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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU To expect an apology from my MIL

167 replies

quicklybeingdrivenmad · 15/01/2021 15:27

MIL has always been very outspoken and I have put up with a lot over the last 20 years (even though most people including her sons and husband would agree that she is often wrong, infuriating and down right rude) Normally I would just say nothing and let it wash over me, but yesterday she broke me down, it was my mum's funeral and with the snow our area was brought to a standstill, (even though day before weather forecast just said light snow) I hastily had to ask elderly relatives and family not to travel and arrange for the hearse just to go to the crematorium as I did not want to put anyone in danger or for them to get stranded. Myself and my brother were already feeling massively guilty (as when we buried dad most of the village and all their friends and family came and it was a lovely celebration off his life) to not be able to do this for mum, upset me, so after a frantic morning I just assumed my MIL and FIL who live 5 minutes walk away from the crematorium would be the only other people there, but no I get a phone call saying she is not coming but FIL will walk, not a problem, but concludes the call with "cannot believe the weather always knew your mother was cold but this is her taking the p**s" and did not want her husband walking, told them not to bother, my mother was not cold she was the nicest person hence about 100 sympathy cards so many messages apologizing that due to the weather they could not come and stand outside just to pay their respects, I got through yesterday somehow but have told DH and FIL am done unless she changes her attitude

OP posts:
Serin · 15/01/2021 18:53

Cut her out of your life as a tribute to your Mum, because the one thing your DMum would want is for you to be happy. Flowers
I have lit a candle here for you and your DMum.

BlueSussex · 15/01/2021 18:59

@BrokenCircle

Wow! I’d be cutting contact with her after that.
Me too.

What an utter cunt

chocolateisavegetable · 15/01/2021 19:00

I am wondering whether she might have Borderline Personality Disorder. I am in no way suggesting that you should resume normal contact in case she does - it just might it easier for you to know that it isn't personal. I am so very sorry for your loss and that you had such a vile comment on such a very difficult day.

BrutusMcDogface · 15/01/2021 19:09

It’s not often my jaw literally drops open, but it did on reading your op. What an absolute shit she is.

I’m so sorry for your loss, and wouldn’t t blame you if you never wanted to see mil again. What a nasty piece of work she is!

Serin · 15/01/2021 19:14

chocolateisavegetable Whether she has a personality disorder or not, she doesn't have the right to impact on someone else's life like this and OP does not have any responsibility to try to fix her.

LadyEloise · 15/01/2021 19:16

@quicklybeingdrivenmad
Sympathy to you on your loss. You and your Mum had a special relationship. You will grieve for her.
One consolation- no one will grieve for your mil.

Twisique · 15/01/2021 19:20

She is jealous, she has to make the day all about her.

quicklybeingdrivenmad · 15/01/2021 19:23

She has problems but will not get them diagnosed apparently she has aggrophibia and anxiety have seen this but then goes tescos morrisons lidl cos this in her comfortht zone so after mum and dad having alzheimers dementia I did think about dis orders and suggested she came out with me just for a walk got shot down and then suggested she got professional help DH agreed MIL FIL and BIL shot me down even after DH explained I knew the signs

OP posts:
FatCatThinCat · 15/01/2021 19:24

I was thinking jealous too, and bitter. My mum is the same that's why I've been no contact for years.

Sorry for you loss OP.

MustardMitt · 15/01/2021 19:32

She would be dead to me. What a horrible, nasty thing to say - coupled with the rest of it I would be telling DH I don't ever want to see or speak to her again, and she can do whatever the fuck she likes with her money and herself as far as I'm concerned.

I'm sorry for your loss Flowers

Buggeredpelvicfloor2013 · 15/01/2021 19:35

Gosh I am so sorry OP 😞 sending love. X

boon · 15/01/2021 19:37

Thats disgusting! I wouldn't ever speak to her again. Cut all contact.

Daleksatemyshed · 15/01/2021 20:01

Don't usually feel the need to comment twice on AIBU but your MIL is something else, what a nasty, twisted old cow. I don't care what MH problems she has there is NO excuse for being so utterly vile on the day of your DM's funeral. If you ever speak to this woman again then you're a much better person than I am. I'm sorry you have to put up with this shit

TrickQuestions · 15/01/2021 20:06

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother Thanks

As for your MiL, it's definitely for the best that you cut all ties with her. If she thinks she can get away with insulting you and your mother's memory on her actual funeral day then she will try and get away with even worse after her fake apology.

My FIL sounds very much like your MIL- he is very cutting and rude, thinks he can say what he wants about everybody and we all have to just take it. In addition, he is a very emotionally abusive man anyway, but his relationship with us all has become more and more toxic as the years have passed. He tries to control us all and he has us on egg shells at all times. This time last year, after 15 years of him insulting me and being rude to and about my family, I finally had enough. I have been NC with him since New Years Day last year and it's been the best year ever not having to see or speak to him. It's like a weight has been lifted and I feel free and easy without him in my life. He can't understand it at all as he's used to be pandered to and he keeps sending flying monkeys out to me to try and convince me I've overreacted. But I'm standing firm because I've realised how much happier I am not having to ever deal with him again. Every Christmas for the last ten years I've suffered extreme anxiety from around 20th December until well into February. Every year I've put it down to SAD but this year I haven't had it at all. I'm starting to think that the stress of seeing him repeatedly over Christmas and New Year was sending me into a high state of anxiety and it's just confirmed to me that going NC is 100% the right thing for me to do.

quicklybeingdrivenmad · 15/01/2021 20:21

That how I felt every christmas since dad died and mum had to move into the home, like I should be grateful that we have xmas with them actually ordered my own food this year hoping boris would cancel xmas and we could just stay home apparently I also offended her xmas day cos she has made up some games I went to the nursing home to sit with mum for a couple of hours she refused to play them until I got back DH was mortified and we left asap

OP posts:
Wishihadanalgorithm · 15/01/2021 21:07

OP, I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

Obviously you are going NC with this piece of shit but I think you and DH should both go NC with her. She is an evil bitch and deserves nothing not even one thought from you.

LadyEloise · 15/01/2021 21:10

Do you have children ?
Why do you pander to her ?
No contact. End of.

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