What am I hearing from nextdoor neighbours?

[worriedneighbour1]

DH and I moved into new home around a year ago. We have neighbours on one side; Husband, Wife and one DD (approx 8 years old).

Before the first UK lockdown, we'd frequently hear Wife and DD having morning screaming matches lasting 20 minutes or so, very regularly, maybe 3 times a week. DH reckoned it sounded like stressful school routine. It woke us up what feels like a million times.

Things quietened down for a bit, but have really taken off again in the last couple of months. We hear screaming/shouting/banging, almost every day or every other day. Especially upstairs in the mornings and evenings. The DD really screams and crys and sometimes sounds very worked up.

The problem is it's mostly all in another language so we can't tell if it's something like "I've told you a thousand times to get your shoes on!" or something worse.

It just sounds so alarming to me, especially when the husband joins in, which happens less often. Monthly perhaps.

We didn't have anything like this in my house when I grew up. Occasional tantrums and some arguing between DPs, but nothing like this and not almost every day.

DH and I dont have any DCs so are trying to figure out what's 'normal.'

I'm not aware of any learning difficulties. We don't know them very well at all with the language barrier, just friendly hellos over the fence.

AIBU to report it (to who!?) or could this be normal?

Just to add - simple brushing of teeth and hair can sound like someone is being tortured and I am being very gentle. I appreciate people can think the worst but the morning would suggest that it is getting ready if not at other times.

@Greenbks

Oh for gods sake. You don’t know of any learning difficulties including the situation and yet you want to report.

Child could be autistic or many other things you don’t know about. If you’re that concerned why not just have a chat with them

Because “having a chat” with an abuser will likely do more harm than good, as most abusers are very good at denying their abusive behaviour and because you’ve then tipped them off that you’re concerned.

SEN or no SEN this family at best needs some support so a referral to school or the NSPCC is needed.

OP, before your report, do knock on their door and try to speak to them. Surely if the DH is working he might speak broken English.nationalities coming to the UK (other than EU have high bar entry, they are very scared of authorities and take laws seriously.Indians are very loud speakers of the language with parenting styles different to the UK. Just say not to shout at the kid, and see if it helps

If you have a concern, you should raise it with the authorities. It is not your job to investigate what is actually happening but it is your job (and everyone else's) to flag up a situation where a child may be at risk.

As for the people saying that the child may have autism or SEN, what planet are you living on if you think that that makes it fine for the child to be shouted at on a regular basis?

It concerns me that the OP is making this judgement based on one incident a day at most, and when she appears to have no experience of children. She just bases her concern on her own childhood (1 family):
"We didn't have anything like this in my house when I grew up. Occasional tantrums and some arguing between DPs, but nothing like this and not almost every day."
And suggesting that the family will get support if they are reported is misguided. They will get a hell of a lot of stress, but no support. There are no resources to provide support for people who maybe shout at their child once a day.

My husband is a safeguarding lead in a school and he says report it as it sounds like they need some kind of intervention.

Why not use Google translate App and see what language it is and also what is being said?

If they’ve nothing to hide a chat with social services / children’s services won’t do any harm., sounds like abuse to be honest, I’d want to report it and be wrong rather than have a child living in fear and abuse next door.

I'm really shocked by the amount of people telling you not to share your concerns. By reporting the situation You could be saving someone's life. By reporting them if there is nothing to hide you may cause them some uncomfortable feelings

Harsh!

Tape the drama and google the words

@Ddot

Tape the drama and google the words

That is a great solution rather than go to war with your own neighbours.

Sat09 quite a few assumptions there !

I think a bit of daily shouting/tantrums is actually pretty normal. In our house our neighbours would certainly hear some shouting from me if Dc ignored all my requests to put shoes on/get dressed/stop jumping on sofa etc. Also will likely hear DC having a tantrum because they refuse to do what I've asked. This is all amplified when we have to be somewhere on time - such as before school run when I'm desperately getting sorted for work and every minute really does count. This was also common in both mine and DH house when we grew up. Unfortunately you can't always live without shouting despite my many numerous attempts to get DC attention in other less stressful methods!

@Ddot

Sat09 Sounds like your the racist dear

When my white neighbour hurled abuse at my family EVERYDAY, you think i am the racist???!!! Not the nrighbour who called us 'pakis' to make himself feel better. He was a rotten man. You are very funny. How do you think that made my family feel? By you calling me racist displays your own ignorance, love.

If I said what sat09 said I'd be branded a nasty racist. Doesn't she remember that poor baby that had to endure torture and had his back snapped. Shame on her. OP is obviously stuck between a Rock and a hard place. If she could understand what was being said eg you will brush your hair and teeth it would and could be easily ignored but she can't so that was not fair

@Purplethrow

Sat09 quite a few assumptions there !

I know. Exactly what i am saying. People need to get their facts in order before they bring in the cavalry.

Sat09
Not talking about your experiences are we, it's the op we are trying to help.
We have all had terrible shit experiences, yours may be bad but that wont help the poor child in question

Sat09
Not everyone hates everyone not like them

@sat09 I meant that you have made quite a few assumptions not the op !

@Sat09. I think the OP came on here precisely to avoid causing a problem with her neighbours. She doesn’t have dc and is not sure about 20 minutes screaming everyday, it was certainly not normal when my dd was young.

@Ddot

If I said what sat09 said I'd be branded a nasty racist. Doesn't she remember that poor baby that had to endure torture and had his back snapped. Shame on her. OP is obviously stuck between a Rock and a hard place. If she could understand what was being said eg you will brush your hair and teeth it would and could be easily ignored but she can't so that was not fair

What was racist about what i said?

Please let me know.

Was it the abuse from the white neighbour towards my family? Or is that part ok with you?

Or Jeremy Kyle show bringing on willing participants to discuss how they don't know who the father of their own child was? A direct Result of sleeping around without using contraception.

@sat09 I’d start tour own thread if you want to discuss this, it’s not the done thing to hijack someone else’s.