I can't buy you formula but il help you breastfeed ?

[zuptop]

I have just seen this on one of the local Facebook groups . Can't help but feel this is adding pressure onto women who already have made decision to formula feed.

Something just doesn't sit right for me...
Although I am sure they believe they are being kind

"As well as donating items to a local food bank, I’d like to help parents who are struggling to afford infant formula. I can’t buy any for you but I can support you to maximise your breast milk production and therefore decrease how much formula you need to buy.
I’m a trained breastfeeding peer supporter and I’m part way through my breastfeeding counsellor studies"

So YABU- lady in question is just trying to help mums build milk supply or
YANBU- post is a little judge of formula and putting pressure on mums to breastfeed when they might not want to/ be able to.

@Draineddraineddrained but it won't just be "ignored" by people that are upset by it. I guess you could argue that these women will be in the minority so what's the problem i.e it doesn't matter if some people are upset by it if it helps the majority. I'd probably count myself in the minority so I guess I'm standing up for my own feelings! It's not nice to feel dismissed by some of the posters on here. Why do some people find it hard to accept that not everyone has a good experience and it's sometimes necessary to stop?

@rorjee because she's mentioning it in context of a donation to a local foodbank. Helping breastfeeding mums breastfeed doesn't save people having to buy formula. Helping mixed feeding mums improve their supply does.

It's not "best" if it (a) isn't working; (b) the baby isn't getting enough; or (c) it is too taxing mentally on the mum. That's just a few examples. Plus, as many others have reiterated, it is a choice that is to be respected. If someone just doesn't want to do it, then so be it - live and let live

I agree with this.
Compare substance with substance, breast milk is better than formula milk
However, it’s not just about the substance is it?
So breastFEEDING isn’t necessarily better than formula feeding. Far too many variables to be able to make that statement.

I say that as someone who breastfed DS with relatively few issues for 2 years. For me, breastfeeding was better. Doesn’t mean it is for everyone.

But this sounds like it is aoimed at those that want help. Those that want to stop cofeeding and go fully bf, or at least reduce the bottles, those that might want to know how to increase milk suroply. I think some poeple are getting offended for the sake of getting offended.

I actually find this thread really triggering. I couldn’t breastfeed my first for very long for a number of reasons that were out of my control and people used to ask me constantly if I was breastfeeding (random people at the shops, on the bus etc). It still makes me feel sick with anxiety whenever topics like this come up as I felt like a terrible mother because I couldn’t do what was “best” what was “natural”. A midwife told me fed is best. And that’s the only comment I’ll ever make on feeding.

I’m not sure people who militantly push breastfeeding realise how damaging the constant push can be to new mums who are struggling. I’m pretty sure my inability to breastfeed was a huge factor towards my PND.

this is going to sound like I'm really unsympathetic to the poster above, which I'm not because I had several real down moments during my breastfeeding experience, but like a previous poster said conversations around breastfeeding cant not happen because they might upset someone. I also do not think the post this woman said was pushing breastfeeding on people who cant/do not want to. it is clear as day to a lot of us on here that it was aimed at combi feeding or those using formula as a top up. it simply makes no sense otherwise - why would she have used the word maximise?

I also dont think this thread has been full of people pushing breastfeeding either. I think there has been maybe one or two who have said people should breastfeed. large majority have left that side of the conversation alone, and commented on the actual question the OP asked. there should absolutely be more support for those who breastfeed for the exact reason that it is really hard. and there shouldnt be judgement on those who cant - but equally the topic shouldn't be shielded because that just risks those who are struggling to continue on struggling with no help.

You are being really unreasonable. Like a PP said, she ia offering her professional services! Nobody is forced to accept!

She is pushing her breastfeeding agenda which is promoted to mothers above all else after birth. Rightly so, but its still an agenda to get more women BFeeding. If a mum is FF she doesnt need breastfeeding advice. And as pointed out, foodbanks dont accept formula so why even mention it? Im not anti breastfeeding at all, BF my daughter for 7 months. Just think it comes across as condescending to FF women. They dont need to hear they cant have formula but could breastfeed as they already know this.

It certainly felt to me there is a breastfeeding agenda. I had a difficult birth and delayed milk etc and had a terrible time establishing BF. Not once did the midwifes suggest formula or top up feeds etc as apparently they are required to promote BFeeding only.

I think she just badly phrased her offer to help.

The 'I can't buy you formula' might actually have been about not able to afford to buy every struggling parent formula herself. What she can give is free advice to help.

It’s badly phrased and almost slightly MLM in tone. She’s got a bit over enthusiastic with her new venture. If I was struggling, needed the food bank and already felt down, I would read that as patronising. If I had a FF baby and we were hungry, the last thing I would need is someone telling me I could afford more stuff if only I tried harder to breastfeed.

@sunsetorange

this is going to sound like I'm really unsympathetic to the poster above, which I'm not because I had several real down moments during my breastfeeding experience, but like a previous poster said conversations around breastfeeding cant not happen because they might upset someone. I also do not think the post this woman said was pushing breastfeeding on people who cant/do not want to. it is clear as day to a lot of us on here that it was aimed at combi feeding or those using formula as a top up. it simply makes no sense otherwise - why would she have used the word maximise?

I also dont think this thread has been full of people pushing breastfeeding either. I think there has been maybe one or two who have said people should breastfeed. large majority have left that side of the conversation alone, and commented on the actual question the OP asked. there should absolutely be more support for those who breastfeed for the exact reason that it is really hard. and there shouldnt be judgement on those who cant - but equally the topic shouldn't be shielded because that just risks those who are struggling to continue on struggling with no help.

You’re right. You do sound totally insensitive.

Ridiculous.

We can't talk about breastfeeding in case it upsets women who formula feed.

We can't talk about our female biology because it upsets men who wish they were women.

I swear society is made up mostly of spoiled brats now.9

I think she’s offering a nice service by giving women support and advice with breastfeeding. Maybe her ad is aimed at women who aren’t sure if they want to breastfeed or not, or want to bf but are struggling and tempted to quit? Or their partners/families are pressuring them to quit?

I thought food banks can’t accept donations of formula?

I remember bf my newborn in a cafe at 10 days old, engorged boob fully out as I was struggling to get her to latch and had the wrong sort of bra and top to do it discreetly.
Eventually she latched. An older lady approached me and I braced myself for a negative comment. She whispered in my ear:

‘I just wanted to congratulate you dear, it’s wonderful to see new mothers breastfeeding in public. I used to be a breastfeeding counsellor. You’re setting such a good example to other ladies.’ Then she hurried off. She made my day.

And that one comment gave me the confidence to bf everywhere until DD self weaned at 2.5. I bf in the sling, standing up in shops, walking around Tesco, getting on and off buses and trains.

It felt so natural I once went into Costa with DD clutching my boob and suckling, the barista looked shocked as I had my boob out fully (DD wouldn’t tolerate covers or feeding through a hole in a bra, she liked to hold the boob to feed). I sat down and within 10 minutes 3 other women sat near me and started breastfeeding too. We didn’t speak just smiled at each other.

I had some shocked looks and negative comments too (mostly from my mum who thought I should cover up and even tried to hold a napkin up in front of me like a screen once!)

But that older lady’s lovely comment gave me the courage to push through. If you’re on MN reading this, thank you! 😊

@Sheleg

Ridiculous.

We can't talk about breastfeeding in case it upsets women who formula feed.

We can't talk about our female biology because it upsets men who wish they were women.

I swear society is made up mostly of spoiled brats now.9

That’s not what’s being said, it’s militant breastfeeding people who make you feel crap for not breastfeeding.

You’re the one who sounds like a spoiled brat.

Petulant "it seems like we can't talk about breastfeeding " flounces help no one.
Having struggled to bf 14 years ago when dd was a baby and having just wanted someone to help me mixed feed while I endured serious health problems after childbirth, I despair that people are still so militant about this.

I’m not sure people who militantly push breastfeeding realise how damaging the constant push can be to new mums who are struggling. I’m pretty sure my inability to breastfeed was a huge factor towards my PND

Why is it ‘militant’ to encourage bf? Lots of women lack confidence, support and skills to bf. I struggled at times and went through phases of using a breastpump and bottles to alternate feeds and give my sore nipples a break, or let DH do some nights with expressed milk. And I used nipple shields at times.

The push to bf started in NCT group and in hospital the staff didn’t offer formula as an alternative, they put baby straight to my breast and she latched within minutes of the cord being cut. In fairness they were very supportive helping me feed her and get into comfortable positions, express colostrum etc. I guess if I’d planned to formula feed I could have lacked formula.

Then the HV and midwife were very pro-breastfeeding so formula never really seemed like an option. I’m sure if I’d had poor milk supply or baby was losing weight they would have suggested formula.

I also had PND (severe) but in my case I don’t think it was linked to bf at all.

@HikeForward

It’s not militant to suggest breastfeeding, it’s the constant push from everyone it seems that if you don’t breastfeed you’re a bad mother. This thread is proof of that. I did all of the things you did also.

I’m signing out now. Not worth it.

Yanbu

YABU. If anyone is struggling to buy formula then it's a bit of an emergency. This is just an off of alternative help, not steeped in judgement. The judgement isn't contained in her post but in our society where women judge each other and keep this nonsense going generation after generation.
I breast fed both of mine many years ago, and there was the same debates going then but luckily we didn't have social media where ever snippet of dialogue is posted and dissected and churned back onto mean something other than its original intended meaning.
It's obvious to me she's aiming this towards women who are still lactating and may be interested who may still wish to breastfeed. Those who choose not to or can't, for whatever reason can scroll by, it's clearly not aimed at them.

Talking about breastfeeding is fine. Offering help to women wanting it is fine. How she phrased it is not fine. For people ff her "help" is useless and it does read as "of if you only tried harder" tbh.

On a side note it's a absolutely fucking ridiculous that food banks can't take or five out formula. You can't feed a baby on fucking morals. And let's face it, as soon as you hit 2 they eat normal food which is not "optimal" for the health and we all accept it.

Food banks cannot offer infant formula due to the WHO code which the UK has signed up to (though in practice breaches are pretty unenforceable) which states that infant formula shouldn't be discounted or provided for free. This is to protect infants from harm and indeed promote breastfeeding. And to try and restore the balance damaged many years ago when formula was first introduced and was being pushed by the medical profession.

Militant is an odd word to use for breastfeeding supporters. I am a breastfeeding counsellor. I am passionate about supporting breastfeeding mothers but I wouldn't say I am militant and in my little world of breastfeeding counsellors I don't know any who would fit that word. We are keen to others who want our help but we're hardly going to go mothers who have already opted to formula feed. Or indeed bother anyone. We support mothers coming to us for help.

Ultimately mothers who feel bad when faced by breastfeeding 'material' are mothers who haven acknowledged/grieved their internal disappointment with not achieving their own breastfeeding goal. And we support those mothers too actually. The rest of the world cannot make anyone feel bad for something they have freely decided to do/not to do, thats just a bit ridiculous.

Also - for those 'shocked' that formula cannot be given for free - we have a relatively supportive welfare system, we have benefits and we have, on the side, food banks/the charitable sector. If a family struggles they can get some help to feed themselves and benefits to help generally. They can then opt to spend the money received on formula.
Tbh whilst food banks are great, overall it is probably best to empower people to make their own financial decisions and therefore give them money (which is what the benefit system do in the main) to spend appropriately.

Why is it ‘militant’ to encourage bf?

It’s not militant to encourage bf. It is not militant to give support to women who are struggling. Not at all. But there are definitely some some women who militantly push breastfeeding. There have been a few on this thread but mercifully, not many. Even the person whose advert is the subject of this thread couldn’t be described as militant. Though she does sound rather full of her own importance and her wording is off. Maybe she will still be able to help potential clients who see beyond her wording.

Some of my friends FF and it didn’t occur to me to judge. One had been very ill in pregnancy and was so thin BF could have been dangerous to her health.

Another tried and just didn’t get on with bf, switched to formula after a few weeks.

I don’t think they’re bad mothers at all, bf is a personal decision.

But I think it’s a terrible shame if women want to bf and can’t access support, help and advice with things like latching, supply issues, breast pumps, or are pressured by family to switch to formula.

Oh also - it's only infant formula that is concerned by the code, not follow on milk.