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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU To expect an apology from my MIL

167 replies

quicklybeingdrivenmad · 15/01/2021 15:27

MIL has always been very outspoken and I have put up with a lot over the last 20 years (even though most people including her sons and husband would agree that she is often wrong, infuriating and down right rude) Normally I would just say nothing and let it wash over me, but yesterday she broke me down, it was my mum's funeral and with the snow our area was brought to a standstill, (even though day before weather forecast just said light snow) I hastily had to ask elderly relatives and family not to travel and arrange for the hearse just to go to the crematorium as I did not want to put anyone in danger or for them to get stranded. Myself and my brother were already feeling massively guilty (as when we buried dad most of the village and all their friends and family came and it was a lovely celebration off his life) to not be able to do this for mum, upset me, so after a frantic morning I just assumed my MIL and FIL who live 5 minutes walk away from the crematorium would be the only other people there, but no I get a phone call saying she is not coming but FIL will walk, not a problem, but concludes the call with "cannot believe the weather always knew your mother was cold but this is her taking the p**s" and did not want her husband walking, told them not to bother, my mother was not cold she was the nicest person hence about 100 sympathy cards so many messages apologizing that due to the weather they could not come and stand outside just to pay their respects, I got through yesterday somehow but have told DH and FIL am done unless she changes her attitude

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Halfagonyhalfhope · 15/01/2021 18:19

This woman doesn't understand boundaries.

Changeismyname · 15/01/2021 18:20

That is possibly one of the worst things I’ve ever read on here and that is saying something. I am so sorry about your mum, OP.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 15/01/2021 18:20

The inheritance thing now sounds like she's lost the plot. ☹️💕

Minky37 · 15/01/2021 18:21

Jesus Christ.... she’s angling for an argument one way or another isn’t she?

Yohoheaveho · 15/01/2021 18:21

dont cut contact, you have grounds to destroy her now, how ya gonna do that if you never see her?

VinylDetective · 15/01/2021 18:22

Now she’s talking about inheritance? Ffs, she really is plumbing new depths.

Indecisive12 · 15/01/2021 18:23

She’s just adding to this awful time for you and demanding the attention. I’m glad your DH is on your side and hung up. Seriously go no contact, if he wants contact he can but you shouldn’t have to give her the time of day for how she’s treating you. But of course right now you need to grieve not let her take up your headspace x

bigbird1969 · 15/01/2021 18:23

EdersonsSmileyTattoo totally agree

AdoraBell · 15/01/2021 18:24

So sorry for your loss 💐

Well done answering back 👍 now stand firm and stick to your guns. She won’t change her attitude, because she’s right and anyone who doesn’t bow to her is wrong.

Don’t do anything for her, Christmas or birthday gifts, especially not Mother’s Day, no visits or favours. Leave it all to DH. Just behave like she has never existed.

quicklybeingdrivenmad · 15/01/2021 18:25

Told DH thats me over which is hard when I only have brother SIS and boys he has brother nephews we never see due to a divorce MIL will never,want to see FIL I work with and he is so ashamed kids have been coming her without here knowing but then BIL decided too much work for him so not seen then for last 3 months do not understand

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GabsAlot · 15/01/2021 18:27

how awful so sorry for your loss op and it bring up inhertiance aswell how scummy

Kitdeluca1 · 15/01/2021 18:28

Personally I’d want nothing more to do with her, she could shove her apology up her arse!

Sorry about your mum OP❤️

Love51 · 15/01/2021 18:29

Suggest to husband that he screens calls for the rest of the weekend to allow you to grieve. Tell him you are done supporting them, he will probably want to continue a relationship with them but should allow you space from that.

CopperBeechLeaf · 15/01/2021 18:29

Bloody hell! I have seen some mil shit on here but that takes the biscuit. I’m so sorry about your lovely mum.

Time to fight fire with fire - never ever filter/be polite with her again!!

Flowers
AdoraBell · 15/01/2021 18:30

Just seen your update about the inheritance, when it comes up again, get DH to say the cat/dog/whichever charity that would annoy her most, will be grateful for the donation.

I’m assuming she isn’t an animal lover.

quicklybeingdrivenmad · 15/01/2021 18:35

OMG had to laugh at Christmas gifts she gives me a list which always includes a jigsaw so got it as normal 500 pieces or less she hates it she did same last year take it back to the shop for a refund along with M&S jumper give it to me cos its online return only No we have done it returned your items for a swap no refunds so bought new stuff you owe us £100 and BTW past the return date

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quicklybeingdrivenmad · 15/01/2021 18:36

at Andorabell she claims to love them untrue

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Santaiscovidfree · 15/01/2021 18:38

It ime isn't complicated to go - and stay - nc with awful ils..
And yours are awful.

Been 6 years now. Bliss op. Pure bliss. Even dh feels much happier after the initial shock.
Do not get involved with dh dealing with her. He needs to make his own nc decision...
I bit my tongue and let dh deal with his dm.

wasgoingmadinthecountry · 15/01/2021 18:38

Is she related to my MIL?

So sorry for your loss, she's obviously an utter bitch. No, don't expect an apology.

wizzbangfizz · 15/01/2021 18:40

Nasty bitch, Thanks sorry for your loss OP

wasgoingmadinthecountry · 15/01/2021 18:41

@santaiscovidfree same here but much longer. Sadly they don't speak to dh or their 4 lovely grandchildren. I say they, dh wasn't even informed that his father (who lived a mile and a half up the road had died. He found out when he phoned them to say hello on his 60th birthday last June. MIL then informed him his dad had died the previous February but she wasn't sure he'd be interested. Class act!!

MatildaTheCat · 15/01/2021 18:46

Time for you to take after your DM. Give her the cold shoulder forevermore.

Truly sorry for your loss. Please don’t let this unpleasant individual take over his time.

HelloThereMeHearties · 15/01/2021 18:48

Dear god. What a horrific woman. You definitely need to cut her out of your life!

Sorry for your loss Flowers

quicklybeingdrivenmad · 15/01/2021 18:49

He agrees we are over and done I would always be the person that gives anyone last chance he would always cut people off his quote not mine "she got away with it cos she was my mum " have pointed out he can still be there for her just not me and I will not make it difficult cos when it comes down to it she is his mum and having lost mine would hope his sorts herself out and they can have a relationship x

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AdoraBell · 15/01/2021 18:52

Wonderful, she pretends to love animals so it will really annoy her because clearly deep down she has no interest in animals 👍