What am I hearing from nextdoor neighbours?

[worriedneighbour1]

DH and I moved into new home around a year ago. We have neighbours on one side; Husband, Wife and one DD (approx 8 years old).

Before the first UK lockdown, we'd frequently hear Wife and DD having morning screaming matches lasting 20 minutes or so, very regularly, maybe 3 times a week. DH reckoned it sounded like stressful school routine. It woke us up what feels like a million times.

Things quietened down for a bit, but have really taken off again in the last couple of months. We hear screaming/shouting/banging, almost every day or every other day. Especially upstairs in the mornings and evenings. The DD really screams and crys and sometimes sounds very worked up.

The problem is it's mostly all in another language so we can't tell if it's something like "I've told you a thousand times to get your shoes on!" or something worse.

It just sounds so alarming to me, especially when the husband joins in, which happens less often. Monthly perhaps.

We didn't have anything like this in my house when I grew up. Occasional tantrums and some arguing between DPs, but nothing like this and not almost every day.

DH and I dont have any DCs so are trying to figure out what's 'normal.'

I'm not aware of any learning difficulties. We don't know them very well at all with the language barrier, just friendly hellos over the fence.

AIBU to report it (to who!?) or could this be normal?

@Goingtothebudgies

There's shouting - every day or 2, once and for 20 minutes. Not exactly a clear case of child abuse, is it? At an age when a lot of children are difficult. Get to know them. Get to know the child. Offer help if they need some.

Have you read the thread?

To those who have said shouting can be normal in some cultures, thank you for that, but this isn't just shouting. This is one parent screaming at her DD, only to be interrupted by screaming (I mean screaming, very loud and high pitched) in return and wailing / crying

To those who replied to say what I have been hearing could be classed as 'normal' thank you also. Reading your examples has made me realise that what you describe is, in fact, completely different to what I am hearing, which is not at all normal.

Just to reiterate... I cannot knock on the door and have a chat. They don't speak English at all.

And again. Both adult and child are screaming. Back and forth. It is not one-sided. Child also crys/wails amidst the screaming.

Do you know that neither the adults not the child speak English? The child must do, surely? If the family have lived here for over a year, the adults will speak some too.

Anyway, I have read the thread, and I understand that you've already informed the school, so job done. I imagine that the school are able to speak to parents who don't have a high level of English (but will almost certainly speak some).

From further up the thread, someone blamed the Jamie Bulger murder on people being reluctant to report concerns to the authorities.
But in the Bulger case, what people failed to do was to make direct contact. What it needed was someone going up to Jamie and the 2 boys and talking to them. To get a sense of what was going on. That would probably have prevented the murder. But no-one was prepared even to talk to primary age children. Calling the police probably wouldn't have helped - the boys would have been long gone by the time the police arrived, even assuming they'd bothered to come.
I was involved in something slightly similar. After church, I walked into the church car park with 2 other women from church. People were starting to arrive to get into their cars and drive off. We saw a very young boy who was regularly in church - he was about 2. He was on his own and was running around the car park. It was obviously a highly risky situation for him to be in. The 2 women commented that someone should really do something about it. They then continued to head towards their cars. I caught the boy and took him back to the church, where his family were hunting for him frantically. He could easily have been knocked over by a car backing out of its space. I still feel shocked by those 2 women. But I think there are lots of people like them.

goingbudgies I think close to 30 people sighted the boys and james bulger. And did nothing..
I watched 'Detainment' recently too. Just horrible.

goingtothebudgies

I didn't blame the people who saw James but did not intervene for his murder!
What i meant is whenever I see or feel something and think that I should mind my own business I remember that incident and it encourages me to be more curious/report it.

I tend to try to do something myself, which is usually more effective. I've caught a couple of thieves, and once or twice I've tried to support a woman seemingly in a domestic abuse situation. I obviously take action when I see a young child seemingly on their own and lost, which has happened several times.
I think that we need a society where people are prepared to get involved, not just pick up the phone to already overloaded officials if they have the slightest concern. It does seem to be a British problem.

I believe that its standard practice for foreign people who come to Britain to learn the English language.

It was on a Bbc tv programme years ago.

People have to take a citizenship test which involves learning the English language and gaining knowledge of the British culture.

They get a certificate upon completion.

This system of the citizenship of immigrants to Britain has been in place for years.

Its designed to help people to integrate, equipping them to go out and look for work.

Unless they sat an English language test for you and failed it, how can you conclude that they have absolutely no knowledge of speaking the English language?

Did you know that children in India do in fact learn the English language?

Its a part of the curriculum over there.

Its a naive assuption to say the parents and child do not speak any English whatsoever.

The child goes to School in Britain.

How do you believe the School communicates with the parents?

How do you believe the child communicates with the child?

How do you believe the School communicates with the child?

I meant how do you think the child communicates with the School?

Of course the child speaks English. The OP has been neighbours with them for over a year. A child of that age would IME become fairly fluent in English after a few months of school. Which she has received even during this Covid period. And it may well be that they've been in the UK for a lot longer than that. The OP would know if she'd ever bothered to introduce herself to the next door neighbours. Does she even know the name of the 8 year old she's lived next door to for over a year, I wonder?

I just find it hard to understand. She must have seen them lots of times - even just leaving the house. Did she really never say hello and ask what the girl's name was and how old she was? It's bizarre.

I’m a safeguarding lead and totally agree that if you have ANY concerns at all report them. Who knows what’s going on. Sorry but I’d report yes

Knowing the child’s name or saying hello to the neighbour doesn’t mean that possible abuse isn’t taking place . They’re not exactly going to drop it into conversation .

My ex was friendly and pleasant to everyone, what went on when no one was looking was a totally different story.

She could actually get to know them. Be there to provide a bit of support even. We had neighbours from Kurdistan - 2 young children, the mum spoke little English. They were only neighbours for a few months but everyone was very friendly, we helped with the mum's English, got to know the children, they shared some of their food with us, etc. We'd have helped them if they'd needed any help with the authorities or whatever. It's not hard to be friendly, especially when there are children. We obviously saw how the family interacted.

I realise it is part of the system when people emigrate to here, but A LOT of people here dont speak any english. (Ex police staff, dealt with getting translators often)!

Report it and if it nothing then great.

If it requires intervention then thank you for helping the child.

Are there any other signs of potential abuse does the child look nourish,is he clean and well clothed all these questions, remember some languages do sound like they are shouting.

Go speak to them, for insight my neibour has 2 children and everyday they are constantly banging it’s driving me insane

@Sat09

I believe that its standard practice for foreign people who come to Britain to learn the English language.

It was on a Bbc tv programme years ago.

People have to take a citizenship test which involves learning the English language and gaining knowledge of the British culture.

They get a certificate upon completion.

This system of the citizenship of immigrants to Britain has been in place for years.

Its designed to help people to integrate, equipping them to go out and look for work.

Unless they sat an English language test for you and failed it, how can you conclude that they have absolutely no knowledge of speaking the English language?

Did you know that children in India do in fact learn the English language?

Its a part of the curriculum over there.

Its a naive assuption to say the parents and child do not speak any English whatsoever.

The child goes to School in Britain.

How do you believe the School communicates with the parents?

How do you believe the child communicates with the child?

How do you believe the School communicates with the child?

Are you serious? I've met people who hardly spoke the language after having been here for 40 or so years.

People over a certain age are exempt from the language requirement for citizenship and not everybody who lives here necessary had citizenship.

Are you serious? I've met people who hardly spoke the language after having been here for 40 or so years.

Exactly. Also many British expats don't learn the language of their new country.

just seen this thread and wondering if theres an update?

I would 100% report this behavior to SS. If it is innocent, it will be explained. It is our duty, as adults, to protect Children. If it turns out they didnt actually need protecting, then fair enough - but imagine if something bad happens and you've done nothing? It is not yours or anyone on this threads job to 'police' this situation. It is for trained professionals such as social services.

I hope there is a positive update, so you have some peace in your own home, but more importantly, the kid does too.

I'm also an ex social worker, but left in the 90's, so not up to date on safeguarding procedures.
But in any era, child abuse/suspected child abuse, is not always clear cut and obvious. Sometimes of course it is.
There were times when I had concerns that something was amiss, but didn't have enough evidence. I erred on the side of believing the parents regarding one family, and I was proved wrong.
Instances where the authorities have been at fault for not protecting a child hit the headlines regularly - but authorities are also lambasted for overreacting and being too heavy-handed.
I echo what other PP's have said about child protection being everyone's responsibility.
But we look away, don't want to get involved, don't want to get someone into trouble.
And conversely, people do make unfounded allegations too, for reasons of spite, vendettas, etc, etc.....
If I were a social worker now, I would still prefer to investigate a referral in which there was no cause for concern, rather than genuine cases going unreported.
And we NEVER divulged to the family who had made the complaint, and I'm certain this is still the case.