To be totally pissed off....or am I a drama queen?

[Ratched]

It is a 'very' special birthday for me today.
I have a husband, two grown up some and a grand daughter, as well as assorted friends.
I have a father I shop and clean for 2 or 3 times a week. I have a brother I have taken in and supported when his marriage collapsed

At 4 pm, on the day of my special birthday + only call it this as Iakakee no fuss on any other day, I have a bunch of owners with a card from Moonpig.com
My friend brought me some personalised gifts which meant a lot, but from my family????
I shop, clean and do all of the admin (sell ing houses, organising dwp payments, cleaners, carers etc c for my dad.
Have given my brother a roof over his head when needed, as well as support.
Have not only subsidised DS to the nth degree, but now also supply child care.
Have supported second DC financially.

I am 60.
No one gives a toss.
I honestly and truly do not care about getting stuff.
Just a phone call saying Happy Birthday.

How ducking dad us my life at this age when I have 2 bloody cards. And one of them is from moonpig. With roses that probably cost a bomb but mean fuck all.
DH tells me it was the best he could do in a pandemic.
Weird.
I managed to get a unique, thoughtful gift that involved some thought from Etsy for his birthday a couple of weeks ago.
And a card. But that involved making some effort.
I am so deflated.
Busy making dinner, but surely any other husband would've cooking for their wife? Or arranging a takeaway?
I am pissed off beyond belief.

Happy Birthday x

I'd be quietly disappointed too, but not necessarily surprised. Sorry your day isn't as you'd hoped. I hope it gets better.

It is just NOT good enough. You have every right to be furious, anyone would be.

Your dh especially - what a let down. I agree, chuck the food away and go out and buy the most expensive wine and takeaway, and sit on the computer and order yourself something wonderful. He can bloody pay for it. When your day is over, have a serious conversation about this, and set a date in the summer, and tell him (like the Queen) he can make up for it. A party/dinner/presents or you are going.

I would tell your children how let down you feel. They will learn nothing otherwise, and will continue to be selfish.

I always arrange my own birthdays now, I avoid the disappointment.

You can see why Shirley Valentine was such a hit!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OP!!!

I agree you should have maybe let DH know your expectations in advance but still, he's been really shit. I know it's lockdown and all that (depending where you live) but I turned 40 during the first lockdown and my husband still made a big fuss. He knows that I like a fuss though and there's no way in gods green earth I would be cooking the dinner by myself on a big birthday.

It's not too late, he's fucked up but please SAY SOMETHING! Even the 'essential shopping' police would probably allow a trip to Tesco for some champagne and something lovely delivered for dinner!

Two birthdays is the way forward in a lockdown op.

Happy birthday, OP!

As almost everyone else has said, please stop cooking and order a delivery instead. And tell your DH how you feel.

I hope both your DSs phone you, or perhaps drop by to sing 'Happy birthday' outside your window.

I'd take everyone else's advice.

And I'd stop the childcare, the money, the support to everyone else. Immediately.

Make 2021 the year you do everything for yourself and don't lift a finger for anyone else. Tell them all as they didn't lift a finger for your birthday you're doing nothing for them again.

Happy birthday OP! If I were you I’d be seriously evaluating what I’d do for family in future. There are plenty of things you can still do for a family member even if you aren’t with them, and it’s crap that they’ve not bothered. I’d feel awful if my mum felt ignored and had a bad birthday!

Your brother, father and sons have absolutely no excuse. Do they normally acknowledge your birthday?

I normally hate passive aggression, but in your position, with all you do for them, I'd struggle not to send them each an email saying "the person who (list all the things you've done for them) was 60 yesterday. It seems you forgot. That hurts"

There have been a few times where I've phoned my DPs quite late in the day, because of work.

Could it be your DS' plan to phone later?

Happy birthday, OP. Sending you all warm wishes, and .

Lockdown birthdays are a little bit shit compared to normal birthdays; I think most of us have now had one. But you deserve to have a fuss made and some thought given.

It's my birthday shortly and DH has already checked what sort of cake I'd like as he and DS are making it this year rather than going to the supermarket specifically on the day - which is great and very thoughtful. I know I'll probably get asked 'how do you do this, or what does that mean' but that's fine.

They've picked up a nice meal which is in the freezer and both of them will be cooking it on my birthday. Nothing spectacular but a favourite meal of mine. I've been told I'm not allowed in the kitchen at all on the day - DS is making lunch time sandwiches (he's 13) and it's toast and tea in bed on the day for breakfast. DH has already said (as he does every year) that the day is mine to do with as I want. Usually that means a nice trip out but this year it'll be my favourite films/TV and a nice book with my slaves bringing me tea and biscuits (ha ha). It's what I deserve and it's not hard.

I totally understand where you're coming from. It's the little things (like the 'you sit down, put your feet up, I'll do the lunch it's a special day) that just means you're thought of.

As for not being able to get anything - if you can organise Moonpig flowers, you can organise Etsy, Amazon, something from Next or Pandora or whatever. It all works the same way.

Flowers are lovely, I love getting them. But it's easy. You just want to be a woman who someone has put a bit of effort in for. Just for the one day. I can understand that so I don't agree with the few on here who are saying you're just not happy with the standard of the gifts. It's not that, it's the amount of thought, not cash, that went into them. The easy option vs 'what would Ratched REALLY like?' It's the feeling that no-one thinks about you enough to realise a lie in, a favourite film, a nice walk or whatever is what you'd LIKE.

I agree with the others. Put the pans down. Tell DH he is ordering your favourite takeaway and you're doing nothing else today. Tomorrow he can organise a nice lunch and pick up something tasty from the supermarket. And you'll be treating yourself to something nice - whilst the flowers are lovely they're not something you can look back at and say 'I got that for my 60th' - which is what I think you mean you'd like.

Tell him you're disappointed. Many years ago I did the same with DH as I'd done a nice meal for his birthday and he'd asked 'what's for dinner' on mine! The effort he and DS make now is great and as it should be. It's not OTT, it's just a bit of thought about what I like (time to myself, favourite food, bit of cake and a film of my choice - not much to ask).

I hope you have a lovely birthday weekend. Still time for everyone to step up to the mark a bit.

When it comes to my DH I have to let him know my expectations, otherwise he just wouldn't know what to do (so probably wouldn't do much). It's not that he doesn't want to do anything, I just think SOME men don't pay attention the way women do so don't always know things they should about us. I didn't exactly get what I wanted on my 40th due to being in lockdown, but DH did what he could because I'd already told him what I expected! I know I shouldn't have to, but my Dad and brother are the same - they just like to be told.

Sorry about your kids though, that's awful that adult kids can't make an effort - you're right to be pissed off. My mum turned 60 a few years ago and we had a big celebration - 60 is a big deal! I know that's not possible right now, but they should've at least acknowledged it and promised you something big for when lockdown is over.

That's shocking and your family should be ashamed of themselves.
Happy Birthday from us.
It's youngest Maras' 39th birthday today and we have a huge family zoom party arranged for this evening.
I'll raise a glass or 5 to you.

Happy birthday OP! You deserve so much better.
I know what you mean, it's not about flash gifts, it's about your loved ones ( for whom you skivvy all year) thinking ahead and wanting to make you feel special and appreciated. The idea that you are cooking for anyone on your special day is unacceptable. (Frankly, I'm gobsmacked you are doing it).
I dearly hope there is some surprise left to come, otherwise you should wait until your birthday is over ( you don't want unpleasantness on your day) and give them all a fucking rocketing!

Happy Birthday

Tricky. I think there are 2 almost separate things going on here.
One is all you do for people and Two is your birthday.

Clearly you are an adult but are there some "child"expectations going on here? What were you hoping for, what do gifts represent for you?

I think the best you can do in future is give clear instructions of what you would like re gifts. Longer term, give clear expectations of what you are prepared to do regarding helping and supporting others.

I really hope you're not replying because you're telling your family they are inconsiderate, entitled bastards.

Happy Birthday @Ratched!! I think it's shitty of them. It would be nice if it transpired that they had a surprise up their sleeves? I hope so. 💐

Happy birthday OP that’s rubbish, I’m sorry. 💐🎂🎁🍷

I would definitely tell them how hurt you are, but instead of going all guns blazing would say something like,

I turned 60 yesterday but didn't receive anything or hear from you. I feel really hurt and unimportant.

Give them a chance to make it right instead of putting them on the defensive.

Happy Birthday :) I'd do as suggested above - turn off the cooking, go order delivery food, get yourself on to Amazon and buy yourself a treat (on your husband's card). Then go on strike - no more free childcare, no subsidising anyone.

I'm 61 - for my 60th my DH organised drinks in the local pub (obvs not possible at the moment) and a cake - we're not blessed with much cash, but he made a damn good effort, and I felt loved and special - and that's what counts, isn't it - you deserve to feel that way too. I hope they all find a way to make it up to you. Hugs.

@AlwaysaLittleBitTired, quietly disappointed, so sad.

I never quite know what to do with myself at Christmas and birthdays as an adult. Christmas this year was dire.

Happy 60th Birthday!!! 🥳🎂🍾🍸
We all care even if your family don't! 🥳🥳🥳

@BerlinCalling she got some gifts from her friend. Her DH got her a card & flowers - which lets face it is likely to have been a last minute panic as with a little bit of time & thought he could have ordered all sorts of lovely thoughtful gifts online. Her father - little bit of leeway as he's obviously elderly but there is no excuse for her DS to not acknowledge her birthday in any way.
It's not about getting loads of cards & gifts, it's about feeling valued, cared for & thought about.

Happy birthday!!!!
That is so shitty of them - thoughtless gits. I hope you repay them in kind or they can see how unfair they’ve been.
I’d order myself a very nice take away, sod cooking for them!!!!! Order whatever you like and inform your DH that he is paying, make a nice drink for yourself then put your favourite film or something on. Tough bananas to them all xx