To be totally pissed off....or am I a drama queen?

[Ratched]

It is a 'very' special birthday for me today.
I have a husband, two grown up some and a grand daughter, as well as assorted friends.
I have a father I shop and clean for 2 or 3 times a week. I have a brother I have taken in and supported when his marriage collapsed

At 4 pm, on the day of my special birthday + only call it this as Iakakee no fuss on any other day, I have a bunch of owners with a card from Moonpig.com
My friend brought me some personalised gifts which meant a lot, but from my family????
I shop, clean and do all of the admin (sell ing houses, organising dwp payments, cleaners, carers etc c for my dad.
Have given my brother a roof over his head when needed, as well as support.
Have not only subsidised DS to the nth degree, but now also supply child care.
Have supported second DC financially.

I am 60.
No one gives a toss.
I honestly and truly do not care about getting stuff.
Just a phone call saying Happy Birthday.

How ducking dad us my life at this age when I have 2 bloody cards. And one of them is from moonpig. With roses that probably cost a bomb but mean fuck all.
DH tells me it was the best he could do in a pandemic.
Weird.
I managed to get a unique, thoughtful gift that involved some thought from Etsy for his birthday a couple of weeks ago.
And a card. But that involved making some effort.
I am so deflated.
Busy making dinner, but surely any other husband would've cooking for their wife? Or arranging a takeaway?
I am pissed off beyond belief.

*make it up to you!

Even throughout first very strict lockdown my family were treated like royalty on their birthdays. I think I single handly made Mr Amazon the richest man in the world.

No excuse for your deadbeat family members. I’d have thrown the head up and downed cooking tools and gone and got myself a takeaway. Everybody else can sort themselves out.

Selfish feckers

I find this whole disconnect between expectation and reality so strange in mumsnet. Was there not any chat in your family about your big birthday coming up and plans etc?

Ie. You saying oh can’t believe I’ll be 60 soon, in pre COVID times would have been so nice to do XYZ

Other half/family responding, well we should definitely try and do something for the occasion, a takeaway? Anything you’d like? We can always have a another bash later in the year...

Honestly how first it go? Or was it not mentioned at all?

I’m sorry you had a shit bday though. Hope they make it up to you.

@Sethy38

Bloody hell I bet you’ve gone around the house to today in the darkest, foulest mood!

And I reckon that’s been your present to yourself. To stew in your hurt and indignation.

And then start a mumsnet thread.

Honestly, I never understand how some people can be so utterly vicious on this forum when the OP is sad. I just can't comprehend it.

Men are crap

This is the problem with only having men in your life

Bullshit!

They are perfectly capable of remembering, making the effort and choosing and organising thoughtful and meaningful cards and gifts as women are! Having a penis doesn't render one incapable of this!

I have men in my life who are very good at gift and card selection, my dad even chooses blank cards and writes his own personalised poems in them, sometimes they're funny, sometimes moving. He even has devised "treasure hunts" when we were kids for Xmas main gifts prolonging the surprise.

My uncles, cousins and even my ex are/were all good at thinking of good ideas and planning and executing them in plenty of time for special events.

We really need to stop excusing men from this kind of care and effort towards others, especially the people who've given them loads of care and support.

I agree with others op, you must tell them.

Silently seething, pass agg doing less (which they probably won't even notice!) won't achieve anything except to perhaps give you an ulcer or worse!

My family is very dysfunctional in many ways, but one thing I do think we do healthily generally speaking on this kind of thing is not stifling hurt feelings.

How are you going to feel if you say nothing now and then the next significant event they all do the same again? You're going to be hurt and pissed off again and quite honestly the fault will not totally be theirs - because whatever else they are they aren't mind readers.

Communication - clear actual verbal communication - is essential to all relationships

So tell them!

If they STILL let you down then the blame lies entirely with them and you have every right to go on a full on strike!

Just wanted to say happy belated birthday!!

Happy birthday OP!

Yanbu. My gift to you is the next week off all cooking & cleaning etc. I can happily post you a good book if you pm me 😀

Oh God you are not being unreasonable. Happy birthday Darling. Take time for yourself and REMEMBER EVERYTHING for the next birthday 😡🥵

Happy birthday 🎈 I know it's a bit late but I hope you managed to salvage what was left of the day and enjoy it despite them. Some people really don't get it. I agree 4pm probably is a bit early for dinner and you definitely shouldn't be cooking it yourself on your birthday, unless you really enjoy cooking. Did they get the date wrong or are they just inconsiderate?

Happy birthday!!

My "D"H once bought me an Easter egg for my birthday needless to say he's not made that mistake again

OMG... My last special birthday was 21. I don't give a toss about my birthday anymore. Grow up.

I guess you're just not a very special person, amispeakingenglish.
You have my sympathy.

They don't deserve you.

Happy Birthday xx

OP I really feel for you. Your family should have remembered and done something.
It’s my birthday next week and my DH and DC and DM have all asked what I would like. It’s so difficult so I’ve said flowers or plants as I love my garden. Whatever happens I know they have cared and planned ahead. That is what should have happened for your special birthday so I would not be pleased.

Happy Birthday

You Must complain.

@amispeakingenglish

OMG... My last special birthday was 21. I don't give a toss about my birthday anymore. Grow up.

How awful. Shame on you.

That's so sad, OP. I'm sorry your family let you down.

Happy Birthday. As others have said, do something special for yourself - a fab meal, a present you've always wanted etc. X

Take control of this situation and stop being everything to everyone. Start pleasing yourself!

Did you tell your family how upset you were? All you do for them that's shit. And I am not a bday person TBF.. Sometimes if you say it doesn't matter enough they will believe you! One year my husband forgot my birthday (kids young) just a regular birthday. All I'd expect is a happy birthday , card & cheap cake with candles (that's for kids sake!) I was so upset it was like is this the example you want to set your kids?! I wouldn't mind but his mum is the most birthday obsessed person I know!! If she knew she'd be mortified with him 😁 he didn't forget again!

You know what I would do? I would write everyone an email saying 'As a special 60th birthday present to myself, I am promising myself an entire year of putting my feet up so will not be available for you for 12 months. Feel free to add to my joy by sending thoughtful presents, cards and emails if you discover you miss me! Lots of love from Superwoman.'

Happy birthday! I know the feeling, I’m completely taken for granted in my family. The stronger you are the more advantage they take.

Totally, most definitely NOT being unreasonable. I hope you ordered a takeaway and ate it all yourself. Happy belated birthday

Happy birthday 💐 YANBU
Go on strike !

My siblings bday was 14th and I got her over £100 of personalised thoughtful gifts all ordered online then I delivered them to her doorstep (15 minute walk away from me) then rang her to say open the door. I also organised one of those video collages of everyone saying a happy bday message. Shes single so no partner to do it for her. Your husband could gave done more, sorry op.