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Original poster

Do you think most couples who get married in their twenties last?

465 replies

Whydoesmybackhurt · 14/01/2021 19:23

I've phrased it clumsily, sorry. Do you think couples who meet and marry in their twenties generally are seen to be more successful marriages?

I can't imagine marrying that young, I'm nothing like the person I was in my early twenties. Broke off an engagement and shudder at the fact I nearly married a massive twat. But that's on me clearly, like I say I was really immature Grin

I'm fascinated by people who marry young and successfully grow together with their spouse, just can't imagine that experience at all! I do think it's seen as the 'right' timeline to aspire to in general.

OP posts:
jeapurs54 · 16/01/2021 11:58

Yes I married when I was 18 and have now been very happily married
for 47 years. We have 2 grown up children and 4 grandchildren. I admit it's not all been plain sailing but the hiccups on the way have been smoothed out and we carry on living our life happy and together. If it wasn't for my husband being a great cook and support when I lost my first baby in 1978 due to spina bifida I don't think I would have survived without him. He is my rock.

CreakingatTheWhinges · 16/01/2021 12:08

Met DH at 19, married when I was 22 & he 29. This year we will celebrate 24 years of marriage. He's my 🦞
Like most, we've gone through some really difficult times: 4 kids all with extra needs, redundancies, moving countries for work etc.
We are not the same people we were as those bright, shiny, young things but we have grown/grown up together & fundamentally have the same values & ideals.
He's my best friend, love spending time with together & we still do things to treat & spoil each other; not necessarily big, romantic gestures: buying one another a favourite bar of chocolate/pastry just because, bringing up a cup of tea/coffee in the morning to the one still in bed (usually lucky me!) the little things that mean we don't take each other for granted but don't need to go all out.
Our eldest child with be 21 soon & has been with g/f for almost 3 years. He's hinted about proposing & it makes me feel a bit 🥺 but remind myself it's his/their lives. They just seem so young & not as "together" life-wise as we were at the same age.... no doubt people thought the same about us!

ParisJeTAime · 16/01/2021 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ParisJeTAime · 16/01/2021 13:29

Ooooops wrong thread, sorry!! Will ask MN to delete.

angelfacecuti75 · 16/01/2021 14:12

I didn't marry in my 20s but I'm still with the guy I was with in my 20s in fact I was 19. It really depends on the couple.

Dilligaf81 · 16/01/2021 16:24

I think it's more than what age you are when you get married.
How long you knew each other before marriage, if you lived together and both having compatible ideas about your future would be more important I should think.

Although I'm biased as met dh at 17 (he was 22), married at 24 (me) and dh 29.
Been married 16 years, have had 4 children both suffered massive health issues and supported each other through and happy.
But also mature enough to know we need to work at it and invest in each other.

happymummy12345 · 16/01/2021 16:48

I first met my husband end of April 2014, I'd just turned 21 when we met, he was 29. I was a student and he worked full time but we still made it work, and couldn't be happier.
We became a couple 9th may 2014. We decided to start trying for a baby in July 2014, we moved in together in October 2014, I got pregnant in November 2014, we found out I was pregnant 19th December 2014. We got engaged 13th January 2015, and got married 9th April 2015. Baby was due 30th August 2015, was actually born on 5th September 2015.
So we had been together exactly 11 months the day we got married. I know it's very quick, being married and expecting a baby within less than a year of being together, but it worked for us. We had discussed marriage and both agreed it was what we wanted, but we weren't officially engaged. But when we found out I was pregnant we both knew it was important to us to be married before the baby was born, and I didn’t want to be showing if possible, so we made sure we were. It was perfect. Some people might think we only got married because I was pregnant, but that was never the case at all.

OliverBabish · 16/01/2021 16:57

I got married at 21. Still together almost 10 years later and very happy. Who knows what the future holds?! I don’t think we are a shining beacon example of a perfect marriage like some fb friends do Grin

Madamum18 · 16/01/2021 17:53

Don't know if "most" couples last. Mine has!

Trying2310 · 16/01/2021 18:24

Hope so. Have been together since we were 18, married at 26 and still happily married at 39

Proseccoagain · 16/01/2021 20:48

I was 26, and DH 28; were happily married for 45 years until DH died. By the way DMIL thought that DH was on the shelf till he met me, as in those days it seemed pretty common to be married around the age of 20!

Coffeeand · 16/01/2021 20:53

Married at 21, nearly 19 years ago. Worked for us, we had known each other along time and seemed like a natural move. Probably not for everyone but if you want to do it and have met the right person, then it works.

HighSpecWhistle · 16/01/2021 20:56

I'm 33, been with my partner since 19. Still happy together with a mortgage, three kids and we were just saying today how lucky we are.

Age has nothing to do with it. Finding someone you really click with is more important.

today1 · 16/01/2021 21:05

Most marriages end so it can be beneficial to marry young and not be too old to make another start before. There are many people who marry later in life and only stay together because it would spell financial ruin for both partners when the relationship gets tired.

poshme · 16/01/2021 21:20

@Plonque

I was with my DH at 18, engaged at 20 and married by 22. It isn't going to last, I know that now. People romanticise childhood sweethearts etc but I (now) think it's utterly bonkers to think you'll love the person you're with at that age for life. If you do, you've settled and are probably not truly happy.
Totally disagree. I haven't 'settled'

I married at 21, over 24 years ago. Been together since my teens. Have absolutely no regrets and have not settled in any way.

poshme · 16/01/2021 21:22

@today1 actually most marriages don't end in divorce.
Divorce is higher for second marriages, but below 50% for first marriages.

SallyB392 · 16/01/2021 21:22

My daughter is in her 10th year of marriage, to a man much older than her, she was 16yrs old when they married (long story), as far as I'm aware, she is happier today than the day she married.

Pumpkinpied · 16/01/2021 21:31

I married at 23 (DH 28) and the same year I had four close friends similarly aged whose wedding I attended. We all celebrated our silver wedding anniversaries in 2019, all still (as far as I’m aware) happily married.
Eldest DS is twenty five (our other DC are 14&16) and has been with his girlfriend for eight years. They bought a house a couple of years ago but I’d be shocked if they decided to marry or have children under thirty. It seems so young in hindsight, things have changed a lot in the last twenty five years.

thegreenlight · 16/01/2021 21:44

Together since both 15, married at 21 and still married at 37 and very happy. I don’t know anyone who got married as young as we did though.

FishyMcFishyfingersFace · 19/01/2021 11:28

We met when I was 19 and he was 20 nearly 21. Got married when I was 21 and he'd just turned 23. Celebrating our 25th wedding anniversary this year, so both of us have been married for more than half of our lives!

Friends of ours who are slightly younger than us married a couple of years later, so by then they were similar ages to us when we married. They divorced within about 5 years. Different results for different people.

Depends on many factors - how mature you are, why you're marrying, how committed you are, if one person is abusive and shows their true colours once married, your religious beliefs, etc. The friends I referred to above went into their marriage with the attitude that if it didn't work they could always divorce, so that probably didn't help. If you marry when you are in your 50s with that attitude then you are probably more likely to split up when things go wrong, than if you go into it with the attitude that you are willing to work through even the hardest of things. I do think that when you are older you are generally less likely to have the 'if it breaks get rid' attitude though.

itbemay1 · 19/01/2021 11:33

I don't think it's the norm but DH and I got married in our 20s and are still together 20+ years later... it hasn't always been easy!

MollieMaeve · 19/01/2021 13:20

We met in our late teens, married in our 20s and have now been married for 20 years and still happy.

I am realistic enough to put a lot of that down to luck! We’ve changed a lot as people since we met but have changed in ways that mean we’re still happily married (which can only be luck).

ReallySpicyCurry · 19/01/2021 14:48

@SallyB392 wow- that's a story I'd like to hear, especially as your daughter is happy - seems as though that could have gone a very different way!

Tinkerbell456 · 19/01/2021 14:59

Then there’s my brother and his wife. Married at 35 (wife) and 38 (my bro). Twenty years and three kids later, still happy. Very, actually.

Flippyferloppy · 19/01/2021 15:06

My parents met as teens and married at 21. They have been married over 50 years now, but it's grim. My mother has never worked and is 100% dependent on my father for money. He stays with her out of a sense of moral (and religious) duty. I remember as a child begging him to divorce. He feels he has no option but to stay.
DH married his first wife at 22 and, whilst they were married 30 years, he says they were far too young. There is no animosity, they are just very different people with very different attitudes to life.
I'm certainly nothing like the person I was at 21 and I'm very glad I waited