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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be totally pissed off....or am I a drama queen?

305 replies

Ratched · 15/01/2021 16:10

It is a 'very' special birthday for me today.
I have a husband, two grown up some and a grand daughter, as well as assorted friends.
I have a father I shop and clean for 2 or 3 times a week. I have a brother I have taken in and supported when his marriage collapsed

At 4 pm, on the day of my special birthday + only call it this as Iakakee no fuss on any other day, I have a bunch of owners with a card from Moonpig.com
My friend brought me some personalised gifts which meant a lot, but from my family????
I shop, clean and do all of the admin (sell ing houses, organising dwp payments, cleaners, carers etc c for my dad.
Have given my brother a roof over his head when needed, as well as support.
Have not only subsidised DS to the nth degree, but now also supply child care.
Have supported second DC financially.

I am 60.
No one gives a toss.
I honestly and truly do not care about getting stuff.
Just a phone call saying Happy Birthday.

How ducking dad us my life at this age when I have 2 bloody cards. And one of them is from moonpig. With roses that probably cost a bomb but mean fuck all.
DH tells me it was the best he could do in a pandemic.
Weird.
I managed to get a unique, thoughtful gift that involved some thought from Etsy for his birthday a couple of weeks ago.
And a card. But that involved making some effort.
I am so deflated.
Busy making dinner, but surely any other husband would've cooking for their wife? Or arranging a takeaway?
I am pissed off beyond belief.

OP posts:
CakeRequired · 15/01/2021 16:23

Yeah that's shite. I don't even live near my parents, and yet for their birthdays during lockdown, it wasn't difficult to get stuff delivered to their house, not even difficult to get a cake delivered for them. Not difficult to go into Tesco and get a card. None of it is difficult, or impossible to get.

Just don't bother with any of their birthdays this year either. Get nothing, not even a card. And when asked why, just say 'thought we had given up, you didn't bother for me'.

It's a bit petty, but then not really. If you won't stand up for yourself, it's unlikely anyone else will.

Happy birthday too Flowers Cake

Bluntness100 · 15/01/2021 16:23

Happy birthday

To be clear, your husband bought you flowers and a card from moo pig and your friend brought you some gifts.? No one else bothered?

SpiderGwen · 15/01/2021 16:25

Happy birthday 🥳 🎂🥂🎁🎉💐

Bugger that for a game of soldiers. Order yourself about favourite takeaway and send DH up the road to buy a gorgeous bottle of wine. Choose a film - the Armando Ianucci David Copperfield is lovely, for example.

If they can’t treat you, the useless bunch, then treat yourself. Many happy returns 😘

Justcallmebebes · 15/01/2021 16:25

That's a bummer. I'd be having a serious tantrum. Happy Birthday Ratched. Put your feet up mate and order a takeaway and for DH's next bday get him flowers from petrol station or Wilko own brand body spray. Unwrapped. Hope you can salvage something of the day x

NightOwl19 · 15/01/2021 16:26

Happy Birthday OP 🎂

Happyd · 15/01/2021 16:28

Happy Birthday OP xx

giantangryrooster · 15/01/2021 16:30

@Wearywithteens

The trouble is women tend to suck it up and sulk for a bit as it would be churlish to kick off over something so trivial - BUT it is hurtful and I do think throwing a bit of a pointed out-of-character tantrum now and then doesn’t do the family any harm snd can shock them out of complacency. They to know that you may be tough and capable and everyone’s PA but you deserve a bit of tlc now and again too.

I would order a huge takeaway for one and sit and selfishly enjoy it with a bottle of whatever - and ignore everyone. You can be mature and sensible tomorrow but they need to know how much they’ve hurt you with their half arsed efforts (or lack thereof!

This, happy birthday 🎉

Only advise STRIKE-STRIKE-STRIKE

Tell your family that if you don't give, you don't get and stick to it.

But don't quietly moan, tell them straight, they will be full of excuses but hopefully it will sink in.

Order your own takeaway.

TheFairyCaravan · 15/01/2021 16:30

YANBU.

Happy Birthday 🎂

MIL has a special birthday next week. I bought the card last month, have got her a present and arranged flowers (before anyone says she’s not my mum so DH should be doing it, I love her to bits so I wanted to), all in good time. These things can be done during a pandemic you just have to allow for it, so your DH is a dick. Lots of pubs and restaurants round us are doing takeaway menus, too, so he could have least put some effort in and sorted out that for you.

I’d tell them all how they’ve made you feel and stop being so accommodating towards them.

Longdistance · 15/01/2021 16:33

Happy Birthday! 🎂

I’d be pissed off too, especially as it’s your 60th.

I’d not cook for anyone and dial up for a take away for myself and eat it in front of them 😈

lemonsquashie · 15/01/2021 16:35

Happy Birrhday and sorry. You deserve more

A few things that could have been done with minimal effort

Family zoom/drinks this evening
Family drive by and or social distant visits on the door step and gift drop off
Take away from bog standard local Chinese
Special take away from a nice restaurant
M&S dinner for £10 and treats
Being cooked for with basic food
Champagne, wine, flower, choice

At least not cooking your own dinner

I'd expect these things given the crappy year we've all had and all very easy to have sorted with hardly any effort

harknesswitch · 15/01/2021 16:35

Happy birthday OP Thanks

Ffs put the utensils down and turn the oven off, grab yourself a drink and order in a takeaway for one.

I'd then down tools for the rest of the weekend, tell your ds he can sort his own childcare out, tell someone else they can look after your Dad for the week and never ever do anything nice for your dh birthday or Christmas again.

Tbh I'd be absolutely raging if I were you.

Cherrysoup · 15/01/2021 16:37

They’d frankly get an absolute bollocking from me. I know celebrating birthdays on here means you’re a grabby cow, but tbh, I’d be bloody furious in your place. Thoughtless bunch of wankers.

giantangryrooster · 15/01/2021 16:37

Hopefully they have planned something for tomorrow (or tell your dh it's his last chance of doing something for you and you expect your rightfully earned 10 carat diamond ring, a Bentley and pure love and growling).

BerlinCalling · 15/01/2021 16:38

@DrinkRefilled

Who on earth is voting YABU. Probably the types who have to say “erm there are people dying and you want a nice birthday”

You are defo not BU.
Happy Birthday 🎈

She got cards and presents! Just not enough for her liking and now shes being a martyr in the kitchen.
JohnBarron · 15/01/2021 16:38

Why are you making dinner? Stop! Just stop.

Lockdown is zero excuse for not getting a present as everyone is online shopping. Ask your children why you haven’t heard from them. Tell your DH you expect a bit more fucking appreciation and thought. And just stop doing everything.

Order yourself a take away, have a drink.

Happy birthday OP, I’m sorry your family have been shit.

exLtEveDallas · 15/01/2021 16:40

HAPPY 60TH BIRTHDAY RATCHED!

Stop cooking.
Order a takeaway for one.
Open a bottle of something you like.
Get quietly squiffed.
Go on Amazon and buy something totally impractical that is just for you (preferably with your husbands card/account).

Weirdlynormal · 15/01/2021 16:40

I'd piss in the cooking pot and then piss off upstairs for my own little party. Fuck em that's totally shit.

Weirdlynormal · 15/01/2021 16:41

oh and Wine and Cake for you OP

CoffeeBeansGalore · 15/01/2021 16:43

Happy Birthday @Ratched 🎁🎉🎂🥂

Tier10 · 15/01/2021 16:45

Happy birthday.
Take control, order yourself a takeaway, run a bath, have a wine or something you enjoy. Rent a paying movie, light some candles. Do some online shopping . You can still have a nice rest of your birthday.

vanillandhoney · 15/01/2021 16:46

I'm sorry that you're disappointed.

However, why on earth are you cooking dinner at 4pm? Just stop. Get DH to order a takeaway and pick up a nice bottle of wine on the way home. There's no need to martyr yourself in the kitchen to try and prove a point.

FestiveFruitloop · 15/01/2021 16:46

Happy birthday OP!
That's really shit of them, I'm sorry. You deserved better.

Can't believe anyone having a go about this on here.

Holothane · 15/01/2021 16:47

Shocking a year before my dh and in-laws 50th anniversary I will be saving like mad to spoil them treat yourself and don’t cook today.

caperplips · 15/01/2021 16:48

That's crap OP and I don't blame you for being pissed off.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you Flowers Cake Wine Brew
Stop cooking and tell your dh that you would like him to sort food - take way whatever and go and put your feet up on the sofa with a drink of choice.

You need to have a serious conversation with your dh about how you feel. Life is short and often hard and we have to take the opportunities to celebrate and spoil those we love when we can.
I hope you can salvage the evening
Shame on your adult kids though

SetRisk · 15/01/2021 16:48

I would have set out my expectations regarding my birthday in advance. At least they did remember and surely roses are always appreciated?

I agree. Our family does low key birthdays but when it was a special birthday for me I let everyone know I wanted a card and some sort of get together. I suggested a take away. It went well and much better than sitting quietly getting upset and angry.

OP. It’s not too late. Tell everyone you are feeling fed up and would like to have a proper celebration this evening. Then make sure you have a good time.

Happy Birthday 🥳🥳🥳