To ask for your favourite things about your DS?

[Orangebitters]

I am pregnant and will find out the sex in a few weeks. Many people will find this irrational, but I can’t control this feeling- I’m terrified of it being a boy.

I think this is down to the fact that I have a terrible relationship with my older brother. He was an aggressive, violent, miserable bully my whole childhood and it didn’t improve as he aged- I went no contact with him a few years ago. All of my impressions of what little boys are like are tied up with him, and I’m scared that I won’t be able to bond with a DS. Of course girls can have behavioural issues too, but it seems so much more common with boys.

I also feel girls are more likely to be close to their parents in the long term (based on my brother, who has minimal contact with my parents now, but also other families). Boys seem to grow up and sort of do their own thing- but girls always stay close.

This pregnancy was unplanned and I’m just about coming to terms with it. Finding out it’s a boy will be tough, so I’m trying to prepare myself.

AIBU to ask for help here? I’d love to hear people’s positive experiences on having a boy. What did you love about it? Did you prefer it to having a girl? Did anyone really really want a boy and feel the same way that I do about having a girl?

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I'm not sure why, but I strongly wanted a DD. I imagined my baby being a girl and all we would do together. I was so upset to find out at the 20w scan I was carrying a boy.
Well DS is now 13mos and I am so grateful he is who he is. I can't believe I'm saying this, but if we have another, I don't mind if it's a boy or a girl.
DS is funny and active and into everything. He's such a mummy's boy and loves cuddles. I never think about him being a boy, just about him being my child who I love with every fibre of my being.
Corny as it sounds, whatever the outcome of your scan, you will have a beautiful child to care for.

Gosh where to start.

He’s curious, funny, sensitive... he plays with his little sister all day, every day. He gets excited about reading books with me. Seeing the world through his eyes brings me endless joy.

He’s also an arse at times. Grumpy, defiant, irrational. But his sister is just as bad. That’s just a child thing.

If you have a boy, he won’t be your brother. He’ll be his own unique person.

My ds is 14 (and my only child) and is lovely. He is so kind to others, incredibly tolerant, funny, and totally his own person. Last week he had me in tears when he was being so lovely about my achievements in the HIIT training we are doing together. We have lots of fun together.

I had a very strong preference for a girl in my first pregnancy. For some of the reasons you describe, little girls of my acquaintance just seemed 'easier', quieter, less energetic etc. I also had a very close relationship my mum which I think I wanted to replicate. I duly had a DD and she has been a delight. I longed for a sister for her,( I had a brother and we are not close, although he is certainly not a bully.) My second pregnancy was twin boys! I was shocked and scared, how would I handle not one but two of these strange little beasts?
Well they are the most adorable, loving, open hearted little guys. They love the outdoors and running, climbing, rolling in mud, chasing, falling, crashing and laughing. Sure their energy is draining but my little girl also loved all of the above but with added clingyness. Forget about the stereotypes though because once you set eyes on your baby, boy or girl it will not matter you will be overwhelmed with love and pride.

I heavily wanted a girl (husband wanted a boy) and I was a little worried when I found out I was having a boy. However he is now 6 and sooooooo loving and affectionate, kind, gentle with younger kids but plays rough and tumble with other kids his age. He's genuinely funny and cracks us up!! Honestly now I'd be overjoyed if we have another boy and have felt that since as soon as he was born!! They say boys move away from their parents towards the girls family but I look at my neighbours and it's the opposite - I'd love that and hope he stays close with us!!

DS1 aged 14 is very quiet but has a very dry sense of humour and can getbawaybwith anything with his cheeky smile.
DS2 aged 10 is a remarkable sportsman but so humble and celebrates everyone else's achievements far more than his own.

I couldn't really imagine having a boy until my little one arrived and now I love him more than life itself. He is 2.5 and is the sweetest little person and so emotionally intelligent. He is so aware of other people's feelings. If I am feeling stressed or tired (I am pregnant so I am more tired than usual) he will stroke my face or take my cheeks in his hands and kiss me on the lips. He loves cuddling up and hearing me tell him how much I love him. He is just adorable.
He is also extremely full on and active and I found the baby bit really tough but that has nothing to do with his sex. It was more to do with breastfeeding challenges, new mum anxiety etc.
All little people are both wonderful and infuriating at times!

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I'm sorry your brother was such a twat!! He is not representative of all men/boys. I have a little boy (7), he is my second my first being a daughter (12). my son is one of the most caring people i know - really empathetic and he loves hugs and being physically close to people. He loves animals, gaming, woodwork and building. He loves books, horseriding and judo. He helps around the house. Before i make him sound too good to be true he can also be a pain in the bum! My daughter is amazing but she isn't remotely tactile and although thoughtful and kind is not naturally empathetic towards others. My husband is also a really good example of a good man too. You didn't say anything about the father of your child, what kind of man is he? We all come with traits but how you nurture those traits as a parent is also vital. I know it's difficult but try not to have pre-conceived ideas.

I could talk all day about my boys, they are both still pretty young but they are so wonderful, my oldest is so like me in personality and interests and we enjoy doing the same hobby and spending time together doing anything is fun. My youngest makes me laugh all day and is just so funny and cheeky. Both are clingy and proper mummy’s boys which I secretly enjoy and I hope we are always close! X

My son is the light of my life. He's the most loving and affectionate of my two children. My other child is a girl. His love for me is HUGE. I have never known love like this and I say this as someone who has experienced unconditional love and loyalty from my husband. I am expecting another boy and when I found out it was a boy, I cried with joy. My daughter is equally very loving and affectionate and it's all learnt behaviour from her big brother.

What I was pregnant this time round I was 99%certain it was a boy. Absolutely terrified by the thought because I had two daughters and was worried I wouldn't know what to do with a boy.
Well it was a boy, he's 7 months old and so curious and cute. His smile lights up my day and I'm going to miss him so much when I go back to work.
He is a total daddy's boy though but I don't mind because I get to cuddle him in bed in the morning and spend each day with him.
I can't imagine life without him now and I never thought I'd have a son. Totally different to my girls but just as lovely.
For what it's worth my brother is 50 and pre Covid used to visit my parents every week and now they speak at least once a week if not more so its not always the case that boys aren't close to their parents.

Boys seem to grow up and sort of do their own thing- but girls always stay close.

Well if you're going into parenthood with these kinds of attitudes, then that is probably what you will breed in your children. A self-fulfilling prophecy.

I love our son dearly and remain very close even though he is now 26. I had wanted all girls but we were gifted him and thank goodness we were. He has offered a balance to the girls, brings a different perspective and introduced us to new activities.
He is cuddly and soft, loves all the food I cook and is never picky, had the most outrageous sense of humour and is far more relaxed than the girls. He's a big lad and so much more use for jobs requiring either height or brute strength - fencing the garden to make it dog proof, removal of furniture etc. As a little one he was far funnier than his sisters and always found an very innovative way of making mischief.
He is unfailingly kind and always has been. Far more likely to cry over an injured animal than the girls, but also far more likely to do something practical to sort problems.
He's a charmer and less prone to being prima donna ish than the girls - no princess tantrums ever - just works with whatever life has put in his path.

It isn't that he is a saint or was easier - her was just different.

I wanted a girl but have two boss and they are the best thing ever. If you want lots of cuddles and kisses then toddler boys are the best - my three year old sometimes even grabs my face, kisses me and tells me I'm beautiful ☺️ he's also amazing with his younger brother and is such a gentle soul. But also obsessed with all things space at the moment so rockets are life right now! When I struggled after the birth of my second my DS would lie down on the sofa with me, cuddling me and kissing my face. He's the loveliest thing - boys are the best!

My boy is almost 26 and I thank god for him. He is affectionate, caring and makes me proud every single day. He was great from birth, never whined and we have always had a close and loving relationship. I just can't imagine having any other child and you will feel the same I am sure. Congratulations.

My DS 6 has so much empathy much more than his sister... he will do something because it is kind/the right thing to do not because of what we will get from doing it.

My boys were a lot cuddlier than my daughter. I'm still very close to them even though one son is married with children.

Oh god my son is 12 and an absolute joy

He looks to protect his mum and sisters, so kind and gentle, sensitive, handsome, thoughtful, helpful, I could go on forever

I'm always confused in these threads where people say they have only negative experiences of men and boys - was it an immaculate conception? I realise that not everyone loves the person they conceive a baby with, and I'm sorry if that's the sad case for you OP, but have you really never met a decent man that you can imagine being a sweet, lovely little boy?

He’s a calm, happy sensitive and kind boy!

Far more loving and gentle than his sister who is a lovable madam! He would spend all day cuddling and kissing me and telling me how much he loves me if he could.

Both my boy and girl are wonderful but he is definitely the one that is most affectionate! Boys are wonderful

Ds is 14 and bigger than me.

He sings songs about how beautiful I am, talks in a special language to the cat and sleeps with 9 teddies. He also refers to us all as “chavs” and spends the day asking if we want a fight. He gorgeous and male and also soft and sweet and I couldn’t ask for a nicer child.

When your baby is born it will be just a baby. Your baby. And in my experience the sex that they are becomes totally irrelevant and you just see them as a tiny helpless child that you want to protect.

Sorry you had a bad experience with your brother and I hope you can come to terms with your feelings

Very funny, dry sense of humour. Extremely quick witted. Very loving (still has kisses, cuddles, family time, says I love you). Polite with adults, patient with younger children. He's 15.

Congratulations,
I desperately wanted a girl as grew up with sisters and loved spending time with several of my nieces.
I have 14 year boy girl twins and the boy was quite clingy as a baby which I didn't mind and just cuddled him when he wanted also cuddled the girl as I was lucky that I had help.
I love them both so much but my son is definitely more loving towards both me and his sister.
He has a lovely inclusive confidence which makes him popular at school but also with his friends younger brothers.

I am very sorry your brother was so nasty and your parents allowed him to bully you the way he did.

However, I hate threads like this. They are always full of people making insufferable generalisations about boys and girls, as if all boys are the same and all girls are the same 🙄 Even worse, in the rush to gush about boys and how wonderful they are, there are inevitable comparisons that paint girls in a more negative light.

I have a son and he's absolutely wonderful. It's nothing to do with his penis and everything to do with his personality. I also like to think that DH and I have a lot to do with it; both our genes and our parenting approach. We recently had our child, a daughter, and we are both very committed to ensuring that they treat each other with kindness and respect.

Honestly, I don't think this thread is going to help you hugely, because rationally you already know that not all boys/men are like your brother. What I suggest you do is get some counselling/therapy. Maybe do some reading too, relating to your childhood and healing past trauma in order to be the best parent you can be.

our second child