To be totally pissed off....or am I a drama queen?

[Ratched]

It is a 'very' special birthday for me today.
I have a husband, two grown up some and a grand daughter, as well as assorted friends.
I have a father I shop and clean for 2 or 3 times a week. I have a brother I have taken in and supported when his marriage collapsed

At 4 pm, on the day of my special birthday + only call it this as Iakakee no fuss on any other day, I have a bunch of owners with a card from Moonpig.com
My friend brought me some personalised gifts which meant a lot, but from my family????
I shop, clean and do all of the admin (sell ing houses, organising dwp payments, cleaners, carers etc c for my dad.
Have given my brother a roof over his head when needed, as well as support.
Have not only subsidised DS to the nth degree, but now also supply child care.
Have supported second DC financially.

I am 60.
No one gives a toss.
I honestly and truly do not care about getting stuff.
Just a phone call saying Happy Birthday.

How ducking dad us my life at this age when I have 2 bloody cards. And one of them is from moonpig. With roses that probably cost a bomb but mean fuck all.
DH tells me it was the best he could do in a pandemic.
Weird.
I managed to get a unique, thoughtful gift that involved some thought from Etsy for his birthday a couple of weeks ago.
And a card. But that involved making some effort.
I am so deflated.
Busy making dinner, but surely any other husband would've cooking for their wife? Or arranging a takeaway?
I am pissed off beyond belief.

Happy birthday!!

OP, they’ve been pretty crap. Speak to DH and TELL him how you feel, and why. Be clear that you expect him to fix this. He can go to supermarket and buy wine, nibbles, and organise a takeaway. Tell him what takeaway you want and at what time, and he sorts it out.

It’s not the same, but needs done.

He can speak to your offspring. And if you don’t hear from them, then phone them tomorrow and tell them directly and clearly how disappointed in them you are.

They’re not going to know if you don’t tell them. And they should know that this level of thoughtlessness is not OK,

DH tells me it was the best he could do in a pandemic.

O rly. My DH recently had a birthday in pandemic and he had cards, presents, special birthday meal.

Presumably your DH has heard of Amazon and supermarkets.

But I agree about the cooking. Stop. Figure out your preferred takeaway on Deliveroo.

@wildraisins

I’m a single parent. My energy for birthdays go in to my children and close friends and family.

If I don’t make an effort, it’s because I don’t regard myself as being close to you. So that includes certain family members.

That’s so awful!! I felt terrible when I forgot my mums birthday once, but when it’s multiple children including one you see regularly for childcare that’s appalling. I’d say a strategic tantrum (not just for your DH, for all of them) might make them pull their socks up...

As we see over and over on mumsnet
You can be married to someone

And not close

[quote Sethy38]@wildraisins

I’m a single parent. My energy for birthdays go in to my children and close friends and family.

If I don’t make an effort, it’s because I don’t regard myself as being close to you. So that includes certain family members.[/quote]
OP is talking about her close family

Would it work to ask/tell DH to bring his credit card and you do a bit of online shopping together?
You can show him how easy it is.
Sure he might not enjoy it, but he knows he's on thin ice but at least the two of you would be doing something together which is a bonus in lockdown. He might even enjoy it - though that's not really the point.
PS - very happy birthday.

YADNBU- that is truly shite.
Happy Birthday op 💐

Happy Birthday 🎂🥳

I would be hurt and upset too. Sounds like you make a lot of effort for your family and they just havent been arsed. Im not impressed by moonpig cards either.
I would be freezing dinner and demanding a takeaway , i would also treat myself to something lovely and do tell the useless men in your life how hurt you are, its not unreasonable to expect them to make an effort for you. I would try and rein in offers of help, thoughtful gifts etc in future.
Its my 50th later this year, I have said several times that I would like to go away , covid permitting. I will book it for us myself.
I have a DH who comes from a family who dont make a big deal of birthdays and 4 teenage DC , I am leaving nothing to chance. ( learnt from experience!)

Busy making dinner, but... and there lies your problem. Your family needs telling.

On an empty stomach.

Happy Birthday!
Do they normally all behave like this on birthdays? if so - perhaps it is not really so surprising.

Do tell them all how annoyed and upset you are especially your self centred children. Get your own supper and tell the rest of them to get knotted.

I'm not really a birthday person. Children yes but adults no. I can't see the point. If I want anything specisl for my birthday I tell DH I am ordering such and such for my birthday OK. I don't expect a surprise something from Tiffanys. Would be nice but it's not going to happen. Or if not lockdown I'd say I'd like to try such and such restaurant. Speak up.

Have you spoken to your family about how you feel? What do they say?

Happy Birthday!!! Sorry you feel bad. I do understand, had a few shitty ones myself. x

If your sons dont ring you later I would tell themtomorrow, in a non confrontational way, how hurt you are. I talked with my son about how his actions hurt me. We talked, we listened to each other, he agreed he would be hurt if the roles were reversed. I think because I didn't get arsey with him he was able to hear me.

As for your DH. I'd be hurt too at the lack of thought. I'd talk to him too. There's no reason to have to suck this up, but try and explain without anger. Hopefully he will try and do something a little special tomorrow.

I hope your sons are in touch with you later, although it may feel a little too late.

Happy birthday 🎂

So are you not going to say anything? Because all that achieves is your family continuing to think they don’t have to care.

Just order a takeaway for you, leave them to sort themselves out

And why they moan let rip on how selfish they have all been, and all the stuff you do for them stops now

That’s what I would do

Happy 60th birthday!

WHY ARE YOU COOKING?

Your husband was able to access the internet to get the card and the flowers - he could have easily bought something personal and meaningful. I don't blame you, I'd be very upset. At all the members of your family who have neglected you today.

takeaway for one, nice wine

Immediate stop to cooking /cleaning for the rest of them for the foreseeable future.
Ask brother when he is going - give him a notice date if he is vague.

@Ratched My suggestion, open a PO Box for 1 month, and have MNetters from all around the world send you a birthday card or postcard and maybe they will feel some guilt!
I can send you a postcard with a koala, unless you prefer a postcard with surfers..... mind you, I just receive a letter from Europe 238 days after it was posted....

While you think about it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY from Australia!!!

Please don't just let it go and back to normal life tomorrow. I would make it very clear that you are deeply disappointed at how little thought and effort your so called nearest and dearest put into your birthday. I would be quite likely to explode by now and tell them what a bunch of thoughtless selfish bastards they are!

Maybe put yourself first a little more often going forward and don't be so quick to help out. They clearly do not appreciate you or what you do for them.

In the sorts of posts I'm always a bit irritated at people telling the OP that she needs to set out her expectations in advance in order to avoid disappointment. When it comes to my DH I don't think "Oh it's DH's birthday coming up. I'd better order something, get a card etc." as though it's just another chore. I love him, I want him to have a special day, something to mark it as different from every other year (especially these days) so I think about what he'd enjoy, get in his favourite food, wine etc. Not major things but just things that bring a smile to his face - not because I 'should' but because I want to.

Happy Birthday, hope you have a nice evening. YANBU. I have often been disappointed on my birthdays I now stipulate what I want to happen.

[quote Sethy38]@wildraisins

I’m a single parent. My energy for birthdays go in to my children and close friends and family.

If I don’t make an effort, it’s because I don’t regard myself as being close to you. So that includes certain family members.[/quote]
So, I am not close friends and family????

Kind of feeling like that, despite providing childcare, adult support and general caring for every fucket in the family.

Do you know, if everyone I live had just st sent a card. Just a message. Just something to acknowledge I exist, I would have been content
Not happy, i will admit, but content that they had made some small effort.

I am done with the them all.

I will continue childcare because I adore my grandchild.

The adults can feck off.

My friend brought me personalised gifts that showed some care and love. Undoubtedly cost less than the flowers, but meant so much more.

Just a pity party at the moment, the 'ohhh what have I done so wrong to be great like this' routine.
Will get over it, just needed to scream on here.

Cheers

Happy Birthday!

Sounds like you are dealing with some selfish fuckers. I don't know if they're selfish normally but I'd be explaining how they've hurt your feelings. And I'd be buying myself a big treat present to myself guilt free.

I hope your evening improves. If it's not too late, sack the cooking and order your favourite takeaway with no consideration of anyone else's preferences.