Do you think most couples who get married in their twenties last?

[Whydoesmybackhurt]

I've phrased it clumsily, sorry. Do you think couples who meet and marry in their twenties generally are seen to be more successful marriages?

I can't imagine marrying that young, I'm nothing like the person I was in my early twenties. Broke off an engagement and shudder at the fact I nearly married a massive twat. But that's on me clearly, like I say I was really immature

I'm fascinated by people who marry young and successfully grow together with their spouse, just can't imagine that experience at all! I do think it's seen as the 'right' timeline to aspire to in general.

Had a baby at 24, he was 23, second baby two years later, got married at 29, now early forties and still together.

Dh and I met at 19 and 22. Married at 23 and 26. Still together now 51 and 54.

In my experience no

Most people I know who got together in their late teens or 20’s didn’t make it to their 30’s together

The people who have lasted don’t seem happy and seem to just be together because of the effort of separation

In my friendship group there’s only one divorced couple, they got married when she was 31 and he 36. Some of us got married in our twenties and others in our 30’s. Others aren’t married but have been together since late teens/early twenties.

I met DH at 20, he was 22. I look back at how young and free we were then... I’ve been with him over half my life now.
I hope to be with him for the rest of it too.

Funnily enough, I don't think people should be stuck in abusive, suffocating marriages that make them unhappy.

Very much agree with this too. No matter what the ages are, of course.

I met DH at uni. We took it glacially slow. Engaged when I was 23. Married when I was 26. DC1 when I was 32. We're pretty happy. But I think that's down to our personalities and the way we fit together as a couple and all the stuff we've been through over the years rather than the ages we were when we married, and there's the counter argument that while I was 26 when we got married, DH was 34. So who knows why it's worked for us but I wouldn't have wanted to meet him any sooner than I did because I know I was a massive pretentious twat before I turned 21.

Together at 16. Married at 24. 24th Anniversary this year. We kind of grew up together, and feel very lucky to have never grown apart.

@PoppiesinOctober

I (now) think it's utterly bonkers to think you'll love the person you're with at that age for life. If you do, you've settled and are probably not truly happy.

Well that's bollocks

This is fucking mental. I'm 35 and met my partner at 19 were really in love, absolutely no settling. I still fancy him and would definitely say we're in live rather than a family type love. I'm not married though. I have a political objection and had been waiting for civil partnerships for heterosexual couples to become available.

Such an odd judgement to make. Just because you have an experience doesn't mean it's true of others.

I met DH at uni when I had just turned 19, in fact he was the first person I spoke to....we've been married for 20 years, together for 25, and still going strong....

I know just as many people who married older who didn’t last, I think it’s about each couple rather than age.

We got married age 20 and 21.

I’m 25, my DP is 24. We have been together for 5 years this year and plan to get married after he finishes his PhD next year. We already own a house together. I hope being in our 20s doesn’t work against our marriage

As a PP said, there's a big difference between 20 and 29.

I think it can also depend on how long you've been together. If you have in in your head that you want to be married and thinking about babies before you're 30, but you don't meet someone until you're 28, then you're going to rush into that marriage without truly knowing the person. And that could of course lead to issues later down the line.

I was a 2 months off 27 when I got married. DH and I had been together for 9 years and had been engaged for 5. We were only 22 whe we got engaged, which looking back was so young, but we'd been together for 4 years and were in no rush to start planning the wedding. We just took our time and in that time, really got to know each other. We will have been married 12 years this year. We're as solid as we've ever been.

Almost everyone I can think (personally) of married in their 20s 🤷‍♀️ we married very young, high school sweet hearts. He's my best friend, we've grown up together, I genuinely feel privileged to have lived the life I have because not many people get to be with the person they love from such a young age and share the experiences we've shared.

The absolute key for a young relationship to stand a chance to work is to give each other space to grow into the person they want to become and experience the experiences they need to. We studied and lived 100s of miles apart in early parts of our relationship, I studied abroad, he worked abroad, literally spending months apart. But rather than growing apart it just made us stronger, and we've never held the other back.

I was 23 when I met Dh and we're still together after 22 years. Lots of my friends were together at Uni and are still together, which I can't imagine, but I was working, living away from home, independent when I met Dh. We've both changed but we're still fundamentally the same people and we've moved in the same direction.

Oh I hope so! I got married at 23 (hubby was 22), we now have three children and have both changed a lot since but still very happy, although I’m still in my 20s, just 😂

Been with my dh since I was 18, married at 28, now I’m 41. I still want to be married to him. Weve had ups & downs & neither of us is perfect but I can’t imagine him not being with me. It’s not all hearts and romance either but we have the same ethics, goals & are generally happy. I guess if you are striving for different things it would be more difficult.

Married at 21, happily still married

My cousin was 19 and my sister was 24 when they got married (to other people not each other). Both couples are still happily (as far as I can tell) married well over a decade later

I married at 22, but my DH was older and divorced. We were blissfully happy until his death, and now in my 40s I can't imagine being with anyone else.

The absolute key for a young relationship to stand a chance to work is to give each other space to grow into the person they want to become and experience the experiences they need to. We studied and lived 100s of miles apart in early parts of our relationship, I studied abroad, he worked abroad, literally spending months apart. But rather than growing apart it just made us stronger, and we've never held the other back.

Also, all of this! We were long distance for a long time. We are asked how we made it work. We made it work because we wanted it to work.
Since then I've supported him as he did his master's alongside working full time, he supported me when I wanted to give up work and be a SAHM. And he continues to support me as I work and do a degree simultaneously. He's my biggest cheerleader and I'm his.

I only know a small handful of people who got married in the last 2 years of their twenties. Most people I know - early thirties - aren't married yet, although most are in long-term relationships and planning on it.

The only ones I know who got married in their early twenties are divorced now. The late twenties group seem happy enough but it's only been a few years so it's hard to tell!

I'm so, so glad I didn't marry the man I thought I wanted to when I was 25. 6 years later and I want completely different things out of my life: if I'd married him I'd have ended up having children because I thought that's what he wanted and I was young enough that it seemed the 'only' available life path, and probably staying in my hometown. Now I live in a completely different place, different job (partly because my now-OH encouraged me to take a leap), don't want children, and am much more comfortable in who I am.

Does that mean we'll have a happier marriage? No, not necessarily, but I think I'm better informed to what I want out of a marriage and better able to advocate for myself in a relationship!

What a strange question, surely the 'ideal' time is when it's right for you as a couple?

(Met at 25 and 32, got round to marrying at 33 and 41. Still very happily together and not caring what Auntie Mabel's* milkman's second cousin thinks.)

*with apologies to anyone called Mabel.

@RosesforMama

DH and I were 27 and 28 when we married, but 18 and 19 when we met. Now 49 and 50.

We have such a huge shared history I can't imagine having a husband to whom i couldn't say "do you remember when we were at uni...."

I met DH at uni when I was 19 and we are now 35 and 36 with a 2 year old. I think it helped that we'd been together 12 years before we even thought about having children. In the time between meeting and having DS we had 3 more years of uni (one of mine abroad), bought, sold, and bought a bigger house, travelled a lot, saved up.

The problems in my friendship group came with those who started full time work at 18ish and were bored by 21 so got married or had a baby for something to do.

The only friends I know (2 sets) who married in their 20s are now divorced. Early 30s seems to be the best time for longevity - purely anecdotal evidence though!