I can't buy you formula but il help you breastfeed ?

[zuptop]

I have just seen this on one of the local Facebook groups . Can't help but feel this is adding pressure onto women who already have made decision to formula feed.

Something just doesn't sit right for me...
Although I am sure they believe they are being kind

"As well as donating items to a local food bank, I’d like to help parents who are struggling to afford infant formula. I can’t buy any for you but I can support you to maximise your breast milk production and therefore decrease how much formula you need to buy.
I’m a trained breastfeeding peer supporter and I’m part way through my breastfeeding counsellor studies"

So YABU- lady in question is just trying to help mums build milk supply or
YANBU- post is a little judge of formula and putting pressure on mums to breastfeed when they might not want to/ be able to.

Can't see anything wrong with it

Also targeting this sort of information and help to low income women before they give birth so they are more likely to be able to breastfeed would be better than doing so after they have already switched to formula. Not everyone realises how expensive it is until they are actually buying it

@Draineddraineddrained well yes she is aiming it at parents who can't afford formula . So they would come under that yes .

Don’t be ridiculous, this kind of help is needed!

YABU.

As several pp have said, it's aimed at people who combi feed and want to increase the proportion of breast milk. A lot of people combi feed and a lot of people are struggling and trying to save money. It stands to reason that there will be some overlap between the two, and that's who she's trying to help. Just because you're not in this category, doesn't make it offensive to offer help to others.

As for "I can't buy you formula", that's just a fact. It is illegal for anyone to give (first) formula, same as it's illegal to have money off promotions or free samples. It's a bit hard line, but the blanket ban is in place to protect new mothers from aggressive advertising techniques. In the past mothers would be inundated with free formula samples for the first few weeks, and end up using it when they otherwise wouldn't. Then by the time the free formula ran out, the mother is no longer producing enough milk, and so is a captive customer of the formula company. Obviously this is especially problematic for people who cannot easily afford formula but were tricked into becoming dependent on it, possibly without knowing the cost of the feeding method they were signing up to.

Women are primed from early on in pregnancy (as soon as they hit boards like this) to expect to encounter horrible breastfeeders who will judge them. Even if she hadn't mentioned formula, the chances are high someone would have accused her of putting pressure on people to breastfeed more. People are expecting to see it, so they are able see it in almost anything.

It is really no surprise that breastfeeding rates are so low when an offer of support is deemed 'smug' and 'pouring judgement' by the experts of this thread.

Why don't you conduct a survey of the formula-feeding food bank users of your community, OP, and see if any of them actually care? I imagine they might have one or two other things on their minds.

@MrDinklesOhSnap

That would make me really angry, but probably because our circumstances are such that I wasn’t able to BF either of my kids despite desperately wanting to. We FF out of necessity and I resent that some people would judge me for something I had no choice over (being born with non-functioning boobs).

This comes across as so pious. She will either help parents that need to feed their kids with formula, or she won’t. “I won’t buy formula”, honestly what a pile of pretentious crap.

I appreciate others will probably not be so touchy.

(Also before I am flamed I am well aware that FF is a fully valid feeding choice in its own right. It just wasn’t my choice)

I’m sorry that you had such a tough time with feeding, but in the op, she doesn’t say she won’t buy formula, she says she can’t. She doesn’t clarify the reasons, although pp have said that food banks do not accept or distribute donations of infant formula. I think this is an important distinction.

And I don't see how it hurts to remind mothers who are struggling financially that one of the benefits of breastfeeding is that it is free. In an ideal world we would make all our decisions purely on the basis of what we want; in reality, our circumstances have a bearing.

This is why breastfeeding support is so essential to mothers in refugee camps, for example - because the conditions are not good for them to be able to access and safely prepare formula. If they were still living in their nice apartment in Damascus and planning to return to their job as an optician in 3 months, then it's possible they would opt not to breastfeed and go straight onto formula. But if instead their building has been bombed into rubble, they have fled their home country and are living in a tent on a patch of scrub land on the Turkish border without access to clean running water or much else besides, never mind a reliable supply of formula, what she would have preferred will likely take second place to what she actually can give her baby that won't make it very ill.

The idea that the bf professionals who are offering their services as volunteers to mothers in this awful position are ghoulishly delighted to find a captive audience of women who have had their feeding choices taken away from them like this is fucking disgusting.

Likewise the idea that this post was put up with the ulterior motive of padding out the poster's counselling credentials, taking advantage of women between a rock and a hard place.

Seriously. Just have a word with yourself OP>

How is she pouring judgement on anyone? If you’re going to keep saying that it would be helpful to explain exactly where in her post she did that. Otherwise you sound over exercised and a bit silly.

She didn’t say ff was wrong. She didn’t question why anyone does it.

It should be possible to talk about the benefits of bf without getting ripped to shreds by people who ff. And she’s not even doing that is she?

You’re right. Plenty of women choose to ff for reasons that aren’t, as you put it, medical. When they do that they’re aware of how much formula costs. Getting annoyed someone else won’t buy it for you is obviously highly unreasonable.

What’s your angle OP? You seem very angry but can’t explain why.

I think if a woman has chose to formula feed then it's obviously for a reason.

I've lived in a predominantly bf area with pfb and in a mainly ff area with other two.

There was a huge variation attitude and support for bf - ff area having very little of either.

In second area I met many mother's stuck in top up spiral with no help on offer to help them feed how they'd prefer. So while many mother do make the a definite choice for their own reasons to ff but many I met were more though lack of support forced into more and more ff.

I really can't image this message was aimed at solely ff mothers.

This offer would only be of use to mother struck in a top up spiral or combination feeding and possibly hoping to adjust that with a change of circumstances.

Combination feeding is rarely something talked about IME - but I think would have helped many mothers I knew in first area who weaned and switched to ff just before 6 months before the headed back to full time work.

Being able to give odd bottle of express bm with two of mine was occaionally very helpful one who refused all bottles and was bf no-one wanted to help me with so couldn't be far or long from him till older age. I did get many lectures on how one bottle of ff would be really bad - which I think looking back was bloody unhelpful.

I also think mothers who are ff and bf are more than capable of deciding it they'd wish to take this offer up themsleves or not without others getting offended on their behalf.

It is illegal for anyone to give (first) formula sorry you're saying it's illegal for mil to buy me a tin of formula or for me to pass on one of our not needed tins to a neighbour??

Just out of interest....

Say it wasn't baby milk. Say the food bank had been given a load of unusual vegetables by a caterer who couldn't use them and this woman offered some recipes and information on how to prepare and cook them. Would that make her a smug Lady Bountiful?

@LuaDipa

I’m sorry that you had such a tough time with feeding, but in the op, she doesn’t say she won’t buy formula, she says she can’t. She doesn’t clarify the reasons, although pp have said that food banks do not accept or distribute donations of infant formula. I think this is an important distinction.

Well exactly. People get total tunnel vision when they see breastfeeding mentioned, they read what they want to read rather than what's there because there is so much suspicion and hatred of breastfeeding and breastfeeding mothers in our culture.

People formula feed for a reason very few do it from just not understanding breastfeeding.

I had a damn mastectomy and Im high risk of reoccurance (after my last pregnancy I was rushed back to the clinic with 2 new growths) its not that Im too stupid to understand how breast feeding works.

Many of the girls I know that formula feed tried breastfeeding and HAD to change (baby not gaining weight, needed medical help not suitible with breastfeeding or even just for their mental health after developing feeding related depression).

So yes its pretty offensive... its fine to offer help to breastfeeding mothers but dont think your doing some magical job 'converting' people you know nothing about.

I’m VERY pro breastfeeding (and extended breastfeeding), but even I can see why people could be offended by this by the implied judgment.

Excellent post Draineddraineddrained

She’s done half a course and thinks she’s an expert.

I wonder if she is doing it for free? It doesn’t sit well with me tbh.

I think it's actually really nice of her and I am sure there are mums out there who would take up her offer. Maybe they want to increase their milk supply and feeding their babies formula is stressing them out. Formula costs money and BF is free.
If you don't need her services then ignore her post, she is reaching out to the mums who want her help.
She can't donate formula but trying to help in other ways to help feed other people's babies.

She's offering to help mothers for free to be able to give their babies the ultimate free nutrition. How is that "judgemental"? Do you also complain about formula adverts? Bottle adverts?

@ThanksItHasPockets it's great she is offering help! But please re read it she is specifically saying to reduce consumption of formula

@ThanksItHasPockets it's like saying to someone I know you are vegetarian but I can only donate meat at the moment .. if you would like to try some of the meat ( and therefore not go hungry) then please let me know

I doubt her free help will stay free though.

@MeringueCloud - she is offering unsolicited advice. If I want formula, I want formula. If I wanted to know how to breastfeed, I'd contact a lactation consultant, La Leche League provide it for free from what I know.