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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU To expect an apology from my MIL

167 replies

quicklybeingdrivenmad · 15/01/2021 15:27

MIL has always been very outspoken and I have put up with a lot over the last 20 years (even though most people including her sons and husband would agree that she is often wrong, infuriating and down right rude) Normally I would just say nothing and let it wash over me, but yesterday she broke me down, it was my mum's funeral and with the snow our area was brought to a standstill, (even though day before weather forecast just said light snow) I hastily had to ask elderly relatives and family not to travel and arrange for the hearse just to go to the crematorium as I did not want to put anyone in danger or for them to get stranded. Myself and my brother were already feeling massively guilty (as when we buried dad most of the village and all their friends and family came and it was a lovely celebration off his life) to not be able to do this for mum, upset me, so after a frantic morning I just assumed my MIL and FIL who live 5 minutes walk away from the crematorium would be the only other people there, but no I get a phone call saying she is not coming but FIL will walk, not a problem, but concludes the call with "cannot believe the weather always knew your mother was cold but this is her taking the p**s" and did not want her husband walking, told them not to bother, my mother was not cold she was the nicest person hence about 100 sympathy cards so many messages apologizing that due to the weather they could not come and stand outside just to pay their respects, I got through yesterday somehow but have told DH and FIL am done unless she changes her attitude

OP posts:
DontWannaBeObamasElf · 15/01/2021 15:29

Wow, what a bitch. Expect an ice age when she dies then.

So sorry for your loss Flowers

WhateverJudy · 15/01/2021 15:29

I’m sorry about your mum. That’s unforgivably nasty of your MiL and that would be the end for me, if your husband wants to see her he can but I’d have nothing more to do with her unless she apologised in a genuine and meaningful way (sounds unlikely). I hope it didn’t affect you too much on an already awful day. Perhaps you could plan a bigger memorial for your lovely mum a bit later when more people can attend Flowers

BrokenCircle · 15/01/2021 15:31

Wow! I’d be cutting contact with her after that.

Same4Walls · 15/01/2021 15:31

An apology isn't likely to be sincere. It's not going to change her and nothing can undo what was said. I'd honestly never speak to her again for such an unthinkably cruel comment.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/01/2021 15:32

That is breathtaking.

I’m so sorry you’ve lost your lovely mumFlowers

Don’t bother asking for an apology. She won’t mean it. To be capable of saying something like it shows exactly what a heartless bitch she is and you don’t need someone like that in your life while you’re grieving, or ever.

EllyNC · 15/01/2021 15:33

I’m so sorry about your mum, and the circumstances. I hope you’re able to have a big celebration of her life when this is over (and that you tell your MIL and FIL they aren’t welcome). Your MIL sounds like a bitch and I would be keeping my distance from now on if I were you. What a horrible thing to say.

MedusasBadHairDay · 15/01/2021 15:33

That's awful OP, YANBU at all. MIL absolutely doesn't deserve any of your attention or energy.

I am so sorry for your loss Flowers

MrsSiriusBlack1 · 15/01/2021 15:33

Your mil is a grade A twat. What a horrible thing to say you Flowers sorry for your loss.

Hoppinggreen · 15/01/2021 15:34

Sorry about your mum
If MIL apologies she won’t mean it so there’s no point, just go NC with the cow

Doffodils · 15/01/2021 15:34

Wow, in MIL threads I usually think people are looking to be offended but in this case I'm not sure any apology would be enough.

It won't help you to hold on to this though and I doubt you'll get your apology, so keep well away.

BornIn78 · 15/01/2021 15:35

I wouldn't even want an apology, after that, an apology isn't enough. I'd never speak to the witch ever again.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 15/01/2021 15:35

Oof! That's one mean spirited woman!

Flowers

Let your DH deal with her! You no longer have to have any contact with her at all!

stealthninjamum · 15/01/2021 15:36

I’m so sorry for your loss.

That is just an unbelievably wankerish thing to say. The problem is someone who can say something like that will never sincerely apologise, they’re just not a nice person. I would just cut contact because if she apologised you’d know she didn’t mean it and it would be hard for you to get over it.

I hope your h is being supportive.

Santaiscovidfree · 15/01/2021 15:36

Change her name in your phone to Cold Hearted Bitch...
And block her number..
I had my exh under an offensive me and it felt like a middle finger up whenever he text /rang me. Not petty me!
Imo your dh needs to deal with her in future.
Tell him you are done.. Sorry for your loss.

Suzi888 · 15/01/2021 15:36

So sorry you weren’t able to celebrate your mum’s life the way you wanted to.

MIL isn’t worth thinking about, I would cease contact with her.

OhCaptain · 15/01/2021 15:38

Jesus what a bitch!

I wouldn’t be able to speak to her even after what will be a completely insincere ‘apology’.

ArtemisBean · 15/01/2021 15:38

Whaaaat?!? Nobody says that about someone on the day of their FUNERAL. To that person's DAUGHTER. Unforgivable. I hope your DH is appalled and will be having words with her asap.

OooErrThor · 15/01/2021 15:39

Wow, that's a whole new level of nastiness.

Sending you a huge hug OP for everything you are going through Thanks

Piffle11 · 15/01/2021 15:41

Apology or not, I wouldn’t be talking to her again. She has gone way beyond what can be forgiven. She sounds like the sort of person who believes she is never in the wrong, so any apology would be half-hearted. Don’t wait around for it.

MsTSwift · 15/01/2021 15:42

Is there something wrong with her? I mean that comment is so awful it’s beyond the realms of normal behaviour. I would have nothing more to do with her.

icelollycraving · 15/01/2021 15:42

I’m so sorry for your loss Flowers
Your mil is an absolute disgrace. I would respond and say that if she found your lovely mum cold, she is in for a hell of a frosty future without your support.

ScienceSensibility · 15/01/2021 15:42

So sorry you had to hear that on the day of your mother’s funeral. Awful to have to give headspace to such an awful remark.
Even if she really disliked your mother (?) most people would know to keep their mouths shut on such a day.
She must be a piece of work.
I’m very sorry for your loss, and also sad that you have such a spiteful mother in law.
I would never even acknowledge her existence again.
If she tried to justify her remark via a fake apology I would probably launch myself at her, and I am a very peaceful person.

Take care OP. Bereavement is fucking awful and I hope you are well supported by your partner.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/01/2021 15:43

Why would you want a fake apology from a horrible person who isn't even remotely sorry? She said what she did deliberately. She wanted to hurt you. Cut the woman completely out of your life.

OliviaKeeling · 15/01/2021 15:43

Wow. Not only the comment but her timing!

What an evil woman. Try not to focus on her, remember your mum as she was, a lovely person. Flowers

QuizzlyBear · 15/01/2021 15:44

No you're definitely not BU! Jesus the woman is a stone cold bitch. Feel free to cut her out of your life if it'll help. What was your DH's reaction?

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mum, she sounds like a wonderful person Thanks