To ask for your favourite things about your DS?

[Orangebitters]

I am pregnant and will find out the sex in a few weeks. Many people will find this irrational, but I can’t control this feeling- I’m terrified of it being a boy.

I think this is down to the fact that I have a terrible relationship with my older brother. He was an aggressive, violent, miserable bully my whole childhood and it didn’t improve as he aged- I went no contact with him a few years ago. All of my impressions of what little boys are like are tied up with him, and I’m scared that I won’t be able to bond with a DS. Of course girls can have behavioural issues too, but it seems so much more common with boys.

I also feel girls are more likely to be close to their parents in the long term (based on my brother, who has minimal contact with my parents now, but also other families). Boys seem to grow up and sort of do their own thing- but girls always stay close.

This pregnancy was unplanned and I’m just about coming to terms with it. Finding out it’s a boy will be tough, so I’m trying to prepare myself.

AIBU to ask for help here? I’d love to hear people’s positive experiences on having a boy. What did you love about it? Did you prefer it to having a girl? Did anyone really really want a boy and feel the same way that I do about having a girl?

I have two boys.

Ds1 is the most kind, helpful, generous person I have ever met. Always has been. Even now as a teenager he never fails to thank me for the things I do for him and tells me he loves me every day.

Ds2 has been a bit spoilt by his doting older brother and sometimes takes the piss with him, but is totally loving with everyone else. He is the first if you’re feeling poorly to bring you a cup of tea and sit stroking your head gently for hours, without making any demands of you. He adores animals and will take incredibly good care of them.

I can’t imagine being closer to a girl than I am to them.

I always imagined I would have a little girl but once I had my son (an only) I just loved him for who he was .

He was slightly naughty as a toddler , but in a cute, funny way. Sociable, friendly. Slightly nervous of climbing, but liked running around, making crafts with me . Like a lot of little boys he was slightly delayed when it came to holding a pen, drawing , writing and putting sounds together to read . He had a brilliant imagination and spoke well so was put in top set and struggled a bit, but when everything clicked age about 7, he was a good reader . Actually that reminds me he was also slightly delayed on talking but once he started it was in sentences and you couldn't shut him up. As a young child he was cuddly and affectionate .

I didn't find any of the traditional boys games problematic , eg power ranger toys , nerf guns. I found my son and his friends to be very straight forward. This is quite a stereotype but if they had an argument , they might have a little fight but were friends again in an hour or so. He has had the same best friend for the last 15 years, they met as 4 year olds in reception class , 19 now. Many other friends came and went along the way eg
Changing schools , different hobbies .

As a child I know DS would have liked a sibling , he was always really good with younger children, helping with nursery class when in Y6 and with younger children in the sports he did . We thought for a while he would become a teacher , his first career consideration as he went into secondary school but he didn't have the motivation to put the academic work in. Slightly above average intelligence but academically lazy, all GCSEs
Passed but not high grades .But no problems as a teen in the way of drugs, alcohol etc
He dropped out of 6th form to start an apprenticeship and is now really hard working and motivated . He's so much more grown up and confident than I was at that age .
He is kind as well , his girlfriend has a few struggles and he is so caring
And patient .
I am so proud of him .

Mine are my absolute favourite little people, ever!!
I have two boys, they are the most loving little boys! They just light up my world! My eldest is three but always tells me how much he loves me! My youngest is a baby. My eldest is constantly throwing his arms round me!
The three year old loves trains, and football!! I love watching as he learns new skills! His dad's a sports fan, so love watching them football together!!
My son makes me laugh so many times each day!! He's just amazing. He's super caring and if I hurt my self or feel upset he comes over to make sure I'm ok! I couldn't love my boys any more! My boys are my world and they make me feel like I'm theirs too!

My DS, who's 2y9m is incredibly loving. He wants cuddles all the time. And when I came downstairs the other day after leaving him with his dad for a few hours he was delighted to see me and came running for a cuddle saying 'I yuv you mummy'. He's just the greatest gift ❤️

I have a boy and 2 girls. My boy is the gentlest and most sensitive of them all. He is most like me and we have many shared interests. He is gorgeous and I love him.

Far more loving and gentle than his sister who is a lovable madam!

This is my experience too, and mine are teenagers now. DS is funny and sweet and considerate and has always been very loving. DD is feisty and opinionated and could start an argument in an empty room. They are both just great.

Oh this thread is so lovely 😍 my son is still very little but he LOVES cuddles and already at 5 months likes to hold our faces in his little hands and stare at us from 2 inches away smiling, it is THE most glorious things. He wakes up with a huge smile every morning, so no matter how exhausted I am when I peer into his cot his big grin makes me melt. He is a super chilled out little fella, and really loving and inquisitive so far! For what it's worth, both his dad and I are close to both our families. My husband FaceTimes his mum almost everyday to show off the baby and just to have chat as we haven't been able to see them much with lockdown (we FT my family too!) and it is very cute to see. So far the only downside I can see to having a boy is that scraping poo from underneath baby testicles is gross 😬 That being said, according to my friends with girls, scraping poo out of a baby vagina isn't exactly a party either so I think it's a lose-lose on that front!! Congratulations, your whole centre of gravity will shift once he is in your arms and you will love him for exactly who he is and the thought of changing a single thing about him will be the furthest thing from your mind x

I come from a similar background to you OP and just wanted to say, I get where you're coming from with this. Childhood traumas run deep and there's an added fear of what may happen to other/future children if your son grew up like your brother. Anyone criticising you for those fears can go eat a dick, clearly they haven't walked in our shoes.

Therapy is very freeing, I highly recommend! It isn't easy work but it's so important. I'm sure your baby - boy or girl - will be the light of your life.

I too had a strong sense during my first pregnancy that I would at some point have a son. In fact he came second.

As a baby he was calm and easy compared to his big sister. He had the most infectious laugh and I would tickle him gently to make him laugh because it made me feel so much better!

He has remained a sensitive soul growing up (I recall him complaining about the PE teacher who wanted him to get muddy in rugby age 9 or 10). He absolutely loves playing piano and organ and we are treated to the most amazing music when he is relaxing at the piano nowadays.

He is mid teens and does the grunt / ignore as well as any, but can also be clever and witty and animated. He and his big sister are both studying history and dinner table discussions veer from American politics to music and maths.

OP best wishes for your scan and indeed for your baby. May you be blessed with a beautiful baby that you can enjoy bringing up to have a beautiful soul.

I have to agree, you can have awful rotten bothers and rotten sisters too.

My son (16) is, and has always been a dream to bring up. He is easy, pleasant (or was, pre teens!) , clever, very sporty, achieves highly at school/sports with little effort.... I could go on. If he was my only child I would possibly think I was the world’s most amazing parent.

But- he also has his negative points; as do his 2 younger sisters, who also have really lovely positive points too. One takes after him a little in being very academic with zero effort, the other is highly sporty but not academic.... the difference is their personalities, not their gender. They are equally great, and hard work.

I’ve realise it matters not one iota whether they are son/daughter; I’m close to and speak to my sister, my OH has 2 brothers who he barely communicates with, yet my SIL doesn’t speak to her sisters....

Try not to overthink this.

I seem to have given you a potted history of my DS rather than my favourite things , but, given he's 19 I wanted to say a bit about him at all the different stages .

I really wanted a DD. I know you're not supposed to say that but I did. I was so surprised when I found out at 18 weeks that I was having a boy.

He's 14 months now and he's just so squidgy! My mum says me and my DSis were not particularly cuddly babies but DS is a right sook. He has cuddles for naps and loves being near us. He's such a wonderful little guy. I now couldn't imagine having any other child.

My little DS is the most amazing person, so so sweet and funny and energetic and kind! Everyone who meets him thinks he's hilarious! I wouldn't be without him in a million years. I have 2 DDs and found imagining a son much harder but it's just been brilliant!

My DH is a lovely, kind and funny man, my dad was an amazing male role model and my brother is arguably a lot closer to my mum than me...

Look around you for other examples of male relationships and role models. There are many positives to find.

Incredibly bright and inquisitive
Kind
Energetic
Empathic
Easily pleased
Sociable, he's definitely a butterfly

I was in the exact same boat as you, unplanned first pregnancy and hoping for a girl. Ashamedly I was really upset when I found out I was expecting a boy but he’s my angel now and nearing 10. I’ve got a daughter too and it’s amazing to see the differences in them. My son is so sweet natured, loves his sister, very sensitive and expressive, always telling us how much he loves his family. He’d be perfect if he wasn’t so lazy but as many people will attest that’s boys for you! I’m trying my best to get him ship shape for when he’s out there in the real world 🌍

Boys are not all lazy! Some are really well motivated, some aren't. Just like girls.

I wanted a girl so badly with my first. Didn't want to find out the sex as I didn't wabt to be disappointed. Had no idea how I would relate to a boy.
Then he was born and as soon as I saw him, he became my absolute world and I couldn't imagine him being anyone else. When I got pregnant with DD a couple of years later I actually cried at one point as I didn't think I could love someone as much as DS and I thought I was being unfair on him having another baby.

DS is now almost 16, taller than me, and the nicest, funniest, most amiable, equable and lovely chap ever. I love him immeasurably. He was so sweet as a little boy. Little boys are amazing. He is even better as a teenager.

DD is 13 and quirky, witty and unabashedly individual. I love her immeasurably too. But I don't feel more connected to her than I do to DS because she's a girl. I don't struggle to relate to DS because he isn't.

OP, you won't care, really you won't, once the baby is born. You will just love your baby so much you will feel as though you never knew how to love before.

DS13 is so kind and caring, he adores DD6 and would do anything for her. He's loving and so interested in everything, loves to read and learn. He's overcome so much as he has ASD and Dyspraxia but he is a very determined boy and almost never complains if he finds something difficult. He loves helping people and wants to be a primary school teacher. Current occasional teenage tantrums aside he's wonderful

My little boy (nearly 8 months old) is energetic, curious, giggly, musical, determined, cuddly and very loud. I was secretly disappointed when I found out he was a boy, and now I simply can't imagine life without him!

I'm sure that regardless of your baby's gender, you will love the person they are. Congratulations!

My son is the light of my life. He is so funny and caring and smart. He is a real mummy's boy and loves to snuggle even still at age 6. My husband and his brother couldn't have been closer to their mum either and I don't get on with my mum at all so the stereotypes are not true at all.

My DS is lovely. He’s nearly 7 and he’s still super cute. He has a huge smile and gives the best cuddles. Much more affectionate than his sister ever was.

Everything! He’s 15 and epic. Love hanging out with him: he’s well read and interesting, and good company. Occasional hormonal grumpiness never lasts long, overall he’s just great . Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that teenage boys are grim!

I only wanted dds (I now have 2), having a boy as my first child took me a little bit of getting used to, to begin with. Now I feel incredibly grateful that I didn’t get any say in the matter: he’s a fantastic eldest child, responsible big brother and, in case you didn’t pick up on it already, I think he’s fab!

I have both sexes, they are all different people and any of the above traits people have said could be applied to either sex.

It depends who they are and how you and life shapes them.

My son is the eldest and he turns 20 this year. He is kind, giving, laid back and interested in everything.

But so are girls, enjoy your child irrespective of who they become. One things for sure though, they won't be your brother.

I have a boy and a girl.

My boy is 14 so sometimes he's an arsehole but also he's kind and gentle and funny and he loves and is loved by all animals and small children. He has a gentle soul. He's quiet and when he was a toddler he was calm and played away,

My girl is loud and super sociable and kind and funny. When she was a toddler she was a mini Satan. I don't think any of this was determined by their sex though really.

You'll love your baby.

My son has been the textbook perfect baby and child. Hes caring, funny, clever and so handsome! He loves his little sister. They're best friends! Yes he cam definitely be a shit! But my daughter tops him 10x over! Girls are definitely harder in my opinion!