AIBU To expect an apology from my MIL

[quicklybeingdrivenmad]

MIL has always been very outspoken and I have put up with a lot over the last 20 years (even though most people including her sons and husband would agree that she is often wrong, infuriating and down right rude) Normally I would just say nothing and let it wash over me, but yesterday she broke me down, it was my mum's funeral and with the snow our area was brought to a standstill, (even though day before weather forecast just said light snow) I hastily had to ask elderly relatives and family not to travel and arrange for the hearse just to go to the crematorium as I did not want to put anyone in danger or for them to get stranded. Myself and my brother were already feeling massively guilty (as when we buried dad most of the village and all their friends and family came and it was a lovely celebration off his life) to not be able to do this for mum, upset me, so after a frantic morning I just assumed my MIL and FIL who live 5 minutes walk away from the crematorium would be the only other people there, but no I get a phone call saying she is not coming but FIL will walk, not a problem, but concludes the call with "cannot believe the weather always knew your mother was cold but this is her taking the p**s" and did not want her husband walking, told them not to bother, my mother was not cold she was the nicest person hence about 100 sympathy cards so many messages apologizing that due to the weather they could not come and stand outside just to pay their respects, I got through yesterday somehow but have told DH and FIL am done unless she changes her attitude

Awful woman and absolutely unforgiveable thing to say. So sorry for your loss

Just wow! That was definitely deliberate. She thought about that one beforehand. Did she actually apologise when she called? Does she think all is fine now? I would definitely say it sounds like she was jealous of your Mum. Sounds like she was a great person and she knows people wouldn't think that of her.

Very sorry to hear about your mum and the circumstances around the funeral. Very upsetting for you.

Re the MIL. I would never speak to her ever again in my life. She could stuff any apology she makes - and was probably forced to apologise by her husband, so it would be meaningless anyway.

I don't think there can be any comeback from this. It's outrageously mean.

I'm sorry but I'd be done after that.

There is no apology good enough to make up for what she said.

I'd work to maintain a relationship with FIL but I would have nothing to do with MIL again.

Your DH should be backing you on that, OP. What she said was literally unforgiveable.

Forgot to say, so sorry for your loss, OP.

Please try to focus on happy memories of your Mum now, not the trouble your MIL is causing at this time.

Honestly, what a cow.

I'm so sorry for your loss, and sorry that you couldn't have the funeral you wanted. Hopefully, you can have a lovely memorial service at a later date.
As for your MIL, you have done the right thing. You don't need that toxicity in your life. Go NC and stick to it.

Just. Wow. So sorry for your sad loss, your MIL is a complete selfish cow. Go NC, let your DH deal with her from now on.

My MIL was a bit like that when my DM died years ago, I was devastated, trying to hold my younger sister and our three kids between us, all under the age of 10, together mentally in their grief, she rang me and said sorry for your loss, but then started to say how I had to pull myself together and carry on regardless (she didn’t want any of my grief to hit her DS, my DP and therefore in any way take away from him being looked after by me) she is something else. I stopped ignoring her crap and called her out everytime afterwards to current date. Thank fuck she lives three thousand miles away!

Much love and condolences on your sad loss x

Emigrate

The main thing here is your grief. She is a nobody.

This is the most unbelievably insensitive thing I have ever heard. What an awful thing to say.

Absolutely don’t back down.

Sending you huge hugs and wine, it must be awful for you to have lost your mother. Especially at the moment xx

Awful thing to say. And, even if your mum had been the worst person ever, it's still unacceptable to slag her off to her daughter, on the day of the funeral

Please tell us your DH shares your feelings here and is going to tell his mother to stick her non apology and never bother you again.

all you have said is totally how I feel DH just has a massive row with MIL which is not easy for him, but she rang again to discuss finances cos of my inheritance so maybe she should make theirs more in favour of younger brother FFS do not need it, dont want it I just want to grieve my lovely mum and pay tribute to my lovely dad who passed 4 years ago DH has hung up so this could get complicated

I'm so sorry for your loss and so sorry you had deal with that on top of everything else. It was very wrong and you are entirely justified in feeling extremely hurt and offended at a time you should be being supported by those around you. Have a virtual hug. (). It's awful having to deal with a funeral at the moment anyway, without all the additional weather complications, and then such rudeness on top!

The only thing I can possibly suggest (and this is a thing, I know it from personal experience) is that sometimes we can say the most stupid things when we are stressed and/ or grieving. I still curl up inside when I think of something I said to someone at my mother's funeral years ago. I think your DH and FIL need to take this up with her and point out how hurtful what she said was. Give her a chance to reflect and apologise. It won't make everything all right, but it would at least be a start. If she doesn't then you are perfectly justified in maintaining a dignified distance going forwards.

The very best of luck to you, x

Wow.. I'm so sorry, for all you are going through.
I wouldn't ever forgive that.
It was needlessly cruel.

She’s doubling down isn’t she. I mean discussing inheritance on the day you said goodbye to your mum?!

She’s in another level of total bitchiness and please never ever talk to her again.

Pot kettle black: sorry about your mum x

Christ it gets worse !
Well done your DH. Get yourself a drink or , unplug / switch off the phone and unwind for the night. I found getting my old photos out or videos and having a few nibbles while I cried and laughed in equal measure really helped. Lots of love

I would personally never speak to her again

That's horrible, I'd not have put up with her for 10 mins let alone 20 years.
Do you have any need to continue contact, because I'd be ignoring her and not seeing her again.
So sorry for your loss

Has she got no bloody filter or brain?!

How disgusting of her .unbelievable

She is talking about inheritance as a message to your DH that if you don't "forgive her" or toe the line with her, he won' t get his inheritance. Total Bitch.

@quicklybeingdrivenmad

all you have said is totally how I feel DH just has a massive row with MIL which is not easy for him, but she rang again to discuss finances cos of my inheritance so maybe she should make theirs more in favour of younger brother FFS do not need it, dont want it I just want to grieve my lovely mum and pay tribute to my lovely dad who passed 4 years ago DH has hung up so this could get complicated

It’s sounds like their is something amiss here. To lack an awareness or level of empathy like this strikes me as really unusual.

Sorry she’s acting like this and making the time harder for you than it already is.

I would suggest Your need to block her and your oh needs to deal with any comments he gets from her without passing them on to you for a while. You don’t need to even hear about her comments second hand.

I’m sorry for the loss of your Mum OP

Your MIL on the other hand is an utter cunt and I would be done with her forever. There is absolutely NO coming back from this for me.

Even if she did apologise she’d be told to fuck right off! How dare she?!?!?