To be totally pissed off....or am I a drama queen?

[Ratched]

It is a 'very' special birthday for me today.
I have a husband, two grown up some and a grand daughter, as well as assorted friends.
I have a father I shop and clean for 2 or 3 times a week. I have a brother I have taken in and supported when his marriage collapsed

At 4 pm, on the day of my special birthday + only call it this as Iakakee no fuss on any other day, I have a bunch of owners with a card from Moonpig.com
My friend brought me some personalised gifts which meant a lot, but from my family????
I shop, clean and do all of the admin (sell ing houses, organising dwp payments, cleaners, carers etc c for my dad.
Have given my brother a roof over his head when needed, as well as support.
Have not only subsidised DS to the nth degree, but now also supply child care.
Have supported second DC financially.

I am 60.
No one gives a toss.
I honestly and truly do not care about getting stuff.
Just a phone call saying Happy Birthday.

How ducking dad us my life at this age when I have 2 bloody cards. And one of them is from moonpig. With roses that probably cost a bomb but mean fuck all.
DH tells me it was the best he could do in a pandemic.
Weird.
I managed to get a unique, thoughtful gift that involved some thought from Etsy for his birthday a couple of weeks ago.
And a card. But that involved making some effort.
I am so deflated.
Busy making dinner, but surely any other husband would've cooking for their wife? Or arranging a takeaway?
I am pissed off beyond belief.

Happy Birthday for yesterday, @Ratched.
I agree with others - you need to say something. Doesn’t need to be OTT & dramatic. Just a simple acknowledgment by you to then that you were hurt & disappointed at not having your birthday acknowledged with even a text.

*them not then

[quote SophieB100]@Ratched
Belated birthday wishes, I have a similar one looming! (How the hell did that happen, hey?
I really get how you feel, or felt yesterday. It's because we want to be valued and appreciated, and the money spent is irrelevant. Please do as you say and step back a bit. You don't need to tell anyone why - no need for drama - just show them not tell them. Be a bit unavailable, less keen to jump in and help, they'll get the message. It took me a long time to realise that people value us as much as we value ourselves. I've had similar in my family, and it stings. But don't simmer with resentment, let it go, but change! [/quote]
I don't think being direct and honest with your own family is drama really, and far preferable to the passive-aggressive 'being less available' and letting them work out why - and would they work out why, or care, given how tone deaf they've been about ops birthday?

I think some people are their own worst enemy, when making the things that are important to you known, is described as drama.

Whinge away here OP and enjoy your new found free time.

@Ratched not RTFT (sorry!) but just wanted to say the biggest happy birthday to you 🎂 🥳 💐 and I’m sorry your family are so shit. You deserve a million times more.

(PS- it is not a ridiculous thing to be upset about. I would feel exactly the same as you )

A sincere happy birthday OP.

I agree with others.

I would be very pissed off.

However, it's clear you are a skivvy in your own life, utterly taken for granted and your plan today is to just seethe.

You have certainly taught those in your family exactly how to treat you.

I don't know why you are surprised.

You are 60 now....when are you going to get a bit of self respect.

Stop seething and tell them calmly how deeply upset you are but it is now crystal clear to you just how taken for granted you are.

Who are doing childcare for, that couldn't be arsed to remember your birthday?

Absolutely shockingly poor form.

I wouldn't be running myself into the ground over the next decade for a crew that care so little for you.

Really appalling behaviour from them.

And you are a martyr that you would cook on your own birthday🙄.

Even at this stage, some counselling would do you good.

You need to down tools and massively step back, and includes your step father.

It’s my husbands birthday coming up and I managed to get him a cake made and a special meal delivered 🤷🏻‍♀️ Just sounds like they couldn’t be bothered I’m afraid.

I love people’s birthdays and Xmas, it gives me a chance to show the person just how much I appreciate them whether it be a gift I have bought or made or a funny IOU (child minding, meals out etc.) it just takes a bit of effort and imagination

Ratched, its pretty hard to do the step back thing because unfortunately all that you have done is now bedded in.

When you say that you won't comment because its not your style, please try to get a bit of self respect back. Its totally normal to want to feel appreciated and valued.
As I said originally the gifts and birthday and how you are treated are 2 separate things. Sadly the birthday has gone.

Insist on a Chinese tonight and tell DH you have seen something you want online with John Lewis and get it ordered, or do click and collect. Men are crap take control and get yourself that devise or perfume or some nice thing you have been wanting.

Ratched
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear lovely, happy birthday to youuuuuu

That is shit. I was 57 this week and got flowers, cards, gifts. DH doesnt get paid until the end of the month so it was an IOU a voucher for my favourite massage place when it reopens post covid. Dcs cooked dinner and made a cake. All quite low key and simple but I would have been fucking raging if they'd done nothing. I'm so sorry they made you feel sad.

[quote Ratched]@RoosterTheRoost Either you havent read what i wrote, or i cannot express myself properly.
I do not care about presents, i just wanted, for once, to be made a fuss of, to be appreciated. It has nothing to do with monetary value.

Anyway, i have woken this morning in a different frame of mind. Lets be honest, in the overall scheme of things it is a ridiculous thing to get so upset about.
I wont say anything to them, its just not me, but I will be taking a step back from them all and do things that suit me, not them.

Thank you for all the good wishes and listening to me whinge😁[/quote]
It's not ridiculous thing to be upset about. Every time I get sentimental and think about if I made the wrong decision about breaking up due to feeling unappreciated for everything I do day to day and getting nothing back I remember he forgot my birthday 2 years in a row.

@Tier10

Honestly I think it’s better to say something, especially to your DC. ‘ I do so much for you guys a happy birthday and a bit of thought from you would have been very much appreciated’ or something like that. I think it’s better for a person’s health not to have any feelings of resentment etc. Going forward I urge all women who have had birthdays ruined by lack of effort from family to plan something from themselves. I’d rather have the memory of a nice day than wait for others to get their act together.

👏🏾

@BerlinCalling

What a horrible person you are. If you cannot see how hurt @Ratched is by her family, then perhaps a good look in the mirror would help.
Then, perhaps nothing would help you.

Happy birthday, you are not a Drama Queen. But STOP cooking now! Go and sit down with a glass of wine and when DH mentions he’s hungry, ask him what time he’s collecting your birthday take-away. Im not surprised you feel so annoyed - I think you need to let your thoughtless family know how disappointed you are, particularly your DH who still has time to salvage your special day if he gets his act together and picks up a bottle of champers on his way to the take-away.

Oh gosh this is shocking.

Did either of your kids even ring you?

I'd be devastated about this.

While you might not feel so upset about it today I'd still be feeling taken for granted by the lot of them. I'd be telling them how hurt I was too.

Belated Birthday wishes to you

I would be feeling hurt in your situation OP. But please please change the habit you seem to have got into and speak up. Message them all, including your DH, and say essentially what you told us in your OP. That you don't mind about how much money is spent on you, but you feel taken for granted and unappreciated on this milestone birthday, that you go out of your way to help and support them, and it would be nice if they could make some effort to show that they care.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
I totally get how you feel. When my mum had her 60th birthday me, my husband and DD took a flight to my home country and gave her a massive surprise + 60 roses and gifts. I was expecting my brother who lives there to come too but he wasn't much bothered, as usual. And my mum always does so much for him.

I’m sure this isn’t the case, but did you tell them not to do anything for your birthday? My grandmother did this for years - said she didn’t want a fuss and then was upset when we believed her!

Me neither! Mine was in May, nothing from DH or DD apart from.a card, DD's present in the post, DH wanted to wait until covid over.
All I wanted was balloons and a bunch of flowersxl, not much to ask. YANBU

Happy Birthday!!! 🥂🎂
You are perfectly entitled to have a tantrum and let them know exactly what you think - let it all out! You will feel so much better afterwards and hopefully they will be shamefaced and embarrassed.
You have to train them to acknowledge all you do and show respect. It took my sister 5 years before her partner bought her a birthday present but he does now - after many rows. Hopefully you’ll have better luck!
It’s never too late for a celebration - maybe a good excuse for one after lockdown?

You deserve to be spoiled rotten!

You sound lovely, I’m sorry your birthday was so shite! This is the problem with only having men in your life, I hope it’s not my future I’m also hoping you meant a tagine - and not a ravine!!

Happy birthday month op! Make it special and make it last. If these ungrateful so-and-so’s in your life can’t find a way to make it to you within the next couple of weeks then sell up, treat yourself and leave the b*stards! They obviously don’t appreciate what you’ve been doing for them and you need to look after yourself now🌹