To ask for your favourite things about your DS?

[Orangebitters]

I am pregnant and will find out the sex in a few weeks. Many people will find this irrational, but I can’t control this feeling- I’m terrified of it being a boy.

I think this is down to the fact that I have a terrible relationship with my older brother. He was an aggressive, violent, miserable bully my whole childhood and it didn’t improve as he aged- I went no contact with him a few years ago. All of my impressions of what little boys are like are tied up with him, and I’m scared that I won’t be able to bond with a DS. Of course girls can have behavioural issues too, but it seems so much more common with boys.

I also feel girls are more likely to be close to their parents in the long term (based on my brother, who has minimal contact with my parents now, but also other families). Boys seem to grow up and sort of do their own thing- but girls always stay close.

This pregnancy was unplanned and I’m just about coming to terms with it. Finding out it’s a boy will be tough, so I’m trying to prepare myself.

AIBU to ask for help here? I’d love to hear people’s positive experiences on having a boy. What did you love about it? Did you prefer it to having a girl? Did anyone really really want a boy and feel the same way that I do about having a girl?

My DS is gentle and caring - he frequently tells me how much he loves looking after people. Full of enthusiasm and curiosity. Loves a musical and dancing. Always cuddling me and telling me he loves me. Shares my love of comics and reading. He's an upbeat little ray of sunshine and joy.

"There's less drama"

BINGO. I knew someone would say some shit like this. Happens in every single thread about boys. Subtle or not-so-subtle digs against girls.

It's all bullshit.

My son is 4.5 and quite simply my heart beat BD my husband's pride and joy. He is a real mummy's boy and so funny and sweet and kind and gentle. I nearly cried yesterday when he said mummy I will always love you and always take care of you! 💙

I have two boys.
The eldest is kind, loving, gentle, sweet natured, couldn't be more thoughtful. He's quiet and very considerate and aware of everything about him. I wouldn't say he's that you'd call a "traditional" boy in terms on behaviour at all. Other ds is slightly more crazy and a bundle of energy, but is also very sweet natured and thoughtful.

I don't think anyone has said boys are better than girls or put girls in a negative light but OP has asked about boys so that's what people are talking about
I have two lovely daughters as well as my son and as I said they are all different but all lovely.
I remember my mum saying there were less friendship issues. Girls can be quite bitchy and falling out with each other is a huge disaster and end of the world.
My mum said boys have a fight (not necessarily physical) but then go off and play football together. That's the end of it. Much simpler.

I'm going to come at this from a different perspective.... My son has autism which made him difficult and aggressive. At other times he could be funny, kind, and very clever. He is lovable but he can be exasperating and sometimes even scary. He has been both a bully and the victim of bullying. I had to spend a lot of time and energy learning how to be an effective and loving parent to him - it doesn't all come naturally. And one thing I came to terms with, is that I was lucky that he was diagnosed and that there were other members of my family who had "issues" (not autism) that were not recognised and dealt with back in the old days, which made their behaviour bad or even abusive.

If your DS is hard for you to parent or love for whatever reason, you can learn to cope and be a more effective parent to him than your parents were able to be to your brother. Trust yourself. You will come good with him.

DS1 (17) - probably the best thing is his ability to be such a good friend to people- he's a genuinely kind person

DS2 (12) - probably his bravery. He went through very serious life threatening Illness when younger, he was utterly terrified but still managed to have a smile on his face through it all. Still life throws him constant curveballs but he always manages to power on. He's the best 💜

"I don't think anyone has said boys are better than girls or put girls in a negative light"

And in THE VERY SAME POST

"Girls can be quite bitchy and falling out with each other is a huge disaster and end of the world."

🤦🏻‍♀️

"My mum said boys have a fight (not necessarily physical) but then go off and play football together. That's the end of it. Much simpler."

... in other words, better than girls, right?!

They're all sexist generalisations anyway.

I have 2ds so no experience of girls and not sure what a daughter of mine would have been like, but I will say ds who is 20 still chats to me, sends me a message, cheers me up if needed, is loving and supportive but he can also be tricky. Ds14 is calm, quiet and every night sits on the bed for a chat, he is less likely to hug me than his brother and has caused less teen drama so far. I do not think they are better or worse than a girl but I think it is how you approach parenting. We talk a lot, laugh a lot and argue quite a bit, which I am sure I would have done with a daughter.

My DS is funny, cheeky, can lift anyone out of a low mood. He's a very good friend, supportive, and a genuinely nice person to be around. He's 22 now and has a fiancé and baby boy of his own, and he's a doting, hands on dad. He is bossing at life, but then I always knew he would.

And they said a single mum couldn't raise a good man. Pfft.

Some boys are a challenge, some aren't. Same applies to girls, of which I have 2 and they're equally as awesome as their brother just In different ways.

My Ds is brilliant. He is kind and caring and hilarious. He is clever and cuddly. He is so encouraging and can cheer me up in a second

We most likely won't have anymore, but I think I'd want another DS if we did

I wanted 2 dds. When I found out dc2 was a boy I was a bit disappointed. I cringe looking back now. He’s the light of my life. Such a gorgeous loving and cuddly little boy. Both my dcs are so different and it has absolutely nothing to do with their genitals. I haven’t ever wished he was a girl since he’s been part of our family. He makes us all complete and brings us all so much joy. Good luck with the baby.

Having seen a few poor outcomes when I did my obs&gynae stint as a junior doctor, all I wanted was a healthy baby. Didn’t give a shiny shit about what sex the baby would be. I now have two boys - absolutely gorgeous as babies, toddlers and now as Tweenies. I really don’t understand why anyone has a strong preference one way or the other. And have seen so many positives of having two boys - they are so affectionate, loving, caring, emotionally intelligent - yes they can be boisterous, noisy and they eat a lot but I wouldn’t have it any other way. And I’m lucky that my two get on so well - they are the best of buddies and still play together happily at nearly 12 and 10.

Be grateful for what you have and love your child for who they are surely?

I have two boys.
Loving and affectionate, gentle and kind. As teenagers they were a pleasure. Both adults now and I love their company and see and hear from them often.
Beforehand I had no preference but in my second pregnancy I was worried it would be a girl because I would have been disappointed.
Never at any stage in the last 25 years have I wished they were girls.

I also had very mixed feelings about discovering my much-wanted baby was a boy, probably because I'd grown up with a DSis and a rather emotionally distant father and didn't have a good understanding of little boys. As soon as he was born the connection I felt to him was so powerful I left like I was missing part of myself if he was in a different room. You may well feel the same and your current concerns will evaporate, but I do understand why you need to hear positive and humanising stories now, and think it's a good idea to get prepared to get to know your baby.

Now my DS is 10 and the closest human to me on the planet. He's a fantastic combination of sensitivity and bombasticness, all-boy in every energetic, tender, funny and vulnerable way. He begged for a pet and chose the whitest, fluffiest cat in the refuge. He has a vast and deadly connection of nerf guns. He wants to wear all black and grow his hair for the duration of lockdown, but dresses up by hiking his boxers into a wedgie and hanging a sock off each ear. He has names for all his teddies and family groups that live on his pillow, down the side of his bed and at the foot. He adores his friends and spent his holiday money on presents for them. He alternately sits on and protects his little sister. He makes lavatorial jokes of the most appalling kind all day but then waits for me to get into bed with him for a long chat about everything under the sun at bedtime.

Congratulations on your baby and the amazing journey you'll go on as you get to know their unique and wonderful self

My DS is 3 and he is a very kind, sensitive child who shows a lot of empathy to others. He always plays nicely with younger children and gets really concerned if another child is upset, he tries to comfort them and offers them his special toy which is a cuddly Peter rabbit. He tells me he loves me and gives me kisses multiple times per day, he tells me I am his beautiful special mummy. He wants to be a fireman when he grows up so he can help and save people. Every time he does role play type games he is helping and saving people or animals.

Congratulations!! I thought I wanted a girl but then I had DS and 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 he's so lovely. Really really sweet and gorgeous and wouldn't swap him for anything! Please don't worry, you will adore your baby regardless of sex!

2 words - Mummy's boys.

So affectionate, cuddly and loving. Yesterday DS1 (3) and I were having a bit of quiet time watching TV in my bed. He was wriggling up next to me awkwardly so I asked him what he was doing. He said 'I just want to be close to you'.

Honestly, the are boisterous, loud, fight quite a bit and never stop eating, but they are the best.

You get whoever is right for you.

I never wanted a girl. I get on much better with men. Pink toys and dolls my idea of horror lol.
I am feminine but always enjoyed space rockets/ train sets.
My DS is hard work! but we are all different

I wanted a boy and I got my wish! Although when children are small they are just that. My DS is the funniest person I know. We howl with laughter! He is very protective of me and very kind to animals and people.

I love being a mother to a boy and a second mother to his friends. Congratulations!

I have a 14 year old DS, all I wanted when I was pregnant was a boy. I was over the moon when we went for our 20 week scan.

He was a dream baby, slept through from 11 weeks and smiled all the time.

Now, he’s nearly a foot taller than me, gives the best cuddles, his bedroom looks like a bomb has gone off, he cooks a great steak and he’s generally a great kid, enjoys spending time with the family (pre-Covid obvs) and is best friends with our DDog, has a lovely group of mates and is desperate to get back to school.

Don’t get me wrong, he has his moments and isn’t perfect but when I see what my DSis is going through with her DD(14) and her group of friends I do feel lucky.

And of course I realise all this can change in the blink of an eye but I’ll take it for now!

Cuddles, he’s taller than me and halfway to becoming a man.
Still cuddles me while his big sister was never keen.

Both my son's, one who is 13 the other 17 are so easy going, no arguing( with me atleast,) no back chat, not really fussyy about food or clothes. They'll eat everything I cook, where any clothes I buy, even though the eldest is 17, I can fill up his wardrobe with clothes and he's just happy to have new stuff, not particular about what kind.
He's a calm presence when 14yr old DD and 4yr old DD are both so difficult to please.

Ds9 just gave me his last sweet, he’s the kindest, funniest boy.