To be totally pissed off....or am I a drama queen?

[Ratched]

It is a 'very' special birthday for me today.
I have a husband, two grown up some and a grand daughter, as well as assorted friends.
I have a father I shop and clean for 2 or 3 times a week. I have a brother I have taken in and supported when his marriage collapsed

At 4 pm, on the day of my special birthday + only call it this as Iakakee no fuss on any other day, I have a bunch of owners with a card from Moonpig.com
My friend brought me some personalised gifts which meant a lot, but from my family????
I shop, clean and do all of the admin (sell ing houses, organising dwp payments, cleaners, carers etc c for my dad.
Have given my brother a roof over his head when needed, as well as support.
Have not only subsidised DS to the nth degree, but now also supply child care.
Have supported second DC financially.

I am 60.
No one gives a toss.
I honestly and truly do not care about getting stuff.
Just a phone call saying Happy Birthday.

How ducking dad us my life at this age when I have 2 bloody cards. And one of them is from moonpig. With roses that probably cost a bomb but mean fuck all.
DH tells me it was the best he could do in a pandemic.
Weird.
I managed to get a unique, thoughtful gift that involved some thought from Etsy for his birthday a couple of weeks ago.
And a card. But that involved making some effort.
I am so deflated.
Busy making dinner, but surely any other husband would've cooking for their wife? Or arranging a takeaway?
I am pissed off beyond belief.

I would do nothing else for them at all. If they can't show they love and care about you by being thoughtful on your birthday then I seriously would do anything nice for their birthdays, go out of my way to help them etc. I told my Fiance about your post op and he was genuinely horrified!

sorry to hear this OP
special b'day for me too this week.
I have a living, cognisant parent, a brother, a husband (though separated we are amicable) and two teenagers (who have autism to be fair). All of whom I buy cards and thoughtful gifts for each year.
I didn't get so much as a card from any of them.
I bought myself a Cake from M&S (yellow ticketed, reduced from £15 to £5) but kids were 'too full after dinner' (that naturally I'd cooked. ExH was here to see kids so he stayed for dinner and then immediately buggered off). I did say to him that I thought he could have steered the kids to sort a card and he just said: 'it's a Pandemic, innit'. Yes, it is. and in the big scheme of things it doesn't matter: people are losing loved ones for Gods sake. But it still feels a bit crap.
I received a bunch of flowers and some posh chocs from 1 friend and a parcel (I'm saving for tomorrow) from another and for these I am very grateful as they made me feel appreciated. The chap I've been seeing for 4 years had promised me a (modest £20 job) new radio but actually sent a 2nd hand paperback (and, weirdly, a child's birthday card). The book arrived today. I already got it. Ho hum.
Onwards and upwards, OP, onwards and upwards. xxx

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Now, go put your feet up, order take away for YOU, and tell them all to go hang for a few hours.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OP!

They've been thoughtless.
They are taking you for granted.
You can't change how they behaved up until now, but you can change the future. Think about the changes you want in your life, and start making them.

YANBU.

sorry should say ExH husband (definately separated but amicable ie we go out with kids for each others Bdays as well as theirs, do Xmas 'together' for kids etc)

🎉🌟🎉🌟🎉🌟🎉🌟🎉🌟🎉
🎁6️⃣0️⃣🎁6️⃣0️⃣🎁6️⃣0️⃣🎁
💐💐 Happy birthday! 💐💐
🎁6️⃣0️⃣🎁6️⃣0️⃣🎁6️⃣0️⃣🎁
🎉🌟🎉🌟🎉🌟🎉🌟🎉🌟🎉

Definitely not being unreasonable. Everyone wants to feel appreciated.

Happy Birthday.

Because you are so capable and do everything for them they think you will buy your own birthday cards and presents. Well guess what. Stop waiting on them hand and foot. Tell them it’s your birthday and you expect presents and cards and dinner and attention. You are a star.

Happy birthday bet they don’t do it again.

Still not sure how Mumsnet works yet. I was just on another thread where poster is being called “grabby” for wanting more gifts.

Happy Birthday.

@RoosterTheRoost Either you havent read what i wrote, or i cannot express myself properly.
I do not care about presents, i just wanted, for once, to be made a fuss of, to be appreciated. It has nothing to do with monetary value.

Anyway, i have woken this morning in a different frame of mind. Lets be honest, in the overall scheme of things it is a ridiculous thing to get so upset about.
I wont say anything to them, its just not me, but I will be taking a step back from them all and do things that suit me, not them.

Thank you for all the good wishes and listening to me whinge😁

Perhaps you should say something. If they don't know you feel taken you for granted. They will continue to act this way and you will get more resentgul.

OP, I mean this kindly so I hope it comes across like that, but you have allowed them to take you for granted for years. You do everything for them, and they do nothing for you. And you do it all with a smile on your face and 'don't make a fuss.' Even now, you are already thinking that you won't say anything about how hurt you are. They have been almost conditioned to treat you like this over decades.

I would be telling dh that you're disappointed by his generic gift and inability to make even one thoughtful gesture, and telling both sons that you're very hurt that they didn't acknowledge your special birthday in any way. If you rarely cause a fuss, they'll know that you mean it.

This year, as you approach their birthdays, tell them that you plan to acknowledge their birthdays in the same manner that they acknowledged yours, with nothing.

Morning OP, your choice of actions today are compounding what they have not done. Not only are you confirming to them that they don't need to care about your feelings, you are encouraging them to treat others with such disrespect too.
Don't be a martyr, tell them they are a bunch of ungrateful nightmares and they hurt your feelings. They already take you for granted, allowing this to pass without discussing it truthfully will make them less decent people.

@Ratched
Belated birthday wishes, I have a similar one looming! (How the hell did that happen, hey?
I really get how you feel, or felt yesterday. It's because we want to be valued and appreciated, and the money spent is irrelevant. Please do as you say and step back a bit. You don't need to tell anyone why - no need for drama - just show them not tell them. Be a bit unavailable, less keen to jump in and help, they'll get the message. It took me a long time to realise that people value us as much as we value ourselves. I've had similar in my family, and it stings. But don't simmer with resentment, let it go, but change!

Honestly I think it’s better to say something, especially to your DC. ‘ I do so much for you guys a happy birthday and a bit of thought from you would have been very much appreciated’ or something like that. I think it’s better for a person’s health not to have any feelings of resentment etc.
Going forward I urge all women who have had birthdays ruined by lack of effort from family to plan something from themselves. I’d rather have the memory of a nice day than wait for others to get their act together.

Happy belated birthday!

🎂🎉🥂 🎈

Take a year off from buying any cards or presents for others and see if you get any moans - then tell them why

🥂
🥂 🥂
🥂. 🍾. 🥂
🥂 🎈🥳🎈. 🥂
🥂. 🎂. 🥂
🥂. 🥂
🥂

Don't do the pass agg thing and end up seething silently. It's childish and infuriating. Tell them you're pissed off and you deserve better.

They're selfish shits and you shouldn't need to tell them you deserve a fuss on your birthday but it's the only chance you've got of changing things.

I'm sorry op, I would have been fuming in your shoes, but it looks as though you're going to roll over, take it and do nothing about it.

You're being a martyr, no doubt you'll be back on here at Xmas or your next birthday moaning no one has done anything for you whilst continuing to bend over backwards for everyone else.

If you keep doing what you've always done, you always get what you've always got.

I don’t understand the passive aggressive seething.

It’s always the same on these threads too. Silent tears, not saying anything and just vowing to do less, which I imagine just leaves the family baffled as to ‘what’s up with Mum’, or ‘Mum’s in a mood’. If they’re so thoughtless that they’ve forgotten your birthday why would you assume they have the insight to know why you’ve suddenly stopped doing things for them? I don’t think it’s going to achieve the light bulb effect you’re hoping for.

Just send a simple text saying you’re very hurt they’ve forgotten your birthday and from now on you are going to prioritise yourself as clearly no one else does, and just leave it as that.

Happy birthday for yesterday!!! 🍾🎉🍷🧁🍰🍾🎈

I agree with the latest posters...you need to tell your family

My children are VERY well aware that I don’t care about getting a present but i would be very hurt and upset (and angry...gonna be honest here id be pissed and everyone would know about it) if I didn’t get a card, though i am happy with moonpig 😀

If it's constantly a way one street, stop walking down it. Stop bending over backwards for people, stop making their lives easier, stop facilitating free housing, food, childcare etc.
You deserved and deserve much better.

Re the Moonpig thing, I've started using them and thortful. I've never really bothered before but in lockdown your only choice is a supermarket. There were only three 21 cards in sainsburys the other day and half the family probably shop there. You get much more choice online.

You need to tell them how you feel