To think there's no point in offering to take the child so your partner can get more sleep if you take over 15 minutes to collect the child?

[TiredAndGrumpy85]

I have been up breastfeeding DS through much of the night since 3:55am. DH offered last night that he would take DS in the morning so I could get more sleep. DH sleeps downstairs and I sleep upstairs so as not to disturb DH.

I phoned DH at 7:31 asking him to come up. He texts and says he's going to snooze for 5 minutes. I wasn't terribly happy about this but thought writing out a text back would just wake me up more. He's still not up 10 minutes later so I call him asking where he is and he huffily says he's getting dressed. Long story short, he doesn't actually get DS out of the room and downstairs until 7:47am, over 15 minutes after I rang him.

I am knackered but I couldn't get back to sleep after that long and gave up after 20 minutes of trying to sleep. DS is very noisy and active and I'm awake by that point having had to keep an eye of him for quarter of an hour.

AIBU to think DH shouldn't make these offers if he's going to take so long? I don't know why he won't sleep in pyjamas and wants to have the opportunity to snooze after having an undisturbed night's sleep being woken at 7:31am. I'd rather just get up with DS than lie there being pissed off about not getting back to sleep.

YABU: DH is reasonable. You can't expect someone to collect the child within 15 mins.
YANBU: DH is being unreasonable. He should have come straight up if he has made the offer for you to get extra sleep.

PS. I'm not looking for sleep training advice so please keep any thoughts to yourself on that topic!

He isn't really a baby and that's your issue. I was all set to say of course he should get up and take the baby immediately and then I read the baby was a 2 year old.
The 2 year old should be in his cot and should not need feeding through the night.
You shouldn't be on a temp bed in spare room. You should be getting a decent night's sleep in your own bed.

5 minutes to have a wee and throw on some clothes - reasonable. Having a snooze - not reasonable.

Why is your DH not taking a more active role in helping get your DS to sleep in the night? He doesn’t need feeding so he is more than capable of looking after him. Maybe tonight he should stay on the upstairs uncomfortable bed and you get the nice bed and a lie in.
My DS is 18 months old he does wake in the night but he just cuddles up with us and goes back to sleep straight away, he hasn’t needed a night feed since he was about 7-8 months old. My DH does just as much of our children’s care as I do. You have a DH problem he needs to step up.

A 2yo is probably feeding at night for comfort reasons. And with the world as it is, i don't find it that surprising a toddler turning to its parents for comfort.

Your DH is being an arse. Mine could literally sleep throigh a bomb going off (he actually did do this once!) Bit he made a real effort to learn to wake for the children.

You lost me at
DH sleeps downstairs and I sleep upstairs so as not to disturb DH. followed by He's in our bed, I'm in the less comfortable IKEA day bed in the spare room.

Id put a stop to that right now. In fact it would never have started in my house.

Additionally your child is 2 ffs. Unless they are ill or theres a disability (waits for drip feed) theres no need to be feeding all night.

Stop playing the martyr.

Of course your DH is against sleep training, he's getting a great deal! I'd be making some changes immediately.

You're allowed about 5 minutes grace in my house to pee and put your dressing gown on, any more than that and you get a toddler dumped on your lap.

My husband is also a dreadful faffer in the mornings. Can't wake up with an alarm like a normal person, has a little snooze, a leisurely shower followed by a leisurely breakfast. It's a bit like having a third child. I've come to appreciate it's the way he is, he is very unselfish and helpful but is useless in the morning. He'd think coming up in 15 minutes was quick (and it would be for him).

That said, in your situation, I'd be encouraging him to do any night feeds at the weekend (if you feel you have to feed your son), whether formula/milk or expressed milk so you can get an unbroken night's sleep and catch up. And also try to get back to sleeping in a comfortable bed.

A two year old doesn't need a night feed.
A two year old can sleep in his own bedroom.
Then you take turns at getting up when he wakes.

@FippertyGibbett

Take the baby down and leave it with him.

This.

I used to spend most of the night up downstairs with DC2 when a newborn. Sometime between 6-7am I would go back upstairs, hand DC2 over and state very clearly it was DHs turn. He’d then proceed to try and get DC2 to settle on him in bed. Right next to me. Queue ages of DC2 moaning away stopping me sleeping when I hadn’t slept ALL NIGHT.

A year on and I have the rage again just thinking about what a dick DH was.

Oh gosh OP that's annoying. To be honest I would be sleeping on the sofa tonight and leaving DH and your 2 year old to it upstairs! Actually scrap that ild be in the bed and leaving them both downstairs

The child could be 8 and it wouldn’t matter. OP And and’ tasking for opinions on the setup, just if DH was being reasonable. He’s had a full night sleep so he can chip in in a timely fashion. End of.

Tell your DH that from now on you're taking it in turns to be in charge of the 2 year old at night. Either the 2 year old will settle better when he knows that comfort feeding isn't necessarily available, or your husband will change his mind about sleep training. Win-win.

Your dh is annoying but you are being very unreasonable to “give up” and get up after 20mins if you’re that knackered. Read a book for half an hour, snuggle down and either fall back asleep or at least get an hour of relaxation time. Why T F would you get up?? If you could learn to let the anger go (despite the fact dh was wrong) then you’d have had a lovely extra hour or more of peace and quiet.

I think YABU. It was 15 mins, not that long. You should have just taken your ds too him ifbhe was taking too long and said "here you go, your turn".
A 2 year old doesn't need to be breastbfe for 4 hours through the night. I womder if maybe your dh is annoyed because he knows that's ridiculous, and he doesn't want tonput up with it but you are facilitating it.

I was expecting this to be about a tiny baby

And "giving up" after 20 mims of trying to sleep is just marturing yourself. Shut the door and get some sleep.

Can I ask why you don't want to discuss sleep training. You can solve the problem by not feeding a 2 year old for hours in the night, short term pain for long term gain.

But apart from that your DH is a selfish arsehole, yanbu about tha t.

I am knackered but I couldn't get back to sleep after that long and gave up after 20 minutes of trying to sleep.

Wjat do you mean you couldn't get back to sleep? You said you had been up since half 3, sonthe extra 15 mins shouldn't have made a difference gonyoungetting back to sleep if you had been up since then.

It's weird how so many men have trouble getting up in the mornings. Except if they're into fishing or have to get up for work or something.

Once again, women setting the bar for acceptable so low you couldn't get a rizla paper under it.

You lost me at
DH sleeps downstairs and I sleep upstairs so as not to disturb DH.

I completely disagree. It makes 0 sense for 2 adults to be waken up at night, sleeping in different rooms makes so much more sense, especially when one takes over the following day!

If my partner had decided to keep BF after a year, i wouldn't bother sleeping on the least comfortable bed either. Fair enough to give up the best bed during pregnancy and the first months, a year at a push, but after that, it's getting ridiculous. If they chose to BF, fine, but they can deal with the consequences. I don't even agree it's best for the child anyway

I’d be having a big long nap later in the day if I were you, op.

A time should have been decided the night before. To call someone and expect them to jump up straight away having just woke up is a bit unreasonable. And I know people will say well if the baby woke you crying then you wouldn’t have time to come round either, but we’re talking about a different pre planned situation here.

Breastfeeding a two year old through the night? Not sleeping in your own bed? And not wanting to walk downstairs to hand over the child...yeah I think YABU.

Husbands probably feeling slightly pissed off at your self inflicted martyrdom.

Aside from a 2 year old needing several hours of breastfeeding at night, I think it's odd you're in the same house and communicating by phone/text. Is your house the size of Buckingham palace or something? Why not just shout down to him?

Honestly at 2 he should be in his own room and not BF all night.

The situation is of your own making perhaps your DH thinks on the same lines and what you are doing is just making it unnecessarily hard on you all so lets you crack on .