To ask for your favourite things about your DS?

[Orangebitters]

I am pregnant and will find out the sex in a few weeks. Many people will find this irrational, but I can’t control this feeling- I’m terrified of it being a boy.

I think this is down to the fact that I have a terrible relationship with my older brother. He was an aggressive, violent, miserable bully my whole childhood and it didn’t improve as he aged- I went no contact with him a few years ago. All of my impressions of what little boys are like are tied up with him, and I’m scared that I won’t be able to bond with a DS. Of course girls can have behavioural issues too, but it seems so much more common with boys.

I also feel girls are more likely to be close to their parents in the long term (based on my brother, who has minimal contact with my parents now, but also other families). Boys seem to grow up and sort of do their own thing- but girls always stay close.

This pregnancy was unplanned and I’m just about coming to terms with it. Finding out it’s a boy will be tough, so I’m trying to prepare myself.

AIBU to ask for help here? I’d love to hear people’s positive experiences on having a boy. What did you love about it? Did you prefer it to having a girl? Did anyone really really want a boy and feel the same way that I do about having a girl?

My DS is incredibly loving, he loves cuddles at 7 years old and wants to hold hands when we go for walks. He’s very calm and happy and is always smiling. He has only once raised his hand at me and me raising my eyebrows made him stop and tell me he was angry, he then wanted a cuddle. His favourite things to do are go for walks, play board games, read or play with his teddy’s. He’s very intelligent and very emotionally aware. I wouldn’t swap him for the world.
Boys can have a lot of energy but you just need to let them burn it off in positive ways, he’ll happily walk for 3/4 hours as long as it’s interesting and he has a stick to carry.

He is the best hugger in the house. He always says to me, very seriously, 'Mummy, you know I can't last a day without multiple cuddles'

He's very loving and tactile, quite sensitive, but an absolute cheeky wee sausage too. He makes us all laugh a lot.

I've got an older girl and a younger boy and they are both equally fantastic! My son is 3 and he's so sweet and funny, he's my little angel and I couldn't love him any more than I do. I don't prefer him to his sister, but I don't prefer her either!

You will love your little boy to bits as well, I promise.

I agree with AnotherEmma

I was also afraid to have a boy because of my DMs negative attitude towards her own boys (my brothers).

I didn’t have any boys but having grown up and seen other women who have raised boys I have realised the only problem with having a boy (or a girl) is your own projections.

If you expect them to turn out wrong or grow apart form you then you will treat them that way or always see their actions that way and it is self fulfilling.

If you treat them well and teach them to be good human beings and not try to control them or push them into stereotypes or whatever else, you can have the best relationship in the world with either a boy or girl.

I have 3 boys they are all very different but all mummies boys who loved cuddles.

Me eldest is more of a boisterous, chatty, quite hyper and loves Lego, cycling and being out with his friends plus computer games. He happily rolls down muddy hills etc in his school uniform. He can be highly strung though and lacks confidence sometimes.

My middle boys favourite colour is pink, he loves Disney Princesses, outdoors, learning, stories, baking and is quite gentle in nature. He much prefers playing with girls than boys and doesn’t like rough and tumble.

My youngest boy is a toddler and loves peppa pig, music, outdoors and is very laid back. He is probably one of the most chilled kids I have met.

I understand your fears OP but my older sister bullied me terribly. She was aggressive and physical too me. Girls are just as capable of it as boys. It’s partly about how you raise them. We have a zero tolerance too violence approach and aggressive behaviour is not acceptable.

However, I hate threads like this. They are always full of people making insufferable generalisations about boys and girls, as if all boys are the same and all girls are the same 🙄 Even worse, in the rush to gush about boys and how wonderful they are, there are inevitable comparisons that paint girls in a more negative light.

Me too, and I'm the mother of one boy and heavily pregnant with another. I don't see why people have to put girls down to try and prove that having a boy isn't some terrible affliction, or how it benefits anyone to maintain gender stereotypes and just flip them round ('no, boys are more affectionate'!). My boy is a wonderful, unique little person and I'm sure his brother will be too; I also think that if I'd had girls they would have been wonderful, unique little people.

he's hilarious, massively empathetic, confident and even at 16 isn't embarrassed to give his mom a cuddle (even in public)

My sons are 2.5 and hilarious. One is independent, witty, sure minded. The other is cuddly, gentle and easy going.

They are amazing. They're so funny and love each other very much.

Once baby is here, if it's a boy, you'll feel lucky; they're very special.

Thank you everyone, these stories are so sweet, they've made me quite emotional!

@AnotherEmma you're right, I did a couple of years of therapy which ended up (unexpectedly) being 90% about my brother- I didn't realise the huge impact he'd had on me & my personality until I did this. I may do this again - but the most frustrating thing is that I don't know WHY my brother was how he was, because my parents (my mum especially) were wonderful & loving.

I wish I knew, so I could stop being scared of repeating the same mistakes.

My 11 year old is kind, generous, affectionate, funny, smart and thoughtful. He’s very loving and is incredibly gentle with his beloved pets. He’s emotionally intelligent and is close to both me and his dad. He was very much a mummy’s boy as a toddler; this has now evened up, but currently he still wants me when he’s feeling unwell or unhappy.

He recently spent his pocket money buying me something he knew I’d like on eBay - no special occasion, just because he wanted to.

He’s an exuberant character and conversation is never lacking when he’s around. He has a great sense of humour.

He’s not afraid to give a genuine apology, and doesn’t have to be prompted to do so.

Of course he also commits the usual pre-teen misdemeanours (e.g backchat, not tidying room, etc.) - as would a girl - but he really is a fab human being and fantastic company.

DS 1 (15) is really funny and kind. He’s so sensitive he’d wouldn’t let me kill a fly.
DS 2 (11) is really into clothes and cookery. He (jokingly) calls himself the ‘daughter you never had’ 😁

I had an argument with DH last night. Both boys came in and put their arms around me. They really love me. Boys do really love their mothers and when your child becomes a teen if they are a different sex than you, then you won’t be the one they butt horns with.

The BEST hugs. Honestly. My DD's hug game is strong, but her brother's is the best! Longer arms? I dunno. He's been hundreds of miles from me for most of the last year and I've missed him like mad.
Also I've gained a lovely DiL through his excellent judgement.
He's also always been the most fun friend for his little sister and has meant she's grown up with a Strong physical/tomboy streak and through lots of contact with his friends has gotten the measure of boys as friends and humans rather than just boyfriends.
My Boy rocks
So does his sister. But you're asking about boys.

OP my husband isn’t that close too his mum but she actively favours the girls on his family. She desperately wanted our last child too be a girl though we didn’t care. My MIL attitude is the reason my dh isn’t close too her not because he is a boy. When you choose too constantly favour some children and grandchildren over others then you won’t be as close too them. That’s not about the sex of the child that’s about failing in your role as a parent.

I do understand what you mean, though, OP. I was terrified of having a daughter because of my awful relationship with my mother. I’m sure if I’d actually had a girl I’d have a totally different and great relationship with her. You can’t define your entire relationship with another human being based on their genitalia. No two people are alike.

I have two wonderful boys (and a baby on the way but not sure of the sex). I always wanted boys. They are so loving, so much hugging, so fun and just all round adorable. My eldest absolutely adores cuddling. He would sit in bed for hours having a morning snuggle given the chance. Honestly I can't explain how loving they are. Nothing beats a bear hug from my boys!

Oh and my eldest is constantly telling me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. They're the best. 🥰

Boys are the best!
I am so proud of my boys. They're loving, caring, funny.....
also when they fall out it's not drama for ages they're soon back to being best friends & playing together.

I think that you need to remember people are people. Sex doesn't define what a person is going to be like, a lot is nature and a lot of that is upbringing.

I have a sister and a brother. All three of us are very close and were extremely close to our parents. My brother is just as sensitive and empathetic as either of us sisters. He takes me shopping, used to take me to the pub after a bad day. I've memories of an awful breakup and him sitting beside my bed stroking my hair. My father was also one of the most gentle souls you could know. So is my DH, who was also incredibly close to his mum.

I'm heavily pregnant with a little boy and I can't wait to meet him. I had zero preference because, like I said, people are people. Men can absolutely be arseholes but it's up to their parents to teach them to respect women (and men). But women can be arseholes too.

The world is indeed a very sexist place, so don't play into it by forcing a stereotype onto an unborn baby....and I do say this gently and with respect, and no intention to upset you!

Mine are really nice IMO

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

You might want to get some help to tackle your concerns, as they are based on your personal history.

I have one DS, now mid 20s. I had a strong preference for a girl and was certain it was a girl. I waited until the birth and I can honestly say that it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I love my nieces and my friends daughters but boys are funny, kind, independent, there's less drama.

I’m gonna say it OP cos these threads piss me off and I’m in a bad mood, but I really hope when you go to your scan everything is ok with your baby. Because if it’s not, you honestly won’t care what it had between it’s legs.

@FolkyFoxFace

I think that you need to remember people are people. Sex doesn't define what a person is going to be like, a lot is nature and a lot of that is upbringing.

I have a sister and a brother. All three of us are very close and were extremely close to our parents. My brother is just as sensitive and empathetic as either of us sisters. He takes me shopping, used to take me to the pub after a bad day. I've memories of an awful breakup and him sitting beside my bed stroking my hair. My father was also one of the most gentle souls you could know. So is my DH, who was also incredibly close to his mum.

I'm heavily pregnant with a little boy and I can't wait to meet him. I had zero preference because, like I said, people are people. Men can absolutely be arseholes but it's up to their parents to teach them to respect women (and men). But women can be arseholes too.

The world is indeed a very sexist place, so don't play into it by forcing a stereotype onto an unborn baby....and I do say this gently and with respect, and no intention to upset you!

Lovely post. Agree completely. I have a boy and a girl and they are both fantastic.

My sons are 19 and 21. They're both kind and funny and intelligent and gentle and just amazing. They're so different, but both so lovely.

Terrified of it being a boy? Personally I was terrified of the sonographer not finding a heartbeat at my scan, not finding a penis. Bad relationship with your brother aside, this is a PERSON you are bringing into this world. Catch yourself on!

OP take a look at Sophie Ellis Bexter's social medial. FIVE boys! And she still manages to be girly. Her household seems such fun. Do you imagine she worries that she hasn't got a girl?