I had to cut short my weekly food shop and pick DC up from nursery because he wouldn't nap..

[Halfaweeklyshop]

I work PT usually but I'm home for the foreseeable because my place of work is closed due to covid.

I do my weekly shops on a Monday now when my eldest (3) is at nursery until 4.30

1.15pm I get a call from the nursery asking me to pick DS up, I'm in the middle of Sainsbury's at that point half way through my shop and miles away.

They wanted me to collect him ASAP as he was refusing to nap with the rest of the children (they all nap in the afternoon) and because he didn't want to sleep he was having a meltdown and disrupting the others.

I had to pay for what shopping I had in the trolley, half of what I needed, and walk the 2+ miles from the shops to nursery to pick him up early with my baby in tow who I was going to put down for a nap at home after the shop.

AIBU to think this was a bit shit and they could have just taken him out of the sleep room and done an activity with him / played a video with one of the several staff members on? So the other children could nap interrupted.

Was it really necessary to have me pick him up early?

I've also been asked to pick him up at 2pm again tomorrow, because they don't want the same thing happening again.

It's a good job I am off work at the moment as there's no way I could make a habit of this, I'd get the sack.

Thoughts?

[redsquirrelfan]

Leaving aside the nap issue I'd have just said I am in the middle of something now, and will call you back when I've finished. He might have been ok by then!

Lesson - don't take your mobile when you go shopping. Despite what nurseries and schools claim it's not realistic to be contactable every second of every day.

As for not working they've no right to feel like that if it's a special needs nursery (or at all but especially in this context).

[SunshineCake]

My 4.5 year old still had occasional naps but that's not the point. They wanted rid because he wasn't napping aka as easy to watch .

[Halfaweeklyshop]

I'm pleased I posted, thank you!

I'm guilty of pandering to them under the misguided belief that they know best, being a special needs facility and all.

DS was only diagnosed in late November so I'm still finding my way with it all. I've known for a long time that he had SEN though so I was chuffed to find a place which, on paper, appeared able to meet his needs.

There have been a handful of occasions when I have raised an eyebrow at certain things there but today has really concerned me / pissed me off.

[Bettydot]

That’s completely crazy. He’s three and the vast majority of three year olds no longer nap. I can understand you dashing to collect him today and can understand to some extent them asking you to collect him if he was really distressed but I think you need a frank discussion with them about the plan going forward. I’d explain that not only is your work is planned around his hours and you have a younger child at home who needs to nap but naps etc are not a one size fits all and they need to also be able to meet the needs of children who no longer need to nap especially when at age three it’s very normal for children not to need a nap. My little boy stopped napping at 2.5 and it wasn’t for lack of me trying. It seems like they want the time to tidy up, relax etc rather than doing their job of looking after the children. It’s completely unacceptable to cut his hours because he no longer needs a nap.

[London1977]

Do 3 year olds still nap?

Bleeding cheek of them..

[ancientgran]

So today they have got to the point of not coping with him no napping at 1.15 so tomorrow you have to pick him up at 2 to avoid the issue. That makes no sense to me, do they have an early nap on a Monday or a late nap on a Tuesday? They just don't want him for the afternoon for some reason, numbers/ratio?

[tealandteal]

When my DS was at nursery we dropped him off whenever between 7:30 and 8:30 but could have dropped later, and then picked him up anytime between 4 and 6. The majority of the time we were sticking to the same times. Now he is at preschool there are set drop off and pick up times. He hasn't napped since he turned 3 and there was no expectation that he did.

[Halfaweeklyshop]

They know I'm not working atm yes, I told the manager when my work place was closed under tier 4 and she was keen he still attended.

They actually wanted to up his days, regardless of whether I'm at work or not, as they feel it'll be good for his development.

That certainly won't be happening now.

[wildraisins]

No it's defnitely not OK for them to send him home just because he's awake! What on earth...?!

Working in a nursery is hard and it's nice on days when the children nap. But if they don't nap then you just take them away from the ones that are and do a different activity.

That nursery sound horrendous, unless they are very understaffed or something? Still not ideal though!

[movingonup20]

Ridiculous, my dd didn't nap from 2.

[Doveyouknow]

I think requiring you to drop him at 9 is not necessarily unreasonable. Private nurseries can be more flexible about drop off time but pre schools particularly those attached to schools often do require you to drop off at a certain time. However asking you to collect him early because he won't nap is ridiculous and would make me question their competence.

[EarlGreywithLemon]

Crazy! Our one year old sometimes doesn't nap at nursery- or won't nap for long. They've never been phased by it, let alone asked me to pick her up!

[LibrariesGiveUsPower45321]

That’s nuts. Few 3 year olds nap. When my kids were in nursery if they refused to nap when younger they got taken into another room for chill time & quiet play.

[GabsAlot]

you should have said sorry i cant make it and as its not an aemrgency i'll be there normal time

[Plussizejumpsuit]

Sounds like they just couldn't cope with the melt down

[SecondStarFromTheRight]

I think I remember your previous posts. If I remember correctly, you were criticised because you took your son to nursery late consistently without informing the nursery. It was deemed rude.
Are you also the same poster with the son who will only drink squash instead of water, yet the nursery refused to help? If so, you really need to find a new nursery. The manager sounds terrible.

[Buddytheelf85]

Thank you for this!

I posted about that before and was torn a new one, basically.

People thought I was being extremely unreasonable wanting to take him in later and not 9am on the dot.

I could be totally wrong but I remember a thread along these lines where the OP was given a hard time. But the issue wasn’t that the nursery wouldn’t allow the OP to drop her child off later, it was that the OP didn’t take the child in until later and didn’t let the nursery know he would be arriving late, so the nursery rang up wondering where the child was and if he was ok. So people said she wasn’t unreasonable to take him in late, but she was unreasonable not to let the nursery know. Was that you? Sorry if I’ve got confused.

[Wheresmykimchi]

Ridiculous.

However -

Do you really walk 2 miles with a baby and do a full food shop?

missespointofthread

[Halfaweeklyshop]

@ancientgran

So today they have got to the point of not coping with him no napping at 1.15 so tomorrow you have to pick him up at 2 to avoid the issue. That makes no sense to me, do they have an early nap on a Monday or a late nap on a Tuesday? They just don't want him for the afternoon for some reason, numbers/ratio?

The children generally go for nap from 1.15ish, but possibly not until 2 if they're doing a particular activity that goes on into the afternoon.

No idea what good me picking him up at 2pm will do if they all go for a nap at 1.15 tomorrow. It reads to me a bit like "we will tolerate him until 2pm if he's not going to nap but then you have to come and get him"

Ratio wise the capacity is fine and they're currently enrolling more children.

In fact they have said they'll gladly take on my DD (she's 1) as soon as she's old enough (2)

DD doesn't appear to have any SEN so they're happy to accept (seemingly so far) NT children despite advertising as a nursery for disabled kids.

[Halfaweeklyshop]

@Doveyouknow

I think requiring you to drop him at 9 is not necessarily unreasonable. Private nurseries can be more flexible about drop off time but pre schools particularly those attached to schools often do require you to drop off at a certain time. However asking you to collect him early because he won't nap is ridiculous and would make me question their competence.

It's a private independent nursery, not a pre school or attatched to a school but I understand what you're saying

When I asked them why I'm not able to take him in later thus making the mornings easier on him, I was told it was because they want him to partake in circle time as that's when they learn certain things.

[HavelockVetinari]

That's so crazy - most 3 year olds don't nap. In fact, at DS's nursery he was the only one still napping at 3, and we had to collect him mid-afternoon to take him home to sleep because (due to covid bubbles) he couldn't move rooms after lunch to nap with the younger children.

[Claphands]

That nursery sounds awful! Surely he only had a meltdown anyway because they were trying to force him to nap?

[mummax3]

Yeah very strange, Red flag I'd say, this is a really poor excuse. xx

[AryaStarkWolf]

Mine rarely napped at 3, how strange and incompetent of that place

[Halfaweeklyshop]

@SecondStarFromTheRight

I think I remember your previous posts. If I remember correctly, you were criticised because you took your son to nursery late consistently without informing the nursery. It was deemed rude.
Are you also the same poster with the son who will only drink squash instead of water, yet the nursery refused to help? If so, you really need to find a new nursery. The manager sounds terrible.

Hello yes that's me.

I've had a fair few issues.

Truth be told mornings with DS are very difficult, I strongly suspect he has a PDA aspect to his ASD. There were several times I've had huge meltdowns just trying to get him ready and out the door, that resulted in him being late and I got reprimanded by the nursery for not having him in on time. In the rush of trying to get him out the door and there on time it slipped my mind to call them, that's why people thought I was being rude and unreasonable.

I explained the problems to nursery and asked whether he could have a reasonable adjustment but was told no he can't start later, because he'll miss circle time.

I do make an effort to get him there on time and if I'm ever running a few minutes late now then I let them know.