To be totally pissed off....or am I a drama queen?

[Ratched]

It is a 'very' special birthday for me today.
I have a husband, two grown up some and a grand daughter, as well as assorted friends.
I have a father I shop and clean for 2 or 3 times a week. I have a brother I have taken in and supported when his marriage collapsed

At 4 pm, on the day of my special birthday + only call it this as Iakakee no fuss on any other day, I have a bunch of owners with a card from Moonpig.com
My friend brought me some personalised gifts which meant a lot, but from my family????
I shop, clean and do all of the admin (sell ing houses, organising dwp payments, cleaners, carers etc c for my dad.
Have given my brother a roof over his head when needed, as well as support.
Have not only subsidised DS to the nth degree, but now also supply child care.
Have supported second DC financially.

I am 60.
No one gives a toss.
I honestly and truly do not care about getting stuff.
Just a phone call saying Happy Birthday.

How ducking dad us my life at this age when I have 2 bloody cards. And one of them is from moonpig. With roses that probably cost a bomb but mean fuck all.
DH tells me it was the best he could do in a pandemic.
Weird.
I managed to get a unique, thoughtful gift that involved some thought from Etsy for his birthday a couple of weeks ago.
And a card. But that involved making some effort.
I am so deflated.
Busy making dinner, but surely any other husband would've cooking for their wife? Or arranging a takeaway?
I am pissed off beyond belief.

If it makes you feel better, my birthday is just before Xmas and everyone forgets! I think people are struggling at the mo - I bet you your family and friends will remember and be in touch. if they don't, tell them how it made you feel!

Agree with |Browncoatwaffles, no bloody way would i be standing cooking.
Tell them all to fuck off make their own AND clean up, go get yourself some chocolate, flowers ,champagne, face mask ect and a good book. go and block the bathroom, do not leave till your skin has peeled and youve drunk ALL the champagne, then go downstairs and take over the remote.
SELFISH pigs!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY. x

Sorry to be blunt but we’re in a global pandemic and lockdown. People have bigger things to think about than a birthday.

All the more reason to be kind to people, in my opinion. I and my daughter both had birthdays recently. No-one could do what we all wanted to do for each other and would normally do. But it made us try even harder to do what we could and be imaginative. Because we love each other.

We couldn't be in each other's homes, nor could we share a birthday cake. But it didn't stop me making one big cake and two small cakes, delivering the big one to birthday daughter's door, a small one to her sister's door, and keeping one for me, so we could all share 'the cake' together and zoom.
And my daughter (it was tier 3 then) came round to my garden on my birthday and decorated it with banners, ordered a fancy gastropub takeaway to eat outside, and brought a home made cake. The other daughter zoomed with us.

Like I say, you love people, you make difficult times as nice as you can for them. And surely having fun on someone's birthday benefits the giver too?

Happy Birthday op x

I'd sooner have roses - albeit in January they are the most boring flower you can buy - than the kind of gift most men think is imaginative/personal.
If he's the kind of man who thinks roses hit the spot, you wouldn't want to let him loose in a jewellery shop. He'd only go to Samuel's, anyway. You'd probably end up with a charm bracelet, ie boring presents for the rest of your life.
Cheer up. Phone a nice local restaurant that's doing takeaways. And enjoy the rest of your birthday.
PS You need a gay best friend. They are brilliant at presents!

Sorry to be blunt but we’re in a global pandemic and lockdown. People have bigger things to think about than a birthday

funny how most folks managed to do christmas pretty well and a pandemic didnt interfere with that. It doesnt take much to have a little thought about someones big birthday. My friend had a big birthday and we managed to send lovely, thoughtful gifts. Managed a zoom get together. A pandemic doesnt excuse none of the OP DC getting her a card, making her dinner, getting a gift or just showing a little bit of effort- its shit and i would be pissed off

@HikeForward sorry but what bollocks. How much effort would it be for OP’s closest friends and family to have sent a card, a message or something to acknowledge their love for her? Because that’s how, as a society, we do that.

You’re making a load of excuses that don’t stack up. I believe Amazon are still in business and stock quite a variety of items. As do many, many other stores. Texts messages and phone calls are cheap yet meaningful. OP has had almost nothing. That’s bloody hurtful.

OP I really hope you will take stock and also find the courage to tell your family how bitterly sad you are. Be less available. Consider booking yourself a big treat for some point in the future. Have a think about what you want from the next decade. Don’t worry about making anyone feel bad, they won’t feel as bad as you or I would anyway.

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY. And more, have an excellent and fabdecade ahead in which you prioritise yourself.

That’s rotten, sorry to hear that and Happy Birthday
Easier said than done but maybe it’s time to leave them all to their own devices
Hope your day improves

[quote Fuckingcrustybread]@Ratched
Happy Birthday for today, 💐🥂🎉
@BerlinCalling
She got cards and presents! Just not enough for her liking and now shes being a martyr in the kitchen
Spiteful, nasty comment from you.[/quote]
Right back atcha 🤣

Happy Birthday OP 🍷

I’ve been where you are. I said nothing BUT when their birthdays came around I gave them exactly what they got me - Nothing!! - Except my student DD who bought me a present.

My eldest DS who has a very well paid job had the cheek to message me on his birthday asking if I had transferred money into his account (which is what I’ve always done since he moved away) as he hadn’t received it. I just told him I had spent his birthday money on something for myself as, since I didn’t receive anything from him for my birthday, I thought we weren’t doing birthdays any more.

My eldest DD hurt me the most. I look after her young children 5 days a week, 50 weeks of the year. I did not receive as much as a card from them 😥 I have bought GC a birthday and Xmas present but not DD or her DH.

I also told DH that in future I will buy my own presents for my birthday and he can do the same for his.

I agree with everyone else.... take this weekend to pamper yourself and buggar them all 🥂🍾

I just would forget their birthdays now

Bloody hell, stand up and be counted OP.
Feel the force and tell the ungrateful fuckers that you won’t be giving free childcare, or cooking as you feel undervalued and immensely sad.
Clearly the only person that loves and values you is yourself. You are withdrawing all support for them going forward, and will be devoting it to yourself.

Watch them panic...stop being a doormat.

WTF? Why are you cooking?
Pour yourself some wine.
Sit and watch favourite tv/read book.
See what happens...

Happy birthday!! Get yourself a takeaway. Go onto Etsy and get yourself a lovely piece of jewellery. Crack open some champagne. Treat yourself and console yourself with the knowledge that you’ll never have to bother about buying another present again.

Ok op, so my mum is 52 this weekend. Usually I plan for us to go away together for a spa weekend but because of covid I can't do that. Instead I have brought the present she wanted and asked for, brought her a big box of her favourite chocolates, arranged for afternoon tea to be delivered to her, will buy and arrange flowers for her and am buying some things to make her favourite cocktail. You absolutely can make a birthday special in lockdown with a little thought and effort. Right now I'm wishing I was your daughter because, after all you do for your family, you deserve a little thought and care. Virtual and for you. And a very happy 60th birthday!

I would also be reassessing the amount of help and time you give to these people. Do something just for you.

@MarleyTheDog oh, that's awful,! I am so sorry.
I am not one to make a huge do of any event, which probably explains it.... ' she isn't arsed'. But I am! I just want some acknowledgement of all the effort I make.
Just once.
And I would have thought this was the perfect opportunity.

Anyway, thanks to EVERYONE for their birthday wishes - genuinely much appreciated

Yanbu meanie ok meanies

Glad to see voting thinks same

Ol’ meanies

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OP

Your family sound very thoughtless.

@MarleyTheDog that awful after everything you do

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Tell them.
I read something a while back - a character who had put all her effort into looking after her husband and now adult son. She had expected nothing and asked for nothing in return and suddenly realised that’s exactly what she had got. It was a good book and that was her epiphany moment ... anyway back to you and HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN.

When my sons got their first jobs having also left home, they “forgot” my birthday. I was extremely upset. I didn’t hide it from them. Made it pretty clear that some acknowledgement is needed with those you love.
In fairness they forgot their dads that year too- I read them riot act on that too. Since then they have not forgotten and since then have got better and better at some lovely surprise and thoughtful presents. We really appreciate their thoughtfulness openly to the, and it’s now a bit of a virtuous circle.
So, don’t stay quiet..call them out. Tell them how you feel and that it’s not woman’s work to be only one to remember birthdays. That remembering special dates is not a magical gift some people have. And with mobile phones and their calendar with annual reminders there is absolutely no excuse. Spell it out.
Tell your husband if he doesn’t have imagination of what to get he can ask you for a list of options- you could find say 10 things on line with links with him to choose 1 of them...that way you still get a surprise he has chosen.

@Ratched

I am obviously more peed off than I thought

Congratulations on your 60th! Happy birthday!

sorry but what bollocks. How much effort would it be for OP’s closest friends and family to have sent a card, a message or something to acknowledge their love for her? Because that’s how, as a society, we do that.
You’re making a load of excuses that don’t stack up. I believe Amazon are still in business and stock quite a variety of items. As do many, many other stores. Texts messages and phone calls are cheap yet meaningful. OP has had almost nothing. That’s bloody hurtful.

How do you know what’s going on in their lives? Especially with so many people getting ill with covid or worrying about others who are ill.

My point was, perhaps they just forgot. Because if someone is unwell, recovering, waiting for a test or worried about a relative/friend with covid (let’s face it most of us are worried just now) or highly stressed, or juggling kids and wfh, or facing job loss or financial ruin due to the pandemic... it’s quite easy for a birthday to slip your mind.

Lovely if you have the energy, time and headspace to make and deliver a birthday cake, or cook a 3-course meal to show your love, or arrange a surprise delivery from a restaurant.

People show love in different ways. Doing fun surprises for somebody’s birthday isn’t proof you love them more than the person who sent the Moonpig card (or the son who remembered a week late and said ‘sorry mum, I was stressed over work, I’ll book you a spa weekend when lockdown’s over’.

I don’t know many people who make a big thing of their birthdays in adulthood tbh. It’s hard enough keeping up with all the kids birthdays let alone the adults!

HikeForward I disagree with you. I think adult DC should acknowledge their mum’s big birthday. My DC sent me messsges on the day of my 50th, they didn’t manage presents but the waking up to some sweet messages was really nice.