I can't buy you formula but il help you breastfeed ?

[zuptop]

I have just seen this on one of the local Facebook groups . Can't help but feel this is adding pressure onto women who already have made decision to formula feed.

Something just doesn't sit right for me...
Although I am sure they believe they are being kind

"As well as donating items to a local food bank, I’d like to help parents who are struggling to afford infant formula. I can’t buy any for you but I can support you to maximise your breast milk production and therefore decrease how much formula you need to buy.
I’m a trained breastfeeding peer supporter and I’m part way through my breastfeeding counsellor studies"

So YABU- lady in question is just trying to help mums build milk supply or
YANBU- post is a little judge of formula and putting pressure on mums to breastfeed when they might not want to/ be able to.

Wow. I'm having a bit of a week of it on MN with the bf hate, but this is a whole new level.

A woman offers to help women who are using some formula, but obviously still producing breastmilk (i.e. have 'breastmilk production' to be 'maximised) free professional help to make the most of this free resource, as part of her efforts to help struggling families. She CAN'T donate formula, whether she would or wouldn't if allowed to she simply states that she CAN'T because foodbanks won't accept or give out formula donations for very good reasons others have already mentioned (top tip it's nothing to do with thinking FF parent's are 'shitty parents', it's about not putting them in a position where they have to give their baby unsuitable formula because that's what's being given out that day).

And instead of thinking 'well that's kind', she's a potentially abusive, bullying, judgmental pervert. For offering to help people reduce the cost of feeding their children.

People really, really, REALLY do hate bf in this country don't they?

How is it pressure to offer support on facebook where absolutely no one is obligated to pay any attention to her?

Yes, some breastfeeding counselors are nasty, many have dealt with issues with those in hospitals particularly where they're vulnerable, but a facebook offer -- I'm not seeing how that's pressure just from what's been posted. Most of it seems common sense - if you breastfeed more, then you'll use and need to buy less formula.

Many choose to mix feed/combination feed for their own reasons. In some areas, it's the cultural norm. Sometimes, things can be difficult and they find themselves using more formula than they'd prefer because of production issues. A good breastfeeding counselor can help with that. I've no idea if their person is any good or a preachy twat, but I'm not really getting anything from those words - there is none of the typical preachy words about bonding and how natural it is. She seems to get that it can be hard.

@RowanAlong

She’s trying to be helpful, and not sure why you are affronted, especially as you breastfed?

Posts like this allude to a mentality that breastfeeders should only support their fellow breastfeeders. It's unhelpful.

At least the OP recognises that how someone feeds their baby is entirely a women's choice and no one should be made to feel guilty for whatever they choose.

[quote zuptop]@MrsFluffyMuff
It's not aimed at breastfeeding mums though is it? Please read again

I’d like to help parents who are struggling to afford infant formula. I can’t buy any for you but I can support you to maximise your breast milk production and therefore decrease how much formula you need to buy.

[/quote]
Well she's offering the service she is able to. Formula costs money. Breastfeeding doesn't. Better she offer help where she can than not at all.

@zuptop

Why not just say - if anyone would like help with breastfeeding msg me rather than "As well as donating items to a local food bank, I’d like to help parents who are struggling to afford infant formula" why specifically mention formula

Because she wants the recognition of being a GOOD PERSON who is trying to help out THE POOR

I had NO milk when I had my dts. No amount of support would have helped me. This would have just made me feel shit

She will make a nice living out of it though. Sure to pick up some customers after her free session.

I know breastfeeding can be difficult

Or, in some cases, and with certain risk factors health-wise, literally not possible (or a massively reduced output despite the demand being there).

For some, it's not a "decision".

Speaking as someone who didn't "decide" to combi feed - but had to. Health conditions meant I couldn't produce anywhere near enough for my baby's needs (despite medical intervention, consultation with midwives and a private lactation consultant, prescription drugs, medical staff, and post-natal support) etc.. we did our best for many months, but the amount I was able to produce and pump was 1oz on a "good feed" when we measured it in a weighted feed (yes, that's 30ml, tops, on GREAT days where I was hydrated, eaten buckets of oats, taken my domperidone pills, etc).

I would urge posters to think of others like me - I'm in a stable job, supportive husband, middle class, very lefty liberal, wear swishy skirts, mumsnet posting stereotype mum ()... but despite fitting the stereotype of being a breastfeeding warrior, it just couldn't happen fully. And that's ok. from support forums i found online, there are more women similar to me than i think most other people realised.

i come from a line of breastfeeding mums/friends, and not a single one had previously heard of a failure of lactogenesis stage 2 (your milk "coming in"), yet online research and medical support after DC's birth suggested i'm not some sort of freak of nature, some women cannot physically breastfeed, or produce so little as to be unviable.

It’s judgy and patronising. She thinks she’s Lady Bountiful or something!

actually i may as well post one of the risk factors no one in my family and friends had heard of affecting milk production - PCOS is a risk factor. not that rare!

She phrased it badly but sounds like she's offering her expertise for free - I doubt very much she is aggressively trying to get women to relactate just to save them money, relactation often only results in very low supply and takes ages and ages to kick off. I expect what she meant is "Worried about the price of formula but finding breastfeeding tough? I'm a trained lactation consultant, let me help you for free".

@zuptop

@sunsetorange well she hasn't explained herself well has she ?

If you can read and comprehend basic English she has explained herself perfectly well. How can you 'maximise' breastmilk production you don't have?

Do you have any idea how many mums mixed feed? or how many new mums struggle to bf in the early weeks so switch to formula without wanting to?

It is so transparently obvious she is not offering to coach exclusively ff mothers to relactate, which is the most colossal faff and often requires medications and the support of a professional IBCLC. It is not within the repertoire of a peer supporter, whose job basically is to offer emotional support and evidence-based information to the mother around her breastfeeding issues. I think it would probably challenge the resources of a trained breastfeeding counsellor.

The only way you could interpret it that way is if you were looking to find fault. You say you know this woman - I can only assume you don't like her very much.

Why is it cruel not to offer to buy strangers formula?

People can accept or reject her offer. If she’s able to help women bf more or for longer by offering her time when they’re unable to access other support with bf then does it matter what her motives are? The potentially positive end result is the same for the women and their babies.

It’s worded a bit clunkily but more babies being bf by mums who want to bf is obviously a good thing.

She’s neither cruel nor judgemental. Some people get very defensive about bf.

And fed is best is a truly ridiculous statement which means nothing. Fed is essential to keep a baby alive. It’s the bare minimum. Educated and informed is best. Bf if you wish to and can with the support you need. Ff if you wish. It’s an adequate substitute which suits some mums and babies better.

@GetTheDebtGoneIn2021

It’s judgy and patronising. She thinks she’s Lady Bountiful or something!

You could say this about literally any of the people and organisations who have offered kindness to struggling families during this pandemic. When the schools first closed and they hadn't sorted out free school meals yet, tons of businesses around my area were putting out messages saying they would provide free meals each day and people could just come in and grab one, no questions asked. I've seen a friend who is an EYFS practitioner just recently offer a free Zoom class to parents on teaching phonics on our local FB page. I've dug out an old laptop and donated it to a local school so it can be allocated to a child who doesn't have the tech to do home learning.

What a bunch of patronising bastards, isn't it?

The only reason this has got people's backs up is because it has to do with breastfeeding, and this country hates breastfeeding.

The people who ask for her help will want it. Those that don,t will say no thankyou. I am a previouse peer supporter and have been told by former clients that i did help them. And I def found BF support helped me. If your happy formula feeding scroll on.

It’s clumsily worded and doesn’t really explain properly but she’s obviously trying to be helpful. No harm done as far as I can see.

I wouldn't offer to pay for formula as a one off for someone, because what would happen if they then couldn't afford to carry on when they were paying for it themselves? They'd have to apply for the vouchers then in which case surely it's better to do it from the start.

Having said that, if I knew the person and they were just temporarily struggling for a week or two I wouldn't put any conditions on any money I donated. But I wouldn't take over the burden of paying for formula for someone unless I could do it long-term.

As I understand it that's also part of why it can't be discounted - people need to know from the start what the costs are, not rely on temporary discounts to afford it.

Some women don't want to breastfeed .. you know it's their choice . Doesn't have to be a medical reason they literally just do not want to do it .. and that's ok.

She is not helping them, she is just pouring judgement.

Perhaps offering help for people to maximise their milk production and not mention formula would have sounded better

@unmarkedbythat

It's a bit like people choosing only to give food to street beggars rather than giving money. Some people are fine with that, others find it rather patronising and insulting.

The difference is that (unfortunately) many street beggars have alcohol/drug dependancy issues (Not that you can blame them) or may be working for (or pressurised by) street gangs. So if I choose not to give money I am genuinely not trying to make a moral judgement (Urgh, the homeless they will just spend it on drugs) but trying to help rather than make the situaiton worse. Formula feeding isnt like buying drugs though! So there is a definate implied moral judgement there if someone is saying they dont want to give formula but will help with breast feeding (although as others have said it msy be clumsily worded/not possible to donate formula)

Agree! @SnuggyBuggy

Unless a woman has just given birth and is still producing milk, it’s very unlikely that her previously formula fed baby will suddenly either breastfeed or that her body will be able to provide for the baby. It’s a bit worrying someone is offering breastfeeding advice without either realising that or else making it clear that the advice is only for a very small number of women looking for formula.

The fact is breastfeeding if it works is easier and cheaper for the mother. However, without the right support it often doesn't get established, I read this as a kind offer if needed. People don't have to take it up but free advice from someone who's offering to help sounds a good thing?

Self promotion, not a genuine offer of help. It would have been more helpful to advise women that can’t afford formula to contact their health visitors who will provide.

@zuptop

*Some women don't want to breastfeed .. you know it's their choice . Doesn't have to be a medical reason they literally just do not want to do it .. and that's ok.

She is not helping them, she is just pouring judgement.*

Well this post is very clearly not aimed at them, is it?

It's aimed at women who are worried about how they are going to afford formula, and still have some milk production (i.e. are still bf to some extent). It's offering them help to increase the proportion of breast milk feeds they do, to help them save money.

Women who don't want to breastfeed at all, and are struggling to afford formula, can access vouchers via the local council. It is hard to see how a breastfeeding peer supporter could be of any use to them, especially as it is not allowed to donate formula to food banks.

So how on earth does what she actually says - not what you've inferred, what she SAYS - 'pour judgment' on mothers who don't want to breastfeed?