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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I had to cut short my weekly food shop and pick DC up from nursery because he wouldn't nap..

246 replies

Halfaweeklyshop · 18/01/2021 15:17

I work PT usually but I'm home for the foreseeable because my place of work is closed due to covid.

I do my weekly shops on a Monday now when my eldest (3) is at nursery until 4.30

1.15pm I get a call from the nursery asking me to pick DS up, I'm in the middle of Sainsbury's at that point half way through my shop and miles away.

They wanted me to collect him ASAP as he was refusing to nap with the rest of the children (they all nap in the afternoon) and because he didn't want to sleep he was having a meltdown and disrupting the others.

I had to pay for what shopping I had in the trolley, half of what I needed, and walk the 2+ miles from the shops to nursery to pick him up early with my baby in tow who I was going to put down for a nap at home after the shop.

AIBU to think this was a bit shit and they could have just taken him out of the sleep room and done an activity with him / played a video with one of the several staff members on? So the other children could nap interrupted.

Was it really necessary to have me pick him up early?

I've also been asked to pick him up at 2pm again tomorrow, because they don't want the same thing happening again.

It's a good job I am off work at the moment as there's no way I could make a habit of this, I'd get the sack.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Gottalovesummer · 18/01/2021 15:53

What??

I'm a childminder and some of my children nap, some don't. Some start napping and then give them up.

I would NEVER EVER EVER call a parent ty collect a non napping child. I do quiet activities with them such as reading/puzzles so they still get a bit of chill time.

It's the nursery's job to look after him NOT call you to collect him.

blackcat86 · 18/01/2021 15:53

That's ridiculous. My 2.5 year old might have 2 naps a week if she has a really busy day. She never naps at nursery. I hate the idea of them trying to force a child to nap to the point he has to go home. If they say they must nap or leave I would honestly be looking for a new nursery.

Rosebel · 18/01/2021 15:54

That's awful. I used to be a nursery nurse and we always had activities set up for the children who didn't sleep.
I would be speaking to the manager about this. They are being paid to look after your child, not to give up because he doesn't want a sleep. How long do they want you to pick him up early? What will they do when you go back to work?
Ask these questions and their answers will let you know if it's worth staying with the nursery or not. Although I'd be looking for a new nursery anyway.

Queenoftheashes · 18/01/2021 15:54

What's the point of them??
Also surely many parents will have a commute and not be able to get there until the naptime is over anyway!

AndcalloffChristmas · 18/01/2021 15:55

That’s ridiculous for all the reasons people have said!

TurquoiseDragon · 18/01/2021 15:55

Kids drop their naps, so nurseries need to have strategies already for dealing with this, not asking parents to collect their children.

Gliblet · 18/01/2021 15:57

Well, if nothing else it's getting your antennae honed for when your DS starts primary school. We didn't have a diagnosis for DS when he started but we were fairly sure he was on the spectrum.

Every time a member of staff or a TA was off sick we'd get the phone call - "ooh, he just doesn't seem to be settling...'. Translation: "we've got him on the register so it looks like we're doing our bit, but frankly it would be much more convenient for us if you made him disappear now". We've knocked that on the head now but it's very likely that you will need to be ready to question, push and generally be 'that parent'.

Original poster
Halfaweeklyshop · 18/01/2021 15:59

To answer some questions

It's not a covid related measure.

The children are all in one group and have use of a big hall and one quiet room used for sleeping. There are no other groups of children that attend the nursery, it's all one group.

IMO they could have very easily taken DS into the main hall and kept him occupied whilst the rest of the children slept.

DS, when having a meltdown, does flail his arms and throw himself on the floor / hit his head on the floor. I appreciate its not great to have that happen in the quiet room where the others are trying to nap, so I would have no objection to him being split from the group in that scenario.

I don't understand why their solution was to have me come and get him rather than dealing with the situation themselves, it's almost like they don't have the tools to handle a meltdown which is strange as they claim to be a special needs nursery.

I would talk to the nursery manager but it was her who called me and requested I collect him, and her who said she wants me to pick him up at 2pm again tomorrow.

The reason I didn't refuse to collect him today because I was worried about him, the fact that they wanted me to pick him up indicated to me that they weren't managing the meltdown and I didn't want him to be left there getting increasingly distressed.

He has been there since July 2020.

He sometimes naps for half an hour at home but not always. I don't push for it. If he doses off on the sofa it's always around 3-4pm (on days he isn't at nursery)

Today is the first time they've ever called me complaining that he won't nap, prior to today he has always gone along with it and had a short nap when the other children do but he's now three and he just doesn't need it all of the time.

OP posts:
Anonanon12 · 18/01/2021 15:59

I'd be speaking to the manager about this, and if it wasn't resolved I'd be putting in a complaint to Ofsted. I've worked in a few pre schools and Nurseries and you always accommodate for the non napper and figure out an alternative plan instead of sending children home, they go home if unwell, and if they are having meltdowns you figure out an action plan to try to prevent this from happening. Do you have someone at your local council you can discuss these things with to do with sen? Sounds like someone needs to start getting involved with this Nursery more, shocking it's a Nursery that should be experienced with this sort of thing too

sneakysnoopysniper · 18/01/2021 16:00

Develop some expertise in the art of being "difficult to contact"

You were in a bad signal area
Left your phone at home
Battery was flat

and so on.

When people cannot reach you they have to take a bit of responsibility and "manage"

Hugoslavia · 18/01/2021 16:00

I would absolutely complain. They cannot just hope that all the kids nap at the same time so that they get a tea break!! I would explain that you had to abandon your food shop, then walk all that way there with your baby. Ask them what their strategy is for children past two years old who no longer nap?

Ellie56 · 18/01/2021 16:01

This is a SEN Nursery? Shock. Definitely don't pick him up early tomorrow. They are being paid to look after him and as they are a specialist nursery they should be able to meet his needs.

whatswithtodaytoday · 18/01/2021 16:03

That's mad, of course not all 3 year olds nap. My 2 year old doesn't nap every day!

IncludeWomenInTheSequel · 18/01/2021 16:03

Wow, they should have just said 'please collect him as we had banked on a lazy afternoon and he is really interfering with that'.

That's awful!! What if you were at work, I would have hit the roof if I'd have been contacted for that.

Original poster
Halfaweeklyshop · 18/01/2021 16:03

@Almostslimjim

Aside from insisting a 3yo naps (bonkers), asking you to collect because he wouldn't (are they off their rocker?) this also stood out:

Coincidentally, when I've asked to bring him in later in the morning I was told it wasn't possible.

Eh? This is batshit. It's a nursery. I bring and collect my kids at whatever time I feel like it, as do all the other parents.

Thank you for this!

I posted about that before and was torn a new one, basically.

People thought I was being extremely unreasonable wanting to take him in later and not 9am on the dot.

I was under the impression nursery was flexible but that clearly only applies in their favour

Both me and DH have been told off for taking him in slightly late on a few occasions, usually always because we've been dealing with a meltdown or he's had a bad night.

There doesn't seem to be much individual reasonable adjustment.

OP posts:
Skatastic · 18/01/2021 16:04

What the shit? And you can't drop him later? I used to drop my kids at nursery whenever suited us i didnt realise there was a set time?

Piss takers, OP. Get them told or move him.

Pumpertrumper · 18/01/2021 16:05

I think you should consider telling them no when they ask you to pick him up for such a ridiculous reason. ‘Him taking a nap is not a condition of his place at your facility. You have an obligation to provide childcare whether he is asleep or awake. If he won’t go to sleep take him elsewhere and do an activity. I’m surprised I’m needing to explain this to you. Unless he is unwell or injured I have no reason to pick him up early. Feel free to ‘report’ me to whoever you like but I suspect they’ll find ‘his mum wouldn’t collect him when he tantrumed because he didn’t want a nap’ as ludicrous as I do! He is a toddler and you are a nursery, deal with him’

Lovemusic33 · 18/01/2021 16:05

I would have refused to collect him, he wasn’t unwell or anything, he just didn’t want to nap. I would have told them that your busy and can’t come and get him unless he’s unwell.

I would also consider moving him to another nursery if they can’t handle a child refusing to nap.

Vanillaradio · 18/01/2021 16:05

That's rubbish. Ds stopped napping at just past 2. At first he'd still lie down on the mat with the others but he soon started chatting to them and keeping them awake! So they just gave him some colouring to do whilst the others napped and he was perfectly happy! They never called me once just explained at the end of the day what was happening!

FippertyGibbett · 18/01/2021 16:06

I would have finished my shop.

raffle · 18/01/2021 16:07

I’m laughing at the utter absurdity of it all...wtf were they thinking? You must lodge a complaint with the manager.

If it was done to their inability to manage his behaviour then they should have said that.

Clarice99 · 18/01/2021 16:07

Wow, they're children, not robots!

It's absolutely ridiculous to expect them all to need a nap and/or to nap at the same time.

BungleandGeorge · 18/01/2021 16:07

Do they know you’re not working and feel annoyed that you’re still sending him? I’m not saying they should feel like that but it’s the only explanation I can think of?!

Cyw2018 · 18/01/2021 16:07

That's bonkers, my DD dropped her nap completely just before 2. Since then any nap is a danger nap for her, with her not sleeping at bedtime for hours. I'd be pissed off if I was paying nursery rates only to be either told to pick up early or sent home with a child who would be wired until 10pm.

Ilovenewyear · 18/01/2021 16:08

@strawbmilk

My 3 yo DD hasn't had a nap since she was 18months!!!! I don't know if any 3 year old that naps
My 3 year old still naps like clockwork every day and guaranteed will fall asleep on the sofa/floor etc unless he gets it. He has never once made it through a whole day without a nap. My older child however, no chance at age 3. Nursery had activities all day for the non-sleepers, they just did them in the pre school room.

OP I’d discussing this further with them, it just seems a really bizarre thing to be requesting.