had no intention of picking my child up at 2pm from now on just because he doesn't nap. If the session he's booked in (and is paid for - regardless of whether you use funded hours or not) ends at 4:30pm, then that's what time I would pick him up.

Almostslimjim · 18/01/2021 15:45

Aside from insisting a 3yo naps (bonkers), asking you to collect because he wouldn't (are they off their rocker?) this also stood out:

Coincidentally, when I've asked to bring him in later in the morning I was told it wasn't possible.

Eh? This is batshit. It's a nursery. I bring and collect my kids at whatever time I feel like it, as do all the other parents.

EmilyEmmabob · 18/01/2021 15:46

My DC were both in school nursery when they turned 3, definitely no naps allowed. I'd have been fuming if someone had made them nap, they didn't need a nap at 3 and it would have ruined our bedtime routine.

The nursery are being ridiculous. Just as another perspective (please don't think I'm trying to be offensive here), they said he was being disruptive - could it be that his behaviour was too much to manage and so they wanted you to take him home? Maybe the napping was just mentioned as circumstantial, he wasn't napping when the others were but his behaviour was unmanageable? I just can't get my head around a nursery that would send a 3 year old home for not napping.

In either case, it being an SEN specialist nursery makes the scenario even worse and I wouldn't be using them again.

BooBahBoo · 18/01/2021 15:47

That's madness. My very nearly 2 year old has dropped all her naps (annoyingly, I've tried everything to get her to even have a small one!)

The nursery sound insane.

Original poster

Halfaweeklyshop · 18/01/2021 15:47

@nanbread

That's really poor, and worrying frankly. Are you sure that's the real reason?

Yes absolutely.

He didn't want to nap and was resisting their encouraging him to, he got stressed out which lead to a meltdown and because he was having a meltdown it was disruptive for the other children who did want to nap.

He was diagnosed as having "autism spectrum disorder" but I'm convinced there is an element of PDA at play too.

If he doesn't want to do something and people are insisting he does it anyway then there is almost always a meltdown.

I would be more sympathetic if this wasn't a place which claims to be for disabled children.

Sorry if I'm cross posting, I'm reading replies in between preparing dinner.

OP posts:

FreshFancyFrogglette · 18/01/2021 15:47

That sounds like they are discriminating against the ones with government funded hours. I wouldn't be happy at all. Hes booked in for a session, and thats what he should have, nap or no nap!!

PatchworkElmer · 18/01/2021 15:47

Absolutely mental. DS didn’t nap from age 2.5 onwards. I wouldn’t be collecting him because he wasn’t having a nap!

DahliaMacNamara · 18/01/2021 15:47

You were a bit daft to drop everything on the strength of that request. They're still messing you about now. It would be a different story if he was ill or really needed you. Maybe they want your place for someone who will be paying for more hours.

sortmylifeoutplease · 18/01/2021 15:48

YANBU that's batshit

Joinedjustforthispost · 18/01/2021 15:49

Canny nursery that can’t manage normal toddler behaviour, yanbu! I’d look at an alternative nursery .

zigzog44 · 18/01/2021 15:51

My DD stopped napping at 20 months. I would be looking at a different nursery, I’ve never known a nursery to ask for a parent to collect their child due to not napping, you can’t force a child to nap. It sounds like he was an inconvenience, definitely not right.

tubbycustardtummyache · 18/01/2021 15:51

One of my dc dropped her naps as she turned 2. The nursery staff just sat with her and kept her entertained while all the other children in the room slept. It’s a pretty normal scenario I think even at that age

bloodywhitecat · 18/01/2021 15:52

I'd like to know where they stand in trying to force a child to nap who doesn't want to or indeed need to, have they got a policy to cover this? I can understand a quiet time after lunch, but making them sleep is ridiculous.

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