To want an apology from DH's son

[RainbowCarpetSurfing]

DH has two DS'

We get along well apart from one or two issues with regards to them (mainly one) being rough with my small toddler. DSC are always keen for me to join in whatever they're doing.

We have a large living room and they were batting a balloon to each other and to me. I suggested we try to 'header' the balloon to each other across the room and they enthusiastically agreed.

After a few minutes of the game going well, they both went for the balloon in the middle as it was crossing the room (which wasn't what we were supposed to be doing) and bumped heads. Not hard. They are fine.

With that, the oldest one turns to me and literally screams "that was your fault, why would you say that" and runs out of the room furious.

('say that' being my suggestion to header the balloon)

Now, in hindsight I can see that maybe it wasn't a great idea on my part so I'll own that in advance of the comments saying it's my doing, but in my defence I made a point of saying "you stay there" and the same to the other one.

DSS' screeching and disrespect has gone completely over DH's head however I feel as though he should apologise.

He's now sulking.

AIBU?

No apology needed, YABU, he's 10! That's what all kids do when they get hurt, he was probably hurt and a little embarrassed bless him.

I didn’t take the fact you were a stepmum into consideration as I don’t think it’s relevant here. My opinion on the matter would be the same either way. You’ve been spoken to worse on this thread and Onthonk lots of grown adults here owe you an apology 😂

Yes I would apologise if I screamed blame at someone, but I've got the maturity and experience of an adult. Which an 11 year old still has to learn.

I don’t even know what onthonk means!

First and foremost glad everyone was not injured, as for the outburst, When your talking, I'd see why he did not follow orders and then explain that if he had followed orders correctly then does he agree that the incident would have been avoided ?

Part of being the adult is being the bigger person. He will already feel embarrassed that he hurt himself and embarrassed that he lashed out. It really doesn't matter, don't go looking for drama where it doesn't exist.

That's exactly how a toddler would react and it's the kind of reaction that really shocked me when my DS was around the same age - kind of where did that come from? The tweens can be really tricky, lots of big emotions flying around. He was shocked and hurt and to be honest he was probably embarrassed as well. It's just not the hill to die on.

@Fembot123

When I really hurt myself I tend to shout at anyone who dares to speak to me so I can see why an 11 year old would act out in pain, let it go.

Really? If YOU hurt YOURSELF and I was the one that got a mouthful because you were annoyed, I would be telling you exactly where you could go.

This would be completely unacceptable in my country of origin and many others I can think of. Different parenting standards leads to different standards of behaviour in children. You can see from this thread why behaviour in British schools is such a problem. The teachers have few methods of discipline at their disposal and many parents don’t bother.

People often attribute bad behaviour to hormones but it’s a complete fallacy and abdication of responsibility because children all over the world have hormones and many are much better behaved than here (U.K.).

I do and always have gone above and beyond for them, I treat them with the same love and respect that I do my bio children.

If anybody thinks this is about me holding grudges or singling him out because he's not mine biologically they couldn't be further from the truth.

@Justmuddlingalong

Yes I would apologise if I screamed blame at someone, but I've got the maturity and experience of an adult. Which an 11 year old still has to learn.

Okay... So is it not our jobs as parents to encourage that maturity by you know... Asking them to apologise?

@Justmuddlingalong

Yes I would apologise if I screamed blame at someone, but I've got the maturity and experience of an adult. Which an 11 year old still has to learn.

So this would be a good learning opportunity then wouldn't it?

Step parents pretty much universally get pasted on here OP so I wouldn't take it personally.

I can just imagine my mum's reaction if I'd screamed in any adults face because I hurt myself when ignoring instructions. It certainly wouldn't have been as passive as these posters!

Lord know what kind of adults these kids will grow up to be when they've been taught it's fine to scream in people's faces if you hurt yourself 🙄

Good luck with that @Iminaglasscaseofemotion 😂😂

@Reinventinganna

What’s the back story? Maybe it affects how both you and the dc react to each other?

Things such as my small toddler being dropped on the floor. Being unkind to my other child. Showing disdain towards Christmas presents I've bought.

Yes I would apologise if I screamed blame at someone, but I've got the maturity and experience of an adult. Which an 11 year old still has to learn.

Shouldn't we be helping them to learn this by telling them that it isn't okay to scream at people?

@RainbowCarpetSurfing

Mine are alot younger and whilst I won't kid myself that I'll ever be the perfect parent I just wouldn't tolerate that from my own DC. I don't see why I should tolerate it from DSS.

You will soon be humbled OP! Don’t be one of them mums

Posters have said he is a child and your having NONE of it will till your own is 10/11

@RainbowCarpetSurfing

I do and always have gone above and beyond for them, I treat them with the same love and respect that I do my bio children.

If anybody thinks this is about me holding grudges or singling him out because he's not mine biologically they couldn't be further from the truth.

I don’t think your OP comes across that you are singling him out at all 😊

My post wouldn’t change if they were your bio children. I have a lovely step mum, I think the world of her and my dc have a step dad who they adore.

@Hawkins001 isn’t that just saying ‘I told you so’ and rubbing salt in to the wound? This really wouldn’t bother me in the grand scheme of things, I’d just think he overreacted because he was hurt and he’ll learn how to control the emotions. If he was with his friends for example he’d have laughed it off but he felt he didn’t need to put the brave face on, not as a sign of disrespect in my eyes. But I’m taking my viewpoint of how my 10 year old behaves. Generally DC is a very nice 10 year old but we get these little explosions due to age.
It just doesn’t seem to be a big deal so I suspect it’s the tip of the iceberg of a whole load more issues? But OP you should feel able to check them on their behaviour, it’s your house too. I wouldn’t accept certain things in my house from my DC or their friends and they all get told because it’s my house my rules.

There's no way you would have written such a thread if it was your own child, not in this tone. You make it very clear from the start he's not your bio child!

You are massively BU.

and completely ridiculous.

@Fembot123

Good luck with that *@Iminaglasscaseofemotion* 😂😂

Good luck with what, telling a rude adult where to go. I wouldn't need luck 🤣

Yes. A perfect learning opportunity. To discuss his feelings and reaction. Not to belittle them through blindly expecting an apology. He's probably confused by his reactions and could do with a chat to understand them.

Things such as my small toddler being dropped on the floor. Being unkind to my other child. Showing disdain towards Christmas presents I've bought.

I would try not to let these things cloud your (what sounds like a generally good) relationship with your DSC’s - I have experienced all this behaviour and more from my own dc’s (and was incidentally dropped as a baby by my biological jealous older dsis but I digress) - I tend to think behaviour like this is just normal family life, whether they are your bio dc’s or not.

Hmmm, ok 😋